Transcript

Great. Can I go find a cleric in hell?

I was wondering the same thing, but...

Okay, so our plan is to get out of hell and immediately go buy a reservoir.

I made it.

It's going to be okay.

All right. Let's fucking do this shit.

I don't mind all my rolls. I was just checking stuff.

Two quick fate point count. Ozon, you said you used one during your character creation or no?

I have.

You have.

Yes. I think I have too.

You think you have two left or how many did you use during character creation?

That's my accounting, but I'm interested to hear yours.

How many did he use during character creation?

Just one.

You had more than two.

See, this is wired to best, yeah, Pat, you say things like that.

You have now, you have four according to my records.

I'll take it.

That sounds about right.

I've been keeping track.

You had five, and then you used one during your character creation, and now you're down to four.

I also used one for Jake.

You use one for Jake, I didn't record that. OK, you're down to three.

You don't remember how we got the whiskey, dude?

Now I do.

Could have all been dead.

So Ozone has three fate points, Rich has one, Nuddy has zero, Jake has zero, Donny has one. Jeff, if he ever joins, has eight.

Worthless. Use all your fucking... You're out of fate points? Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah. Like I got to fly away every time.

you got like a you got like a bloodthirsty axe a long time ago

Yeah. Yeah, it drinks blood.

What kind of axe is it?

Can you as a paladin use something that drinks blood?

Mm-hmm. The blood of my enemies.

I mean, it drinks the blood of his foes. It's not necessarily a bad.

It is a,

Let me look it up.

Wait, who's your god again? Who's your guard again?

Paylor.

Paylor?

You can't find him because he's a 3.5 guy.

This is 3.5, guys.

Paler, deities, greater god, neutral good. who's kind of actually similar to Dan Saranye, right?

with her

Jake, that was a battle axe.

Two-handed battle axe.

That was a one-handed melee weapon.

you can get yourself a shield though.

Oh, I was going to use tower shields, kind of.

Yes, they can, but it costs a fee.

You know, I had a shield on me.

I had a claw hand shield. It's one handed, I think.

I was gonna actually, I was gonna go maybe like a buckler build, but fuck that shit.

No, buckler, only if you're using it like a two-handed piece. sword, Regina Blair.

Or do weapon fighting.

Yeah, exactly.

And then I'd be, well, and then I would treat that buckler as an actual shield. And then you, there's a whole thing. But it takes too much. I got excited.

Yeah, it's a plus two mithril heavy steel shield, dude. Maybe you should use it.

probably somewhere around the spray of blood by where I got backstabbed.

I start cleaning up ozone and trying to wrap and preserve his body and shaking my head.

By the way, I was a follower of Saranye. So are we including D&D guys in here, or are you actually following

I'll pick a payload.

You need new armor and shit too, right, Jake?

No, I'm good.

Like, is Paloar another greater god that does something very similar to Ceranri?

He's a greater God.

Yeah, he's one of the main ones in 3.5.

What's...

He was like...

But yeah, what I'm asking is in this game, what is his relationship to Suraname?

Her daddy.

Surrender is the neutral good major guy.

also called the Dawnflower, and that is, oh, no, the Dawnstar is the Paleo Relic.

But anyways, the thing is, Jake, I was a follower of... Greater God, that's also a neutral good.

Good.

That's why I'm the only one who's trying to preserve your body right now.

Let me tell you what else I got.

peaceful. Oh, celestial armor. Do you want that? I don't even know what that shit does, but...

Of course they do.

Yeah, that's good shit.

can use fly on command once per day.

Which is a character that can't fly, let me tell you, it's pretty handy.

Jake, if you get greater trip, you provoke or they provoke tax opportunity when you trip them.

Really?

Nice. Yep.

Oh yeah, that's it.

Jake, there's also a cloak of resistance plus four. I don't know if that's useful to you.

Through the headband of Allure and Charisma plus two.

That's not all. There's a circulative persuasion.

And then there's obviously the demonic bagpipes.

Yeah, I remember those. It blew out all of our eardrums.

Sick.

Oh, and I have the five coins spelling lols. You might find those interesting.

Yeah, this would be good to have.

I think I also have a sex net on me actually.

That clicker is the score to all checks, right?

Like I said, I'm wrapping a boson for transport.

I don't know, am I free to take an action at the moment?

Yeah, everyone's free to take an action. There's nothing going on right now except for the drower waiting patiently for you to... No, you can't take an action, actually. We're in the middle of initiative.

I cast.

I cast mass suggestion. Okay.

Bye-bye.

Okay, since I can't remember initiative order, and I always save it on a notepad that gets closed. Everyone roll initiative again.

well i'm glad that we're doing that because that rear roll is rough

Rich's last initiative was an eight.

Mine was a 13.

Only 1d20 plus 8. They rolled a nat 1, so they got 9. So me, them, Rich.

Damn, Jake, with those bagpipes, you can do 150 damage over three turns. 50 foot radius. DC 24.

yeah only against chaotic or evil

And that cloak of resistance, that's all saving throws, right?

Yes.

Well yeah, because your will save is the worst than the Paladin.

It cannot be corrupted, Donnie.

My will saves the garbage and barbarians are the finest I think of here. I'm just thinking melee characters.

But not with power.

So I am confused because like, why did it turn to initiative? Because I don't, like it's not gotten violent in any way.

We were in the middle of fighting those guys because the one guy went through the fucking door, failed, and then the other intern was like, hey. And I botched that fucking blitz roll.

Yeah, he left with a natural one. And he was like, oh, I...

I thought Donovan was the only one locked in there.

And then he was just like, oh, it's a bot. He was like, what the fuck?

were outside with them. I was inside.

Donnie, what do you do?

If I remember correctly, I deactivated the trap already and came outside. No. I'm inside the door. And I had shouted at them to come and get me. I had not deactivated the

No, you were inside and that whole thing happened. Initiative started. It's now your turn. So whatever you want to do.

