Transcript
The Cosmic Cloud Monitoring Agency is probably a good place to start.
The what?
the Biasmec Cloud Monitoring Agency.
Where is that?
Probably somewhere in some universe.
I'm just going to be difficult all night.
I would agree.
OK, well, what's your recommendation on finding them?
because I agree with you. I agree that they're probably somewhere in this universe.
do you think that would be more of a wizard thing or a cleric thing like would it
I think that would probably be either. I feel like this would be a coalition sort of thing.
That being said, do you think we're in more danger to go deal with cleric stuff or wizardry stuff? Because these days we're not nearly as evil as we used to be.
We're not as evil as we used to be. I'm not as evil as I once was as a young man.
I don't know how evil you are. I don't think it really matters.
We as a unit.
Oh, I don't think it really matters in this case.
I guess. I don't know. I don't know. Who's got what now?
Who's got a wet nap?
OK, how do you think we should find the Miasme Cloud Monitoring Agency?
Who's got what now?
we should probably get over Squiles kind of nearby, right?
Squirrels is gone, motherfucker.
fly our happy asses. Well, what used to be the changeling territory?
What?
Squiles is gone. It's no more.
Oh my god, hold on.
It's changeling town.
What happened to Squiles?
Chain Slovenia.
It's not like they changed all the signs already. I'm pretty sure it's been like three weeks in game.
Yeah, they did.
Shit, the changelings.
It's like the changeling property. It's like the white hand of Sormon. It's just a blue hand. This is a fucking blue hand print.
Rusty Rake.
Wait, which one?
Which was your character's name?
Rich, what's your character's name?
Rich.
It is the Dread Pirate Bobbert.
And do you prefer to be called the Dread Pirate Bobber?
Call me what you will, good sir.
Or is it just... Okay, Bob, look here.
Yeah.
We need to find an agency, I think.
So you said Squire started to change things?
Indeed, we kind of were involved in sacking that country.
Which city...
Is it like SAC or is it just like the government replaced?
That's the thing. It's the... a little bit of both.
It's pretty much facts, yeah.
A little bit about...
It's what? Sacked? Like there's nothing there? Alright. Okay, alright.
Well, yeah. Anybody that is there, there's a good chance is not what they look here to be.
All right.
Well, I mean, that doesn't really matter as much as them being competent, monitoring people for miasmic clouds, right?
I don't want to get stabbed with that poison. I don't want to get stabbed with that shit.
What poison?
It paralyzes you and it makes you invisible. It's awful.
Wait, why would they? Oh, because they're changing things and they're trying to get your body?
They hide the bodies.
All right, let's avoid that. What are some large mage or cleric organizations around here?
Like, I don't know this world.
Last I was here, we kind of
I don't even know who's a clerical organization.
What's that?
Donnie knows a cleric organization.
Oh yeah, I bet that there's gotta be some seafaring religion that would be able to help us track this down.
What was Donnie's character's name again?
That's a good question.
Has Donnie even... Yeah, where is Donnie?
Where is it going? He's here. Theoretically.
Is he?
His name is Maury.
Wait, but is... Where's Tani? Is he still in game? Wait, no. Nuddy was in game.
Oh, that live version's way fucking better.
What are we doing here, guys?
Ready. I'm waiting, man. Let's do it.
What? What are you waiting for?
Ditto. All parties waitin'.
I was waiting for Danny.
Where the hell is Johnny at? I'm here.
Wait for Donnie and Nutty.
Famous though?
Oh, Nadi's already here, dude.
Just doing.
Donnie, get in here.
I mean, we can start without him. He can join in a second, and we should figure out what we're going to do.
All right, give me...
indecisive.
Damn right.
one second.
or squaw, how do you say it? Squaw?
Jake here.
No, it's how you say Jake Bins.
That's my name. Yeah, that's how you spell it.
That's how you spell it, so your name is Jake?
Yeah, Jake. S-H-Q-U-W.
Beautiful. Jake? Jake, are you from this land?
No, I'm not from this land, no.
Check.
No, I'm not. I came... I was raised a poor, small, red-haired druid boy.
but not from this land.
No way.
Nettie, what was your character's name again?
I'm TickTick, man. I thought you wanted to shake. That's Shahoo Bins.
Don't try to clean it up, dirt.
Wait, what is it?
It's tick-tick. I'm tick-ticking.
Your voice is not coming in.
It's not coming in.
Nutty, your voice is not. Tick-tick? Wait, Nutty is playing tick-tick?
I hear Jake just fine. I hear Nuttie just fine too.
I'm playing Tic-Tic. Me. This guy.
I'm also playing Tic-Tic, his twin brother.
I thought you were playing.
No. They named me.
Are you kidding me?
I am playing Tick, the god of paladins.
My name is TickTick, but reverse. So it's TickTick, not TickTick.
Parts from parts unknown. Tick.
See you.
Say. Introduce me, partner. Come on, sit. Yeah, that's right. Woo! You don't see me! You don't see me!
From Parks? Oh, no.
I take the
Oh, yeah.
Check it.
Too small to hold, too big to fight! What's up?
The cream rises to the top.
Can you hear me?
What's up? I'm playing it.
Are we playing? Are we playing? Jake? Jake? Jake? Are we playing? Are we playing?
last left off.
Digging around, draining some swamps, hanging out in some Asian-ass looking place. What'd you do? Donnie found a portable hole.
Tick found a strange staff. All the water dumped as soon as you found a baby.
Oh, fuck, that's right. We found a goddamn kid.
Peace.
Ah, shit. Is it mine?
I think we've got a baby god on our hands.
Okay, have you guys seen the Gazette?
No.
I still have not read it. We got it right before. I'm sorry.
Can you just read the headline of the Gazette? God damn.
Wait a minute, we got a Gazette?
Yeah, I just posted it.
Man. That should have been the first thing out of everybody's mouth was talking about how good...
It was...
Literally, we're just talking about that the whole time, about the miasma and all that.
Have a break.
I'm going to need it, man. I'm going to wait for the other party while I read this.
Yeah, take your time.
This guy, this guy, somehow he was here but not here at the same time.
We'll get it for Donnie. Let's catch up.
Somebody go get Donnie.
It's not urgent that we get Donnie, right? Unless we're fighting something?
I mean, no, not really. I mean, we can't start like, yeah, this is everybody's time. Like, let's do it. We're supposed to start at 8. Let's fucking do it.
Is he coming tonight?
No, for certain I'm
So who has the baby?
I rolled some stupid check for it, I remember. handle animal or some shit.
There, thing.
Lizanne, do you look more like a moth or a girl?
He's trying to attach to my nipples inside my armor.
You know, basically like a Disney flying butterfly princess sort of thing where it's kind of like a woman who's like beautiful, but they also have wings, except my wings are kind of like moth wings.
All paladins are secretly furries.
Ha.
Would you want to use this as an image?
What Disney princess has a pixie? Like Ferngully shit?
I'm normal size, I'm not tiny, if that's what you're asking.
I was just about to finish. Dang it. Yeah, thank you, Nettie.
Oh, yeah, that's dope. I'll take it.
Who's going to be the one to fill the hole?
Ha.
Oh, you look really sexy when you look at me with your nine eyes.
It's like when we have sex, you're not looking at me with all your eyes.
I'm in rust right now and I'm reading this and the sound of the waves hitting the ocean is ominous as fuck. With closed borders and tight lips, part of the stolen land that once belonged to the proud nation of Squires is silent.
Sounds like we could go loot an empty island full of potatoes.
Ha.
Ha.
wants some potatoes.
I'm laughing at just how mad, how just like crazy they would go if we took their potato sack. Just like it.
Oops.
That's what happens when you only fucking only... Focus production on one thing, man.
Miasmic Cloud, that's right. Fuck that. That's a death cloud. It's a death cloud, by the way.
It's Miasma.
What?!
Oh, man. Dude, the cloud's taking over Beneth, man. I can't have that.
I want to hear...
I want to hear all your commentary. Be as vocal as you want. Read along with the gig.
I don't think shock or schwa is...
Well, the underground bunkers are being constructed because the miasma has a hard time going through fucking ground, which is good. We'll just dig tunnels. This is drow city time. We just get into good with some drow. That's what I'm talking about.
And then what? Never leave, ever.
Yeah, exactly. Like, dude, we're with you. Good call. Shit, it's dark down here.
If anything else is starting to war with the drow, what are you doing in my tunnels?
It's messy out there.
Oh, you guys X-Values well on the ground. I try to take that shit too.
you privileged bastards.
I just imagine the poor bastard you'd say like right when he got out there. He's like, okay, it's messy out there. The government's announcement are being made on how to handle the depending cloud. Different day to day and hour to hour. And you're like, get out, go, stop reading this for the love of Diana. Get safe. And he just like looks up and he's like, oh, Jesus.
laughter Trows his paper.
It's the black sludge. If it touches it will surely kill you. Run to the spirit forest.
Angry God, it wants its head back.
If you move me, I'll die.
Ha.
You're like, you know what? Perfect. I wonder how those ants feel.
This is your headline, Forgotten Town Dies to Miasma.
Jesus, that guy must have just wanted fucking money. He's like, no, I don't know what the fucking name was. He just swallowed up a ghost town. They're like, really, dude? Did any babies die? Any fucking, any noblemen, anything? He's like, nah, just, I saw a ghost town get taken.
Oh, God, Dan, the community and private me has cloud fallout shelters is fucking good. I just scroll down. I zoomed right in on the page immediately because I couldn't read it. And they're like, ventilation, water, and food. Communication's the key.
Ha.
And make sure to always keep a firm hand in a dominant household.
Leaves and pending doom solutions located in Yori, Kaku, and Kingdom of Games.
It's egg time.
In these trying times, it's always egg time.
Ha.
Who left a fucking gaping hole? In the Gazette.
Someone probably knows what happened to him.
the gaping hole. that you all ate on a beach.
Yeah. Yeah, we ate that fucker asshole first.
laughs
Yeah, we ate him, didn't we? We fucking ate that guy.
I appreciate it.
Ha
To prove your loyalty.
Yeah, we had to.
Except Ozone's character.
And I don't think Nutty ate him either.
Checking it out now.
What up?
O'Donnell.
Hey, dude.
Check out the Gazette if you haven't.
I started browsing through it.
I haven't heard it all yet.
Ha. Hell yeah.
Potato people.
You should have called them the spuds.
Ha.
Ah, yeah, Rex Savage. That's right. We ate him.
Okay, see you guys.
Yeah, he did.
I hate that guy.
We ate this.
Oh, for God, we ate him. Wait, no. I don't think I ate him. Who did eat him?
It was so long ago. Yeah, you did. You instigated the fuck out of that whole thing.
Oh, you're right, because if we were humans, we would slide into evil for doing cannibalism. Everybody else was going to be fine, because what are you going to do? Say no?
Yeah, exactly. I'm a fucking cat. I'll eat a person.
That happens in normal circumstances.
It wasn't even just cannibalism. It was also the innocent life of a man that you were
Yeah. I mean, like, we...
Evening.
is definitely not innocent okay anybody that famous is not incident they're innocent
We've read his career. We're pretty sure he was up to no good.
with an innocent, that's for sure.
Okay, well that's not how the story is. Yeah, no shit. I literally remember what happened because we were there and he was like, and I was like, don't worry, we're going to get you out of this.
Oh, my God.
I literally said that.
into our tummies.
Yeah, we did. We didn't say he'd be alive. He's gonna end this pain.
Alright, so I got a fucking baby in my hand?
Eagle, baby.
Jesus Christ. Can I do a nice little religion roll?
Demi got a baby, we're pretty sure.
knowledge religion he said
Escala.
Does this look like any of the gods?
It does not look like any gods. It looks like a tiny baby.
The guys have baby pictures posted up somewhere or something, Jake? You use it for reference?
I mean...
Jake, looks like you're right. That is a baby.
Ha.
I guess
Sir.
I'll see if there's anything around that looks like I can eat.
You see some grass, some lollipads, some koi fish. Also, all the koi fish are now flapping on the ground.
Here's egress.
Oh yeah, because it's on trade.
Oh, they just
Because all the water drained out.
I thought he dumped the water back out into it.
I grab one of the fish and then I shake it in front of the baby.
the baby. Let's see. Roll for baby.
The baby starts giggling.
Okay, good. That's really good. I throw the fish back into the pond. Turn to the nearest water source.
Baby's just crying.
Well, it has feelings. That's good. At least I wasn't like shaking the fucking thing and it was like, this is my spirit fish or some crazy shit. So...
So don't torment the godchild.
Richard, I can't, I don't think I can argue with that point. Duly noted.
I'm just saying, that's going to end up so bad for you.
Think of the temper tantrums.
Jay, could you quit upsetting the godchild, please? I'm like, fucking fine.
Oh, man.
Um,
I give it a nice moss diaper.
And
Making a diaper out of moss? Roll me survival.
terrible. You just rubbed mosses over a naked baby. The baby's now dirty.
clean him off.
And with what? What do you clean them off with? You have some baby wipes. The water's been drained. It's all mushy and gross on the bottom. There's flopping fish all over the place.
God. In the water. Dude, fucking drip dry.
What, like right here?
Yeah, the water's been draining down.
Wait, we have a baby?
You have a baby.
laughter
Pat, I sing nursery lullaby to the baby.
You calm the baby instantly.
polymorph one of the fish into a stuffed koi.
baby starts sleeping.
It now has a stuffed animal toy.
It does not notice your stuffed animal toy as it is currently sleeping, but...
Well, I'll have it for it later.
Yeah, goddamn, Pat. Jesus Christ.
I'm just telling them like it is.
I can't give it a gift immediately, so I'm just going to, what, throw it away?
I mean, feel free to wake the baby up, give him the toy. God damn.
Not a chance.
Somebody think of the children.
I think he's actually going to handle it worse because he's not going to give a fuck about that baby. He only has to give a fuck about one baby.
I think you're going to give a fuck about this baby Jake.
Well, I suppose, but I didn't know he was an evil character. I suppose we'll see where it goes.
Ozone's evil?
I said I didn't know he was an evil character.
In-game, he's a good character. I think he's real good.
He was good.
That's so sick, yeah.
I don't think we got too much to worry about on paper, at least.
On paper...
the fuck am I? Oh, yeah. Okay, I remember.
do you want to do now we go just hop on the boat we got a cool staff
Well, no, there's another tunnel that we can follow.
There's a bunch of other passages. There's three other tunnels.
Yeah, we went through one inside this house and then just got the baby. And...
that was the statue shit. And then my character moved up to this other round circle here where we were going to go in this hole, where I was going to go in this hole.
The one on the bottom or the one up? Oh, okay.
The one right next to my character.
Okay.
Because what happened in that house? There was a statue. That's where the baby came from, right?
I do believe, yeah, there was the two statues holding the pearl and we shrunk the pearl and the egg fell. Yeah.
Out comes God, baby.
So,
So, what do you guys do?
out in this hole.
Before we do that, let me make sure my castings are... I suppose the amount of time that passed would have been like five minutes, so my fly and my armor are still on.
And with that, I'm going to cast Shield and meander on in.
I'm walking about 10 feet behind him.
Inside the tunnel is moist, it's dark, it's damp. It goes forward about 25 feet.
and then merges with another tunnel.
So it goes in about...
Yay.
And you see a tunnel go this direction, this direction.
sense because of the other entrance right here. Okay. Yeah. This goes...
I was totally expecting somebody to finish that drawing off into a dick. I'm so disappointed in all of you.
It's the... Yeah.
Ha.
For some reason, I thought that penis was a double header. I was looking at the opposite side. I was like, all right, yeah, all penises look like that. That one looks exactly like everybody else's penis, right?
Ha.
we need to go down this hole at all, actually.
Well, not with that flashing sign.
You got to get out of the splash zone, dude.
There's danger.
everybody disappeared from me.
It's everywhere.
I think this just leads to A, that other tunnel on the other side, and B, the plunger that we already pulled out when I went fishing with.
Maybe. Let's follow through.
Left or right?
You going?
Wait, right would go out this tunnel?
As you go in, you start. It's very far downhill. Like you're going down
Is there anything?
But if I'm flying,
And then once you get to where you are now, the tunnel is going down.
So once it goes down, this tunnel up here leads up and then above you see what looks to be an opening into a small wash bin inside this house that's been drained.
Thoughts, anybody?
No, it's a wash bin, right? Is there any water in it? Or has the house been dragged?
Halo.
Hello.
Is there any water in the wash bin?
No, it's all been drained and you're in the tunnel that the Watchmen leads to.
I think I'm going for it, Gus.
So what terrible fate befell me?
Coming perception check.
32.
you see an old journal that is at the bottom of the wash bin in the silt below your feet that is so damaged.
An old what?
I'm going to tell him a little book.
Um,
I guess I mage hand pick it up and start mending it.
The only words that you can make out in the areas of the journal is the entry on the page that was kind of pressed up against the cover was most preserved. And it says...
says he is capable of so much touched by the gods. powers beyond those of a mortal man.
Well... Yeah.
I think we're ahead of the curve on this one, guys. This one's telling us that it's a god baby, like we're pretty sure.
