Transcript

Didn't you roll for Magic Adam yesterday?

I rolled for whimsy wall.

Oh, you did? Okay, roll for the wall.

And I got a drinking problem.

Yeah, that's all I fucking got from the wall.

Yeah, you see 25 fortitude save, are you fucking kidding me? It's not going to happen. Why do I roll for Magic Autumn?

Did you share the Magic Outems tables and the Winslow table?

I don't have, I should have the Whimsy Wall table with you, but I don't have a magic item table.

I usually just use the Windows item table on Pathfinder or

Sometimes I use the magic item spreadsheet. It's like all the magic items for Pathfinder. Someone made a Google sheet for it. I've used that before. How do you guys roll on it?

Yeah, we really need to add to this list.

Really, you just used the magic item stable, huh?

Just like depends on the power, like minor, medium, major. Sometimes I'd make you roll like a D4 to choose whether it's minor, major, or medium, or whatever. And then... You know, like... Like, roll me this, roll me this, riddle me that, and then, like, you get a thing.

Oh, man, I fucking I'm stuck on items. It's just I'm just so melted away.

Every time I get to it, it's the last thing I do. I'd be pinching pennies with fucking plus fours and shit.

16K sounds like a lot, but it's not.

I know. That's why, you know, I just be like, cool, I'll just buy an amulet plus four that gives me punch power and then I wear nothing.

Yeah, I went the other route. I bought a ton of spells.

Just google, which page runs Pathfinder.

Here's the Witch Page on Breakdown on RGB.

But it's also an SRD.

Just looking for some

Final things.

Like a deity.

with the enchantment.

Yeah, you get like dominate person and stuff.

I liked it.

but...

What is it? Dominate person? No.

Yeah. I mean you like deception too, yeah? Yeah, but you kept telling me it was terrible, so... That's terrible. I didn't say it was terrible. Invisibility is helpful.

Literally every single one of those things except for the last one you said it was not very useful. Invisibility. Useful. I don't know what the rest of them are.

It's fucking invisibility.

Yeah. Well, see, like, they sounded like you kept telling me they weren't very good.

Hella useful.

Super useful.

Like all of those are like no it's not really that it's not really this it's not I just said ventriloquism and the other one wasn't very useful.

I'd say ventriloquism, if you have a doll, other than that, invisibility.

We looked it up and I thought it sounded cool.

And your doll is sentient and has a plus to his tech.

Let's be honest. There's no skill in invisibility, but puppetry is a fine craft.

I would think invisibility would be really helpful. You could sneak up on anybody, right?

Or run away. Or run away.

Unless Woodrow Wilson Pat can fucking tremor sense.

I can't tremor sounds for shit.

Shit, man. I don't see why not. You should have like root sense, man.

Although I can't wait till I get tree step.

I just discourage you from playing the Mesmer.

teleporting of a tree on the planet.

It's the shit. Me and Nettie went over this though, man. We went over this last week. So it's like, yeah, but it's not as good as just teleporting.

Right?

No.

What?

Let's talk about a shadow mage. Yeah, shadow mage is the shit. There's shadows everywhere. A tree is going to have a shadow. And I was like, all right, you know what?

I want you to play it.

Or he could just be a normal wizard with a fucking teleport.

Yeah. And you know,

fucking dog. I was like, yeah, but like any tree, like he's just gonna think of the tree and he's like, or you could just teleport inside of doors in the middle of the ocean, whatever the fuck you want. And I was like, I don't know about that.

And that shit's like a hundred miles of level.

That's when the game gets fucking nuts. The moment you get sound report changes the whole game.

It's over, dude. It's over. The whole day.

I think you should get Dimensional Anchor a level before you get Teleported.

You do. Dimensional Anchor, you get to level four spell. Teleport's a level five spell.

Okay, good. Good game design.

Yeah, I agree.

You're damn sure I'm going to get that shit when I level up, dude. Fuck people teleporting away from my ass. If I fucking get you, I get you.

You can cast that shit from prone, dude.

Teleport.

Yeah.

And everyone who has it's going to fucking use it.

Yeah, why not? Why not?

So every even number you get one of those spells, you learn a new spell from your Patreon.

I'm going to get improved familiar whenever we level up. Can I just not choose my familiar until that happens and then choose my familiar? Or do I need to choose the familiar now and then like dismiss him and then get a new one and go through the ritual?