I got your friend come and get me.

What the shit?

What's this guy's intelligence? Intelligence. Not super high. Make him roll for it.

16 is pretty good.

He yells you. He says, fuck you. Get out of here.

I can see you through the window. Ha.

I deactivate the trap and step outside.

And...

Where's my friend?

You know, he just walked downstairs. There's a refreshments down there?

Rolling to the bluff.

And you're No, I just don't come out here if they're going to kill you. I don't want to fight. We still got ploys to throw.

You got refreshments?

Hmm.

Here, hold on one second. I closed the door. React to trap. So yeah, feel free to let yourselves in. laughter

gets another roll of the bonus because that's some weird ass shit you're doing.

he walks in like

You get out of here.

of

Come on in. Hold on. Let me just set up this trip.

it's the fact that he goes inside. He goes inside and then shuts the door and the guy hears the lock and he's like, come on in.

And then yells through the wall.

Fuck you, dude. Fuck you holding the shotgun behind the door. Whatever.

Exactly. Oh, here's a click.

Click. Come on in.

Rich, are you on the ground behind them or are you just chilling?

I'm, you know, floating a little bit behind them. Yeah, let me view down to where the actual scene is.

Okay, so...

I am going to actually, since these guys are on a different level, It doesn't make sense for them to be, they're not actually by the boat. Going to put them right here. Are we all in agreement that they would probably want to access the ship and not be a million miles away?

Agreed.

Who wants to access it?

Basically, I had, you couldn't see it on my screen, all of the drow were off screen in a weird place. I'm putting them where it makes sense for them to have followed you.

They're not in any sort of... They're just in whatever order I had them in when they left the room down the hall. The only thing it does is it actually flanks Rich, so if you don't feel too threatened by that surprise...

That works.

That's where they are.

I'd like to be in back.

I'm still stuck in the room where we killed the demons as a celestial bear.

You can be in back.

And they can be huddled up. And you're still in the room where we killed the celestial demon? Okay, that was like in the boat.

That was in the boat, right, where you killed the naughty demon?

I'm looking at my dead snake's body right now.

Where are you?

You know the place where we killed the two demons? Where Richard killed my snake? I'm there.

Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, way over there.

How are you over there? That's hella far away.

I mean, you just got resurrected in the ship. Bye, your God.

he found the apocalypse and ran back to the ship. I don't know if that character ever got moved again.

No.

No, like my character screen, like all I see is that.

like you're still in, you can only see that room. Got it. Okay. That's because you're that thing. Can you zoom out? Can you not see your other character?

Right here.

I'm pinging it.

I see it. I see it now.

Okay. Yeah, that room with the demons. You were that weird elemental... and you still have vision on him.

Sweet. So you're on the boat. There's a bunch of drow that followed you guys up right here. That's where they are. If their lighting won't let you see it. And it is their turn. And they walk up to the boat, and they're stepping on Atza's body while they do this. They're stepping over, and some of them aren't being very gentle.

Hello, poor Atzi.

Two of them turn around. Look at you back there, Rich. One of them is dragging the chest back with him. And he's like, I fucking you. I fucking the chest eyeballing you. And then these three are yelling at the ship, like, give us our fucking friend. Like, I trust you. I trust you for shit. These guys are like, oh, fuck, you don't come near this chest. And they're like, look at you, Rich, from down the hall. And they are all in full defensive.

Yep.

I can just see them with my eyes. Are they all evil?

It is Rich's turn. They are... You have detect evil with your eyes, eyesight.

Did you take the gunslinger, the gun thing?

No. It's just at level 3.

Okay. Because that... Yeah, because that replaces the detective a little bit.

Apologues detect evil spell and you can as a move action concentrate on a single item so this will have to be in your turn. That's a move action. It's Rich's turn.

All right.

I am going to...

one moment to check the details on it.

I'm going to... turn around and act as though I'm looking the other direction and reach in for actually no I'm just going to stay where I am and cast mass suggestion and say hey you guys should go I'll go check the door together sometimes it's just a bit sticky

Ask, Suggestion, Path

Spell functions like suggestions, one creature, suggestions. Okay. Saving throw.

Will negates and as mass suggestion is a six the saving throw will be

Let me see. Sorry, loading speed. 25.

Pretty high. You just got a permanent intelligence boost, too. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, 25 is the save.

Okay. 7 plus 7 fails. 3 plus 7 fails. 17 plus 7 succeeds. Wait, fails? Yeah, it's 24.

Fails. 25.

Fails. Fails. Yeah, great, man. Fucking success. Okay, so they have all been suggested. You influence their actions by suggesting a course of activity limited to a sentence or two that must be worded in such a manner to make the activity sound reasonable. Asking if it's a little harmful, negative effect, suggesting a course of activity continue for the entire duration. Which is 11 hours. Wow.

They all go and check the door.

One by one, they triggered the trap.

All right.

Alright, so we can either stay here or we can teleport the fuck out after we find Nutty Soul.

Did Nutty lose his soul?

I got another cast to locate object on that gem.

There you go.

You have Nettys, Jim?

You have the gem?

Yeah, the one that they touched?

Yeah, where is it?

It's in my hat. I wrapped it in a...

I wrapped it in some skin that I... I skinned a motherfucker.

Do you look in your hat?

I envision the gym in my mind.

reach in the hat without looking at it. So that's silly.

That happened in front of all of us. He like teleported. He disappeared and then reappeared and all of us were like, yeah, no, it's fine.

I pull out

So you're reaching around randomly in your hat for the gem.

I don't know. What are you doing?

Like I said, I envision the gym in my life.

There's a couple objects in your hat that there's an object and you might not want to touch. I'm just wondering exactly how you're doing this.

Isn't this how the app works? I just envision it in my mind and then I go and I reach in.

That's how Hanny Haversack works.

Isn't the magical hat the same thing as the handy havers hat? Just better do a hat.

