Transcript

All right. Does anybody want to try and go through this wall? or painting.

Wait, did Jake come to me as a bat?

Yeah, I'm on my way in parentheses.

Jake, get to me at that.

Yeah, Jake's going towards you.

And like I said, if Ozan ever sees a falcon or a camel or maybe a gorilla with backwards feet, they know it's

Yeah, I mean, I'm not really expecting to find a bat in Spider Heaven, man.

Yeah, it's just this thing. Yeah, I've seen him before.

Yeah. Basically, all you see is a falcon fly to you and then just grab on your arm or on the ship bow.

Jake, you're at the boat.

I give a squawk to Ozone and then point him in the direction and I get on his shoulder.

So you get on my shoulder, does it do you make like point to a direction?

No, I literally, I caught your face. four or five times and then i give you a gesture

Well then understanding in H.O.K., I say, I say, kill two demons, party's waiting for you, shit happened.

Let's go. Which way?

Not only do I hold out my wing, but I fold like four or five feathers to actually give me the gun pointer of the wing. And then I hop on...

Okay, you are now following Rich, for better or for worse.

Are they coming back here or are we going to go there?

I'm just gonna sit tight until Donnie gets back.

Oh wait, are they coming back here or are we going there?

Ozon, you're in the room. In this room, there is a slope up into a giant circle. And there are two dead demonic entities with no horns. And one of them has a gaped asshole. And one of them is also missing a... whip. And then in the middle of the floor, there's a hatch that's opening up down probably about like 10 feet in diameter with stone pillars.

Nope, it's about four inches in diameter.

And if you can fly, there are paintings up here about 30, 40 feet up or something like that. And I've produced some of their portals.

If I can fly.

I fly him up to show him the paintings. See?

I'm pretty sure they're portals.

I've I flap my wings thusly with Richard.

Can I do detect magic on them?

Sure.

And then what happens?

They're very magical, all three of them.

And then can I do Arcana?

There is a...

You can.

these are magic.

You are also fairly certain that there are portals.

One of them looks like it leads to a jail cell. One of them looks like it leads to a big, shiny, colorful wall. One of them looks like it leads to a bar.

Which way are we going?

Well, weighing this shiny colorful wall is one thing. whimsy walls are dangerous and this particular setup has like the list we're using for our whimsy wall is awfully mean I know at least two of us don't have

How many points do I have?

Fucking five.

Everyone else has zero.

Yeah, we're apparently running it real ragged.

I Cast. two heels on... Ozone.

On me? I don't think I'm hurt. Am I hurt? Oh, I am hurt.

You have five hit points, bro.

No.

I have had points. I have points.

No, five fate points.

Oh, five fake points. Okay. My bad.

Yeah. I do need to heal, though. I forgot.

Because of that heel, you gain 1d8 fate points.

depending on how confident you feel with spending potentially a fate point or two, there's this wall to investigate.

OK, where are you guys going?

I heal you for 33. And then I flap to Richard's shoulder, and then I start going through his hair and grooming him in search of Paris.

so afraid to touch it but i think i'm gonna poke the painting

Where are we going?

I think I'm going to poke the painting.

Yeah, which painting?

Which one do you think?

The whimsical one.

I'm just afraid. I'm afraid there are very real costs.

You poke the painting.

You poked your painting?

Your finger goes into the painting and you start seeing like a

around your finger and it looks like you could jump through the painting if you desired

I just, you know, I just move my finger gently around the rim.

I'm not going into that multicolored painting. I'd like to check out the painting with the

the cozy room, the one that looks like it's their base.

Okay, so this painting looks like it has a bunch of portals and patrons all around. It's very colorful. Yeah.

Patrons?

Yeah. Patrons and bartending. It just looks like a colorful bar.

Then no, I don't want to go in that one, I don't think. I don't know. I don't trust any of this shit. I need somebody else to help me decide. I am crippled with indecision.

Help!

In the jail cell, you see what looks to be an old man or an old figure sitting alone in a cell. And it's a very dark and gloomy painting.

That painting sounds awesome, dude. That guy sounds like he's got a lot of shit to say.

It does look like he's got a lot of shit to say.

Thoughts?

I mean, he's just sad and alone, dude. Let's go fucking, let's go cheer him up and then immediately leave.

That's how you get trapped. That's how you get trapped in a fucking jail cell painting, though.

That's exactly what you're trapped in a jail cell. I'm the old wizard. I took your stole. I was waiting for a genie to rub this fucking lamp.

But, you know, you never know until you try.

I touched the painting a long time ago.

You know, you have the big points. I think if you're so convinced of that, you should give that a try.

Fuck no, I don't have the fake point fucking economy to do that shit.

I've got the big points to try my dumb ass shit.

The pay point economy is real.

In fact, Ozan, you need to be leading the charge. Everyone else here is going to be too frightened to move on.

Well, I'll ask Captain.

Hey, Jeff, you got your character made yet?