Like I just not have a familiar until I pick that feat and then go get one.

What's your what is the ritual persistent again? I know it's a day

It's a week.

It's a week of dismissing your... Familiar and then getting another one Utilizing like supplies and money and gold and shit and stuff

This is what you have to do if you're familiar with dyes.

That's fine. I'll take it. Yep. 100%.

Dude, level 7 familiars start getting tight.

Do we want to do our... Are we still doing whimsy wall rolls? Is that real?

That is real. We are doing whimsy wall rolls now.

Yeah, I rolled and I got alcoholism. So let's see what you get.

Not bragging.

A 1000?

I guess I got cheap date, really. It's like my character isn't... Yeah.

Cheap gate. You really think about it.

Yeah, write it down. That's a new speech.

I will put that shit down

It's a D what? 1000?

Yep.

Not good.

You don't know that. You don't know that yet, Danny.

Low is usually bad.

As long as you don't get the shit that makes you have to wear black paint on everything.

Yes.

That one's fucking raw. That one sucks.

Or I could become a centaur.

Mm-hmm.

That one rules. That's my favorite.

That does suck too.

That was the sh... What did you get, Donnie?

I got a 90.

Oh, God. I never rolled that low.

That's what I said.

Donnie, you're

Pride score increases by four.

Hey, I'll take it.

Came out clean. Unless you want to roll him in.

Also, there's no, there's no fate point in this one. You told me that.

That's what you said.

You didn't say that. Thank God I didn't roll.

Although pocket pocketing it, you still have, you still have your role, Nutty.

No. I'm just saying you have it. It doesn't go away. You just have one. So keep it on your sheet.

Well, I mean, there's no way in hell I'm going to want to roll it later if I can't paypoint it.

Now Pat got cheap date, huh?

Yeah, forgetful slut is the feat, I'm pretty sure.

Like I said, the last ability is like one of the strongest in the damn game.

that was the only good one and then all the other ones weren't gonna be very useful.

Can I use my fate point to steal Ozon's stats?

No, you can't. But I like where your head's at.

Just checking.

can i bank mine and use it later

You know, I'm pretty sure he'd appreciate that as much as you do. So, yes, I'm going to say go ahead. Go right on.

Yo, what's the max you're going to have a skill up to?

ranks six skill total. There's no limit. But the maximum ranks

Well, really? Plus six?

Well, yeah, because your maximum is your level. That's ranks that you physically put in.

All right.

I can, my spellcraft's hella high because I have a high end and it's a favored class skill. And I put six in it. So it's like 15, but there's no limit to how high that could be. And to give you context, they used to say the DC balance spec of 120, you could balance on a cloud.

I thought it was 60%.

That's swim up a waterfall.

I know. I rolled it once fucking 10 years ago.

Balance on a cloud, though.

What's the strength check to swim through Earth?

probably like 120 What do you think, Jake?

No, man, that's an 80. That's an 80.

Swim through land 80. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's gotta be 80. Maybe even 60. You're just burrowing.

You're just digging with your hands at that point.

Right.

Like you can just get that ability. Burrow's actually a hard ability to get.

Yeah, it's hard and it's OP as fuck.

The quickest way you can get it is like being a ratkin and taking the feet. Level two.

That fucking gunslinger rat dude just burrow and just pop up with your guns is fucked up.

Yeah, dude. Let's see your toxic skin do that.

I wanted to make a fucking wrestler frog so bad with that toxic skin, dude. I tried.

I don't know if a small creature is the best wrestler.

The quickest way you can do it is going, there's a couple ways, but in the same turn to grapple and pin somebody bigger than you so you'd have to increase your size immediately and then grab somebody and move them around. And that's like level 16 shit. And that's like 19 feet, headlocks of feet. I don't want to get into this. I don't want to get into it.

It's insane how much grappling... How much it takes to grapple someone and fucking how high the level requirements get.

It's stupid

to be a 16 fucking level grappler while mages are fucking summoning demons and shit.

Yeah, you can fly and summon a horde of demons and then I'm getting somebody in an arm bar. It's fucking stupid.

You're just arm barring one demon.

You get a chance. You get the opportunity to fail that fucking role.