No, it's a hat of holding. It's a bag of holding, which doesn't do that.

It's just a bag that is larger on the inside than is on the outside. A handy paper stack.

Just a big-ass loose bag. Haversack has a special ability that is listed on the Haversack. But this is a bag of holding stitched into as a hat of holding.

So I want to know how exactly you're going about this.

Okay, perfectly. Thank you for making that clear. I go down to where one of the drows are being held and I wake one of them up.

Wait.

You should probably just give Rich the hat to use Mage Hand.

Why?

Let Rich reach in with Mage Hand.

And I can be locating object while it happens.

Yes. Perfect. Yeah, let's do that.

Never see it, just know where it is. Pick it up. With the major.

But once we get his soul back, what are we doing? Just like, throw it on his body?

We beat the shit out of them. We bring them back to life and we give them a good old fucking once over.

Got worked over by the fucking Abyss Boys.

We get his soul back to his body.

And by the way,

If his soul is trapped In there.

It'll switch out with the next person who touches it, so maybe yeah, we'll tap one of these guys with the gem.

Yeah, so just put it, like, grab it with Mage Hand and put it in Nutty's... Just touch Nutty. See what happens.

And if we really, if we're just staying full evil with it, we can always just

and then we'll have a soul gem filled. Maybe we can repair the cracks with that soul gem.

I don't know. I don't know.

It was an idea, man.

It's powered by blood. Is repairing it with souls really the

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.

You don't know. You don't know.

Like, these things are both electricity.

It seems to run off electricity.

If I had enough 12 volt, if I had enough 12 volts, I could hypothetically run one for a moment. Not efficiently, but it could be done.

Yeah, okay. If you had 10, you could run it for a second.

I don't know.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Again, all I want is a second out of this.

Proof.

So

All right, Rich, what do you do?

going to cast another casting of locate object this time on this the shiny red gem

Okay. Somebody hold open the bag and I'm not going to really look inside it, but...

Me and Rich just maintain eye contact.

I turn the other direction.

And while like making sure I'm not looking over the lip, can I sense where it is?

You sense the direction of it actually like 15 feet behind the ship, not even in the bag.

Close the bag. I want to go look into this. I fly near the back of the ship.

That's where that is where you sense it. Look at the arrow on the screen.

Alright, working on it. Fly.

Where is it?

Was just on the ground over here.

It's just on the ground. I remember you went underneath this path. You went all the way around. And then you went up here. It took us quite some time to get there.

What?

because that's how the maze works. But it is on the ground right here.

I pick it up with Mage Hand and then do a return loop.

Okay, you have the gem with Mage Hand.

poke nutty in the face with it.

Noddy, your soul transfers from the gem back into your body.

Ha.

One back.

You were isolated in a gem for so long. Roll me a

Thank God.

Roll me a D100.

A sanity check.

and roll below 30 or 30 or below. and you will know the entire layout of the dungeon. You do not know the entire layout of the dungeon.

No, I don't know if they're...

They're character-bound. Oh, fuck you.

Hosanna needs an active soul in the environment.

Nutty, you're back up. Doop.

It's been out for like a day and a half, two days.

Yeah, you were actually out for about a day and a half in-game.

You have no recollection of anything except for just being hella bored in a crystal. So

Dude, you fucked up.

Don't touch the chip.

but

Ha.

You guys didn't touch the jab, did you?

No. No, we saw what happens with that gem.

Deal the demon?

Say that, yeah.

I look over at Nettie, Shiny, and Chrome.

Lost a lot of good men.

fucking holy symbols of Palo all over his body.

What would we call that over there?

What the fuck happened to you?

Used to be cool, man.

Your demon killed me so I killed him back.

That's Tick.

You know, holy servant of Paylor.

You may or may not have killed him and he came back as a bull paladin.

makes sense.

Okay. All right.

you know, normal things in hell, I guess.

another day

I dumped out a... or actually not dump out, I grab a little pouch, put the gem in it with Mage Hand, and then I put the gem in my Handy Haversack.

I used my lay on hands on, Dutty.

any damage on me I don't think.

Beware the soul-stealing gem.

It removes fatigue.

Majestic creature. And I softly rub his hands as he rubs, which lays on my hands.

Ha.

So we have essentially now enough people to power this thing for a moment. We fill up the wall, like we could totally just get out of here right now.

pretty convenient for me. I literally go down, we're stuck in hell, and then I wake up, and then everything's solved. Jake's all golden, and we got enough fuel to get out. It was nice. to get trapped in stones more often.

I start going over to the drow. I go over to the drow and I massage their stomachs and their arms just so the blood flows faster.

I don't know about that. It didn't work out so well.

Try bending the cracks at all.

I rough them up a little bit too because they're drought and this place sickens me.

okay so

That's what you guys do.

Well...

Beat the shit out of the drought. What do you think I'm doing?

We're going to strap the draw up. Actually, I'm going to go through. What have they got? I'm going to go check their bodies.

Check the pockets.

Okay. One of them, who looks to be the leader, is equipped with a

Okay, this is on the first person that looks to be the leader.

Boots of Blending Speed.

Oh shit, yeah.

And then the other

Five have this.

fighting side by side with an evil dude.

At least until we all get out of hell.

Well, shit, yeah.

I tell Donnie there's redemption in us all. We just take time to find it.

I chuckle and walk away.

Just because you were a bad guy doesn't mean you were bad guy.

I'm still not waiting for

I grabbed that natural harbor amulet that's

Plus two keen lungs, what do you say?

I was looking at that too.

I mean, I already got a King Katana.

Fuck yeah.

If you want that for your other hand there, Jake.

Amulet of natural armor. I'm not going to

to speak the resistance plus three i'm like

If nobody else wants that sword, I actually can make use of it. As long as it's a certain size of weapon, I can use it with my magical attack. And having it be keen would be awfully nice.

I don't know if I have any of it at all.