Because the one I wanted to make didn't transfer over very easily.

What do you guys do?

Is Donnie coming back?

Well, am I still holding ozone?

You're holding me?

Yeah, he was lifting you up so you could see the paintings.

I was Louis. It's like 30 feet there.

Oh, okay. I see.

Pat, I...

You want to go through with me, Ozone? We'll just take a leap of faith, go right into the multicolored one.

I stick one feather joint into the whimsy wall.

Let's wait for Donnie.

Your feather goes through the painting, makes a sound that feels like you could jump right in.

I jump right in.

All right, I guess let's go.

Jake, you have, you see blinding colors as you fly through the painting and through a wall of color. And as you fly through the wall of color, what do you guys, everyone else do?

I do the same. I go in.

And I guess I take Donovan and myself and we're going to go in with it.

Wait, I can't fly, man. I need your help to go in.

I fly Donovan and you. I fly the team in. Well, we fly together.

Just... And you throw him in.

Throw them in Rich, throw them in.

Fly on together.

Ain't nothing like going through a whimsy wall against your will.

Donovan wasn't here to declare his will.

He said he could move him. He explicitly said he could move him.

I need, as everyone gets tumbled around in this whimsical wall of color and light,

washing machine of whimsy walls, dude. Fuck that.

She's going to roll death.

I need a D1000 roll from each of you. Starting with the first one who went through, Jake.

That's going to be role...

Space.

That's a 535 for whenever it does come up.

The...

Okay, Jake got a 535.

goes on.

I hope that's good.

That is so...

That's 999, bro. so what's that what's the script it's roll d slash

That is so good.

What is it?

Pat, can you please tell me what thousand is?

Donnie, see you 1,000.

Oh my god, Ozan. That's an amazing role. Or a terrible one.

Rich, what's the, what's the D script?

slash RD1000.

Oh, God. Donnie, roll it.

Alright, Jake, your intelligence increases by two.

No. I can't figure it out.

Oh my goodness, that is just wonderful.

Is it slash R space D.

One, zero.

And that's permanent.

I'm sorry, darling. There was a lot of indecision. There was fright. And then Jake jumped in. And then Ozdan was going to jump in. And I brought us both in.

I got zero fate points. Let's see what happens.

I got none of us have fate points. Ozone's the only person who has fate points and he doesn't need them.

dude i was on me at 171.

You grow a tumor that speaks to you.

Ozon's waiting until the end. We got 171 for Jaco.

You gain the ability to re-roll any future Whimsy Roll once.

Fuck yeah. That's a specialized point and that's going to come in handy.

Dude, that came in handy right now. Dude, can I re-roll this bitch? What's good? I'm ready to roll these fucking bones. I'm ready to roll these bones.

Yep. Yes, you can. Damn right.

Man, I don't know if that's the best way to do this. That's not a...

Wait, do you arm actually? Oh shit, that's cool.

I use it immediately.

Wait, but does he lose it if he re-rolls it?

Per asteriki

139.

220.

You learn three new languages of your choice.

You don't have to choose now. You can choose later.

Okay, so what's, oh, Donnie.

We're at 139.

Donovan 139.

Wait, did you both go 1-3-9?

No, J-Cat 171.

Oh, Donnie, you got the language one.

No, one... And then, Jake, you got 220.

That would have been me.

And you can ask a divine source the answer to your next dilemma.

to my next i couldn't hear that last part alignment

You can ask a divine source for the answer of your next dilemma.

Basically, it's a commune with a deity.

Yeah, call God and ask your question.

Does it go both ways? Does that...

It's only usable once, so you might want to just ask something more important than how's it going.

I know, but does it go... Is it a two-way call? Like, can that deity just be like, you guys are fucking up and stop masturbating so much? Like, is it like...

dilemma, like, we've run into the dilemma that we don't know how to operate our own ship. Could Jake or

Well, no, like that would that count?

No, those count. Those count. I get, I get, and wait, it's, okay, so if macking and chit-talking is a free action, is praying a free action? It has to be.

Pretty sure.

of course.

I'm doing the character master shit right now so I can hop in.

I know. I'm still trying to figure this one out. This is a weird one.

It's good. It's good. It's just not what it did to me. It's just a big one.

You should list it off to us together.

It's actually one small line item.

Wait, what happened? Didn't Nutty roll the D-1000 on accident, though? Didn't he roll the...

share that sentence.

So he rolled one, he rolled a slash R 1000.

And one of the effects is roll again. And then he did it again and we noticed.

Do I do I do rule d4 d6 drop lowest?

Go to the second room.

A small, innocuous black wooden box appears in your hands.

No.

Okay.

good roll man nice black wooden box is it ordinate what is it made from the ottoman century what do we got here

Did you look at it?

Oh my...

Oh, yeah, I wasn't sure if you were done. Yeah, I inspect closely. Does it open?

Is Ozen the only one that inspects it or who else inspects the box?

1

I get my fucking nose in it.