So are we going to What are we doing with this baby? Because if it's left in our hands, it's likely to go wrong for the universe.
Yeah, I just say throw it back.
I don't think that's how it works. I don't think you can just throw them back.
Is there like a fire station around here we can leave it at?
That's not how kids work, Nutty.
I don't know how to put that pearl back together. It disappeared.
It's got orphans man
a three-minute god baby. Oh, God. Pfft.
Right? Like, how would you... Number one, what a sitcom. Like, also, like... Don't... We want a god on our side. Isn't this the easiest way to have a god on your side, though?
Everybody, we should grow moustaches.
Raising a baby is not easy, especially a god baby, all right?
Raise him from birth.
Does anybody want to like commune with their God to figure out who's God baby this is?
It is with magic.
You guys just want to wait 20 years until it's grown?
Sounds great, Pat.
No. No.
Is that an option?
It's fine. We've done it before.
Go for it.
Do you guys want to settle down for 20 years and just let this child be raised?
No.
Can we start a farm?
Wait, does that count as a small business?
We did it for three years once, right? Five?
No, I thought it was like a straight 10-year sentence. I thought it was a 10-year sentence.
All right, Pat, we farmed for 20 years.
I think he did it.
No!
It was like eight. It was eight years, I think, because your friend was in jail. So you just waited for him to get out.
10 years sentence.
No, it's because we got paralyzed. They walked in there and fucking petrified us.
We got frozen and some somebody Jeff was in jail.
No, not all of you. Just a couple.
No, Jeff went to the cannibal camp. Jeff was...
Yeah, he made a family.
Oh, you're right.
Damn it.
That shit was awesome.
Ha.
No, it was actually a little fucked up. Nobody saved me. Nobody even broke in and tried to save us out of petrogation. No.
No, you said it was awesome. You said it was awesome.
They just let you rot in jail.
faced with the decision do we want to be parents for 20 years or do we want to move on
Just put it back in the fucking boat and hire a midwife.
It's a god, baby. Maybe it ages really quickly. Let's just deal with it for a minute.
All right, all right.
Yeah, who crafts here? Donnie, don't you craft?
shit
I can add enchantments onto armors and weapons, but that's about as far as my crafting goes.
I was going to say, I was like, you could put like, you could just give me an Iron Man chest with baby's head sticking out of the front.
Alright, I'm going to go down this other hallway that I'm assuming leads us back out.
It does.
And I'm going to approach this other tunnel.
And I'm going to follow suit.
Yep, 10 feet behind.
From the perception, anyone who's in the tunnel
Just in the entryway.
See you soon.
I'm away from
I don't see shit.
Ciao.
Wait, Rich, you rolled 32?
No, I rolled a 15. 32 is when I found the book.
and you don't see...
I rolled a non-natural 20.
I don't see shit.
You don't see shit.
Well, there's obviously nothing around here to see, so let's just move on.
into the tunnel.
Hitting the tunnel at dead ends. Nothing to see here.
I disbelieve that fucking wall.
Ha.
what would i roll on that spell for real safe
It will save.
Man, they really need to start fucking putting the alarm on in this goddamn
Not 20, 34.
So I just walk into the wall so confidently.
You disbelieve it and it, yeah, it exists.
I don't believe this at all.
The wall exists.
I don't believe it.
as far as your Okay.
Take 20 and search the place.
Ha.
There's really just...
You don't find anything.
It's very much.
There's a baby-shaped keyhole somewhere around here.
Shavey shave keyholes.
Bring the baby in here.
That counts as a second perception check, so you still use your check.
the second perception, so.
Who's a mawachikol?
You're taking 20. You get a 20.
Taking 20. 20.
Hello? I'm,
He's got the echo.
Got an echo.
Jake's got that echo.
Echo.
scout that up.
Jake.
Ha.
He's gone forever.
Very good.
Anyway, just because you want to find something, you ruled poorly in the same space, you cannot do a secondary perception check just because you want to.
We took 20 minutes to still fuck up.
The tracker thing is not working.
I cast Detect Secret Doors.
Oh.
you don't find any secret doors.
When this place is tap, fuck it.
Bring the baby in here.
Baby's in the cave.
You bring the baby in the cave.
underneath the silt below your feet a small necklace starts almost magnetically sifting its way upwards through the silt and floating towards the baby It is glowing.
Ooh, is there a pendant on that necklace?
do I recognize it with a 29 on a religion role?
The pendant is just a blank piece of metal. There is nothing on it. It is like a... just a...
Oh man, it's a new God.
You said you're floating. It's floating towards the baby.
I let it do its thing.
clasps itself around the baby's neck. There's a blank Pendant.
Okay.
When you say blank pendant, it's made of metal, right?
made of metal on a necklace, but there's nothing on it.
Just a little slot of metal.
It is flat on each side, circular shaped.
I think this means he either gets to be a new god or whichever god finds him first and dibs him.
That's what I'm doing.
Yeah, I'm going to roll Knowledge Religion on how gods get their simps.
I know anything about God and baby God that clearly hinders the baby's powers.
The knowledge of this sort of question is it kind of goes into like you don't know how exactly it happens and probably differs from God to God. But what you've read is all the things that you know about. you know that God's what they're, they stand for, what they've done, what they're,
what they surround themselves with, what kind of God they are, is usually denoted on their whole assembly. So it would go to reason that a God that has no experience wouldn't have anything to put on one.
We are crafting a new chaos god, guys.
The god of piracy.
Interesting.
I'm just saying like this could be We get to have our own.
Yeah, this is legit. Yeah.
Because
We can literally make... Yeah, we could literally... Yeah.
always really hesitant to involve a god unless we're like about to die on the basis that we usually piss them off in one way or another and they have limitless power that we're gonna get ourselves fucked if we do that so let's totally just start a new religion
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Let's just start a new religion and praise be our religion. We'll enforce it on the world.
Ha.
Good or bad.
Piracy. Pirate gods. Chaos pirates, guys.
I feel attacked.
the god of all that is dope and ill.
Maybe this God is to be the future God that handles the miasma problem.
shit well we would need to act naturally a lot nicer and more benevolent if we want that to happen it does it does mention that it like is affected by the surrounding things and people and stuff
Yeah, I mean...
Yeah, I mean, also, like, we should go just try to learn more about how we... About gods. How fast they grow or whatever.
And child rearing.
Yeah, there's no way.
Raising the kid's easy. We've done it millions and millions of years.
That's what you guys do.
Way this enormous moment and how we're gonna fuck it up
No shit.
I sneaky bite the kid.
While you guys wave that moment.
And it's not a poop.
Just got to take it out.
What do we want to do? No, Nutty. There are repercussions to shit like that. We don't even know if that's on the table.
That's a good way to know if he's a god.
Yeah, we're not going to eat the baby, you sick bastards.
I wasn't going to eat the baby.
You were going to eat the baby, Nutty. We know.
I'll sneak a claw, all right? Jesus.
No. What are we doing, team?
Yeah, you can't...
Guys, have you guys ever eaten a god before? We get his powers if we eat him. That's like fucking Gods 101.
No, you obviously have to go with the sneaky bait.
I don't think so.
I think that's like shamanism 101, maybe. And that's a big maybe.
well we keep in hiding we can't let anybody know about it numero uno numero dos
You got a fucking... Jesus Christ.
Just get info on it.
How about we start by figuring out where the fuck we are?
found that out.
Or we just scour this area to figure out what god it is.
We're somewhere in cancer, right?
I don't know. I don't actually know.
That's the thing, it's a new god. I don't think there's a pre-existing ruling on this.
I know, but if we search this whole area while it's defloated, we'll find some stuff.
Does anyone roll any? Sweet rolls to see what this baby is.
Wrong way.
what that pendant is or what the pendant is or what you know about any of that whole experience
Roll to see what the baby is.
I can check the pendant, sure. I checked the pendant for religious symbols.
I'm pretty sure it denotes that it's a blank god baby, though.
Natural 20 on that pendant.
He had to go do something. Oh, Jesus.
All right, well, this should be good.
Well, he went away, so when he gets back, we'll have some sweet-ass answers.
All right. I would like... I don't know, a team consensus on how we're going to approach this. Nobody doing nothing crazy and drastic right off the bat.
Of course not. Well, I mean, if we were, we could just kill this baby. Just end it.
I don't think it's on...
I mean, that's crazy and drastic. I mean, that's the only thing I can see that's crazy.
This is...
And I'm saying like that it's not off the table that somebody would try that in a drastic moment. So let's,
I say we sell it.
He's just an imaginary baby.
Not much of a market for babies.
And that's the thing is if there is a market for it,
There's so many evil cults out there that want evil god babies.
know there's a market for it. Stop it. Let's not be fucking children here. There's a market for that.
No, there would definitely be a market for it. There would be a market for it, but you know that the very next quest would be some dude eating the god baby soul, becoming a demon, and that's the lich.
Exactly. And that's how you get liches. Do you want liches? Because that's how you get liches.
Like, let's not...
Do you want, Letch's?
I already created a lich. We all helped.
I know. Let's not add more.
So we don't sell it to the highest bidder. We just sell it for the minute...
I want to make a new God and then switch allegiance to it.
Shit, dude, if I get to level 20, I can take a feat that I literally live forever. I'm okay. I don't need no fucking jar for my soul. Let's just go get to level 20 and not die on the way.
I mean, you live forever. You're immortal. You're not... and vulnerable.
I get that. But again, you got to sneak up on me and I'll just teleport away.
I mean, I could just get bit by a vampire at level one and be And be good.
Oh, dog, let's do that. Let's all be vampires.
I'm down.
No.
All right, so what do you guys do?
accidentally teleport ourselves to the plane of solar bullshit.
Mm-hmm. Yes.
I rolled a natural 20 on inspecting that necklace for religious symbology.
35, motherfucker.
Symbolism.
Shimmism. Kind of symbolic, you know?
Yeah, what kind of symbology is that, you know?
Love that movie.
Religious symbolism.
No, you're right. It's symbology.
That's the thing, if it's straight up a religion on it, yeah, I think it counts as symbology.
No, it is. It's just Spoon Dog Saints ruined that word for me.
Definitionally.
Me too.
Okay, so you're looking for the symbology on the necklace. Natural 20. It is the lack of a holy symbol. Like, it bears all likeness to any other symbol that someone would be presenting, you know. It's just the, I'm saying it is.
Are you saying it's not religious? Okay.
It is completely religious, but also undeveloped.
So yeah, like, we can craft a religion here, guys, if we don't fuck it up. Well, we're raising a god.
Wait, what does that mean?
That means that this is a God baby with a blank slate. This is a,
First of all, I have no idea what you guys are talking about in Turner Crafting Religion.
This is a blank slate of a religion right now. This is a god that...
What does that even mean? What is the blank state of the world?
Or not just a religion, but a god. This is just...
Okay, you know how religions get started when somebody comes up with an idea and they put it into a fucking book and then that book dictates a religion?
Yeah, but isn't literally everything that
Yeah, no, but this is actually real. Like this baby has actual power.
Yeah, but the very literal form of it.
What's the indication that it has power?
I don't know, it was born from a fucking pearl and a necklace floated out to it from nowhere.
Well, that doesn't mean it has power. It means that I'll power it in a Perl.
The whole coming out of a curl thing.
You rolled the 20, you tell me.
I mean, yeah, it seems religious, but undeveloped.
Yeah, that's
So let's develop it.
I don't know what that means.
Can we keep this baby alive for
Yes, you do. I don't believe you.
You mean like investigate the origin of this baby?
No, I mean like raise this baby into a fucking God and then have it. Yeah, exactly.
As our pirate homie.
I still don't know if the... Pat, can I do detect magic on the baby? I do detect magic on the baby.
Baby is overflowing with an insane amount of magic. Like, your scouter explodes off the side of your head.
OK, this baby is a mini guide.
It's a god.
Over 5,000.
Well, this is a very divine baby, I can tell you that.
Is there a patron god of the neutral pirate? I'm just saying it would fit our bill.
What are you trying to do with this baby right now?
Raising this guy.
Hehehehe.
raising this baby.
And then now what do we do?
off on more grand adventures and hopefully not die.
So what do you guys do?
Yeah, fucking...
If we can find a way to restore either of these books...
I keep looking around. Even Superman had a cape.
I pull out both of the waterlogged books that got mended. Magically, we could restore these and figure this out, but I don't have the spells.
So do you know of anything, any particular spells that can fix this?
Not really. Mine's more healing and warding than making things. I used to. I used to be able to mend anything.
Ozon, you got any spells? So we've got two books that we found in the water, both of which we can kind of discern what they are, but not really. One of them talks about the baby. One of them's like the monk book.
What are you trying to fix?
If we can restore these books, we might be able to figure out the plot line.
How badly damaged are they?
Well, they got mended, so you could only read certain bits and pieces, and one of them, only one page that talks about the baby being, like, so full of power and... Yeah.
Do we want to follow those clues? Do we want to say fuck it?
Let's time.
Do we want to investigate this area more? What is your preferred route of action, sir?
I'll fire your lead.
But I'm so aimless. Please help.
wander away man Fala.
All right, what are we doing, team?
two ambiguous votes for wander away.
I didn't say wander away. I said, I'll follow you if you wander away.
I come out of the tunnel and start looking where the... I almost said Macedon, but what the fuck is this? Edelon? Edelion? What are they called? Eat along.
What?
What happens if we bring the baby in that blue room? Is it kind of
I'm just walking around with a baby right now. I'm looking for it to see if it had any blankets or any other trinkets that it used to. Or that it was getting prepared for, like the Dalai Lama and shit. This is obviously a ritualistic town where this was supposed to happen.
You do not see any other trinkets.
Oh.
I fly up to the ship and ask the spider to weave a... Like a baby carrier, backpack style.
Yeah, good call.
Sacagawea style.
Nice. You have a baby back and back there.
All right. Who wants to carry the baby?
I'm frontline.
Don't all fight over that responsibility at once.
Yeah, I'm frontline, so I mean like,
Probably carry the baby because I do fly and cast things.
You fly around a lot. Yeah, mirror image. Baby's on you, Rich.
Baby's on me.
It's got to be. a way I can like have a shield spell cast onto this.
protection from evil permanently put on it
I think I could do it. I could probably do that. I might be able to cast Protection of Evil for a couple of days.
I do actually have like imbue armor spells so maybe I can make this a really sweet baby backpack
Yeah, you better, Pat, you better make a baby sheet. Get some baby saves on that.
Anyone got any anti-scrine? Because that's what's on the baby first.
I will make a baby sheet.
Also, I'd like to mandate a rule where we always park the ship at least 30 feet up so time wizards can't fucking climb onto it.
I need to buy.
what do I know about that baby?
Yeah. Yeah. Let's do that. Yeah, that's a thing now. Park at 30 feet up. We'll use ropes if we really fucking need.
Well, shit.
Give us the crystal. We're extrademental beings. Why don't you go get it? I can't.
I need to go find like an ion stone.
We forgot rope. Time rope. Special... Ha.
From the future, it's special rope that... We can't. Could you just come down here, please? It's super rude. In the future, this is super rude.
I was very frowned upon.
Did you bring the time disks? I didn't bring the fucking time disks. We couldn't fucking get up there. I thought you brought them.
The blocks we stand on to get to high places. You call us Tom Discs?
He's floating up there. You didn't bring the fucking time disks? I didn't fucking know we were gonna use the fucking time disks. I didn't bring the fucking elemental ship. What the fuck is that?
Fuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuffuff
same fucking dudes. It's the same fucking car. I fucking knew it.
laughter
the plates in that fucking thing.
Okay, yeah, we're at the dispatch. They told the same buckers.
Hehehehe.
So, what are you guys doing? You're in the middle of a tranquil, peaceful place. You find a baby. Baby is some sort of whatever you... You have no idea what this baby is or what it's capable of. I'm needing magical power up the yin-yang. The boat is floating, not 30 feet up above the ground, but will be from now on. What are you doing?
I get in the boat.
I guess we're getting in the boat.
Oh shit.
Oh, dude. Okay, does...
So this is just where we appeared on the material plane, right? So we think? It just randomly appeared here.
This is the story arc that Pat decided to give us and that we're kind of squandering.
Okay, cool.
So we're just getting back on the boat and taking off? Like, is that...
I don't know. I just don't feel safe on the ground is the thing.
Hold on, hold on, give me a second. I don't feel safe on the game.
That's the current problem is that
It's just, I don't want to get eaten by time and space.
Johnny, Romy, well said.
Ha.
Mm-hmm.
Damn, religions. We've got to make our own to destroy theirs.
Yeah, that's exactly how you do it.
26.
We'll save.
So, OK, two things, Pat. Does our ship make noise when it's starting to fly, like a helicopter? Like when the Earth Elemental circles it, it's like, whoop. Or is it like electric car?
Yeah, it screams.
It just sounds like when Like a windstorm.
James and Elemental.
But to Donnie, it screams in horrible torment at anyone else who speaks for him.
and understands it.
Ha. Speak all the languages, basically.
Do you understand the languages?
damn near. I have a huge list. It's just rough.