Well, there's apparently five armor amulets right there.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Okay, so... What are they? Plus...

Natural, or emulator of natural armor plus two.

There's five.

There's five amulets of natural armor plus one.

Gotcha. Let's save the plus two.

If everyone is okay with that.

Actually, Rich, I could do stuff.

Well, Rock, Paper, and Fizzles you for it.

I could use that King of the Longsword too, Rich.

I need it.

Then I'm just, Donnie?

Okay, person.

Somehow? How are we doing this?

I don't know.

There's gotta be a way.

Roll for it.

All right. High or low? And what are we rolling?

close to 20 on a d20

15. It is cast.

outside of like 100 of the 600 golds. 700 cold. Yeah, I don't need nothing else out of it.

Boots are cool, but I don't walk places.

I also strap up some bodies to the floodletting.

three bloodletting tables do you fill them

what, a third hole right now?

Yeah, let's just strap them in and set it up. It could use some clear blood in the system.

Let's wrap up two of them.

Strap up all three.

Worst case scenario, we waste blood.

that crystal's looking now.

They carrying like a chest with them. You guys check that out.

Oh, yeah, let's go grab that chest. We can either... I can go... unlock that thing. There is that like put the key in the thing. We got very close to that or we can leave our way.

Yeah, but we may not end up where we want to go if we go our way.

So Alright, I take the circular key and I will do the flying back. Oh, Jesus.

Rich, I could just fast travel you there.

Oh, thank God for you.

Okay.

I go put the circular key in the lock.

the entire room and the entire dungeon starts to shake violently. As soon as you put it in there, Rich, everything around you fades away and you feel as you are being teleported from this room.

Ha!

Let me get the hell out of here.

Ha.

Yeah.

Rich, come with me to the secret room, please.

Oh, I finally get to go to the secret room.

It's not a fun place to be, dawg. Yeah.

We kill Rich now. We just kill Rich now.

Ha.

Alright, that plus three cloak of resistance helped out my will save quite a bit.

That's all my saves.

Knowledge Arcana. Okay. Alright.

What do you guys think they're talking about?

Oh.

My control spilt.

Nah, I don't know. I don't think Rich is going to pop right out of this one.

So what did he do? Did he just go outside?

He put a key. He flew back to the room we were in trying to put the key in. And he did it. put the key, the next key in.

Basically, he activated a track check.

the key end of the shit.

chests that the drow are carrying.

No, he didn't open that shit.

Oh, what did he put the key into?

into the keyhole.

Of what?

You know those keys we got from the Zebra?

And he put it, he, and then he put that into what?

the circular indent on the floor.

in the room that he was in. He flew to.

I've been there. I know where that.

Everybody message Pat or Rich with their mental link.

Why are we messaging him?

We all have mental licks with them.

No, your major link broke Jake when you died and I'm pretty sure I don't have one since

Amen.

Wasn't there. So I think Donnie's the only one that has one.

Donnie, the other one again.

Your mind could... Yeah, I do have a telepathic link with him.

to message.

Or we can wait, because we don't know better.

Yep. Who knows? Maybe it doesn't work there.

That would be our look, all right?

I'd say so.

Ozon almost had enough gold to resurrect himself.

How are you guys getting out of there?

and hyper jump.

I mean, the ship's blood's full, so we're just gonna fucking...

Crank that bitch to a lemon.

We're trying to get out of here. We're seeing what these keys do.

Did you guys bring back Nutty yet?

He just had to touch the soul gem to him. Put his soul back in his body.

So Rich back to the room by himself where the next Elki went.

And he did it. And then the room started shaking and...

This is the wizard that fell in.

What did J Electronics say?

I'm sure everybody can get himself out of it.

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Who goes there?

Yeah, I got telepathic language.

How far does telepathic link work?

Rich, how does that telepathic link you got work? We're still linked.

Over any distance over any distance. No, actually it does not cross planes.

Even other plans?

Because that's technically not a distance.

Okay, telepathic link functions continuously. And Rich, we have to go back. You can telepathically hear your teammates talking to you. So you can tell them what you've been experiencing.

All right. well all right so i put the thing i put the key in and i got teleported somewhere and i'm like in a round room with a door that won't open a hole in the wall that i just crawled through because there's nothing else i can do floating it's all illusion magic like floating magical lamp it's i'm lost and fucked

Do you get it?

Do you still have the key in your hands? Can we get to where you are?

The key is still on. Well, I still have the square key. I use I use the circular. Pat, as far as the cylinder, is it about the cylinder? I stand up as I get next to it, is it about the same height as the pillar I teleported into?

No, since you've reduced person, how small are you?

Oh, I guess I'm one size category smaller. So I went from medium to small.

Oh, it doesn't feel like a large cylinder. It feels now more like a lever. It's a lever. I thought you were like Ant-Man sized.

Next to the door is a one foot wide hole that has darkness cast upon it. You are not able to see into it, but since you just flew into it, at least you and all of your mirror imaged versions of yourself while shielded, while reduced personed, because that's what you just did, you are able to feel there's a lever inside that dark hole that has magical darkness cast upon it.

I'm gonna cast a spell on this magical darkness.

I mean, we're none the wiser.

That doesn't sound like the good thing to do, Jake.

I'm going in after him. I'm coming.

check out this room.

I hold my sword up to the sky and I say by the power of Paylord, I'm doing my weapon as a standard action and it does. As holy light shines upon me, my hair grows longer and I grow ski goggles and I become the man of destruction. Yeah. It happens, yeah, coming in here hot. Oh, yeah, uh-huh.

Alright, I rolled a 15 on my targeted dispel. Make a dispel check.

I don't know if that will

All right, so you guys are traveling to the room. Rich, you're doing this, cool.

Okay, so you cast a spell magic. And on the darkness, I need you to make a DC check, 1d20 plus your caster level, and I'm going to compare that to the spell of the caster level that casted it.