Everyone who is inspecting the box, make me a DC 30 will save.

Jesus. We're about to die.

What was that? I couldn't hear you, Pat. I wasn't experimenting with the box at all.

I need everyone to make a DC 30 will save who looks at the box.

looks at the box.

DC 30, my goodness.

30. Nailed it.

Ozan and Rich, you both have no issue with looking at the box. It looks like a small box.

Holy crap.

Jake, however,

Okay, Jake, you are compelled to touch the box.

That's fine. I don't touch the box then.

You are compelled to touch the box. That was what the will save was.

Jake says no.

He's not gonna touch the box.

Jake touches the box. Roll me a DC 30 will save again. Now that you've touched the box.

God.

Unless Ozon doesn't allow you to touch the box.

I mean, how is he touching it? Is he trying to grab it or just like poke it?

After the first will save, he reaches out to touch it.

I mean, if he's trying to grab it, are we talking touch, like point touch or grab touch?

It's not the same thing. How it's centralized.

I mean, I was on best move, best move you have right now. He doesn't know the contents of the box. I'm just saying he sees me going out reaching for it. If not, we'd have to roll initiative.

I kind of pull it away from him. He's like, what are you doing?

Yeah, roaming initiative, guys.

Okay. I mean, I don't like yanking away from him.

Or it's as high.

Jake, you reach out to touch the box.

Oh, shit. I touched the box.

Drake touches the box.

I think with whimsy walls, it's better to roll low.

What happens when Jake touches a box?

Jake, you are compelled to use any available means, including freeing from or murdering your loved ones to keep that box in the hands of others.

In the or out of the head?

You are compelled by any means, including fleeing from or murdering your friends and loved ones, to keep the box out of the hands of others.

You're cursed by the box.

Wow.

out of the hands of others.

like out of my hand.

You just hit it with my precious love for that box.

I go for a grab.

At any moment, if you are more than 10 feet from the box, let me know.

shit. I think that's your box now. That's a terrible box. I hate that box.

go for a grab on Ozon.

Ozon, do you do anything with the box?

So he's grabbing it for me?

You have it in your hands. He's he touched it. The power of the box overcame him. And now he's trying to get it from you.

Okay, I'm like, oh, hold on.

compels him.

And then

That's my true C and B rule as a Falcon, my bad. Not the 30, but the 22.

Kep, what's your CMD? Also, it's your turn, Ozone, because you guys rolled initiative. Jake went. He touched the box. He went crazy. And now it's your turn before that.

What's going on here?

You dominate person?

I'm a bird.

It's true. He is a bird. He's not a humanoid.

Wait, but does he not have a humanoid finder or is he just like an actual bird?

He's just shape-changed right now. Does it work like that?

Just out of curiosity, how do item distance requirement things work with extra dimensional spaces? Like if that were put in a bag.

but it's how far away does it immediately travel?

Wait, so dominant person wouldn't work on what you're saying?

That's a tough one. I'm going to do this. I mean, we could look it up and we could rule split right now, but I think it's up to fucking past discretion. I do have a humanoid mind inside of the body.

So really.

Because he's a fucking falcon. It wouldn't work on him right now.

You can control the actions of any humanoid creature Because he has a humanoid mind? Yes, it does. I just read that.

Yeah.

It does work as long as that spell pops off and he makes this doesn't make a save.

The save is level 4 DC 19, I think.

Oh, that's another CMB role. Oh, excuse me.

person probably

Basically, 999 is... the character, a major artifact appears in front of the character and they just rolled up a major artifact and that was the one.

While there's all debacles happening around me, can I roll to identify?

Would that be our comment?

I, well then combat maneuver goes, it stays. I grab Ozon and try to, I grab him with my talents and I try to like push him away from the box.

Okay, so you made your reflex save. You push him away from the box. Rich, you don't know what it is. Ozon, you immediately recognize it as an apocalypse box. As the apocalypse box. There's only one distance.

What? What?

I don't know what it is, but that's a terrifying sentence. Oh, you have the apocalypse box.

Do I know what it does?

I think he just became a powerful demigod somehow.

Wow, that's fucking crazy. Once per day, the curse...

all more than

It's basically once a day you get whatever item you want

there's a 50% chance that you get a wish instead.

I keep it on the down low. We don't know what the apocalypse box is.

No idea.

I give it to Jake and I explain to him what the box does.

And then... I'd say Ozon, roll for a tumble check or be pushed off the fucking circle.

No, I give it to you. All you care about is you want the mocks. I give it to you, and I tell you about it.

You just have to keep it away from all others. This is now your forever mission.

As you hand it to him, you're like, this small black box appears randomly throughout the multiverse.

Ha.

It is strong to great heroes.

I take it. I take it in my talents and then I fly out the door immediately back to the ship.

I'm going to use one of my castings of teleport to grab Ozon and Donovan and teleport Well, no, we can't. I wouldn't know where he was going. Stupid. Sorry. Stoner moment.

Each day you must do a will save or be compelled to open it.