If Orin is on the list, then you as well, but I did not, you didn't say that you spoke that.
But I mean, yeah, I mean, you shouldn't have a huge you shouldn't have a huge list. You should only know like maybe max like seven.
Actually, I don't know about Auron.
I have plus nine to my intelligence. You get to pick one for each intelligence point.
Yeah, you can...
Well, then put them on the sheet, man.
Yeah, what do you got?
I do have my list written down, but I've got... I don't have Orin written down.
and you don't have it.
So I don't have it. All right.
everything except that
But I do have room for four more languages.
Maybe learn that.
are the kind of things that you need to pick before you need them. It's not like you can just have four blank languages.
Yes, I'm not applying it for now, but I'm going to. Yes. I'm not applying it for now.
Yeah, I got six. I know six languages and four floating ones for, you know, when I need to.
Wow, that's crazy.
And someone says,
That's not how this works.
I'm not applying it for now. I'm saying like, I just keep forgetting that. That is like the least important thing in level ups, adding another language.
Dude, I'm happy to do anything when I level up my character. I'm fucking skate by on this whole shit all the time. Anything I can fucking...
I forget.
There's probably like two or three things that I just never added on because they were minor and I totally forgot about it.
Maddening.
Did anything happen to that old ghost who was playing his fucking didgeridoo?
You guys kind of left him didgeridooing inside the little template.
I go back to the template and I try to talk to
You walk inside and you don't see any ghosts or anything. And you realize... You haven't heard any music in the past couple minutes.
Since
the time the necklace went around the baby's neck if you think about it actually
Maybe that was like a soothing tone that kept it like neutral.
Kept the baby sleeping.
I go around and look for that old man's little didgeridoo.
I'm going to do an intelligence check to try and remember the song. 27?
From a perception.
Have the song memorized. Jake, you find that.
Hmm.
Well.
I mean...
No.
I can...
Detect desires. on said Bebe.
Here we have a D&D god, Bebe. What's the Bebe?
He's gonna have just some basic ass baby desires, man.
You can detect desires. Zedduit says this spell functions like detect thoughts except you sense significant desires of a creature with an intelligence score 1 or higher, regardless of whether they're conscious or not.
All right. Well... You're getting an intense desire to shit. to eat
Consume the souls of the damned.
I guess.
Rich, what's your religion and alignment?
I am chaotic neutral, and I, my god is the sea. Yar.
Yeah, you get a slight desire to roam out of the baby and explore. That's about it.
to adventure.
What are you guys doing?
Shall we roam?
I defile these stones.
Hey Donnie, you there? Do you happen to know the Miasma Mod Training Society?
How do you defile them?
Kick it in the face.
Do I know them?
or anyone who would know them do you know this world are you from this world
I am from this world.
You know any people high up?
You don't find anything inside them, Jake.
Not really.
Do you know anyone who would?
I mean, the miasma... the article say that was taking place? Hawthorne...
squiles and
I fly up to the ship.
somewhere else.
I don't feel safe out here.
Why do you not feel safe out here?
because rolls happened.
I run up and give this one a flying kick.
Just
Fucking Lariat.
Nothing.
What do they call that when you kick with both feet? It's not a drop kick.
They call that badass.
Badass. I call that shit badass.
laughter
What's the plan, Joe?
God, because that's the...
you'd probably fucking kill somebody
We didn't even go. There's a path down here we didn't even go down. Across the bridge.
Dude, you'd probably restart their heart, dude. That shit would be fucked up. Dude, you'd be putting like 400 pounds of kick force on somebody's fucking chest.
Had I walked down this path.
Walk down this path now.
I just loosely keep an eye on Donovan as he does that.
Okay, you walk down the path. It's very calm and tranquil. You keep going.
When you get down to about here,
You see the path continues this way and keeps winding down through the forest.
Looks like a long ways I'm assuming?
It does.
You guys want to check out this? Trail?
Not when leaving the time crystal undefended.
Ha
It's 30 feet up in the air, though.
We're back on the material plane, dude. Who cares?
Donny, good. Donnie, get your ass in the ship. Fly it up.
Okay, we're back on the material plane.
take the time crystal out.
I care.
You're the one that made it powered by time crystals again.
Me. Yes.
Because if we come back to it and there's no time crystal, I'm going to wish your character never existed.
And he might be able to trade that wish with a god or something and make it happen. So watch yourself.
Jake Diller's like playing with God, baby.
I just wish it. I'd be like, yeah, Donovan never existed.
You guys just want to run forever? I think they'll just come and take the time crystal and leave again. Like...
racial.
That would be wasting a wish, and that would make me even angrier than I already am.
Why would you wish for it? If that's what you thought.
I didn't know that. I didn't think that at the time.
Yeah, well, I'm sure Hitler wasn't 100% either, but he was still doing some stupid stuff.
So we basically got like a wish when we traded away the time crystal in the first place, and that wish got kind of like poofed.
But that dude was making moves.
Yeah, Donnie, don't.
It would have been the same outcome as if I had just wished for us to be here. You know what I'm saying?
That's more Hitler talk, man. Don't be compared to that guy. It's just bad news.
It would have been the same thing.
I'm just saying.
Except for maybe we wouldn't have come here, right? Right?
I like the shapes that you make, Pat.
Oh, thanks. This is a dude in a Devo hat.
Yeah, it looks like a Mountie.
I'm sorry.
Whip it good!
So y'all coming?
You're the one that can fly the ship with your thoughts. Bring us towards you.
Can't he just like fly the ship over there?
If you put the pieces together,
Can I fly the ship from off the ship?
You say the magic.
I said, can I fly the ship while I'm not on the ship?
You guys are like linked.
Have you tried?
to tell the elemental to come this direction.
and the elemental obeys your command.
Oh, shit. Remote control.
And it whips the ship around. And fucking comes towards you.
It does look, Donovan, like you're just going to walk down a fourth road while we are just following you on the boat 30 feet up.
And it is screaming in horrible pain.
A pretty little walk in the forest.
I'll continue down this forest path.
Like a goddamn pet fucking airship, what the fuck?
I'll follow Donnie.
OK, everything this path is just a It's a forest road. It turns into a road, and... You follow it for how long?
um,
Until you think of a cool encounter.
Okay, like, so you'll follow it for up to, how long is an hour, guys? You're going to follow it, if this path leads you an hour, would you follow it? Would you follow it for five minutes and turn back? Would you follow it all day? How long do you follow it?
I'm thinking like
After an hour, we'll start heckling Donovan to get in the boat so we can just, like, make the trip quickly. So...
Okay, so you guys are walking on the road for about an hour. Okay. Without much fuss. Cool. That's all I needed to know. Okay, so after about 45 minutes of walking...
that's fine. I don't know that one.
And the path when you first began was really rough. Hewn pieces of rocks and stones and logs here and there. Eventually became very narrow and the old, it was very overgrown no matter what. all the areas were very grassy and like lush but a lot of trees weren't in the way and then as the path began to narrow and narrow and narrow you eventually just felt like you're walking in the woods in an area that looks like it used to be clear but you're walking along a sapling path where like the trees are younger and you can just tell that this is an old as fuck road that is overgrown and then eventually you come to a clearing and after you almost kind of get lost as to what's road and what's not road and eventually the clearing becomes it's it intersects with a maintained road and you kind of exit through the forest that because the road was so difficult to like see in comparison to like the main road it's just so old and now you are perpendicular with a larger road that's very wide and looks to support ample traffic of carriages even though right now there is no traffic of carriages One path goes north, one path goes south.
And it just looks like path down either direction. Just looking down both ways.
Yeah.
What do you guys think?
and still want to just take off.
I'd say hop in the ship so we can take it really high up and see which direction has a city off in the distance.
Or what's going on in the world. See if we can see the miasma from here. Or the fogs. I say we check out the world since we've been gone. Because stuff's gone to shit.
We could literally just start the flying that direction. It's kind of intriguing.
The miasma? Which direction do you want to head? Because it seems like it's pretty large.
We put the Luxadon in the crow's nest.
He's up in the crow's nest.
So do you fly, which way do you fly?
Real Gazette.
on Reddit.
pretty much everywhere.
Yeah. No, there you have. There's...
From the shores of Swain and Suent.
Yeah, it's around the Isles of Death right now. And is the Isles of Death a new... Pat, did you make a new map?
That's been there.
Yeah?
Yeah, the Hiles of Death have been there for a minute.
We've been there.
I know, but I didn't know it was on the phone.
In fact, I'm pretty sure we gave it a wide berth because we were like, oh, fuck, no.
I update the map.
Yeah, that was the place that had that giant magical bubble around it.
Yeah, I know, but I've never seen it on the map
Wait, the one that we died in years ago?
It's always been there.
Who died in what?
Well, I suppose the characters didn't die, but like the campaign was, or those characters were abandoned. Ignore me. I'm thinking of a different thing.
There's been a few times that characters were left to their fates in some fucking dungeon.
Dude, last year when that crackle was just splitting the earth in two and shit was coming out of whatever portholes, it was fucking nuts. That shit was awesome. They had to break the dams and livy all the ships. That shit was crazy.
Oh, that's what that got me thinking of. So, okay, well, we got... We can either go... His baby's going to be with us regardless, so, I mean, no matter what, we're going to run into somebody and ask him questions. So that's... We can throw that quest to, like, a little back pocket, and that can be ongoing. We can try to go find it... We can try to go find a dragon right now. Or...
Pretty sure Pat just threw COVID-19 at us in game.
No, I'm... Have you never played Final Fantasy IX? Like, that's...
more than that.
That's what it's all about.
We can fly up and see what we can see. It's pretty much everywhere.
gone through hawkthorn
It's all...
I thought we were in gay theater.
I think we are currently.
And it's on the east of Beneth.
Yeah, exactly.
So assuming that this map is representative of the globe, we just have got to head Southwest for a little while. We're actually, right?
It's a covering. How low is the fog flying?
You don't know. It's a good question for people who fly through the air a lot.
Mm-hmm.
We don't want to go that direction, though. We don't want to go west. We could run right into it.
I'd say we do so we can check it out. Yeah, so we'll see how thick it is.
So if it does cover the whole world, we got to know if we could either fly up or go down. And apparently it's not having any problems going underground. So we need to fart. We need to start finding cities and people in the Outlands who've already dealt with the problem.
Okay. All right.
So they've already started building tunnels, obviously.
Yeah.
Not to mention, if we fly up and fly towards it, we'll know where it's coming from.
It's like,
We can track it.
early times of Fallout.
That's fine. I still don't know where you guys went ahead.
Um...
When you're up in the air in this area, getting a better view down below, You see there is a river and the next river you see a large keep and you see a glowing light at the top of the keep. And this looks to be, now that you have vantage point over the area, a number of miles north up the road.
the Keeper
Of course. We're not. We're here.
I'm going to knowledge geography this shit, see if we can't figure out where we actually are on the map. 23.
23. You do recognize this area as in Gaethere. You are not entirely sure what country, just based on what you've seen based on the lay of the land. The river that you've been able to spot could be a number of rivers. There's so many and you haven't seen any identifiable geography.
Could be...
could be, or could be the, what is it? So the Hita, the Batsu. Okay, yeah, there's a series of rumors that could be. You hurt me, bitch.
What'd you call me?
But a keep farther north down the river, that would mean one of maybe Mon or Kena or Orv. So let's just keep heading north, I guess.
Or do you guys want to investigate that keep? Does that seem like something we should do?
Well, it's a keep. I mean, yeah.
Why not?
I'm asking.
We just found a god baby here. Maybe they know something about it. Or do we not want to let people know we have it?
We should probably not let people know we have it.
we could ask questions about a potential we should maybe ask people about
Keeping the baby on the DL.
Let's not ask any apparent we have a god baby questions.
Yeah.
I hate this.
Outside of that, let's certainly investigate. But yeah, let's not be too explicit with people just because, you know, we're starting to get a lot of high value items on our person pretty regularly, like a god and an apocalypse box and a time crystal. Like, we are just rife for getting mugged.
Yo, what you got in this box? Do not open the box. Do not. Do not open the box.
I don't know.
laughs
Yeah. No, dude. I don't know if you want... I'm telling you this for your own good, man. Do not open that fucking box.
Where's your wallet at?
Thank you. I'm opening the box.
What's in the box?
and you pull his wallet out of the box.
That was a stupid wish, dog.
You're telling me I could have pulled anything out of this box? Anything. You chose my wallet. It was literally in my pocket, but you just reached in the box for it instead. Good thing you rolled that 50% or else demons would have come out.
And I'm broke, motherfucker.
Yeah.
You didn't even specify my wallet full.
Shut up, fool! Shut up fool, you're trying to trick me! I know you just keep your wallet in this box!
Now it's yours.
Just imagine you opening the box and you just like sitting there cringing going, like looking at it. Oh, fuck.
Also, give me my wallet back.
As you approach the keep, You see, it looks like there's a ceremony going on out front, and there seems to be white, bright horses, some holy figures, some holy sentinel-type figures. You can see, as you look down, you see flags and flag bearers. It looks like one person is at the center of attention. He's kneeling down, and there seems to be a couple figures.
We should not be here.
in front of him and this is all in front of the keep. You hear trumpets and things like that and there are other people like a small crowd around. As you approach, you can see behind the keep a couple miles up, even further north, there is a town.
What are you doing?
All right, so maybe a king being named or ceremony kind of thing?
Somebody's getting knighted.
Let's approach the ceremony?
quietly in our storming flying ship.
Okay, Jesus.
We sneak up on him in our storm ship.
Ha.
Okay, so do you?
I mean, I'd probably get off this ship to check it out. Well, we're really high up, right?
Yeah. I mean, how high up are you guys flying?
Yeah, let's stash the fucking ship in the clouds.
Yeah, but how am I going to get down?
Rich is like, I didn't think of you peasants.
Here's the thing. I can absolutely keep a couple things of Dimension Door and a couple teleports on, as well as like a feather fall and a fly. So we do have options. Wait, didn't you just get a thing so you have wings?
I love that.
What's our...
Didn't you just get something that allows you to like have wings?
or somebody else?
I have the bat of the amulet or the amulet of the bat.
So, shit, everybody but Donnie's covered.
fly.
I give you a potion of fly. I'm going to go scratch it off. You keep that in your pocket and don't fucking lose it. That's it.
Yeah, that's Justin Casey's, man. Richard, how much... That's if you fall.
That's...
Like, that is your I need to get out of here and time cops are here.
laughs
That's a new fall.
I only have scrolls that fly Donovan. Nevermind.
I'm sorry.
I give you a motion of Featherfall though.
We're going to have to park the boat somewhere.
I give you a
Well, Richard has a dimensional door. Isn't that four people?
Here's the crazy idea. Donnie, you control your mind. Just go down there. We all get off. You send it back up.
Not with his mind, it's with his voice.
You were the only person who could literally summon the boat. So yeah, you should leave it parked. in the sky. If you need a quick getaway, summon it. We should figure out what the range is on that.
And we don't know that.
Let's leave it in the clouds and everybody fly down and I can fly Donovan down and see if he can summon it down from like in the clouds.
No, just go down. We all get off. We all get off the boat, down on the floor, and then Donnie just sends it up every five feet. They're like, all right.
Yeah, we need to test your range on that. What's your Bluetooth on summoning your ship?
Yeah, just tell DiValli to go park it.
out of sight cruise down get off the ship And I send the ship back up in the air.
Out of sight, how far away? As you get closer you see that there are pews outside of polished varnished wood that people are sitting on and setting up. You see that
Seats are filling this crowd. You see a mix of knights, priests, nobles, and dignitaries. They all seem socially significant.
Oh, I mean, probably like a mile away.
I mean, if you're...
And give me a second. I might have a spell for this.
If you're going to a huge event with all dignitaries and nobles, you want to go in there with a fancy ride, you got to show that shit off. You can't walk in there with peasants.
No, he's true. He speaks the true. You don't walk up to the fucking party.
We're doing everything wrong here.
Alright fine, we'll fly up to the party.
I roll by there, blow all the hats off of everybody.
That's what we do.
You sure?
You gonna follow that advice?
Let's not do this.
God damn. Fuck you, Pat. I'm gonna make everybody so goddamn anxious. For no fucking reason.
laughter
Like, fuck, am I sure? I don't fucking know.
I was until you fucking said it.
Exactly.
So you roll right up to it.
As you're rolling up to it, you get a better view. This temple is like a grand temple. It's magnificent. You see it looks like the outer area is opened up. Once you can look down,
Okay, so...
You see the opening of the top of the temple. You can look down and inside as if the top area is exposed and you can look down into the courtyard. You see what looks to be curved timber beams thick with detailed carvings, leafy furls, symmetrical clubs. You see tiers of amber glowing candles. I mean, it's daylight right now, but there's tons of huge giant candles around. You see stained glass windows depicting what looks to be major accomplishments in someone's life, because you see the same figure in the stained glass. And then that's what you see as you roll up. Yeah.
I,
Roll that religion and check out what flags are rocking.
Oh, shit. Once I get another spell, permanent image is happening.
permanent illusion spell that I could just like put a cloud on the bottom of our ship.