I got a 15.

You fail.

Damn. Well, then I just pull the lever, because fuck it.

The door opens.

All right. I go to the door.

Inside the room is about 20 foot wide. It is dark. It has stone walls. It has stone floors. There's an unlit brassiere against the entrance of the wall by the door. It looks like there are randomly constructed shelves and alcoves that are about five foot deep. They're protruding from both the right and the left side of the walls. There's a statue of a man in the middle that looks to be wearing heavy armor. He is looking directly at a statue of a basilisk who is standing in one of the alcoves on the wall. There is a necklace of keys around his neck.

assholes.

From my relatively safe position, like at the base of the door,

like to... Ah shit, is there, I'm gonna roll a perception check to see if like, I don't know, that basilisk has a door on it or something, or if I should treat it as a live basilisk.

So, Donnie, you're at the door. Okay, and

reached the door and I'm waiting for Jake.

Jake, and you went with him. Okay, so you got fast traveled.

Over the two, I'm just, I was, my guy's like summoned over here with all the cross thingies.

We ran at full speed.

Okay, you guys go in?

Good luck, guys.

Hey, dude, you guys open the door. This is what you see. Rich's body is laying prone on the ground and there is a creature above him that looks to be sucking something out of his face.

Roamy Initiative.

Some... Somebody help.

Oh, sweet lady. Jesus.

I got you, buddy.

Do you know this is happening, Rich?

No.

Wait, what's going on? What am I doing right now? No, I'm in a room. I'm in a puzzle room.

It's a dream world, Reg. It's a dream world.

Now that I'm aware that it's a dream world, I'm extra mad because I can do, there's no point of solving this puzzle. Somebody help me.

Maybe Rich is just getting hot and heavy with a demon and we just interrupted something. Maybe we just walk out of the room, apologize, and give him a space.

So there'll be 22.

Somebody come kill this thing.

Initiatives been rolled, I'll be back.

This room is creepy.

Three ones.

Add your con modifier. I'm sure I did that.

Elves get negative two to Con, Nutty.

But hey, next level we get a stat increase.

That's not going to Constitution, bro.

I just need to bring back the righteous.

I don't know how that works, though.

the floor pattern. You think we're in a nice place?

I'm pretty sure Nuddy just killed me and tried to kill Jake regardless of our alignment.

I think Nettie was...

he was an evil alignment demon.

Then he's weak.

possessed by his fear.

You are weak as the gods you pray to.

He has a name and it's a well hog.

I think

He might have killed you guys too.

He didn't kill me.

How are the facehuggers treating us?

One of those nice soul suckers.

Sons of bitches.

That was a 26 and eight and a 16 for initiative.

Initiative from Ray Parker.

I see a 26. Pretty good initiative there, JQ.

From... Eight. Ooh, it's not going to fly here, Donnie. Maybe better next time.

I think that was 16.

Soul-sucking demon.

Gets a natural one.

Gets a 17.

Lead us off. What do you do?

You tell him to quit soul sucking my friend over there. And I go over and I swift action smite and I run up and I hit this motherfucker right in the

Roll it.

So that's a crit confirmed.

That's going to be an extra

The tenant image.

AC27.

Can you hit it?

Then I go to

Shield Bash, which I don't know how it works.

All right, how many attacks did you have?

Hit. What's your damage?

45 It's going to be

60,

2.

81.

60

90

96 good aligned damage.

And then what's the smite do? Is it just align it good?

It adds 6 to all my attack rolls and 11 to all my damage rolls.

Against evil.

You've already added that in?

It hits, it lands. It was 96, you said?

If it can read my mind, I'm calling it a bitch right now.

What's going on out there?

So anyway, Rich, you see a statue of a man in the middle who looks to be wearing heavy armor. Just let me know what you're going to do in there.

Oh, no. They've been telling me. I'm already aware. Fuck this guy. I'm waiting it out.

Nutty, what are you doing?

Hello.

Richie do Roaming Initiative though. As well.

Move there and hit them.

Not 20.

for the first one. So 28 to hit

OK, hit. How much damage?

28,

28 is the tech or whatever though.

14 plus 19, so.

33

33.

I walk up. I challenge this man.

with a terrifying Dissu strike.

Next one.

Confirmed.

35 damage plus...

Jesus.

Jesus.

Postachannel Deming

actually when it's just

Samurai's level plus the 11 for 46 plus Jitsu strength. Oh, wait, no, it's back on me.

I'm starting to think regular tax is better.

Four Fighters.

Yeah, exactly.

B6 at third level and every field after. So, 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, so 66.

that damage isn't too much. It's just a hit for 43.

6 plus 11.

27 damage. That is a really bad damage roll.

Three twos, a one, and a three.

All right, you guys have done... You guys have done 156 damage to it so far? fairly quickly.

Oh, and also, he's going to make a will never be terrified.

Okay, what's the will save?

To be fair, the door opened and you guys jumped on him. Like, he was just having lunch.

15... 17

He needs to make a will save for me too.

17 will save from Donnie.

Jake, what race are you?

And that's four rounds of those.

I'm an elf.

Four rounds of what if he fails?

Terrified.

D4 plus 1, actually, 5.

He rolls a 33.

What the fuck?

Well, to be fair, he got a 19. He's a high-level and...

He's roll-

He's got to make a DC 21.

At 11th level, when a Sword of Valor critically hits an enemy with a smite, target with secret will saving through a DC 10 plus half the level, plus or be compelled to surrender to the Paladin as if affected by a suggestion spell. To lay down arms and give up the fight. The enemy that succumbs to this ability remains docile until it's injured by the paladin, or one of its obvious allies. At which point the compulsion of surrender immediately ends and the enemy is free to make its own choices again. The enemy makes the save and is not subject to this ability for 24 hours. Where the enemy has a mind-affecting ability. Alright, let me see if it's effective.

It affects him.

Thank you guys for saving me.