It increases by two each day that it isn't opened.

when it's open.

So if you open it, you can pull any non-magical item out of it. that you desire but there's a 50 chance that instead of that you summon horrific monsters

one week before returning to their...

Whoa, wait, are you saying this implements time?

Like one week before returning to their plane of origin. Oh, for one week. Nevermind. damn it it's like what like retroactively insert a monster

Wait, so what happened was I basically walked through this thing. I got what I recognized as the apocalypse box. And I saw Jake basically coming to try to grab it for me. And I knew what was going on, so I gave it to him. And I started explaining to him, and he just booked it.

And this is what the role is. It's basically you pulled, you had the apocalypse box in your hands. I looked at it and was immediately compelled to touch it.

touched it and then I got the sensation that I need to keep this out of everybody's hands I rolled the CMB checked and pushed it away from you grabbed the box and now I'm currently hurrying and flying back to the ship

paranoid stuck.

Yeah, paranoid.

We should go after him. So chase after Jake.

I dimension door. Actually, no, I can't because I use dominate person. Never mind. Yeah, I go after him.

All right, they'll go after you, Jake.

Where are you going? It's okay. You don't have to run.

We still love you.

I don't want your box. It's okay.

I'm sorry. I didn't want your box. Oh no, of course I didn't.

Bet you didn't know.

Fuck that dude. What happened to the mystery man?

The reason I said the name is because he rolled the knowledge 30 whatever the fuck and it was what it is.

Jake's like, I don't know what it is, but I know I want it.

Because I don't want to be...

Do not get away from that box.

I did it against my will. You guys are acting like I chose to do it.

I don't know why you ran away, though, because basically you can't hide that box. You have to keep it with you.

True. But I mean, at the same time, I am I am compelled. Apparently my compulsions got the better of me yet again.

But, you know, I bet you're compelled to keep people away from the gold that you have on your person.

Listen, Ozone, I tried to stop my compulsions.

Let me tell you, I failed.

Non-magical.

And then, you know, roll the 50-50 of a few instead, you get a... Monster.

And keeping it canon, the only thing I truly want is my Allisaur. back out of hand. It's not an item, though. It's a creature. So...

What do you guys do?

I'm just an ancient, long-lost druid searching for his reptile pony. That's basically it. I'm a simple man. Simple needs. Backwards feet.

So what you got to do?

Well, we eventually caught Jake.

He's going to the ship.

I got a fly speed of 60 feet.

I got a fly speed of 40s, but...

Or 80 feet, 80 feet, excuse me. Yeah, I go into my quarters in the ship.

Do you stop when you're at the ship, Jake?

All right, you're in your quarters in the ship. Everyone else, you arrive at the ship.

I'm still a bird.

So you're a bird holding the box on your talons?

Ha.

You're all at the boat.

Go towards Jake's quarters.

You're at Jake's Quarters.

Now I'm stuck in the quarters and Pandora's box I hold.

Hey, can you please open up that box and grab me a bottle of scotch?

Ozone, why is that working on me? I mean, real life right now, that works on me. Jake, come out of your room. I got a bottle of scotch. We need to hash this shit out.

Do they have scotch in a universe that doesn't have a Scotland?

I'm going to start to me.

In that box, yes.

You're right. Good point.

I give a subtle cuckoo.

Okay.

I was not going to understand me though.

Yeah, what are you saying?

And I said, no, I said, everything, everything's fine. Everything's fine. I'm just, I'm just, I'm putting something away right now. Hold on.

What's in the box?

I'm masturbating. Don't come in here. And I'm hiding the box in one of my shelves.

Okay, box is hitting.

You can't go more than 10 feet away from it, otherwise it's very dangerous.

Yeah, you can't part ways from it, Jake.

They're like how they're talking to you from the other side of the wall. You're like a bird. Like, you can't go too far away from that boxy tank. They're like,

It's gonna be okay.

Like I said, I shove it in a drawer like I'm 11 trying to hide some porn or something. Like it's just like stuff.

You're like, oh,

Ha.

Like making my bed and shit.

What's going on in there?

That's it.

as you guys go in the room.

All right. They opened the door.

Kaka.

Ha.

I put my, I put my wings behind my back and then like I grabbed the drawer. Like I'm trying to like, I'm like, I'm like, don't you fucking do it, man. What's in the box? Like,

What's in the box?

I'm fucking Morgan Freeman in seven right now. I'm like, don't you fucking look at it. No, you don't need to come over here. Like,

Only you can open this box.

I start crying. I'm like, no.

Scotch.

I shove Ozone like Matt Damon in a...

I give him a hug.

that her

I give him a hug.

I start crying.

I tell him it's not his fault. I tell him it's not his fault.

Oh shit. I put I push him away. I got I got I got that ten foot radius.

By the way, Jake, now that you have the box in your possession, you're no longer compelled to murder people about it. You're like good again, man.

Then as...

He just turned by the box. That's all.