You summon how many demons? Seven of them? Well, I got that one. Oh, wait. What did you do? You summon seven more demons? I'm still working on this one over here. God, fuck.

succeeded in your grapple. Next turn, he can pivot and put his arm behind his back. He's just like an eight-demons-leg seized to a town. All right, I got this one. All right, buddy, you're with me.

How many spells does a witch get to learn out of the gate at 6th level?

I don't know, but that sleep one's pretty OP.

Yeah, that's great.

I don't see it on the character sheet. Or the character SRD.

No.

At, were you looking at... Witch Spells with me here?

You want to know what?

How many spells does a witch learn at sixth level?

Let me take a look. Learn or can cast.

I don't see it in...

Well, I know cast I can I can pull up the chart I bet learn how many spells they learn each level

Like, no.

Okay, let me take a peek here. Usually there's a second chart. Wow, this is kind of complex looking.

Okay, this is fine.

Not clear. I'm going to go look. A witch is familiar as her spell book. She may know any number of spells.

Maybe it's under the familiar tab.

There's no caps to how many she can know. The familiar can hold any number of spells. They can learn every spell on the list. Think research more. Usually it's like a number per level.

Yeah, okay, I found it. It's under the Witch's Familiar thing.

Oh, got it.

Witches Familiar begins play storing all the zero level spells plus three first level spells of the witch's choice which also selects a number of additional first level spells equal to her int modifier

And then two every level.

Each new witch level she adds two new spells of any spell level or levels that she can cast.

exactly like the wizard.

Yeah. They're almost identical since the wizard uses the tome or whatever their book and then a witch uses the familiar, but same.

identical.

And then you can add additional spells through a ritual Just like a wizard can studying to add it to their book or whatever.

Okay, so first level, so you have, you know every zero level spell.

Plus three first levels. Plus whatever your modifier is.

Sorry, how many times?

modifier is for so

First level spells you learn

Seven at first level?

Um...

Hey Pat, for a wizard,

At each level you learn two spells I'm assuming. Is that also plus your wisdom modifier?

No, you only get the intelligence bonus spells on first level. And then after that, it's just a flat two.

So really, I mean, like, you have to fucking meet wizards and buy scrolls to put into your bell book or else you're going to be pretty limited.

Just apply that cheese, man. Say you already know Donnie and learn his spells that he learns.

He's got witch spell.

Hey, we've been adventuring for a whole year, so anything he knows,

Okay, we have a wizard. Give me a place. Give me a place. A pinball shot.

I think witches and wizards can learn from each other

Really?

I don't think they can grab each other's books, dude.

I mean, a witch? What am I learning? It's from your familiar.

You're like, what the fuck am I going to learn from your animal? From your familiar...

I don't get one.

That's fine. You want a magical item anyways.

Oh man, they're so... They're so cool. Fucking... Which spells? Marionette Possession?

Witches can... Witches can make their own. Cursed items.

Yeah, totally can.

Oh shit. All businesses are allowed, huh?

Okay, so you have nine spells that have to be first level.

So you can pull up your spell list and look through the first level spells and pick nine of them to learn.

Hmm.

You can probably just Google

Which spells Pathfinder?

Your level one selections and your level two selections.

So you just pick anything? Mm-hmm.

You said 9 level 1? I'm on your level two.

I WANT TO DO THAT.

Can't learn level twos until third level.

So at third level, you learn two spells. Fourth level, you learn two spells. So you could say four, but you could also, if you like additional ones, you could, instead of picking third level spells at levels five and six... We can pick more 2 to 2 levels.

to zero levels. How many am I supposed to have of those? You know all of them.

Once you know a spell, you'll always know a spell. But you can only prepare so many spells a day.

Are Garland's considered weapons?

Our gauntlet

Everything's considered a weapon and there's no such thing as a non-lethal weapon.

There's no such thing as a non-lethal weapon.

Oh, but there are weapons that can do non-lethal damage.

I was saying in general, but yeah.

Damn, dwarves are actually pretty sneaky or OP, dude. Holy shit.

That plus one to AC. They get like plus three automatically.

I haven't done items yet.

I don't totally have all my spells yet, but that's okay.

I mean, I don't care. I keep working on it while you go.

What you working on there?

What you on there, Connor?

I'm picking my last two feats right now.

And then after that I just need to do items.

I highly recommend the resistance item plus one or plus two. Really nice.