We'll save.

21.

DC 21.

He rolls a 18 and fails his saving throw and is docile and under the effect of a suggestion spell by you, Jake. What do you suggest this demon to do?

Oh, shit.

Put your head in the corner. You're on timeout.

Time out for sucking my friend's face off.

For 11 hours, he is putting himself on a timeout.

Damn, that's some demoralizing shit right there.

Yeah.

But he's still there.

I lay my hands on Rich's face. I put my finger in his mouth.

I lay on poop fingers.

and get them back. Ha.

Can we just like, can I walk up behind him

Well, it's not.

And he might not be an easy fight. Like... We could literally just walk away now.

We wait for Rich to get out of wherever he's going and then we just gank him.

What do you mean whatever I'm doing now that he's off my face and somebody wake me up? Shit.

Am I still, you know...

Riding the teacups.

Under...

There's a statue of a man in the middle. Looks like he's wearing heavy armor. He's looking directly at a statue of a basilisk who is standing in one of the alcoves on the wall. There is a necklace on

Can somebody wake me up? Can somebody wake me up?

listen

keys.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you wander the fuck off in hell? I'm sorry. My bad.

What do you do?

I cast wall of force in between the fucking basilisk and the keys. I walk over and I grab the fucking keys and I walk the

The moment you block the gaze between the basilisk and the man, the man turns back into himself again. He screams at you to get out and abandon whatever the fuck you're doing in here, and then he dies of shock at your feet. The keys are on the floor in front of you.

I check his pockets and stuff and I grab the keys.

He has nothing in his pockets. You have the keys.

Well, goddammit, this place is fruitless in every fucking way. I walk back to the door with the keys.

You're like, whoa, that guy died like a bitch. This place is crazy.

I am getting sick and goddamn tired of hell.

What do you guys do out there?

I give Rich a couple of slaparoos in the face, those little slapperinos.

Great, Jerome. We will save.

I held Rich's feet up in the air to get the blood flow into his head.

Not 20.

you wake up. That's literally the only thing that would have done it.

Oh, thank goodness. That was the most perfectly gentle slap in the face that I could have ever hoped for.

You sweet man. Coming out of a fucking night terror.

Don't mind the business.

I think we should get out of here. This room, let's leave.

Oh, got some unfinished business over there in the corner.

No, I don't want to fight him. No, a nat 20...

I mean, didn't you do something in here? Should we?

The floor begins to hum where the key is.

begins to hum

Yeah, where the key was inserted.

Is it a similar hunt to that the bullshit makes?

No, it's similar hum to the other key that you inserted.

That's all three keys.

Mm-mm.

That's two keys.

Stookies.

Wait, what? No, we put the triangle one in. I put the circular one in.

And the sphere one.

Nettie, you want to help me out here?

And you still have the square one.

Are we in that room still? Oh, Jesus. Okay. Okay.

We're in the same room you were in. Yes.

The monster's in the corner.

Then let's get out of here. Let's just leave. I don't like this room anymore.

We got to wait it out for a day and I'm leaving this room.

The monster's only standing in that corner for 11 hours.

Well...

Who moved me out?

I'm not fighting him. I don't want to do that. Pat just said the only way I was getting out of that was with a nat 20. I don't let...

Yeah, and the only way you got in it was because you left the fucking ship alone. I mean, you could leave now. You could go back to the ship and wander alone if you fucking want to, bro. That's your call, man.

or solving the weird mental puzzle

Fair enough.

the shit.

myself

We need to locate that other key.

Probably inside this motherfucker. Get this swag.

I'd do a full round.

It just seems like a bad call.

So far, there's only been a couple rooms, and each room has had like a key socket.

just get Donnie up here, we surround him, and we just lay into him. We'll get all free one round on him, and then we roll initiative again, or whatever, and then we attack again.

Wait, before you guys do, I have a couple of things I need to cast.

There's got to be some damage boosts I've got here for you.

At least I thought it did. Fuck.

Oh, I cast who can deal out the most damage who wants haste.

What does Haste do?

I don't need it right now. I can, I can,

It gives you another attack at full...

Yeah, give me that.

at your full bonus. All right.

I already got that with my weapon.

And I cast Bull's Strength on Donovan as well.

Does damage break the spell?

Yeah.

I'm also going to cast another casting of a mirror image on Jake and I'm going to cast my use my cast of Where is it? It's level five. Blur. Is it blur? No, it's displacement. on Donovan.

Tony, you want to move your character over to him?

Which corner is he here?

So Donna, you now have displacement on you. You have a 50%

Where the fuck is he? Let me at him. Why?

And Jake, do you want to roll the d4 plus 3 for your mirror images?

And Donnie, you have plus 40 or strength right now.

There's a 34-21, 19-40 to hit.

Well, guys, if you're down for this, I guess we can throw at it.

34.

I see.

Yeah, you hit if it's a 34. He has 27. 21 misses. 19 misses.

Then 40 damage

of good line damage.

So we all get a free attack happening here?

Yep, you're all attack.

Okay, so you all basically reset initiative.

Surprise round, right?

And you are all... hitting him with a surprise round. I'm going to double check to make sure that suggestion works that way, but I have a feeling that it will since he's

Well, if he was looking in the corner, he wouldn't necessarily know we were stacking up behind him to kill him.

Well, he would absolutely know that. It's not like he's retarded.

Fair enough.

But at the same time, he's been suggested to do something, so he's going to do it. And so I'm just... Curious. If...

if he can sense this coming, but I don't think so. He's been suggested. to do a thing and he's doing the thing and then you all get the surprise round okay yep

So that's a full round.

Yeah, it's Nutty and then Donnie and then Rich and then him.

Full attack.

get an additional attack at plus one. Or I mean at a normal BAB. So it's just going to be the first one.

Anything above a 27... Anything above 27 hits, just let me know what the total damage is and how many attacks there are.

one two

Three attacks from me hit.