Fuck yeah.
Sorry about that.
You see a holy symbols of... Surren Ray.
Surren Ray.
But you also see, what looks to be like
different insignias besides like that's it doesn't seem like this is a church you just see some of that symbol like symbology
That's fine.
I welcome these dudes with open arms.
So when you guys arrive,
And now I come to you.
there seems there's two people wearing robes and then they kind of approach and you turn heads. Everyone turns to see who the fuck just arrived on like this kind of spooky looking dark storming ship.
And you see two guys with robes approach you, and they are waiting by the side of the ship, sort of like in hesitation and anticipation, not quite knowing how to address or greet you or who the fuck you are or if you're important or not. You kind of see that look like they're just waiting for your move. and everyone else is kind of watching and then they still look like they're prepping for the event but at the same time no one can ignore your presence
I go inside
I go inside and cast non-detection on the baby. And then go back outside. I just don't...
How long does that last?
Look.
One hour per level, so 11 hours.
So you just...
And I will scratch off the 50 GP of diamond dust.
All right, great.
That was a fucking costly spell for a third level. Fuck.
What does everyone else do?
I'll take some rope and I throw it over the edge.
You like belay down?
And what do you look like? What are you dressed like? Just in your armor?
They Immediate look down. They see the holy symbol of Ypailo, right?
So Renre.
Saran Ray? You don't have a holy symbol of Saran Ray.
No, I do not. Well, that's the one I basically talked to.
Right, but they look down at your armor, and your armor, if it's the same armor that you got from your encounter with a god,
the same thing as my own.
They comment on it.
I mean, I was saying Paylord, but when we went over stuff with the... last week because Home Dude has this, you know, because I don't think we should just do Old Gods in here anyway. It kind of does fuck it up. I just said Palor again. He was the sun god. And then I just literally typed in sun god. And that's Serenrae.
Unless you want me to just stick with Paylor. And Paylor is still alive and well.
I mean, Paylor is... Just because you don't want there to be old gods, they're still in... their old gods are around. They still hold power. Just not as much.
OK, good then. Then perfect. Then totally Paylor all the way.
He looks down and he sees the symbol of Pelor in your armor and looks at it quizzically for a moment and then looks up at you and says, welcome. Welcome to the ceremony. Who and how many?
I just do finger count, the restaurant finger count.
I go five.
Great. That's perfect. And who are you representing?
And a high chair.
Stay down the ship.
We were representing Haylors.
look at each other and then roll me a
And the church from a far off land in these horrible dragging times of the miasma.
They say, yes, of course, of course, of course. And then they go and they... and they begin to seat you.
and i said i lean over to one of them i put my hand on their shoulder and i said i said who's getting anointed again
Oh yes. It is, and they say, Sir Holton Albright, the Fiend Slayer.
Holton Albright, thank you. Sorry, I'm just horrible with names.
Yes, no worries, no problem.
Yes, we are so excited for him to be the one trusted with the demon scope. And then he turns and walks away.
It's a much honor, praise be.
He nods at you.
demon what
He's got a demon scope.
He's got a fucking cryptic times six on him.
That's a dope rap name.
That's a sick-ass rap name. Or a name for a cat.
Oh yeah, that's their whole Albright the Fiend Slayer.
Fuck it. Like, oh, he's so cute. What's his name? That's Sir Holton Albright, the fiend slayer. He's a little piece of shit.
Titles.
Yes, he was knighted by my aunt.
Heh.
he is part of this noble house.
He's a purebred. There's no fucking purebred guys.
A long line of gleaming armored knights trail through the cloisters and towering doorways of the temple. They move slowly but with excitement and determination. And you see robed acolytes like ushering people into rows and rows and the continuous. And as the seats finally fill, you see that it's a mix of knights and priests and everyone else. And you guys are sitting kind of in the back. And you kind of are looking into the temple as the seating is like outside and inside. There's just too many people for them to support. So they're bringing out extra seating. So you're still outside, but you're looking into the temple from here. Other more important guests, religious officials, and local heroes are seating closer to the front. So already you kind of feel that it's... You don't feel as important as those guys because you're sitting in the way fucking back and you can definitely tell.
You put us in the nosebleeds? Bro. Yeah, hell yeah.
Do you yell that?
Roll me a...
Charisma check?
Hell yeah.
Try for a diplomacy.
two knights approach you aggressively as you were just disrespected they're basically their brother their brethren's knighting and ceremony like ceremony that's super important to them and they approach you and they grab you and they drag you out of the entire hearing i need cm what's your cmd
Ha.
Oh, no. The classic trap. You're going to get put in a box. Watch out.
That's why CMD is 26.
grab the stat block I didn't think I needed so give me a second
Damn.
You fool. Think we wouldn't pick a fight with somebody who
exists.
Not even a fight. I just told him you put us in the nosebleeds. And he's like, oh, that guy's talking shit.
Can't be putting out them ones.
Oh god damn though, you have a plus six on your charisma?
How can they harm such a handsome man?
Pally's are all charisma based.
I'm gorgeous.
Yeah, seriously. You are like fucking glock, you Chris Caraba motherfucker.
Like, seriously, God literally changed, like, my look completely. Like, I've fucking Amicrombie Fitch modeled just by talking to God.
God, the quaff.
Yeah. I'm gorgeous! Fucking third rock in the sun style.
Ha.
What was yours, 27? He just barely makes it.
grabs you
They are not having any of your shit.
And starts dragging you out. And he drags you. Do you kick and scream? You let it happen.
No, because I'll probably roll a one or some shit. No. No.
execute you in the middle of everybody just to make sure to make example.
So he drags you.
I told him to let me go. I said, set me down.
And he doesn't, and he continues to drag you away from the thing. And he's like, you just shut your fucking face when you're talking in here. And he throws you...
I break grapple or maneuver check.
You're going against a DCCCM...
B, C, M. D31.
And he continues to pull you and drag you down and throws you opposed CMB CMD check throws you against just like out in the fucking road. And he turns around and he says and stay out.
Oh, fuck.
And he starts walking in his armor.
I say, fuck you, buddy. Fuck you, I didn't want to be part of your club anyway.
looks back at you and he says you will not disrespect lord delup in his own in his own land and he spits on the ground and he says i challenge you to a duel tomorrow morning to the death
Dude, it'd be my fucking honor, bro. Bring it on. My god's bigger than your god.
V-V-V-V.
for we have
I shall meet you in front of this temple tomorrow morning at sunrise.
That's a pal in the fucking oath. I'll be here. I'll be here early, motherfucker.
Straight from their boat. Oh shit
And he turns around and he goes back to the ceremony.
o'clock meet me at the tetherball poll
So what is everyone doing? Everyone is still at the service besides Jake?
Cool.
A few minor priests enter, they make final preparations, and chanting and smoky jasmine scented things are being lit and kind of waved around as they begin the ceremony.
Now,
The crowd settles. You see a high priest. He enters. He addresses the crowd and he begins the service in this long, drawn-out affair. It's an elaborate introduction. It's filled with religious and political stuff and just talking about all this stuff. It drags on for almost an hour.
On and on and on.
As each, as he pledges fealties and oaths to the protection of Canabras and the Clydewell Keep and the protections of these and this, several of the members of the audience, you see, they're trying to, like, they're yawning, but they're trying their best not to, like, roll their eyes at, like, the pompous, like, statements and things. It's like statesmen, pompous statesmen are like, you know, like, he's swearing, he's like, all these things. things he's just talking like he's kissing the boots so many people you can tell So the ceremony is capped by a long chant that this guy just in like an intonational chant at the height of the ceremony the high priest calls for someone to come up and there's a paladin that looks like he steps out from the shadows behind this pulpit his eyes seem pretty like deep like sleepless rings like he's got circles under his eyes and he appears like he might be ill or agitated And
Or he's got the plague. Oh, no. We just went into a plague town.
And I need... I need someone, anyone who's watching besides Jake, may make a perception check DC30 or a knowledge nature check DC26.
Oh shit. Definitely should have gone for that knowledge.
But you got to pick before you do it.
Ah, I was hasty.
Lots of nopes.
We don't see nothing.
So you just noticed little weird complexion, little weird stuff.
Okay, so...
When the high priest lays his hand on Sir Holton's shoulder, who's now kneeling in front of him, he begins uttering words of consecration. All of a sudden, and you notice that the pallet that I mentioned that walked up, that is Sir Holton. And he looks like He's the one with dark circles under his eyes. And he kneels down and he starts uttering the words and he starts convulsing wildly on the ground. And like... like moaning and groaning these inhuman sounds and his mouth starts distending and it starts transforming and he starts to hear this wolfish howl and then the old priest shrinks down from the man And then this guy's transforming in this towering creature with broad muscular arms, two of which have huge pincers and wolf-like head topped with long twisted horns.
Roll me knowledge, nature.
15.
15 is not enough to know what this is.
Non-natural 20.
Natural one.
Ozan, you're pretty sure it's a doppelganger.
Oh, he's just fake it.
Let's stop again here.
Fucking changeling sons of bitches. Shifting in.
What do I think it is? Was it 20?
Donnie, you think it's a glabra zoo.
In fact, you're pretty damn positive it's a Glabra Zoo.
That word sounds made up.
Your sound's going to be much more fun.
Um,
I'll send a picture of what it is. You can look up what a collaboration zoo is, but... It is right here in Discord.
What in the fuck?
Okay.
Alright, calm down.
Everyone roll me initiative.
Zoidberg.
initiative? Are you sure?
There's a room full of people. 44.
at 19.
And then it has the surprise round and it uses it to
Blast the High Priest with a spell that it utters a word from its mouth. And a... Rich, you recognize it immediately since you're an arcane spellcaster as power word stun. Yeah.
Okay, I was gonna say like, is he about to like die? Are we power word killing up in this bitch now? I'm so scared of once we start fighting because at some point Pat you're gonna have the ability to power word kill us and that's upsetting.
Yeah, I know. It's all that's coming up. Not yet, though. You guys aren't that level yet.
Not yet. Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
So let me see what the roles are, one second.
Go ahead, initiative four. Ozon is 12. Donnie is 19.
Are there people fleeing?
Anyone else?
Yeah, they're trying to in their initiative, they're going to start running. So they're like getting up like, what the fuck? Mostly everyone's shocked at this moment. It's like just a few, it's a few seconds in.
the fuck?
Yeah.
Ozan, 12. Donnie, 19. Is anyone else going to be playing in this combat?
I got that 24.
I'm on the boat still.
you can still roll initiative. You can see it. You can hear the commotion.
Oh, shit.
You just watch from like one of the windows.
Oh, no, I'm outside kicking rocks. I just got my ass fucking handed to me. I got to think about some shit. Yeah, exactly. I'm doing some thinking right now, man.
Yeah, but you're just across the road, though. I mean, you still get a turn order.
You're just sitting there, man, I hope something goes really wrong with your procession in there. And I'm not going to be there to help you.
Well, I'm pretty sure you can come back in at any point you want now. Because I'm pretty sure they're all about to start running out the building.
I'm kicking rocks. I'm fucking psyching myself out for the fight tomorrow. Like, you got that shit. Fuck that guy. He caught you off guard. That's all. Fucking cheap grab. Cheap shot at me.
Alright, no initiative then. Thus you are going to take a turn. In which case I need to know in what order you're going to be taking the turn in.
You should come help.
I'm outside. I don't like, no, I'm just, I'm seriously, I'm standing outside right now. Everyone's inside. I didn't hear any huge commotion. It's not like a bomb went off.
Or do we want to bail on these fucks?
Yeah, but it's like you're just across the street and you hear screaming.
like a thousand people in a church starts screaming wildly
Yeah, well, if they start screaming, yeah, if they start screaming, then I head back in there. Or no, I just wait until a noticeable panic, I guess. So I'm like, is that a fucking scream?
Okay, you notice panicking immediately, roaming initiative.
Okay, and Donnie? 19, got it.
And no roll from Rich.
B-roll the 24th.
That is an intelligence check.
Oh, God damn it. I just realized that. Sorry about that. Good save.
22.
All right.
Okay.
Boop.
Second.
zero.
It was last. Okay, Rich, start us off. What do you do? He, like, is... crazy noises come on in front of this guy. It's like demonic howls. People are screaming. Chairs are flipping. The moment
Didn't you say he gets a surprise round?
He did.
The power of the stone of a priest.
Power, it's done.
Any power would stun the priest?
That's right. That's right. Okay. My bad.
Can I act in the surprise round or no?
I'm going to...
Do you have that special ability that allows you to?
Yes, I know.
Yeah, but you're kicking rocks and you don't know what's happening until the next round.
Exactly. That's what I said. You're right.
So not now, but normally, yes.
I'm going to go ahead and have to cast Crater Invisibility. and fly about 10 feet above everybody and stealthily fly.
So you're casting a spell using stealth.
can i not fly up still i don't know i suppose the i thought the role was like just my application of casting the spell and then flying up do i have to wait until next turn to roll
Can you do that?
I think...
I don't know if you can actively start sneaking. and then also cast.
more than a cat.
Sneaky bite, sneaky cast.
I guess greater invisibility and try and fly stealthily with my move. I don't know how that...
I don't know. I don't really know how that works.
Just invisible.
I'm pretty sure it's fucking fine because they're mages.
You don't stealthily move, but you get a plus 20 to your stealth for being invisible, just like if you just had a ring on.
I wouldn't be surprised they pull some bullshit like that.
Yeah, I like that. That's good. So you're invisible and you go up. Got it. You get a plus 20 to your stealth if you have to roll it.
40 if you stand still though.
So yeah, you're sneaky as fuck and you're up there.
Quick side note, I don't know if you guys ever played Baldur's Gate, but it's exactly how it was. They literally applied by D&D rules. So the first thing you do when you walk into a room of mages when they had the surprise round on you, they would immediately start casting two spells at one. And then it would be shielded and invisible. And then while they're invisible, they're casting spells at you.
Yeah, that's kind of
Hell yeah, they cast Shield and Invisible.
And you're like, God damn it.
Because they're like, oh, no, these are mages. You're like, why can't I hit them? Oh, because then you look down the text chat, and you're like, oh, because I can read the text chat because I have the high enough spellcasting to. Usually, if you don't, it just wouldn't even show up.
Dope.
It's fucking raw, dude. They're so good.
What game? Is this the old Baldur's Gate or the new one?
Yeah, this is the old Baldur's Gate. This is Baldur's Gate 1 and 2.
We should play Old Baldur's Gate.
I want to. I want to.
Activator trap card
I don't know.
And each of us can have our own character.
Did I just activate your trap card?
Totally activate trap core activation right there.
Is it on Steam or did we just download it and land up somehow?
We just download it for free, and we all just put it. We find some, yeah, we'll find some stupid thing to link them all together. We used to use Evolve.
I was going to say, that was the problem with last time, was trying to find one of those.
Yeah. Damn it. I forgot.
Well, Pat, you were saying that you could set everybody up to forward port on one of the pies, right? So we could all link that one.
Yeah, we can actually just VPN and make it what Hamachi used to be, just with the VPN server.
Nope, game range is still up, so we can just use that.
By the way.
Cool. My God, for the first time, we have a series of working solutions.
Fuck yeah. Excuse me. Okay, so actually, is that Donnie? Your turn? You're up. Snarling demon just power words stun the priest. Crowd is freaking the fuck out. You're in the back of the church area. I am going to draw it.
What now?
Hahaha.
I was just going to say, how far from my...
Sure you don't want in on this, Nutty?
Use some sneaky bites.
World Initiative.
Yeah, he's in all of it. There is something. Take it back.
Yep, netting rolled initiative.
Alright, this is exactly what I need.
Uh-oh.
It's not going to be scaled properly, it's going to be kind of blurry, but this is exactly what I need.
Doop.
This is going to take me about five minutes to set up, so.
and you know that is.
That's the time right now. That was a good break time.
Whoa.
What's up, Jakey?
I'm just reading. Turns out Paladins actually their spells ain't that bad. Got some weird ones.
Map up.
Wrap up.
Okay, so.
We've got
change so you guys can have a little bit more
shit that's going on outside.
Let's drag a map over a little bit.
some Benches outside.
guys are some of that outside bench shit. See how important it has to be on that inside bench shit.
The doors are open.
I've got... Tick. across the street.
I got Dread Pirate Barbert. Planned it up.
Above. I got Nutty sitting in a chair. Mori Yoshinari, sit in that chair. I got Kurt Furbank sitting in a boat.
I'm on the boat.
Now he's on the boat.
Back here.
I'm forgetting anybody?
Up front, we got
Not loving.
What's going on here?
Oh, I'm just setting something up. It's taking me a little longer than I thought it was going to.
Didn't expect us to be here, so I'll have it prepped.
What you been up to, Ozone? Haven't heard from you in a while.
I was just hanging out wondering what this miasma is about.
tokens, two more tokens, somewhere you rock.
Good timing. Only like two more tokens left.
Oh, damn. We're in the back. Added on a hill.
Yeah.
that
Fucking cheap seats.
Goddamn, there's like no good holy figures in here.