Okay. Well, it was a brief panic. I didn't know what was going on, so I flustered immediately. I flew by. I don't know how to shape change. I'm molting, basically, at this point. Yeah, and crying. My feathers have fallen out. I just went through a huge stress period. I'm balding.

As the Hawk Duel.

And I tell, I tell, I'm like, you can't come to the box. You know, I can't, I can't let you anywhere near like this. This is what it is. I need to go and I need to look inside of it. I can't fucking stop myself.

I- yeah, please, go grab a- the finest bottle of scotch from there. 50,000 golds worth.

Okay, I open up the drawer, grab the box, and then I grab the box and put it under my wing. And then as a bird, I stomp over to our bar. And then I grab with one talon the scotch out of the low shelf. And then it gives it a nice little dragging fly. And as it hits the countertop, I come back up top.

the finest.

and I uncork it with my feet and start pouring myself a glass.

And you pulled out a bottle of scotch worth 50,000 gold.

And I pour it and I'm like, okay.

Roll me a D100.

Roll above 50.

God.

And that didn't look at the list. It's about to get horrifying.

roll below 50 that's bad

Okay, that's bad.

That's that.

very bad.

Roll me a d6.

Okay. It's also bad.

So what kind of list are we looking at?

uh,

An unspeakable visitation. Romy 1D4 plus 3.

And then it's,

but then I think.

How much? Six.

Sixth.

Somebody get us out of here very quickly.

come out of the box

You say fucking Cho'Gas, dude?

You know, you can ask

You can fate point that.

Yeah, you should. Who?

You should fade point that role, the 50.

Six CR 19 immense mound of black slime stunts.

That's on you, Ozon. I'm out of fake points, bro. Hold on, hold on. Pat, go ahead. I mean, if we're going to re-roll fake points, just do it now before Pat starts describing some bullshit. Once he describes bullshit, it's canon.

I can give you great points.

We should fade point that. Have two mine for one of yours.

I don't have any.

You're going to point the 50% roll?

Yes.

I think we should also...

As a free action, a Shogoth can give voice to sounds and words saying life is not meant to hear.

You fucking shitting me?

I rolled a 31.

So who has that God's interjection thing? Because we really need that. to solve the problem of us being stuck here. Like if we could get a deity to get us out of here.

I was at 31 on the next D100.

that was from Ozon's fate point. He was down to four, and you once again have six Shogoths coming out.

So are we going to do the deity?

I thought he got to reroll the monsters.

No, you pick one dice to re-roll with a fate point.

Let's reroll again.

You want to reroll the 50% or you want to reroll the monster roll.

50%.

There we go.

You have three points left.

A bottle of scotch comes out with 50,000 gold.

to the neck.

You can only do this so many times.

Yep, there's only three fate points left in the party.

I think we have to kill Jake. He won't.

Can I have some of that scotch, please?

I think we need to hurl that box into the abyss.

No, we can't do that.

Why not?

I mean, we can.

I grab another glass for ozone and I slide the glass across the table.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

It's hard it's hard to grab a land bird trust me it's real fucking

Okay, then.

We need to rush getting out of here because I want to be able to teleport away.

So this box can be destroyed.

But it's not easy.

By a golden dragon, you mean?

Yeah. After the person possessed by the box defeats three monsters from within it.

scent, tremor scents. You can't even fucking hide from them.

So,

have it be like too much of a wasting the use of it, but we gotta get the fuck out of here now. This is now a terrible place, because we can't even wait it out. Those things will come.

They're going to come no matter where we go.

I know, but we can teleport away on other places.

inevitably that box is going to kill us.

Oh, my God.

So we need to, as a team, ask ourselves, what are we going to do with this? Because this seems like we are going to have to perpetually flee.

Hey, we're all going to die.

What do you mean what are we going to do? Unless you want to kill TickTick.

I don't want to do that.

We're not going to do that then.

We need to get a... Well, I'm just saying, we need to get...

I don't know. Maybe we can just destroy it.

You mean with a gold dragon after beating three monsters from it?

It's gotta be crushed by a golden dragon and in turn it kills the gold dragon and he has to defeat three creatures from within the box.

Yeah, maybe one day, maybe one day.

We can only, we can only...

Hypothetically, what happens if we do hurl it into the void?

Why don't you try it?

Oh, fuck yeah, Donnie.

No, don't try it. Don't try it. He'll kill you.

I don't know.

Jake will kill you.

Yes.

Yeah, exactly. Okay. So our first model... Yeah, let's find the dumbest golden dragon.

Yeah, you got to check him.

You gotta find a dumb gold dragon.

So then I guess this is more of a, if we just hurl into the void, does Jake go with it?

If you try to take it from Jake, he will try to kill you.

Okay, then I guess this either leaves us with the two options of we either need to immediately try to find our way back to the material plane so we can at the very least flee every time this goes wrong. Because we're very stranded here.

We tried to, we talked to you before.