We're talking about the cloak.

yeah i also need to spend because my curse is covetous which means i have to spend like 500 plus 100 per level so i need 1100 worth of non-magical items on the

I'm personally a big fan of the Phoenix robe and the carrying armor.

It's armor that if you get knocked to zero hit points, it brings you upright and then slowly just floats you to safety. With your unconscious ass.

It saved me a couple of times.

Wait, how many second level spells am I supposed to get? Four?

Is that what Donovan said?

Level six, which?

Yeah.

What is your, you use intelligence, correct?

Yeah.

it looks like three level two spells and two level three spells.

And then that's it.

for spells.

Yes. How many hexes do you have right now?

I don't know the answer to that.

Where does it tell me that?

What are you looking for?

I just asked me how many

I was talking without pushing the talk. As you scroll down, you'll see the table. On the far right, you'll see spells per day and spells known. Right under that, it'll see

And then you follow the line.

All the way to the side.

Which page? He recorded your hexes last night.

That's the problem. That's what I'm trying to figure out where they are.

Yeah, no, it's tough. So you just scroll down, you just go to the page and scroll down a little bit, and then it'll have this big table. Donnie will show you.

You put them... here. I think you were trying to use this. Yeah.

Yep, those are your hexes. Okay.

Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Ish.

Have you chosen your alignment yet?

that means, so no.

Ha!

Bad-ish. So what are we doing? Lawful Evil?

The aimants are picking up and obviously how you're here to see the reactions throughout the game. There is lawful good.

The alignment, it's a very, yeah, it's a very detailed class about how you act.

That definitely wouldn't be that

Don't say it with such disdain, Donnie. Come on. Give a little fucking ambiguity to it.

There is neutral good. There is chaotic good. And then we move into the neutral side. There is... Lawful neutral. There is true neutral or neutral. Okay. And there is chaotic neutral. And then on the evil side, lawful evil, neutral evil.

chaotic evil

descriptions anywhere? I'm sure there are.

Yeah, Donnie, give her the images, just Google images that and it'll be like the Joker. It'll give you a much better aspect of it.

I'm serious. A lot of people do that. Like they get, they get that system because they can see like famous characters. It's actually really cool.

That would be helpful.

Probably chaotic neutral then.

Okay. I suppose.

based on those pictures. And I mean depending on your actions in game your alignment can shift too.

It doesn't really hold sway over a lot of things. Except for some classes have to be

Chaotic Neutral is a classic. You're always safe.

Here it is.

I'd still pick Chaotic Mutual.

I guess I'm done.

With your first levels? Okay. Now for level 2s. They told me two level twos.

You could take two level twos at third level and another two at fourth level.

And then four level threes.

I can't believe.

because you get two per level and you can take,

A witch might know any number of spells, she may choose and prepare her spells, blah.

she adds two new spells to any spell level or of any spell level or levels that she can cast based on her new wish level to her familiar

Yeah, you get four. I'm going to kill us.

So those are all the spells you know right now. Yeah. you... can prepare

Sixth level, you can prepare four zero level spells, or they're also referred to as cantrips. Three first level, three second level, two third level.

Three first.

Which is not just cast like infinite tantrums.

Three seconds.

Those are the hexes.

Two third. What's that about witches, pet pat?

what the fuck you say about Witcher? I'm wondering if they can just cast as many zero levels as they want.

No, I don't think so. They know all, but they can still only cast for a day, I'm pretty sure. I think they get bonuses for their int modifier or something.

Witches can prepare a number of cantrips or zero level spells each day as noted on the table. These spells are cast like any other spell, but they are not expended when cast and may be used again. Antrips prepared using other spell slots due to metamagic feats, for example, are expended normally.

So they're not expended. So you can cast as many as you want.

You can still only cast four a day, but you can cast one spell four times if you want.

as all the others.

Didn't it just say cantrips aren't expended?

He's reading to find out where you're wrong, Pat.

I'm aware.

Yeah.

does see you still have to choose and prepare for but you can cast those for infinitely

Yeah.

Seems strong, but...

So no, so you don't have infinite cantrips. You can only cast four infinite.

Yeah.

Yeah. Boy, was I wrong.

So what's the answer? So you can only prepare four, but you can cast those four as many times as you want.

Prepare for different kinds and then cast those as many times as you want.