Fuck it. All right.
demonic circle appears
demon type wolf clawed creature appears on it as soon as it's being anointed this guy gets stunned pretty much instantaneously with power it's done and then so this is where you are so donnie your character is in the cheap seats way in the forking back the scales off so I'll have to increase your guys's size.
Scale appropriate.
But yeah, so what do you do?
Assuming that's about 30 feet.
That looks about right. And I don't know how off the scale is. Not that off. That's like two feet off. So yeah, you can use the arrows. They'll still work just about fine.
Inside there
Over 30 feet, it's about 2 or 3 feet off. That's fine.
I will.
What's the?
people are screaming, losing their damn minds. Everything that looks like order is slowly devolving. And
one target within sight.
I challenge that song, bitch.
Hey you big son of a bitch.
What's challenged you again?
It's just...
Just buffs and stuff.
Yeah, a challenging foe requires much to take a negative two penalty to my armor class except against attacks made by the creature of my challenge.
By the way, Nettie, you're on deck.
I just add extra damage to my attack roll.
Okay, so is it running a challenge?
All right, Nutty, you're up.
I prepare in a jutsu strike too. Or no, I prepare a full attack.
Polar attack repaired.
In case he approaches me.
I activate my armor and I fly 30 feet.
Armor activated, flown 30 feet. And Jake, what are you doing?
I am running. I see people flowing out of the church or flowing out of the basin or basin building. And I run inside. And swim through people out of my way. Just try to make my way back in.
some people out here too.
Okay.
I guess I'll
Okay, so you're running from across the street up to... You can get 30 feet and cross the street and get about here where your character token is and then at a full run you could go probably up to the doorway
So you run up to the doorway, right about there.
ozon what are you doing
Is that who he just lost?
Lost Ozon, he goes to the end of the queue.
Ozon, it's your turn. What are you doing?
Oh, sorry. Yeah, I got to the energy queue.
Okay, it goes to the end of the queue.
I'm glad I reset things. I thought everybody was just going on a break. My mic bugged out again.
Okay, and the demon goes, what'd you miss?
What did I miss?
Nothing?
Oh, nothing. It took me quite a while to set the map up, so.
Oh, sweet. Good timing.
Um,
Sweet.
Both me and Jake moved into the building. That was about to happen.
I'm at the doors. I don't see you. If the doors are shut.
Because I feel like I'm going to forget if I don't ask you before things get going. With things like Baleful Teleport, can I intentionally shunt somebody? Like...
Yes.
Yeah, totally.
Totally.
I'm just curious about that.
That's one of my favorite spells in the game. I don't know in how many games I've literally just turned somebody away.
Don't have it yet, but I just...
I teleport him into the wall. Oh, fuck!
When it comes up.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you can't fly, put them in the air.
Hell yeah, Major do that shit. Rat bastards.
If they can fly, you put them underground.
No, you literally teleport him. If he's flying, you teleport him upside down and on the ground, like headed toward the ground. Smash, and I'll just fucking.
Ha.
Turn him into a missile.
Exactly.
Goddamn mages.
And then you fucking good old fashioned dogpile. Good old fashioned dogpile on that mage.
Ha.
Bye, Kyle.
Okay.
Hit that motherfucker like a linebacker.
So... As it transformed into the Glabra Zoo, he blasts the High Priest with the power of stun. He then took, now it's his turn again, he takes a full round attack on the cleric during this round. And you see him just rip him apart. He just fucking rips the cleric and just blood and robes all over the floor.
Cheers.
Does it look like you can fly?
The demon does not have wings, even though the one in the token does. It's just the only demon I have.
just wanted to confirm how dangerous that I feel this is going to be.
It is Ozone's turn, since he went to the end of the queue, and then Rich, you're on deck.
play some music
I'll do it in Spy Coach.
Panic, man.
Last time I'm my turn.
Okay.
And Rich.
Rich, did you bring the baby?
shit, I did. Well, hopefully this doesn't go wrong.
Oh, well, I rolled for the baby to start crying when you were invisible. Wasn't it I ever thought you left him on the boat? But...
No, he brought it with me. He didn't. Yeah. Still on his back.
The baby is crying right now, just so you know.
Oh, then I guess I'm going to dimension door back to the boat.
with the baby and put it down because I'm not trying to have...
I killed a baby.
Not trying to wear this baby armor, yo.
Dude, that's what happened with the adventures. You're like, oh shit, okay, gotta go back real quick. Sorry guys, hold on one second. Let's put the baby in the crib. No, it's okay. We'll be right back, alright?
Dimension Door.
I leave the baby with the spider.
Yeah, exactly. That's funny as shit.
teleporting around with a baby. Oh shit, my bad. I forgot.
Oh no, okay. This picnic got fucked up real quick. Sorry. With great power comes great responsibility, little one. Boop. Just give him a pat on the nose and just fucking didn't mention door back into the demon fight.
I don't know. The baby could be.
I leave the baby with the spider. I leave the baby with the spider and tell the spider to take care of him.
Poop.
Maybe could be beneficial in
You shake a rattle and give him a book and I'm fucking, wah!
The baby could be beneficial. in this fight.
Okay, you do that. Donnie, you're up.
All right.
Hey Nutty.
I...
60 feet.
greater invisibility.
Jake.
I kick open these doors. All right, shoulder.
They're already open.
I run...
past Donnie and I see this motherfucker and I call down my god I call down payload of my sword
I look back at Donnie. Yeah, I give Donnie a little push out of the way.
You're inspired.
Goddamn Paladins, man.
Yeah, I shoulder shrug him. Like, yeah, exactly. Shoulder bump that motherfucker.
Ha.
They give me eyes.
And yeah, that's all I can do.
Okay, and then once it kills the priest, it turns around and casts confusion on the crowd.
fucking mass hysteria.
Yeah, dude.
What is it? Oh yeah, no shit, dude. What is this? Come on.
Roaming DC19 you guys and everyone in the crowd.
This looks like a Muse music video.
DC 19 will save?
Is that what we'll say, Pat?
Is this a charm spell?
Okay, I'm going to roll this.
how people are confused
Oh.
And I'm going to use my reroll.
You are not confused, but the crowd certainly is. And now I'm going to put the crowd in the initiative.
Well, it looks like there's eight or nine people who aren't. There's nine people who aren't.
But they are...
And I will mark them.
I think there's more.
We're missing a bear and fire, and we've been here before.
14 people are not confused.
Nice.
I'm going to be honest, I feel like they would be confused for valid reasons shortly thereafter, though.
Ha.
I mean, isn't it? Yeah. If you're horrified, do you care if you're confused or if you're like, oh my God, what the fuck? You're like, my keys. Where'd I put my keys?
Right here.
Ha.
This spell causes confusion in the targets, making them unable to determine their actions. Roll on the following table at the start of the crowd's turn to see what they do in that round.
Babble incoherently.
Attack nearest creature, 76 to 100. 51 to 75, deal 1d8 points of damage to yourself with your own hand, with the item in your hand, because you hurt yourself in your own confusion. 26 to 50, do nothing but babble incoherently. 1 through 25, act normally. Okay.
We'll see what the crowds do on their turn. So he casts that, and it is Ozone's turn, and then the crowd...
I'm sorry, a whole bunch of people killing themselves by their own hands in a church really doesn't surprise me. I'm not surprised by the stigmata of it all. Drink that cold.
Freebird is playing. Freebird.
Pat, where's my token?
If you like piña coladas.
Their token is in the back. Below that noble's butt. It's kind of sitting on you. There you go. It's right here. I'm picking it.
That's not my token.
You're not using Kurt. That's right. I snagged up a wrong token for you from the... The clicker. Let's see. Do I have the new token?
I mean, I can just use that if you want. It's easier.
your power tokens. I just need to set it up appropriately.
I just move to the doorway right here and I end my turn.
And the crowd goes fucking nuts. They're like fighting and kicking and screaming and just wait, I should have to see.
And the crowd goes wild.
So,
understanding of what the crowd's doing. Some of them are stabbing themselves. Some of them are acting normally. Some of them are, yeah, it's, you know, average amount. So. Crowd is going wild. Some of them are stabbing themselves with ceremonial little pieces of daggers. Some of them are just punching themselves and smashing their heads against the ground and the benches. Some of them are attacking each other. Some of them are like... just panicked and confused because they're acting normally but the normal state is just to be like terrified and a lot of them are babbling incoherently and they're just like screaming to the heavens Okay, and then...
Rich, what are you doing?
You cut out there, buddy?
What's up?
Couldn't hear you there.
Hello.
It's your turn, Ricks.
Your turn.
Oh, I can't.
Rich.
Now I can hear you. Yes, it's my turn.
Yes.
All right. I guess I full fly back to the room once I've left the baby with the spider.
and that would put me out here next to Ozone, I believe.
Because I don't think I can go farther. I don't know how far away from the place we are, but Probably some distance.
Yeah, about right there. Donnie, what are you doing?
Feat and prepare an attack.
Anybody that might lay hands on me.
Nani.
I will.
Oof. Oof.
Jesus fuck. Goddamn, watch the mic levels, brother.
What?
Wait, what?
It does it every once in a while on your mic.
Yeah, you came in pretty hot.
You buzzed the tower, dude.
Uh,
your feet and cast displacement.
I...
Oh, I got to make my way through these people.
I'm just going to try to... Do the old Assassin's Creed walk. Run right through them. Oh, this is fucking... Damn, this place is hella big.
Yeah, fuck.
I go to assist.
As much as I hate it, I go to assist Donnie with a jump on top of the crowd. I get down on my knees and I put my arms together. I lock my forearms and I make a staircase. Launch him. Yeah, he's a cat. He's a lot smaller and lighter.
You're going to launch Donovan into him? Nice.
Full plate. They're so tiny.
Mithril full plate, if I remember correctly. It's Mithril.
Oh, fuck yeah.
All right, Romeo, CMB.
Seriously dude, that's for full plate. It's the fucking best.
Well, I'm basically just, I'm sitting down, or I'm crouching down and getting ready to, when Donnie jumps on my arms, throw him up on top so he can start walking on heads
Okay, so you're poisoning yourself to help him. Got it. Yeah. Sounds good.
Yeah, so we can use it as my move action.
I'm prepping. Yeah.
All right.
Demon.
Alright, so...
Once it confuses the crowd, immediately it reverses gravity in the area right in front of the dais.
Ha
Oh, this is good.
What the fuck? It reverses ground. Okay. Okay.
I gotta be honest, I'm liking this guy more and more and more. Like, this guy knows how to have chaos fun with his spells.
That's some mage bullshit, that's why.
Everyone roll me a DC 22 will save in the entire church.
Sweet baby Jesus.
Okay, A, what about those of us right outside the door?
And B, if you're already flying, I flew out to the, I got to just outside the doors.
Aren't you back at the ship?
But my question is, if I'm already flying, does it matter?
It does not affect those out
It does not affect those outside the door.
Jake, you...
I was just making sure that I don't have any other additional roles that I have to declare before results are revealed kind of thing.
Sorry, I thought that was, I thought that was, that Jake was you. No, oh, Jake, I'm so sorry. What's going on in here?
Hey!
Oh, Donovan, nice.
Donovan succeeds. You are not affected by the reverse gravity spell. However, the majority of the crowd, except for the natural 20s, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 people, go crashing towards the 50-foot vaulted ceiling, as well as Jake. And a 50-foot fall in Pathfinder.
Fuck.
It's nothing. It ain't shit.
It's actually rather rough. It's like, I think that's like 5d6.
Yeah, it's nothing.
I suppose at our level, yeah. But a lot of those people ain't surviving it. Them's townsfolk.
The woman, thank you.
Fucking Townsville.
Yeah, they got brittle bones and blue blood.
Fucking townsfolk. That's all your noblemen are. I spit on them.
You hear him talking down about town folks.
give a shit about these towns, folks.
I didn't vote for you.
They all take 18 damage, and what that equates to, like, a nobleman is, like, broken legs, fucked up backs, broken fingers, snapped fucking wrists, like...
What it would be like if any of us fell 50 feet.
Yeah, you fall 50 feet into a vaulted ceiling, you hit part of it and tumble to the center. And now there's a giant mass of people
yeah you you're lucky you're lucky for something to break your ribs to break your fall
bottom top of that pile.
You just gotta be, you gotta, I hope that you're next to a heavier set guy. Cause he's gonna land first, you know?
Yeah, how many fat nobles, Pat?
A lot. Turns out it's usually how they make them.
Ha.
Okay, it is after Demon's turn, it is Ozon's turn.
All right.
Essentially, only five of these dudes, and I'm going to highlight them, aren't on the ground now.
I
Is it the same ones that aren't panicked?
Don't do anything. I just continue. Actually, no, I'll cast haste on... Jake. And Donnie. Well, actually, I'll cast Haste on the party numbers. I think it's like plus. I can do five creatures.
Are you still in the party? Okay.
That gives me an extra attack, right?
you move twice as fast.
30 speed and if you're making a full attack one more attack at your highest base attack bonus
Nice. Alright, and if that's turn, it goes to Rich.
Well, Let's just go with the classic. I'm trying for making him into a pink slug.
Okay.
has to make a
24.
save.
At what?
the 24, on a fort save and then a 24 on a will save.
Okay, and you have to make a 24 on your caster check to get over a spell resistance.
You fail. You lose your spell.
fucking botched Damn it. And...
I guess I'll just fly in over here.
Alright, Donnie. If that's turned, Donnie's up.
kind of midway through the room.
twice as nimble as I was a second ago. I used fixed
And there's no one in your fucking way anymore because they're all tumbled in the ceiling.
Get him.
I don't know if they hit the ground again.
Jake, you're in a mass of sweaty noble bodies.
Sounds hot.
Anyway, but...
I'm not like the Greeks of old.
Trumpy.
Yeah, I try. Am I under or am I middle?
The chocolate ice thing.
I was just saying that in case Donnie was going to try to jump off of you. It's not your turn quite yet.
I was thinking about it, so...
you can you do have a move speed of 60 right now so
Yeah, exactly.
It's got to go for something.
I can do a really cool like front flip off of Jake over these people.
And ki-yah that bitch.
It's going to happen.
Exactly.
Where's that acrobatics check?
if I can get within attacking range.
You're going to key, you got to roll it.
Yeah, you gotta fucking ki- Ki-Ai! You gotta mean it.
keep fucking, yeah, motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah.
Back that kia up with dice.
Gotta key ya, bitch.
That's a fuck. Fuck. I didn't know it went negative.
Jesus fucking Christ.
It does go negative when you're wearing heavy armor.
A natural one minus three? Negative two?
than that one, though.
Yeah, that's a matchable one minus three. I didn't know there were negative checks. That's fucking hilarious.
Fuck, I didn't realize you could trip back into hell, but he figured out how.
Yeah, exactly. You moonwalked yourself to death, you son of a bitch. Say hi to Michael for me.
rip on the carpet and knock yourself out.
Yeah, you fall and you deal, what were you doing?
I was
Jumping over all these people.
Did you hear him pause? I was just...
Ha.
Fucking bacon.
I was just walking, you know.
Fucking come on. I was about to leave. I was about to join his team. That was awesome.
A no-no buddy named old James.
Yeah.
You fall on the ground and cut yourself with your weapon and deal critical damage.
I don't even know nobody named Chris Reeves.
much about doing based off my weapon.
Just roll your single attack and double damage. No extra swings. Just a critical hit.
Jesus fucking Christ. Is that 43?
20s.
You can't critically hit, cut yourself on a critical hit. That's redundant.
Too bad you didn't...
I don't know. That's...
But you,
Your sword's a D8. You're not attacking yourself. You're slipping and falling.
don't know what's going on here. I'm going to leave it to you guys.
Well, he slipped, he fell, and his sword goes into his body.
Yeah, as a D8, not as him wielding it.
So is the 37 happening or are we doubling?
No. He's not adding his strength to his own fuck up.
I should just roll my weapon damage. It's 2d6.
What are your other bonuses to that?
Strike modifier. And then I guess there's like plus two from the sword.
And that affects you.
Anything else?
what music are you playing did it increase my damage at all those on
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, that affects you.
plus three but there is the like 11 for my base attack bonus no that's funny
And then
No, none of that stuff. So plus, so 2d8, you said, plus 5 times 2.
what,
My strength modifier is
2D6.
2d6 plus 5 times 2.
Just manually roll it.
24 damage.
As you slice right into your fucking self as you can put the ground. Wham!
And Nani.
Full flow. 240 feet.
Be sneaky. Wait, no, you can't. There's nowhere to...
He's great.
I'm invisible, so I got that going for me.
Yeah, he's hella sneaky. He's been busy.
That was nice.
That's my move.
And Jakey?
I am I floating in the air or did I fall back down to the ground?
pulled up to the house around set.
You are
Oh, that's right. Jake was affected by that. Could I have jumped off of him still? I guess I did.
You are
It's going to work for X amount of rounds. So...
Wait, why would you be floating? Did you do anything besides...
Well, I mean, I was...
He failed the check for the gravity thing.
Right, you fell all the way to the top of the facility, and then you took 5d6 damage.
5 to 6 damage to Jake.