Jake, one of those two things has to happen. And I would much prefer just go back. We're very familiar with fleeing. In fact, I think now that we have teleport, we can do it very efficiently.

Yeah. Well.

We can't do that here. It ain't going to work.

No matter where we summon these monsters, the monsters remain.

Well, yeah, but it's not our problem nearly as much if we're on the other side of the planet. We can't do that here.

answer is not my problem. That's what I always say.

We should have a habit of like right before we travel somewhere, we just open up the box, grab a bottle of scotch, and then peace out.

Yeah, as a molting fowl, I just explained to Ozon that I'm like, this box, I mean, I know you took it, but it's spoken to me and it has something special and I can't let anybody take it. And then I put it in the...

The

I know what that box is, man. I'm the one that told you about that box.

I know, but I mean, like, I can't let you touch it. I don't trust you enough. I mean, this is...

I'm not trying to fight you. You look like you can beat my ass.

At some point, it's going to become apparent that, like...

I try to connect with you, man.

it's all happening and then I grabbed I grabbed my hat from across the room and then like I fly back over to the to the bar and I put the box with a towel and into the hat and then like into my head of many things

bird hat

It goes in the hat.

and cheers Ozone

Cheers, mate.

Apocalypse box. Thulu monsters. And spider hell. Ship still stuck. You guys are doing great. You got first key in.

Did we level up yet?

Yeah, actually everyone's level 11 now. Everyone now has one more fate point that brings everyone to one and owes on to 14%.

Oh, thank God. We're going to need all the fucking faith points we can get.

Ozan, you're a king for tossing those fake points, man.

I did it for us.

but I'm also a good person.

Who has the fate point or not the fate point thing, the whimsy wall power that they get to ask a God for help.

That,

or how

That'd be me. And out of game talk right now, I'm going to talk to the celestial god that we fucking met. That's who I want to talk to.

Yeah, we did.

Titan. That wasn't a god. That

Maybe not. Maybe you're right.

Because I remember

It was a while ago. It was back when they entered a weird fish tank that was owned by a Titan.

11, 6, 1.

And the Titan realized that these weird guys in this fish tank weren't what he meant to capture. And then...

Yeah, we were basically breaking out of the fish tank that he created because he created his own pocket, little universe fish tank that would just sit on his like windowsill. That's something to look at.

He had a menagerie.

You ever think about just ending it, man? Are we good?

I know.

He's a gunslinger underwater every day.

Keep one bullet in this fucking gun.

Can and as far as like the theoretical attempts at this, can gods change the magical properties of items? Like, could we have the 50% chance aspect removed by the god?

Well, the exact whimsy wall effect is consult a deity to know the answer of your next dilemma.

Well, this is goddammit a dilemma. This is definitely a dilemma.

There's all three attacks. Look at that.

Yeah, it's Tiamat. He just pops up. He's like, yeah, I'm Tiamat. Just kill the fucker. What are you talking about? You mortal. This is so simple. I'm controlling galaxies right now. What the fuck is your deal?

And then he leaps.

What? Yeah. Play your friends. Eat your enemies. That's what I do. Jesus Christ. I was having tea and crumpets on the Galaxy 7. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. No, with seven Jesus Christ's from all different spanning universes.

733.

Multiverses are real. Most of you guys are dicks.

I'm having an orgy with 19 different Cleopatras. Do you know what that's like? You interrupted me in a clerical moment. Ha.

God damn it. I am largely concerned we're just doomed now.

tizzy and we're all we're always doomed ritz it's the it's the fleeting moments in time i hear that's eternity

Yeah, we get a daily roll of the dice.

You only have so many faith points to get out of that one, boys.

We all just got plus one. Thanks, Pat. Mark it. Dude, good fucking good. I mean, like you said gunslinger earlier. I mean, you're fucking DM slinging now, baby. You fucking fired out the hip, bro. I love that shit. Hell yeah. You got an answer? Bam, text and chat. Bam, Pandora's box. What's up, Quincy Ball? Yeah, you Clint Eastwood with that fucking DM gun. Fan that trigger.

And I just gained honorable stand

They're all fucked up. Like CR 20.

Three isn't bad, isn't like on the scale of the others.

Wait, 3 is CR20, isn't it?

That's the barb devils.

But if there's somebody one to six of them like we could probably all collectively take one

I think that's CR 12 on the demons.

Oh man. Yeah, that's real bad.

Yeah, three is CR 11.

Like they can at will talk to you in a voice that mortals are not meant to hear. So basically it's a flashbang, but it also tells you in an inert way that you are an unsettling body in the universe and that you should just be disgusted with yourself. Right?

Yeah, it does a fuck ton of wisdom damage if you hear it.

Like, yeah, I mean, that's not even a voice at that point. That's basically like the monster said something that your little brain couldn't understand. So it just told its nervous system to not only shit itself, but to go fuck off and die.

Can we? Can we sell it?

you can try.

Come take the most terrifying fucked up ride in reality.

cash credit

Yeah, you absolutely do not want to roll a five or six.