69, 20 for 89.

Remember, you have plus two to that. You have plus two to whatever those attack rolls are.

plus two the attack rolls.

Well, if it increases your strength by four, it increases your attack rolls by two.

I already put that in at Tep Strength. I already put that in.

So yeah, 89 damage for me.

Nutty. How many attacks? How much damage?

I missed twice. Is he able to be sneak attacked?

He is not immune to sneak attacks.

Oh shit.

28, 31, 18 plus 13.

31 over how many attacks?

Just what a tech. The other two missed.

Um,

He has taken 256 damage and looks super fucked up. Rich, your turn.

I'm casting Holdmonster. He needs to make a 24 will save.

Okay.

His is pretty high.

He is immune to any... Does that spell allow for spell resistance at all?

He's got to roll a ten or better.

What can they actually see? I don't know. They're a little old monster.

Because if so, he is immune to any spell that allows for spell resistance.

Spells functions like hold person. Well, let me go to the hold person. Spell resistance, yes. So, nope.

He is immune to it.

I guess I call him a dick for trying to eat my soul and I pass the turn

Okay, he goes.

Alright, he activates as a free action an aura of worry that projects a 30-foot aura of anxiety and insecurity. I need everyone to make me a DC 22 will save.

Immune to fear.

or be affected by crushing despair. It's not fear.

It is crushing despair. If you're immune to enchantments or compulsion effects, then that works, but this is not fear.

It is despair.

So because I'm an elf, I do have plus two against enchantment. So that is actually 23.

So does Jake.

Yeah.

I'm using my four leaf clover to give me a plus three to my will save.

plus three to whatever this is.

Okay.

I'm going to use Improved Iron Will and all that.

Is it a... It's not a charm, is it?

It's an enchantment.

You are affected, Donnie, by Crushing Despair. Negative two penalty on attack rolls, saving throws, ability checks, skill checks, and weapon damage rolls.

Negative two.

too, so 20.

Now he, that was a free action. Now it takes a real action.

Now he...

seeing how this works

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 1, 2, Jake. 3, 4, Donnie. 5, 6, Nutty.

He jumps into your shadow, Jake.

what for me is

You have multiple U's.

Mirror image.

You have mirror image up.

Six, yeah.

Six of them, he jumps into one of their shadows.

That's it, we gotta kill Jake. That's the only way.

That's the real you.

You should be able to control those guys.

I can't see him, right? Do you want to know which one he jumped into?

You can't see him, but you can roll me a perception check to see if you saw which one he jumped into.

So they're not actually Shadows. Shadow Clone is the ninja version of it. They're just illusory doubles. Does that change anything?

Do they cast a shadow?

Actually, I suppose that's up to you.

I assume they cast a shadow, and if they do, it jumps into one of those, and if it doesn't, it jumps into a different one, but I'm going to say that illusions, since they cast shadows.

I've never...

Jake, you are not sure which shadow. Nutty, you are not sure which shadow.

perception.

I start channeling positive energy.

Donnie, you saw that the shadow that it went into is this guy right here. He is tinted light blue.

It would help if I could see him, but I'll get there.

It's Jake's turn.

Drake, it's your turn.

12 damage to all evil creatures in a 30 foot radius.

Oh, Donovan. So sorry.

Dying takes 12 damage.

No, he takes 12 damage.

Dude's shadow takes 12 damage.

Whoopsie.

I just increased my life total by 12 when I leveled up last

I heal for five.

and all this quick draw potion, don't it? Stay at full.

And that is turn.

I move towards that blue shadow and hold my action until he comes out. to attack him.

You moved. You can't hold your action if you moved. You like prepare an action?

You get your movement and you hold your action, right?

I thought, wait, are you moving your turn order? Or are you using your action to do it if he's ready in action? OK.

I've just Ready in action.

Yeah, a reaction to an attack as soon as he comes out.

And I couldn't see him.

Is that a test?

He's in the shadow of the blue one.

I didn't know.

Can your weapon do damage to incorporeal creatures?

We're not.

then it has no effect on the shadow.

But the doubles when struck do poof out of existence.

That would be true if he struck the double, but he struck the shadow.

Unless your sword is magical somehow. Is it a plus one?

Well, it has Keen on it, right?

Yeah, it's pretty sure he's got an enchanted sword.

Let me see if that does it. Because that gets over damage reduction from magic.

I do have an enchanted sword.

It's a plus two King Katana, so it is magical.

I think you might have to have the ghost touch ability.

I think so too.

Or if it's like Mithril or some shit, or not Mithril, but like Silver or some shit, right?

Yeah, incorporeal pathfinder.

Incorporeal creature has no physical body, it can only be harmed by other incorporeal creatures, magic weapons, creatures that strike as magic weapons, and spells, spell-like abilities or supernatural abilities. It is immune to all non-magical attacks. Even when hit by spells or magic items, it only takes half damage from a corporeal source. Although it is not a magical attack, holy water can affect incorporeal undead. Corporeal creatures' effects do not cause damage, only a 50% chance of affecting Four spells and effects such as magic missile. Is your sword magic?

It affects him.

Okay, I'll roll my attacks.

42 to hit, 38 to hit, 30 to hit. And I get one additional attack to the haste. And a 39 to hit.

You kill him.

Oh my goodness.

What do you guys do?

What's left of them.

So the shadow dissolves down and you see just a red... fiendish, rubbery skin pulled taut over this immense frame of a demon with glistening claws hanging past his knees. And you see two mouths resting on its eyeless face, and they're still whispering in his death as they slowly start to stop whispering. And then he basically like... They were just whispering

What are they whispering?

What's this say? Speak up!

I was whispering weird demonic shit.

Well, since that whimsy wall, I now speak. Abyssal and Infernal.