It was 18, yeah.
18.
I need to make a...
Oh, you already rolled it?
Is that... No, that was just correct.
Oh, yeah, because they rolled earlier. So, You fly to the top, you take damage. Now it's turn. You're in a pile of sweaty noble bodies.
And I'm still upside down. There's still pressure being pushed against me, right?
I mean, I'll climb out of the climb out of the pile.
of the pile, you're standing at the top of a pile and you look up and you see the world upside down.
Back in the pile.
And then, so I'm on the roof upside down.
You're on the roof, upside down, standing on a pile of bodies of moaning, groaning, bitching, screaming nobles.
Still confused me.
Good. I run, I run, oh.
Oh, confused and babbling and clawing at their own eyes and each other.
Stabbing at you too, probably.
I jump off their pile.
And stabbing at you as well. Okay.
jump off the pile and move
So you're upside down 50 feet up, but they're on the pile still.
They haven't come back down yet?
No, gravity is reversed for them.
No, it'll last like 15, 16 rounds, whatever level he is.
I couldn't have jumped off Jake then.
I'm just saying.
You what?
He could while it was happening.
Yeah, while it was happening for that brief moment in time, he was still in front of you.
is how we're going to reconcile that.
Okay, so you are there on the pile up above after climbing out.
Yeah, and then I move.
I guess.
Okay.
And I suppose in circumstances like this, are requests for a reflex save or a tumble save plausible if you fail the... the will save to actually negate gravity just for future reference
to like grab onto something.
What's up?
Does... After failing a reverse gravity save, is it like possible to...
plausible to grab onto something.
Provided something has something to hold, a creature caught in the area can attempt to reflix save to secure itself when the spell strikes. Yes, that is plausible. I did not realize that at the time. I just read it.
Wish I'd known that.
I'm glad that they addressed all these sub-rules.
That's all good. Yeah, for now.
We didn't think about it, so clearly we didn't. We weren't going to grab anything. Oh, God.
the more you know.
I was going to, I got, there's a rug right in front of me. I'll fucking, you can tell what you can tell when gravity is reversed because your balls go in a different way. And it gives you that pleasurable feeling like going over a hill or rollercoaster. So it feels good, but you're about to be in some shit.
Until you crash into about 150 people on the ceiling.
Yeah. You're like, oh, my nuts are weightless. Oh, fuck. Like, it feels awesome. Like, oh, my God. Like...
The...
Getting out of Earth's gravity, you have to feel that. Like that first initial loss of gravity in the space. You have to feel that shit. Oh, fuck.
The demon...
The demon kicks the body of the downed priest and starts urinating on defiling its corpse. That's what it does this turn.
Good for you, bud. Good for you.
So are you trying to queue this guy up as part of our team or something? You're making him seem really cool.
Ozon.
Hehehehe.
That's it.
Yeah, I'm like, hey, come join our team.
Well, man, it's not my fault. The demons are dope.
I don't know.
He just is acting like us.
Hey, yo, Grobnok, you want to join us?
Yo, that was fucking sick, bro. I like how you fucking ripped that priest in half and pissed on both sides of his body.
To be fair, if Jake hadn't died and be reincarnated, I'm pretty sure his character would have said that.
Yeah.
To be fair,
and
I already told you what I was doing.
I couldn't. I didn't hear you. There's a lot of yelling.
I say, hey, guy, you want to join us?
Ah. I don't know.
just yells it into the church from outside. Hey.
Hey, you want to join us? Okay, let me see how he responds to such...
All that diplomacy, sir. I want to see it.
Yeah, you roll me a super high diplomacy on that.
chaotic, evil, huge, outsider, demon. Okay. 28.
He just stops pissing on the priest.
Let me see if he even hears you.
He is yelling down a corridor of screaming people.
plus his perception. You know, it doesn't even look like he heard you with the chaos that's going on.
Well, so I, the way that I just actually perform.
Okay.
So I'm playing a string instrument.
So you're singing it.
I'm playing a string instrument. I don't quite fully understand how I'm able to do diplomacy by playing a string and performing a string instrument.
It is a thing that I do.
Okay.
Your guitar is singing. Hey, dude, what's going on?
that part.
Yeah. You never been to a slam poetry session?
Yeah, man, you just are accentuating your diplomatic skills while playing and beatboxing the answer, true.
Ha.
Nice. Hey, you.
And, I don't know if I have to be healed or anything. Is it good?
I don't think I didn't see any damage.
I have.
I have.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. Don't listen to me.
Is the thing a humanoid, by the way?
No, he is an outsider.
My favorite.
I'll cast slow on him. He has to a will.
Okay.
PC18.
Alright, this plus his bonus is going to equal 24.
All right, that's the end of my turn.
So he succeeds. And it is... The crowd continues to damage themselves, each other, and keep going crazy.
It's just cacophony of fucking noise and blood. Just fucking screaming. Rich, your turn.
Richard? Mr. Squires?
laughs
Oh, we're both having a good laugh about it. Don't you worry.
It's a tragedy, really, guys.
What did I just miss? I'm sorry.
It's your turn.
I really want this pink slug effect. So I'm going to give it one more try.
22 on the caster check.
And you do not get over the spell resistance of 24, and your spell does not even cast.
Dizzles again. Well, that's my slug attempts for the day, unless I want to eat my scroll. Well, it's not.
fizzles.
You know, save those for important times. So I'm going to move my guy 30 feet.
All right, and then if that's turn, it's Donnie.
No, my speed is 40, so I'm gonna move another 10 feet.
Get up and pretend like nothing happened.
I pull a sword from my thigh and sheathe it.
I'm fine, guys. I'm fine.
Donna gets up. No, it's your turn.
That's what's all.
around back.
Sneaky. Sneaky.
for Donnie.
Wait, you walk in front of him in the body? Because that's where he's peeing.
Obviously, I don't do that, so I'll go right there.
Okay.
You could probably sneak attack him while he's peeing. He'd be totally caught off guard.
full round of tech.
Yep, and he also can't, he's also not flanked right now.
Yeah, you can catch them flat decked.
Oh, fair enough.
And let's be honest, It's not like peeing is a one-round action.
So you've got a couple of turns, I think.
I mean, maybe he'd be peeing for six seconds and just pinch it off.
That's not a long time. He wants to revel in pissing on that priest. You know it.
We'll see if he has the constitution to pinch off a demon piss. We'll see.
You fucking better.
You know, before he summoned himself into this temple, he was saving up piss. He was drinking like gallons of water, I guarantee it.
Yeah. All demons have a full belly before they go into the material plane, just in case they want to piss.
I guarantee it.
would like
Yeah.
And I would like to propose that if you catch him mid-piss, he should be facing some sort of penalty.
These are really sweet moves.
Ha.
He does have four hands, though, so...
JK, what are you doing?
I mean, I don't think even demons hold their dick when they pee. That seems unvery demon-like. They just let that shit go.
It's like a horse taking a shit in the street.
Demons just...
Demons...
They possess people while pissing all over the fucking floor. They occupy hell and torture people while simultaneously peeing down their own thigh. It's depicted in the classic art of the Renaissance. You can see it.
Ha
Jake, what are you doing?
Thinking about demon pissing.
I don't think demons even have dicks.
I move...
I mean, just think about the movie Dogma. The Angels didn't have anything.
fucking God.
Angels don't have dicks. They don't have sexual organs. They can't reproduce.
That's a silly question, Donnie. Know your fucking Bible.
Talk about my God like that. Pray on hands.
What do you know?
That's it.
on hand.
Pray on hands.
A six.
Lay on hands.
I can do both.
This guy didn't even read the fucking manual on being a paladin. This thing just got thrown into it.
I'm breezing through it. I'm hitting the cliff notes, man.
laughter
I'm new to this shit.
Surprisingly new.
touch myself. You lay on hands. Yeah, whatever.
I don't know.
I'm talking to God this whole time. He's like, okay, man, it's lay on hands. I'm like, can I just pray on hands? He's like, if you say it wrong, it doesn't happen.
I love it.
laughter
I'm like, just shut the fuck up. I mean, like you chose me, you know, this is, you're stuck with us here. Like, this is more your fault than it is mine. You made me a pal and I could have been anything else.
God being like, you said it wrong, it doesn't work.
It makes me laugh. Like you prayed wrong.
God, such a childish dick.
Yes, be for real.
Ha!
Dude, him and his rules, dude.
The basic requirement of competence. Damn it.
No, seriously, if you slaughter and use the blood of the lamb on the floor, I'll kill your first son. But if you put it on the window, he won't die. I couldn't have made this simple.
pass over you. Look, it's in the name. Like, can't even read Perfect Instruction. Come on.
Dude, totally murder your son. I don't, God, prove your loyalty to me. I'm not going to do it. Fucking do it. Do it, pussy.
I've got a bet going with this guy. You wouldn't like this guy. You really want me to win the bet.
And he's like, sorry, son. Sorry, son. I totally got to kill you because God said so. And God was like, oh, no, that was fucking dope. No, don't kill your son. I just wanted to see if you would totally do it. And you were totally about to kill your own son. Good job, though. Fucking bye. And he just leaves. That's all. That's all I have.
Is that a real story?
Bible's weird, man. This is a different time.
Yeah, I was.
So, Jake, you lay on hands.
Yeah, he'll put 28 backup pull.
And then the demon.
I'll cast fly on you next turn.
Again, he's, I really would, I'm pretty sure he wants to piss for several turns on this guy.
It just seems like, again, if you go through all this trouble, really? Six seconds?
casts a Chaos Hammer spell and a 20-foot radius burst around him.
Is he aware that he's in combat?
Yes, he is aware that he is in combat.
I also Smite.
Is Chaos Hammer the name of his dick, or is that just like a stability?
Ha.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
well we'll call him a little column B So range of 100 feet plus 10 feet of level. And he cast it on you, Donnie.
And a 20 foot burst.
Does it hit me if I'm on the ceiling?
You are 50 feet up, so. Maybe not.
All part of the plan, Jake. Good thinking.
It does not.
has just fucked up me being like, oh, and like being slammed with a whole bunch of people and then like climbing out of the bodies and then running with you guys while you're on the floor and I'm on the roof. It's just crazy.
You unleash chaotic power to smite your enemies. The power takes the form of a multicolor explosion of leaping ricocheting energy. Only lawful and neutral non-chaotic creatures are harmed by the spell.
T-R-E-L.
Are you...
I'm lawful.
I was going to say, like, that shit is going to fly on some of us.
Yeah, I'm good, baby.
Good deals.
A lawful evil.
deals 1d8 points of damage per 2 cuss of levels to maximum 5d8, so it's maximized to 5d8, wait, right, 2, 4, 6, yep, to lawful creatures. So 5d8 to you, 1d6 points to lawful outsiders, and slows them, you're not an outsider, are you?
and slows them for 1d6 rounds, see the slow spell, so it might counteract your haste. A successful will save reduces the damage by half and negates the slow effect, and that is going to be a DC 19 will.
19
Okay, so you only take half
have damage.
Of what damage?
5 to 8.
10 damage.
Is that the...
And you're not slowed.
So you've taken 34 so far?
Yeah, I'm at 45. I'm at 79.
All right.
Okay, and then thick curtains to the side of the dais violently part, and a screaming mass of small pot-bellied fiends with long drooping ears and gangly arms and sharp claws spill into the temple. They swarm with gnashing teeth and slashing claws towards fucking whoever the goddamn want to. And it's the side of the dais, so it's like right here.
in this area, they start swarming out of this object from underneath it.
I'll put them on the map here in a second so you can see where they are. And it's Ozone's turn as soon as I place those critters, but you can just go.
I back up towards the ship.
a little bit.
I'll mention our support over here.
And I continue playing my music.
All right.
Find the right little token.
That's a good little token.
Little guys.
And then the crowd keeps going fucking wild, gnashing teeth, punching people, pulling teeth out. It's getting bloody up there on the ceiling. It's getting fucked up.
Um,
So, if a creature or object reaches the top without striking anything that remains there, isolating slightly until the spell ends, one round of level, at the end of the spell duration, affected objects and creatures fall downwards. So, they've been up there for three rounds now.
So we got like 10 to 15 turns.
Until it starts raining blood and bodies.
Maybe more. Yeah.
and rich
Apparently knives. I am going to...
And knives and teeth.
Fly over here and cast Fly on Jake.
What's up?
Thank fucking God you're the man, Rich.
This asshole's got spell resistance, so I'm going to be switching to support casting.
He's mine. He's already smited. I'm going to drop this motherfucker.
Like, this has got to be, to be fair, he is lawful, or he is chaotic, so he can fuck you up.
To be fair.
He's an outsider too, dude. My specialty. Bro, sent this motherfucker right back to the hell he came from.
Did you?
How'd you cast flying him from so far away?
You can cast fly pretty far, right?
So I'm pretty sure it's touch.
Yep, range touch.
I'm just looking for some tush.
Just looking for some touch.
What's up?
That's what it is, Jake.
Fly is a touch spell.
It's not tush. Tush.
Fly as a touch spell while I'm still caught.
We had to have been drunk.
I've still got 40 feet on my move spell.
He's 50 feet in the air.
I mean, if you can get up to him.
Well, I'm actually already floating 10 feet in the air, so that's not a problem. I just, he's farther away than if he's 50 feet and he's over, I can only just get next to him.
So he's 50 feet up and he's 50 feet away. So someone's going to bust out the Pythagorean theorem, figure out...
I'm just going to round it to like 75. Fuck. I don't care. Yeah. I,
Solve for C, Rich. You're too far away, man.
I full fly to shake.
You full flooded Jake. You're at Jake up on the ceiling.
All right.
Tony, what are you doing?
trying to figure out if with haste,
You should be able to punch me in my fly chakra, Richard.
I just need to punch the shocker the whole time.
If I have another action after I cast a spell, because I know I don't have another
Sick.
spell because spells are kind of a set amount of time, but
I'm going to approach him.
And with haste on, I'm going to hit him with full deck.
Yeah.
And the first one on the second. So 29, 23, 22, and a 4.
You're going against an AC of 28.
Two hits. are looking at 60 damage.
Plus 11 for my challenge. So 71 damage.
Okay, how many separate attacks or sources are that? Because he has damage reduction.
So there's two separate attacks on that. The first one would be for...
Is that 11 for attack?
33 because it'd be your flashing plus your challenge damage on your first one.
steal extra damage remit against
This melee attacks still extra damage against challenge the extra damages of the samurai so does that to each attack
Yes, it is.
So it'd be plus 11, it'd be more than that. So it'd be 82 total damage.
34 and 34 and 48.
48.
how many separate sources of damage?
One of 34 damage, one of 48.
Okay, so what's the total minus 20?
82 minus 20.
So 62. All right. Jail 62 damage.
None.
I'm assuming Donnie's in there somewhere.
him down his head somewhere and he's flanked.
He is flanked, yes.
I will. by
Is this a sneak attack?
Do you get a sneak attack automatically if he's flanked, or only if he doesn't know you're there?
So even though he might know you're there, which I'm telling you right now, it looks like he does because he's looking directly at you at times.
He is directly flanked and denied his dexterity bonus.
Frank is so sick tech.
you still get
but you still get... Wait, you're denied your dexterity bonus when you're flanked?
Mm-hmm.
It's fucking brutal.
That is super brutal. So you don't even get to use your dexterity bonus to your AC when you're flanked, it's not just a plus two.
It's fucking brutal. Rogues are mean.
Yeah, it's also like, hey, what's up? You're prone. So...
you know, your depth.
Stab you in the face. Yeah.
25, I'm guessing misses. 20 misses. 34 hits.
I don't see anything under Pathfinder flanking that says that they're denied their dexterity bonus. Just throwing that out there.
Are we playing 3-5 or
Let me look at the precision damage.
I mean, I believe that you can do what you're doing. I just, I, When you said you're denying your dexterity bonus when you're flanking, that didn't sound right, and I don't see that under the flanking for PSRD. You get the plus two bonus if your opponent is threatened by another enemy
in another corner.
opposite tile.
I don't see it either.
or when the rogue flicks her target.
What's up?
attack deals extra damage anytime your target would be denied dexterity bonus to ht whether the target actually has a dexterity bonus or not or when a rogue flinks your target
Mm-hmm. There it is.
Marocca's not playing.
Rogue, man. Does it have a... Is it called something?
Precision damage is the...
Oh, that's just a sneak attack ability.
Side.
Okay, cool.
Oh, so only the rogue, when she's flanking, he denies his dexterity bonus, not when he is flanked, he has no dexterity bonus.
Correct.
There you go.
Okay, the road is the damage.
I thought it was the other way. I thought the guy didn't have a dexterity bonus at all.
I think anyone that can deal sneak attack damage automatically, like, again, it's a precision damage thing of, like, that damage.
or when the rogue flanks her target.
Taupe.
That's great. That's really good for rogues because it's easy to flank, right? But it was really hard in 3.5.
Just gonna be the other side of him.
No, it was really hard in 3.5 for me to ever figure out how a sneak attack would show up unless you're shooting an arrow or something. But flanking is obvious. Cool. All right. So, sneaky bite, what's the total damage? Assuming he has DR 10. Can you just calculate that for me?
only one hit at 34. It's 13 damage for one, and then sneak attack damage is...