And you can change this with eight hours of rest and commuting with your totem. your spell list.

Change it how? You can sub in any other spells you know. Nice.

if you want to

Also keep track of every single pound, ounce, gram for over encumbrance.

Right.

Was that all I had to do?

let's see feats you get feats at what every odd level

Is that right?

every you get you get it you get it at third level and then every three levels thereafter yeah

You get a feat at first level, don't you?

Humans get to...

You start with one and you get in a disco suit with every odd number.

We'll start with three.

That extra hex. take that feat and get it.

Split hex.

That requires 10th level, so that won't work.

occurs text be kind of cool so each hex can only target something once regardless if they make their saving throw or not. This will allow you to target anything a second time. Yeah, that would be helpful.

So if you pull this up in Google you can copy and paste all this name, prereqs, short description, benefit, normal, all that jazz into its appropriate category there.

Did you Google a cursed text?

Yeah.

You wanna just that specifically? Yeah.

Because there's a feed it won't pull up in the hex page.

And then just copy all of that title at your short description and then everything else is labeled.

Spell penetration is probably pretty useful.

Just because spell resistance becomes more of a thing

you want your spells to have better odds of getting through it.

Because there's nothing more frustrating than playing a caster against somebody with spell resistance that you can't get past. Yeah.

so my oracle curse requires me to wear clothing with 500 gold wait one second

And I think Extra Hex is your next best outfit.

Look at...

No, look, all right, so all oracles have to choose a curse, and that's by far the least bad one. I mean, there's one that makes you blind, but after the fifth level, it gives you, oh, you get increased distance to 60 feet, then 10th level blind sense, and then eventually you get blind sight. So eventually your curse goes away, and it's no longer a curse.

That's if you achieve a quest or some shit.

No, not at all. It's just, So, Oracle's Curse is based on an Oracle level plus one for every two levels of hit dice. one for every two levels or hit dice other than a word I send you the link to it.

What one did you choose?

I chose Cubbies, the one that requires me to find yourself drawn to being the luster of a wealthy living

Is there hexes on you?

Not on the spell page. It's a separate list. Well, I mean on the... It's on the SRD somewhere. It's easier just to Google it.

Who's your God?

Charon but I don't really need I don't really need to actually choose a DD because oracles worship all gods

But if I wanted to do something like obedience, I'd have to choose a specific one. Instead of doing obedience, I did Eldritch Heritage and Skill Focus for more debuffs.

So yeah, it's a pretty good list.

I'll go on all the videos.

Your curse can't be removed without the help of the deity.

yeah i got rid of the feet that required me to have the accursed or the be cursed

Evil is pretty good

the accursed feet it gave you like plus five spell resistance and then an extra one for every level

Slumber. I mean, you've got a lot of cool options. I'm just going to flip through and keep finding something you like.

I already have the spell sleeve. Oh, okay, cool.

So your curse is your clothing, your material wealth, as it were.

your addiction to it. But your flashy Like you are you are only as good as an Oracle as you are to the people who you're trying to just like explore your wealth in general.

Yeah, I mean, it fits perfectly with a cult leader.

Yeah, basically any fucking person talking or anyone, you know,

Late night Christianity fucking demons.

But that's your curse, so you just need the wealth. God wanted me to have the jet. God bought me a jet, motherfucker.

So that's your curse.

There is a fucking ton of them now. One of them is deaf.

the one that makes it breathe underwater

I wish it looks like a good one.

Yeah. If you want to help out the team, that's pretty solid.

Child sent.

The witch gains the scent ability but only with respect to humanoid children and immature animals. She could sniff out a child's hiding place or a den of wolf pups.

I think one of the major hexes for witches involves cooking children.

Yeah, witches.

which is brew.

I know it's in here somewhere.

Oh, cook people.

Pretty cool. Actually, yeah, I like that. It's a grand hex though. You can't take it with his feet.

Jake, how much do you think the Elvis price of the gear weighs?

Fortune or combat hypnosis.

Waze, Bells and Whistle, Full Elvis fucking Presley. You're looking at fucking like 20 pounds of gear, bro. Hair included.

Combat hypnosis.