Sound your mind can't hear.

It's all bad. It's all bad, Jake.

Oh, wow, that number one is gargantuan.

Yeah, that's a CR20.

and it can summon six of them? Is this dungeon large enough to fit six gargantuan creatures?

Isn't gargantuan... Nope.

It's bigger, right? Gargantuan's larger than Colossal, right?

It would tear us all into the fucking soul pit. We're about to all... Oh, Jesus. We need to get home. We need to get home. We need to get home.

Special attacks drain soul.

And just so we can destroy it?

More so we can flee from it when it hits the fan inevitably.

So once a day or once every couple days, we summon some fucking colossal creatures on some part of the world. Eventually we're going to run out of places to run.

Here's the thing. If they only last one week, so we have to go continent by continent.

No one had to worry about the lich. They had to worry about you guys.

Oh shit, no, we should set up a cage. We should set up a cage.

Yeah, it's actually...

That makes me feel good. The fact that a lich is like, wait a minute. What the fuck was that? Nah. Nah, fuck those guys.

There never was a lich.

What's going on here?

There never was a lich. It was actually just us in the future randomly teleporting around to flee from shit we destroyed.

Yeah. Dude, there's nothing better than making an undead skeleton mage shit his pants.

We didn't.

considering the lich is my fucking skin floating around somewhere, my skinless body.

So if we ask the god Loth, because we can summon any god to ask us out of our earth for help. If we let them know, it's like, we're just going to end up destroying your fucking, your base here. Like, you could teleport us back and it'll probably be fun for you to watch as like a chaos game.

Or they could just kill Jake and get rid of the box.

Yeah, but I think they'd love to see the idea of, like, throwing that into the mix on the material plane. It is an evil god.

Yeah, they just...

I know, but Donnie's Occam's razor answer is pretty fucking legit.

I did it.

Donnie, shut up.

I'm just saying, what's going to be easier for a god? To teleport us somewhere or just kill this little puny thing in front of him?

I mean...

Yeah. He's like, no, I made that box. I made that box eons ago. I love that box. Fuck you, smoke.

It's the cost-benefit ratio. Like, yes, it costs, like, but it's a god, so teleporting isn't much, and he would be unleashing us, which is in turn unleashing dozens of monsters over as long as our characters can survive.

You see, this is the conversation you're going to have to have with the god, not with us.

Yeah, exactly. And as far as we know, rich gods are 10th dimensional beings. I mean, we're all just dots.

And I feel like it's one...

then they'll know exactly the chaos and destruction I'm talking about.

Oh, they love me.

This is all up to Jake because he's the only one that can use that call on the God thing.

And also lucky for all of you, I'm the only one who can speak to good gods trying to do good shit.

fuck. At will greater teleport for... Fuck.

Running is going to be hard.

but are they necessarily here to kill us or are they going to come into existence

Or anything in sight.

Yeah, but if we teleport away, won't they just like ravage whatever continent we leave them on?

I think so.

I had to, I basically had to eat that we, when we acquired the ship that runs on souls and blood that we, I couldn't argue anymore. I'm trying so hard, but I just, it would feel so disingenuous to try and be like, oh, we're neutral. We're not neutral.

which Donnie, counter argument for Donnie,

Yeah, Donnie, there's something to be said about killing somebody outright, but keeping an entity enslaved to ship runs? Oh, dude, that's fucking better than that, man.

Yeah, no. Again, that's... I just changed...

That's beautiful.

It is beautiful. I'm also the one who did it.

It truly is. I appreciate electricity, but I hate the damage that animals had to deal with to get it. Yeah.

Nothing wrong with a little blood magic.

You know, you can't you can't have you got I mean, you got to let people be hypocrites. But I mean, at the same time, it's like if you don't fucking understand the damage and dealt for things that have become for the life that you're living, then fuck you.

I don't know.

It's Ozan's fault, man. You rolled a 999.

I know, but dude, yeah, I mean, like, but it's really not his. He rolled the 999. I fucking missed the will save. Like, it was technically out of our hands once we went through the whimsy wall, and I, that is so fucking awesome. Like, this, like... Yeah, this is the third...

This is, yeah, this is the third artifact you've come across, actually.

What were the other ones?

That ring was one of them, I'm sure.

There's the ring. But what's the third?

That's a good question, Rich. You guys came across it and you never really interacted too much with it. And then you left.

It was a bag of potatoes and we left.

All I know, Jake, is the last time we encountered an artifact that bound to somebody that had evil connotations, it was unkiltedly. I would watch your back.

Wait, what levels do we get feats at?

At what level do we get feats? To re...

I think it's every other.

So 1, 3, it's odd numbers, right?

I'm pretty sure it's on the character advancement pathfinder. If you search that, it'll pop up.

I mean, I'm like right now I get to summon a fucking crazy ass.

I do get a new bracket of spells. So maybe there is...

Yeah, and I'm approaching Druid on the 11th level, so I mean, it's...