You do get, because Ozone's still playing music, you get plus three, I want to say, to your attacks.
Yeah, you do get those on buffs.
hits?
23 does not hit. You're going for a
but that 25 would hit.
than that one, I think.
You're going for a 28.
Oh, shit.
23 sneak attack damage and 13. splashing damage.
Was it after DR?
How is this DR?
10, so 13 and 3.
13.
Okay, so...
Those would get applied together, though.
So 16 damage.
Would sneak attack be the same thing?
It would count as plus to the damage. It doesn't get applied separately. It gets applied to the damage that hits.
So he...
So you do an extra 10 damage. Okay.
It'll be 36 minus 10.
Okay, got it. He has taken 88 damage so far from you guys. And it is Jake's turn.
the top of them.
Got any cool spells? Because you're not flying.
And Pat, you said he was an outsider, right? Alright, shit. Well, I'm doing this one, but the damage is different.
Saving throw will partial. Is the saving throw accurate?
This plus is save, modifier, whatever. 11 plus 22.
So partial save.
So half of 5G8.
96. Because he is a...
He's a chaotic outsider.
So half a 36. 17 damage or 18. 17, 18.
to 18 and then is it it's good damage Or arrow of law. Is it law damage? Or is it good?
Well, fire.
Fire.
No, I fire a shimming arrow of pure order. So...
Take fire, shimmy arrow of pure order.
Yeah, it's not good damage.
Okay.
So his damage reduction does apply, I believe.
I'd say it's not good damage.
No, it's not.
So is DR evil damage?
He has DR against everything except good penetrates his DR.
You know what I'm saying? Like, good is effective against him. So...
It's lawful energy. It wouldn't work.
So he takes 6 damage instead of 16. Or 8 damage instead of 18, I mean. Because he already had half of it because of the will save.
Yeah, an arrow-shaped projectile of lawful energy, it's not good.
And
Demon and little homies go. So he's still peeing, even though he's, like, doing other stuff as well. Just kind of letting it flow.
And this dude is.
Let me see what he's doing.
casts, Makes a concentration check, casts defensively. so make sure I do that. Greater teleport at will. Teleports.
Over here.
And that's some shit.
over in the corner.
I teleport over here.
And the little guys start just swarming on basically anyone that they see. One of them goes over here, over here. Another one goes up to you because they can't see you. One of them goes up to you, Donnie. And they're just flying around, just fucking ripping out faces and eyes on people that they want and can. So he goes up to you and does a single attack. What does this guy look like? Catch.
but he moved so I'll roll, let's see.
And he does a stinking cloud around your face, Donnie. DC 13. It's just like a smelly bank of fog. It's nauseating.
sense i wonder if that makes it worse
Rotten eggs and cabbage leaves. It's what you're picking up.
Probably.
Will save is what you want to...
Vroom.
Mm-hmm. Fortitude. No, Fortitude.
And that negates DC 13.
Much better.
Yeah, and you can, you just, you smell that it smells like
Couldn't fail that. My fort bonus is 13.
It smells like cabbage and rotten leaves, but it affects you none. It doesn't affect you at all. He's right in front of your face, farting it up, tooting it up. And it's Ozone's turn.
Son of a bitch.
Where did that demon teleport to? Oh, what the fuck? He was way back then.
Good question.
I'll move over here.
And my turn.
Demon's the other way.
And the crowd goes crazy, bites Claws. Rich, it's your turn. Donnie, you're on deck.
I'll try to go ahead and leave it.
Um.
I'm going to send a nice fireball his fucking way.
Okay.
Let me see, I'm gonna fly by,
Wait a minute. No, never mind. I can't do that. I've got to cast fly on Jake.
Please.
I cast fly on Jake and then I fly over this direction, kind of in the middle of the room.
All right, Jake is now flying. Great. Johnny, you good?
I am going to...
Run across the room again, the other way.
I can move. Full run 240. A strength.
That's not even full word.
That's a 200, I still have a few.
Actually, it's gonna be safer just to go.
Do you have a charge?
I don't know.
Can you do a charge out of a full run?
I don't think you can charge him with the benches in the way.
I think that's a feat though, right? Charge? Yeah, and I think you're right. It's got to be a straight line for charge, I'm pretty sure.
We're just gonna move the 60 feet. I'm prepared to attack in case he advances. Actually, I'm gonna move 60 feet and drink a potion
Right there and I will drink a potion.
Cure Moderate.
2, 3, 8 plus 13.
Or wait, we're level 11?
Okay, 24.
69
Right, oh, right, oh, right.
All right.
Nutty. chicks on deck.
All right.
Fouffla, go find the demon.
Sure.
Full flag go behind the demon.
And Jake.
Alright, I'm gonna fly over to the demon. What do we got, 60 feet per second there?
Yep, and you can multiply by four if you full fly.
It's times three if you're in heavy armor. Or medium.
Nice, did not.
I'll move right here.
It's demon. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Now he's on the 1, 2, 3. Jake does a full attack on you. and does a
Wait, what?
Does a full attack on Jake.
Two pincers, two claws, bite. Pincer, claw, bite.
AC is at 32.
Pincer. Whoops. or that pincer
1d20 plus 20. Ignore all the previous rules.
Pinsir. Pintzer. Claw. Claw.
His bite got me. The last bite. First pincer.
Yeah, the first pincer and the last bike.
First pincer, 2d8 plus... 10.
17 damage
And a lot of fights.
Byte is a critical hit, has to confirm the critical.
What was your armor class again?
32.
Confirms critical. It's a critical hit.
And that is...
1d8 plus 10. times two. It's times two crit. Let me check.
18 times 2. 36 damage.
So you've taken 53 damage this turn.
And
little homies go and they're just like farting and scratching eyes and attacking and clouds of smoke and just like
Ozon, you're sure?
I'm gonna move.
And my turn.
Crowds gnashing and violently pulling here and screaming and cut and shaking eight rounds until they fall to the ground with blood and bones and bodies. Rich, your turn. Dice on deck.
I cast stone skin on myself. Because I've only got about five turns left until my invisibility wears off. And I fly over here.
And that's turn.
We go.
I'm going to...
Run up over here.
Let's turn.
Club. Bye.
Don't forget, Nutty, you are hastened. You get another attack.
Big H.
Yeah, Ozan is playing haste in the back.
and the extra damage and the extra to hit.
That he is.
Plus three damage, plus three to hit. And I want to say plus three on your saves too.
31, 37, 39, and 24 to hit.
You're going against an AC 28, so they all hit.
of 24.
not the 24.
24 gets a plus three, right?
I'm going to put it at 27.
So...
But he's flanked. So you get a plus two.
Oh, he has flanked, so he loses. Yeah, so I hit two.
So that hits 2.
Okay, so I'll just give it a sneak attack damage separately.
So it's 66 for the first one.
18 plus...
14.
and then minus 10 damage reduction, so 22.
for the second one, so that's 23.
We're doing some Dragon Ball shit in the air, aren't we? When we're fighting this guy. Right? We're all in the air.
He's not in the air. He's down below.
You might be fighting slightly raised above him.
I'm not in the air.
33 for the third one.
21 for the fourth one.
You hear telepathic screaming throughout all of your heads. How do you kill them?
I pushed my claws and spread open his stomach and then poked my head to the middle and say hi to Jake.
Ha.
And as you do that, it starts raining bodies and blood throughout the church because the spell gets cut.
And you kill him.
All of the dretches that were attacking people disappear.
out of Out of combat.
Hell yeah.
People are no longer confused, those that survived.
How many survived?
this minus 75. So, like, none. There's, like, two or three survivors. Like, everyone's fucked up. Because they took another 5d8 points, 5d6 points of damage on the fallback down. So everyone who had broken wrists and ankles and shit, their nobles without any armor, taking an average of 36 health down. Plus the fighting and combat. Pretty much everyone in this church is dead except a handful of people moaning and groaning on the ground.
Oh, fuck.
It's like a train derailment.
It's okay, everybody. Go about your business.
You can't just fucking go anywhere, man. Jesus.
I know.
We solved the problem. You can go on with the ceremony. Everybody.
Except for the guy we killed was the guy that was being sermon was prepared for
Oh, wasn't he getting like a super cool artifact or some shit?
There's just no pleasing you people.
Eh...
Doesn't he get a super cool artifact?
Is that like here?
What was going on over there?
Bloodstains, twitching corpses, and the remains of the demon laying down on the smooth flagstones, hissing and bubbling and convulsing, mar the beauty and sanctity of the temple. You hear a shocked silence fills the hallowed hall. There are running footsteps from behind the raised dais preceding the... of the dais you hear a strangled voice say Clydewell keep has fallen and
Essentially, the temple is filling with shouts and curses, and people are trying to figure out what the fuck's going on, and anyone who's still alive, which are a lot of the knights that are coming out of doorways and things like that, there's still people in this building. They're yelling and talking to each other, because all this chaos happened in a minute, right? Barely. So it's like people are brushing out of the doors and like it's just a fucking massacre site in there. So we're going to call the session there.
That's where you're at.
Nice.
as church
Uh-huh.
I was...
Warfuck? Yeah, that went surprisingly smoothly. Nobody really died.
Yeah, nobody got pinned down and fucking breathed on to death.
Give me your strength, sucker. No. Too bad.
I'm going through... This is the first time I literally went through the Paladin spills. Like, that wart level 2. And they're pretty good. I've been fucking slacking.
At least...
I've not been adding
All Pelon spells suck. I just haven't looked past the zero levels.
How so?
Just, I don't know, little things that could break a grapple for free and You know, just a whole bunch of stuff that Jake didn't even fucking look at.
Oh no.
that Jake probably wish he knew.
Motherfucking truth telling. I just touched somebody. It's basically the candle of truth. But my fucking holy symbol goes above both of our heads. And so we both know what's going on. And I'm like, yeah, what's up here? You failed your will save. Yeah, this is my god right here. So me and you can do nothing but tell the truth right now.
Hey, does anyone else have a service unavailable on Roll20 right now? If they refresh? Wow, what a nice time to...
Yeah, just go.
I have not yet, but I have not really been actively looking at it.
It just went down.
Oh, shit.
Do a refresh.
Oh, shit. Did we level up out of that?
Oh, you can't level up and roll 20s down, Rich. Sorry.
No, it's okay.
he's right.
40% XP anyways.
Straight up, I can give everybody weapons against evil. Weapons, cause weapons to shine.
They're at 80%.
Are we?
We were.
I thought we'd, God, no.
I have to check the official charts.
The holy of holiest of holies.
You might be clicking around, but I envision you just feverishly going through papers.
Vroom.
Really, I'm just logging. Pat's notebook.
I don't... Yeah.
D&D Campaign 1...
One note takes forever to load. Alright. Yeah, you guys just hit 12th level.
Oh shit, that means a stat point.
Yep.
as your third second third stat point yep
Everyone gains a fate point.
Well,
Mate, stick with me forever.
May you not spend it on some dumb shit.
And there's a whimsy wall in the next room.
Hehehe.
Yeah, right? He does that shit on purpose.
Ozon is at four fate points. Rich is at two fate points. Nuddy's at one fate points. Jake is at one fate points.
Donnie is at two fate points. The ship is at one fate point.
The ship is?
No ship, you don't get fate points ship. Why are you on my list?
Hey guys, right now, so my lay on hands can or can just cast a spell whenever I do it, cure you from paralyzation, un-petrify you, or unstun you. I can't do all of it. I can only do one of those.
that's kind of the same thing.
So I'm going to say Dispel Magic.
Haha.
I thought he was petrified. That shit was fucked up.
Well, fuck yeah.
That was fucked up.
He was stoned for grip.
But Richard was it was.
I might not be able to every time.
I'll think about it.
Rage, do you have 6 level spells now?
Damn, we're also
So roll 20 is down.
Can't even level up anyways.
You look through the shit you get.
I get a feat and demanding challenge.
Rich, do you get 12th level or 6th level spells now?
Seven or I've already got six level spells I get seventh level spells next turn but that's that point puts me up to 30 and
You have 30 intelligence.
Fuck yeah.
crazy that's the first player character i've ever seen that has a plus 10
Me too.
to their,
Fucking... Oh.
It's with that plus four book, dude.
or whatever the business you guys are.
Jesus, 30, what is that? That's five, right?
of plus 10.
Plus 10? Fuck.
That's plus 10.
Fucking nuts. Dude, yeah, no one should be able to
As long as you give somebody negative will save or something, you're going to hit.
Yeah, no, and there's a bunch of cool perks that have come with being a wizard with that shit. I've got an Arcane Discovery.
I used to Metamagic Quicken spell and lower resistance with Polymorph. You turn dragons into fucking little things.
Fuck it. Wizards have an arcane discovery available that I took that lets you add your intelligence modifier to your CMD and your CMB. Wait, what?
Are you part of Candlekeep? Are you an agent of Candlekeep or something?
agent, a candle keep, do prestige at all?
Did you prestige class?
Sorry, I think I'm... Oh, I did not. I'm going pure wizard. Once you get to the 20th level, you get some really cool things for the wizard.
I don't want to pull away from that.
Well, exactly. I mean, you can still do that. When you prestige, you just add one level to your existing spell leveling class.
So it's just like you're leveling up into Wizards.
There's a particular 20th level capstone only available, like if you're pure wizard that gives you like an extra four or five spells a day of the earlier level ones. I want to say up to like sixth level, you end up getting like one or two.
Let's not
the bonus just like you just you have dozens and dozens and dozens of spells at that point I just I want to purely go for that
The last mage I played, he was a red mage, and every time he was leveling up, he was getting bonuses for going through their spell resistance. Their willsave.
So that's why Polymorph or whatever I was able to do so easy. Or Transmutation. Not Evocation.
Took the universalists. I didn't want to take a specialization there that Gotta have all the spells gotta catch them all Gotta catch them all
Man, you got to, dude. No, man.
Fine. Fuck trans- or fuck, operation.
Which one's abjuration?
Actually, abjuration is pretty good. That's where your shields are and shit like that. Transmutation kind of sucks. But there's polymorphs.
Your reputation is awesome.
Yeah, that's the thing. Like, none of the spell...
evocation is the damaged one so you can't oh yeah fuck necromancy you don't need this shit
No, I totally want my raised dead, like, summoned minion flying around me to, like, be a general bodyguard.
always drop necromancy.
Yeah, I know, but for like a plus four...
I just need to find a way to give them fly permanently.
I know, but to have your fucking transmutation spells do plus four on their fucking checks...
again only applies in certain types of combat. Even if I go.
All combat. It's a wizard. You're high.
You're like just on you. Boom.
Well, if there's too many creatures for me to transmute, Like, then I'm kind of shit out of luck when I could just go for a fuck ton of fireballs. Or, like, reversing gravity. Or mass confusion. God, I love that guy's tactics. I'm so sad we killed him. I've only been able to hear Ozon.
Yeah, it was a really good fight.
The fucked up part is like, when he reversed gravity, everybody was in the air, so if we were on the ground, we had to fight through floating people to get through to them. Like, what a demon. What a badass.
What a guy.
all the way across the field ran around the church and then he fucking poked his head through some demon's torso and said what's up fucking killsteel
And I was running around with a torch stabbing that motherfucker.
Ha.
I even showed up to the party late.
It's your shit, bitches.
I just flew in there.
Here we go.
It was kind of a big clusterfuck guy just tripping on the floor.
Yeah.
Jake flying to the ceiling, piled into bodies.
That was pretty good, Tony. Thank you for that.
running away to put children away. Like, this was a disorganized firetack.
It's okay, we're a professional adventuring party.
We've had it go so much worse so often. This was a good version of it.
else get anything cool?
I get a feat, but I gotta find one.
Anybody can think of any cool feats, let me know.
What kind of stuff are you looking for?
I don't know, definitely combat related. That's what I do.
Do you guys ever do any of those feat chains where you have to get one prerequisite and the next and the next?
Oh, fuck yeah.
I mean, yes or no?
There's a couple that are really worth it. If you're melee, combat expertise is pretty fucking important.
Combat Expertise.
change into like the improved trip. I want to say you need it for the improved
Requires an inf 13 though.
Yeah, but...
if I have that.
There's a halfling class you could specialize into that when he reaches, I think, level 15, he can trip gargantuan creatures. Or colossal creature?
But you have to be a half-life.
And now I got combat reflexes last...
which gives me an additional attack of opportunity which I haven't got to use yet.
Yeah, dude, where the fuck is, like, my paladin? You get an extra fee, chit. Like...
Ridiculous.
You get spells.
Yeah, man, you got magic from the divine right.
Go to hell.
You can summon divine rage.
No, you got Right? And if you can heal?
Yeah, the whole swift action Leon Hans thing is stupid cool.
Swift action, lay on hands, de-petrification, de-paralysis, de-whatever.
Do you get to summon a mount...
But his little, dude, his stupid, his stupid little fucking, like, role-playing spells are awesome. That's why I have to go through it now, because they're fucking super fun. Like, they're really good. What's one of them?
they know.