You speak Draconic? Well, he wasn't saying anything draconic. Anyway, so the whispers in Infernal that you could hear didn't make much sense. It was more just like, feed me, feed me. I'm going to eat you. I'm going to eat your soul. I'm going to suck your soul down. I'm going to eat your soul. Pass the soul salt. Shit like that.

I took Abyssal, Infernal, and Silver.

I lay my hands on Donnie.

It's like if you need good energy, like... It's fine as a zombie, right? That's the way it's...

Right. So, yeah.

Does Lay on Hands heal evil people?

I don't know. I'm wondering.

I think it does.

I think it does. I think it just doesn't heal and death.

It's just evil people get harm instead of heal.

People get hired at a healer.

if they're cleared. No, if they get, instead of having the heal spell, they get the harm spell.

Yeah.

to heal me, you would have to do damage to me. Wait, is that what you're saying?

have to do positive energy damage.

Like I just did.

Fairly sure it still heals you.

Yep, heel.

Yeah, deal damage to undead creatures.

Okay.

So it's going to be...

Two.

Heel for 5d6, Donnie.

5-DC.

D6, you are no longer fatigued.

Hey, 12. It's all needed. Even with three nat ones in there.

You also have sanctuary on you.

I'm really glad you guys are here because I started looking through all my damage spells and everything. All my damage spells could be blocked by spell resistance, so I couldn't hurt it.

And you get fast stealing three, Donnie.

He was praying on your face when we walked in here, man. That shit's daunting. What the fuck's going on in here? He was just like sucking the fucking...

It's terrible.

So what are you guys doing? You're back at the boat.

Donnie, can you fire this motherfucker up?

We can fire it up or we can wait for a routine of spells back and locate the other...

So what do we want?

I gotta check out the sex scent, by the way.

yeah let's all just get back to the ship

Get back of the ship.

We are on the ship, yeah. I gotta check out the sexism.

Do you want to do anything with that demon skin or are we not trusting it to stay dead?

never trust even since they did.

Yeah, let's just leave it.

So what are you guys doing?

I want to rest.

Yup. I am. I'm out of my fucking spells.

How long? How long?

How long do you guys rest for?

I do a shift. I stay up.

Till the morning.

half the resting period.

Okay, Jake stays awake.

Everyone else is resting for eight hours. During the eight hours.

I'm sleeping with one eye open.

The first hour I need a perception check from you, Jake.

Inside the boat with locked doors.

is why you're not rolling a reception check. You're inside the boat with locked doors.

The only safe place here.

What was the perception check, Jake? I'm on a different page.

natural

Non-natural 20, you hear a scraping sound from way down the hall.

I said, come in.

You yelled? You yelled on the hall?

until to come in and

The scraping sound stops.

Suddenly here.

uh,

into my weapon.

Your weapon does not change.

And I transform into my Racho Man Randy Savage.

I fucking he-man it up.

It doesn't count?

You don't hear anything.

How long do you wait in the darkness?

I tell everybody to wake up. I sound the alarm.

Everybody wakes up.

What's up? How are you? What's going on here?

I hear night terrors are scratching at the door, scratching on the walls. There's something here.

My god's not answering my calls.

Pretty important.

I use one more casting of shield and now I'm... ah fuck, I'm running so low on spells.

I cast a regular version of Fly.

everybody back to back.

Do a listen.

From perception.

You don't hear anything?

You don't hear anything? You don't hear anything? None of you hear anything?

Well, shit.

Oh shit.

Can I rule on knowledge religion just to figure out when the fuck my sword's not working?

when you say your sword's not working?

Fuck it.

Ooh, I...

Which direction did it come from?

Down the hall.

I cast dancing lights.

Down this way? What's your range?

Give me light. Give me light.

30 feet, 60 feet.

Do I smell anything peculiar, Pat?

120 feet. No.

You have sent.

Does your scent have a range?

It depends on wind.

A windless environment. When the webs are up, there's no real wind.

The creature can detect opponents with 30 feet by sense of smell. If the opponent is upwind, the range is 60, that one drops to 50.

No, you don't smell anything?

I cast Dancing Lights, and the form I choose is going to be four glowing orbs. and I'm just gonna stack them in a line 10 feet apart.

What's the distance away from you?

they can move up to 100 feet around

Looks like I can just control where they go, but they light up a 10-foot radius, and they have to stay within five feet of each other. So they're just going to stand alone. 5 by 5 by 5 by 5? Or actually 10 by 10 by 10.

And how far in front of you?

Can you give me control of them? Because I can move them up to 100 feet, plus 10 feet per caster level.

Except they don't have very big light radius.

I'm going to drink a

They've got a 10-foot radius.

pushing the visibility.

stealthed on the hallway.

plus 20 while moving from invisible networks.

Okay. You're invisible.

I don't have another casting of it. I actually have a scroll of it. So yeah, let's use another casting of it.

Do you mind LinkedIn? Go on.

Are we in this hallway? I thought we were on the boat. Our boat was in there.

You were, but you're hearing the noise coming from down this hallway.

He did. Jake said he heard a noise.

He's making shit up. I got it back.

Okay.

The lights give off a 10-foot radius, not a 5.

I say I went down to the end of the hallway. I don't see anything. Should I keep going?

if you want to.

MindLink asking team.

I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think we should. Especially after last time. Let's not part ways. It's a terrible place.

Wonder if the scraping could be on the underside.

I do a perceptive check and look all around the boat, see if I see anything.

You see nothing.

Head to bed. I don't see anything.

anyone got anything we can cast to defend the ship?

I got a potion of protection evil.

Jake, you were wondering why your sword didn't work. What were you expecting your sword to do?

Let me...

I'll pay lower you money.

What ability does that?

Supernatural Billy.

I think it's actually in my...

Yeah, if that's an ability that was on your sheet, then yeah. I thought that you were trying to communicate with Paylor again.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, that totally works.

Okay, what do you guys do? Went back to bed, went back to bed. Jake, Rich, what are you guys doing?

I take out a scroll of Mage's Faithful Hound.