It skips a level at level 11. Oh, no, it doesn't. I'm looking at abilities for it.

Yours doesn't. Mine. I'm good, dude. I'm starting to get immensely powerful.

Yeah, every other.

That means I get a feat.

Like next level, I can bring people back from the dead. Like, it's gonna get fucking wild.

straight double my summons and shit it's gonna get fucking whack like now i get to now i literally get to go pick out a mythical beast as my familiar

feet

do I want

Like, that's why I'm looking at the Phoenix, because it's un-fucking-killable. It has a crazy breath weapon. And it flies. And it can teleport to me. It's fucking nuts.

That's Shadow Worm, man.

I have this other fingers

I'm taking critical focus.

Man, there's a lot of fucked up shit on that list.

Yeah, dude. It's fucked up.

Every single thing on there is fucking nasty.

Yeah, dude. least bad one, I think, is number three, but

Now you look at Pit Fiend. Did you look at the Pit Fiend? It's CR20.

It's still very,

No, that's the barb team that I'm talking about is the three.

Yeah, you get 2d6 barbed demons and a pit fiend.

I didn't see the pit demon. That's bad.

He's CR 20. He gets at will like blasphemy.

That's real bad.

Okay.

Fireball.

It's all bad.

He does accept infernal sacrifices, clerics, or sacrifices and offerings of the relics.

That only gives you a plus two to a charisma bonus check.

Good Lord.

You guys gotta destroy this thing.

But we gotta find the fucking gold dragon and defeat three of the things inside.

No, we need to get back to the material plane because then we, that's where they, that's where we're going to find gold dragons. I don't think it's here.

they will find gold dragons here either, but

That's what I'm saying, man.

We're not going to be able to kill it.

Oh, shit. Maybe there's a cool form of dragon or fey or thing that I can transform into that will then have plane shift as an ability.

Can you turn it into a gold dragon?

And then you are destroyed forever and cannot be back except for a divine intervention or a

Yeah, if we're really going to do that, I can...

If we're really going to do that, we can polymorph anything into a gold dragon and then

Why not? I can polymorph it. At some point we can do that, yeah.

Into a gold dragon?

Yeah.

Into that's a like colossal creature.

I wonder if... If you got like...

I don't know.

I think there's a lot of limits on Polymorph. I don't think you can turn anybody into a Gold Dragon.

I'm wondering if you can balefully polymorph... Well, it's not like it would, guaranteed, turn into, like, an elder dragon. I'm assuming that would be, like, to scale of where the creature would be at. But, like...

Wondering. Mayhaps.

Because you can turn, like it would be difficult, but you can polymorph a dragon into something else. Why would you not be able to... reverse that. Oh, I suppose Paul, I want to say baleful polymorph is specifically into a rather helpless creature.

Whereas polymorph, you can turn anybody into an animal, humanoid, or elemental of your choosing.

Does a dragon fall under an animal?

No, it's a magical beast, so... But that being said, I'm going to look through the Fae that I might be able to turn into if I choose a high-level Fae form or two, and maybe just get ourselves plane shifted or back to where we need to go.

So fucking frustrating. The

the creature or like the transmutation spells are seemingly set by size category, not so much spell ability, which makes it really fucking hard to find like what you're looking for. Like you can't even bracket them out to, oh, now these are available.

It was easiest going through, for me, when I was changing things into other things, it was best to go through the Beastiary, or basically a Druid summon creature list. Just go through the things that they could summon and to find the beasts that way. Because if you change a beast into another beast, especially if it's a dragon and you go against whatever its natural habitat is, you do get a negative four on the roll. So if you change a dragon... who's in a room with a magical chest into a fish who can't breathe without air, it's negative four. You have to call what you're changing it into before you roll the dice.

And so it's also fucky like that too.

But if you do kill the creature, you do get full experience and it turns back into its original body.

The SRD did a really good job of that.

I think.

And also, especially if you're a wizard, Rich, if you could... I think it's... I don't know what the... Maybe it's spontaneous casting. When you're able to cast two spells at once, I was able to link... Basically, I cast spell weakness or something like that. So I would cast spell weakness first and then Bale Polymorph second. So cast spell weakness as a free action to weaken their spell resistance and then cast the Bale Polymorph. That's the only way I was ever able to turn a dragon into something else.

Interesting.

It was a high roll like I was able to weaken something like negative five at spell resistance because I was a red wizard.

Because I just, I did like prestige class into that. Into a red wizard who gets natural on the spells he casts negative modifiers. And then spell resistance. Like my spell resistance was as a red wizard was like negative three on the things that I did. And spell resistance is like a negative two. So I got like negative five. And then I would... Free action cast at first, then Belfast one. And I had to roll like super high. Like I was with like two point margin off like an 18. It was nuts. I got really lucky.

I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to add the plus four bonus to my crit confirmed.

improved critical strike.

Damage bonus

Really damaging.

I don't see anything about critical strike.