Ha.
They know it's enchantment, one standard action. Range is pretty good, 100 feet. Target one intelligent creature. You instill the target with fear that the nearest other intelligent creature knows his or her dark secret. If she's in the midst of another situation or vital protecting her dark secret, such as combat, this doesn't cause her to cease participating. Even if she... Isn't around other creatures or otherwise avoids confronting her paranoia for a time. The nagging fear caused the target to become shaken for the duration. Subject's paranoia increases over time, forcing her to take additional steps to protect herself from the other creature. Depending on her. Okay.
That's amazing.
Right? There's such specialized, like, crazy spells for shit like that. Like, I've always wanted to hit somebody with hydrophobia. Out of nowhere, they have a fear of water.
I love that. That's so cool.
Right. And I was like, ah! You're like, yeah, you're on a boat.
No.
SRP.
We're sky pirates these days, so it doesn't really fly the same way, but same principle.
like I want to fucking so niche
animal purpose training you instill the target animal with a general purpose which can be any purpose except combat training fighting guarding heavy labor hunting performance or riding this purpose supersedes the animal's previous trained purpose and any trick it knows when the spell ends the animal reverses their previous trained purpose and no trick
Roll 20s back up.
Oh, anything useful.
It's like, you're not just a hamster. And he's like, skrrr. And you're like, You're the best goddamn running amster I've ever seen in my life, and your whole goal is to run down there and get me that cheese. Skrrr, squaker. Yeah, squaker.
I got the thing for this, guys. I cast Animal Purpose Training. It's just fucking... Rich is like, I can't just ghost hand it. I'm like, no, I got this one.
animal purpose. I take it every day for this exact purpose.
I take it every day, bro. Don't waste one of your valuable spell slots on me. I got this. Does anybody have a gerbil?
Ha
Mwahaha!
You guys think I should just take weapon specialization and get plus 2 bonus on all damage rolls?
No, you hear them. You have to take an animal companion feed. Take a gerbil.
No.
I don't need no stinking gerbil.
Well, if you've already got weapon focus, I think you can do critical focus.
Yeah, I do.
adding like when you land a critical being able to add on like bleed or something like that
have yet to fucking be able to use my
I have critical focus already.
charge.
You just get a plus four bonus on attack rolls made to confirm crits.
There's... There's one that, like, there's a small critical chain feat that, like, allows you to add, like, stunned and shit like that on. Stunned or impale or bleeding or some, yeah, a bunch of random things.
I think those are all individual feats. You choose one and that's the fucking feat.
Well, yeah, but it's to be applied whenever you land a critical.
Yeah, I know. But I mean, I can also apply most of that stuff with my jutsu strength.
Would it be able to stack?
I don't think you can stack blades.
Yeah, but there's also like stunned, sick, and like would you be able to simultaneously stack on two or three? Like, yeah, debuffs on them.
You guys still there?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Cheer.
Cheers.
Trying to think of some good fighter feats they used to have. Yeah. shit do you have Cleve and all greater Cleve and all that shit
I don't believe I have cleared.
No, I've got Power Attack...
I don't ever use reduced hit chance. what goes into isn't there a way to look at like feet chains i feel like i took power attack for a reason
Thanks.
Fucking fairness. Humanoid creatures affected by the spell must trade fairly with others to the best of their knowledge.
If they know the fair value or even an estimated fair value of a good service, they could not participate in a trade if it would benefit a side unfairly. They must attempt to stop such trades from occurring, preventing them from cheating another while under the influence of the spell.
Looks like some Jedi mind trick shit.
It's fucking dubbed like, you all sit down and you're like, fair's fair. You're like, fair's fair.
Man, if that casino had their shit in order, they would have been cast in something like that. But, like, exclude the employees.
Casinos are not trying to be fair. They're trying to be super unfair.
That's the thing. It's like have it be on the bench or have it be on the seats that the people sit at.
Ah, you have a 75% chance to do it.
Like, oh, there's fair.
Yeah, like, dude, I'm about to cast Ferris Fair in the next deal we fucking make.
I think we're getting fucked here. I cast Fairness, and I just... I do the cool teacher where I just fucking slide... The Commander Riker. So I just fucking... stride a fucking chair and sit right down next to it. Seriously, watch Commander Riker, Mountain Chairs. It's fucking great. That's all he does.
i've been watching a lot of star trek next generation he does that perfectly you're right
I don't think he ever sits in a chair normally. He's just fucking... Dude. I don't think he does.
I just sent you a thingy. Did you see those critical feet chain?
I mean, yeah, I've seen it. I mean, I'm doing bull rush on critical hits and the shield bashing.
scanning critical, blinding critical.
Every time I critical hit, I go to shield bash and then I can do a bull rush.
Lead's not bad. Bullrushing's pretty good too because like when we were fighting right there, if I was able to critical, which I do it basically every time, I would push him past you guys and you guys would both be able to make an attack of opportunity against him and then he'd take damage from me shunning him into a wall.
I see Stunning Assault, which is trade melee attack bonus to stun opponents.
Dude, you stun one of them. Good fucking job. They're basically helpless.
pop that motherfucker right in his throat.
Hold on, what is that stun shit? It's not paralyzed.
And another Paralyzer!
Stunned creature drops everything held. Can't take actions. Takes a negative two penalty to AC. Loses its dex bonus. And you receive a plus four on attack rolls to perform combat minutes.
Your base tag bonus is 13 now, right, Donnie?
I don't think so.
I think it is.
You're level 12 or 13, right?
Oh, 12.
Or 12? Oh, shit. No, you can't get that, then.
12.
Exactly.
13 you should get staggered and critical.
I'd probably go with weapons specialization.
Just get another plus two on top of everything started to get the whip of focus
Yep, and there's going to be greater weapon specialization.
Yeah, exactly.
tree, go weapon focus and weapon specialization and then you pretty much have to follow that tree and then you find the one weapon tree that you do want to go down and then follow that on every off time you have to
Yeah, because I could take sickening critical right now. That requires a VAB of plus 11.
Is that changing anything?
I don't think so.
staggering goes into stunning.
I don't see anything that requires sickening.
And also...
Impaling critical requires weapon specialization with a piercing weapon. Baton is a slashing weapon.
Which your, well your katana is slashing or piercing.
It's got a point, dude. Yeah. You can kind of choose.
that chicken critical would be pretty awesome too.
In fact,
So which one?
Tickening critical, that would help Rich get off his spells as well.
Yeah, I can also take Bleeding Critical...
The target takes 2d6 bleed damage and you come in score critical.
2d6 that's pretty good actually
And if you're, wait, which one is the 2D6? Bleeder, the impale.
Which, yeah.
Nice little stack damage.
The impaling one just says may impale and deal extra damage to an opponent with the critical. I can't specify how much.
It was 2D6 as well, so I didn't see like a lot of a lot of extra perk except
You can impale your opponent with your weapon while your opponent is impaled in this way each time he starts his turn. You deal damage equal to your weapon's damage dice plus the extra damage dice for your weapon's
As an immediate action, you can pull your weapon out of your opponent. If your opponent is ever outside your reach, you must spend a free action to let go of your weapon or pull it out. So he takes damage as long as you leave your weapon impaled in
Mm-hmm.
So if you've got him pinned and you're grappling him. shove it in him and then continue grappling.
Yeah, or if I have two weapons, but I only have one weapon. I don't want to leave my weapon inside some dude for an extended amount of time.
I was thinking about taking that only if I could summon another weapon. Like, I would use my dope weapon that has, like, glean or whatever, keen, and then I'd be like, and then I'd fucking stab it, leave it in somebody, and then call my god, have him give me a new weapon that's dope as fuck and that has keen, and then stab it in somebody else. And then keep summoning swords and leaving them in people. But I can't. Stupid.
Donnie, if you go sick and critical, that will help you get staggering and stunning critical to hurt more.
Or I can take critical versatility and I can spend an hour practicing maneuvers to gain one single critical feat that you meet the prerequisite.
Yeah, but I mean, that you still have to do every day and you'd forget, you know? Like, the trip one's pretty good. Like, I was looking into fucking weapons and shit. So, the weapons that have trip, like, all of them already that you can just get a... You don't have to take negative ones to trip people with, like a glaive.
And just like, you know, keeping them there, just fucking them up.
keep the guy there and just keep stabbing him. Oh, you tripped your prone. Oh, well,
if they stand up they provoke an attack of opportunity or just fucking cleave it up man you're killing shit in one hit anyway
If you're going for scanning critical, Donnie, you definitely want snicketing.
Lawyers are saved by two, so it'll allow you to stun them to get past their fort saves.
And like I said, if they're stunned, they automatically take, they don't have Dex bonus anymore.
Well, yeah, but I can't get stunned for another five levels. I require the BAB of 17. But staggering...
That's why they call it a tree though.
Tagging is a prereq for you, but that requires BAB 13.
I know, but you can find out a way to put a helmet on or whatever and give your BAB above that, then take it. and then take off the hook.
I'm pretty sure your default has to be that you can't
Yeah.
Oh, really? You can't magically enhance that?
So I mean, yeah, sickening would be a decent option.
I'm just making sure there's no other basic print ones that I needed.
I would look up that stunning strike, figure out when you can get that, and then put in staggering. And then pretty much plan out that tree and then see how many extra feet you get.
If I take critical versatility, though, I think I could just take that as soon as I have the BAB if I study for an hour.
It's an hour, dude.
I don't have to fucking rest for eight hours. It spells back like all you fools do. But I still do it with you.
I'm sorry.
Please, I'm resting for spells. How dare you.
yeah, we're just gonna sleep here for eight hours. What? Are you sure? The boss is right in that door. Nah, we're gonna, we're just gonna take a nap outside real quick.
Yeah, as we should.
for the end.
We got a mage who's about to put people 60 feet in the earth. Like, you better fucking
Pre-game nappies, dog.
That's actually pretty badass. You get it for the rest of your life, pretty much.
Yeah, I have that critical. All I got to do is study for one hour and I have that critical feat until I change it.
That's pretty dope.
Yeah. I think that's a good way to go. Because then I could use any of those as I become... As I have the base attack bonus for them.
I definitely pick that up. That's pretty much any one of those. But
I know it says something about meeting pre-reqs, and I'm not sure how that would
anything that has a prereq that is one of the other critical ones.
Like stunning critical requires staggering critical. Staggering critical. See what I'm saying? So could I not... I mean, I have access to take Staggering Critical with Critical Versatility, but would I still be able to just select Stunning Criticals?
can
I don't know.
If you choose with critical versatility staggering, you can take stunning. But the second you take a staggering away from your versatility, you lose stunning.
I could take that on top of it. I see what you're saying. Yeah, but I couldn't take stunning with the versatility.
unless you have staggering.
Gotcha.
OK. I still think that's a good option.
Yeah, I agree. It's definitely worth it.
Oh, category type combat comma human. Do I have to be human to take this?
Prereqs, human. Yep.
I can't do it. Goddamn versatile humans.
Why do these make that a human thing?
racist.
So I think I'm not going to take sickening.
Because I'm going to probably try and go staggering and stagging.
those things you're going staggered.
sickening as soon as it hits, it lowers their fort saves by two, which you need fort saves for your staggering and your Stunning.
guaranteed hit as long as you critical hit hits. So it's a guaranteed minus two to all their saves.
Okay. Yeah, let's do that.
and staggering
It also affects your will shave, so Rich will be able to be able to polymorph everything better.
You can only apply the effects of one critical feat to a given critical hit unless you possess critical mastery.
Apply two effects to your critical hits with mastery.
So I'll have to take critical mastery at some point.
That requires level 14. Yeah, that requires level 14.
That would be pretty nice.
BAB of 4. I don't know. Just level 4. fighter level 14.
No.
Hey Donnie.
You live your best lives.
Oh shit. Just out of curiosity, what are we... What are we doing in game after this? Like, we did just kind of... Normally, this seems like the kind of shit, again, that we would do. So, like, I don't even know if I want to pursue it as...
a quest like i don't know i don't know thoughts gentlemen
There is a miasma to fuck with.
We're here, so we might as well.
I'm wondering if we put off the miasma thing long enough if it's just going to eat the fucking world, though.
It's just gonna show up to us. Reading.
It'll be here shortly.
Yeah, that's part of what I'm concerned about.
Hopefully, we'll be high enough level to
Just gaming, hanging out.
Holy shit, blinding critical permanently blinds.
Blind always permanently blinds. It's great.
Just don't wear critical.
I love that blind is like the OG second level permanent fuck. I swear everyone who read that spell was like, what? Permanent? Are you fucking kidding me?
You're being chased. What do you do? I blind him and continue running away.
permanently. Good luck, you're only level fucking three. You're probably not going to be able to unblind yourself for quite some time.
You got a cleric on hand? You know by paces. Oh, okay.
Yeah, D&D is trending super hard these days.
There's a lot of people playing 5th edition with how simple they made it.
Yeah, I picked up the box starter set, but I never played it.
I've heard it's extremely balanced, but like I said, everything's simplified.
We will find out.
It's just like, Everything is kind of dumbed down it seemed like
That's how 4th edition felt. I really didn't like 4th edition. I tried it once.
But I think it's to bring people back into T&D. Because we enjoy Pathfinder because it's so complex and allows for us to do virtually anything. Whereas most people just want to run some fucking pre-written stories here and there in a couple dungeons.
yeah I've been told fifth edition or whatever they're fucking on this yeah it's that's allowed for a lot of people who couldn't get past the bullshit to actually get into
I can see that because I mean when you were starting to learn how to play and it was like second edition and 3.5 I don't know when you guys started but when I started it was it was 3.5 when I started and it was fucking hard
3-5 forever.
It was hard. Like, it's still hard because Pathfinder is modeled so tightly off of 3.5. It just eliminates some of the bullshit.
Fuck, it was a pain in the ass. Like, it's still a pain in the ass to make a character. It takes hours and hours and hours. Holy fuck. me and Ryan spent like four hours making his character and it's like half done. I was like, fuck, I forgot about that. And also it was like level 10, you know, and I was explaining stuff to him. Like, this is what a spell is. Like, this is what a sword is. Like, there's a whole bunch of extra shit when it's a new player, but Man, I can't imagine, like...
Yeah, I helped Jeff design out a fighter for when he does join up. and the list of explanations and would probably come out to about six pages.
Yeah, you forget how, like, complex these games are.
Like you want this and this and this and this
And like, once we get going, we always complain about how long combat takes. But honestly, everyone's kind of streamlined. Like, everyone knows what they're doing. Everyone just clicks the button for their moves.
Mm-hmm.
It's just there's a lot of potential things to do or happen. Different... Damages. Like, there's...
I mean, fuck, we're still just now learning how a lot of spells that we've used recurringly for years work.
I love this shit going on.
All the time. Fly. Oh, shit. That's touch. Yeah, it's touch. All the time.
All the time.
That's why I'm nervous to change systems and try a different game. Because we know this one so well. It's like, when we switched to Starfinder for a second, that was a pain in the ass. I can't imagine playing an entirely different game that has entirely different mechanics. It's like, fuck, I already spent fucking 15 years learning regular D&D.
Not for sure, though.
would be a lot of reading a lot of
Yeah, man. I can't imagine DMing a game I don't understand. I barely understand this game. I look up fucking rules all the time. I don't fucking really know how flanking works. It's fucking dazzled.
Oh, and like actions and turns. Like, fucking standard action. Run. Can you run twice as fast? Can you whatever?
Ugh.
Don't know.
So because I haven't really been using or abusing it,
What are like the more common CMDs that we've been running into on a lot of our enemies?
Oh, this last one had it in the 30s.
Because...
He was also a very large demon. High 20s, low... High 20s is the usual, but yeah, lately.
One of the things I've been trying to figure out how to use is I've got a very decent CMD and CMB. But I don't know what things I can use to apply it with. Like, is there anything I can do with a touch spell? that would use a CMB
Oh, no. Not really. Touch spells are almost always against touch AC.
So it really is just one of those Can't quite figure out what to do with it other than just know that I've got a slightly better defense getting attacked but the
No, you actually can do a lot more. CMB and CMD are the catch-all for anything that falls outside of ordinary combat. Like, if you wanted to... throw someone through a railing or like if you wanted to do a thing that involved you like
maneuvering somebody around like anytime you're doing a combat maneuver that doesn't fit into anything else then you can just roll a CMB if it's opposed. Or I can give you a score that you're like, I want to do this thing that doesn't really fit into any other kind of combat category. I'll give you a DC against your CMB. It's like a combat maneuver check. Whatever it might be.
If it makes sense.
Deal.
Yeah, and that's really, that's kind of what it was for, because Grapple, and it also handles Grapple, because then that DC is their combat, you know, whatever, maneuver defense. But
Grapple sucked. Grapple was complicated. It was hard. No one understood how grappling worked in 3.5.
Extend, grapple, pin.
And it was like opposed grapple checks. Then you're like, well, who's his first? Which one's against what? How often do we roll them? Beginning of each turn, you roll the grapple checks. The person who has the highest check in act or some stupid shit.
Hehehehe.
anyone really knew how it worked.