No, way less than that. He wore a onesie with some boots. So maybe like... Seven pounds.

all right now i'm starting my items

what was that cloak that you were talking about pat

algorithm sense plus two

We have fortune which could potentially give you guys good luck for one round or just like a DPS kind of thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't particularly care which one. I just... whatever makes more sense. I mean, combat hypnosis, it just fascinates the creature. Well, I mean... Yeah, but...

still,

It's him to stop. what they're doing.

So it acts as hypnotism.

It's only one creature at a time, but...

I can wear stuff over the Elvis getup, right? Those are just close.

A lot of hay coming back there. I just wanted a blanket.

I also just finished my character.

It's like a box, but you use a command word. Well, there are three different command words. One turns it into like a little rowboat. One turns it into like a ship and one puts it back in its box form.

I...

Oh, whimsy. Well, what's the deal with the whimsy rule?

None. You can either pocket that roll now. Non-refundable.

You can't point yourself out of this one though.

I want to do that thing. I want to do it.

So if it's bad, it's bad, and I just gotta roll with it. Eh.

It's a roll of 1,000?

Not even hesitating, Jess. Welcome to the fucking game. Yes, it is 1,000.

Fuck what that guy just said. What is that? Is it a 2000? Yeah. Hell yeah, dude.

640.

Six. Howdy.

640.

I found what I needed.

Needed some weapon enhancements.

Alright, so we started with 16,000 Cloak of Resistance plus one. We should put that on there. plus one at the end of colloquial resistance. That was there.

At the end of the description.

1,000 gold.

Cackling hag blouse. There's a third one too that's not there now.

Cackling Hags blouse is 6,000 gold. So that puts you down to 9,000.

Wherever the Mythful Buckler and the Harakami were.

1,015. Old 9,000.

No.

7% party?

That should be correct.

It's not much.

three gold pieces.

I don't know, did we go with the Academy?

I mean, put it back there. You can also put it on your spreadsheet with your spells or whatever.

Just have it just in case.

What's the... what town are we in, Master?

What's the weather like? What season is it? Is there any fruits that are in bloom?

It is currently nighttime. It's nighttime. You guys have been on the road all day.

Our ladies...

What does it smell like?

You are in the back of a caravan right now. And the only thing that you see in the back of the caravan is the man just giving you this speech and this feel of this town.

Tell us more, good sir.

Is he going to spiel us?

Yeah, his name is... Hold on, my Push It Talk's not working. Give me a sec, I'll undo it.

Nadi, what did you end up being?

A fighter. Ironic.

I couldn't find a class that I could ride on a fucking animal and shoot arrows. So I just went with a race that just can fly. Just cut the animal out.

Okay.

So you're like a flying archer?

Yeah.

Damn, we're going to be cheesing these fights. Just send nutty if they don't have range.

We're a little six, right? Don't all mages have fly now?

All majors have quite now.

Is everyone a mage?

Yes, we do.

I am not a mage.

Everyone but not.

I'm not a match.

I thought you were a cleric.

How big are you, Donnie?

I am 2 feet 2 inches

I'll carry you. You'll just get on my bag. We'll just fucking light them up.

love that shit. I should cast reduced person on you and make that shit permanent. Make you one foot tall.

Although you're gonna reduce my damage down pretty far too, so I don't know.

You can slip through anything. Your AC is crazy high, like, dude, being tiny is no joke.

Yeah, it's true.

Tiny revolvers don't do very much damage.

Don't break from that touch AC though.

I want to get a shot with a Derringer. I'm sure they hurt.

All right. So, yeah, you're all you're all the back of the caravan. This guy's name is Mitch Copperhead in front of you. He's just a dwarf. He looks just worn as fuck. And what he does is he just hires mercenaries the whole time. And he's giving you the spiel now when he lets you in or when you're like when you guys are approaching the gate at nighttime.

What's the feel of the carriage like? Is it fancy or is it pretty Spartan?

It's pretty big because there's eight motherfuckers in it. So it's like a stretch limousine with a couple of horses and one fat cow. Who doesn't give a fuck in front of us?

Nice. Wait, this guy's name is Mitch?

Yes, Mitch.

Mitch Copperhead.

Is he using the cow because he can't afford the extra horse, or just a style thing?

Mitch, you're our new driver, buddy.

You know, frankly, that's none of your goddamn business. Maybe a little out on the payments about it.

Why don't you ask my wife? She's always on my fucking back.

Be a less, Mitch.

So basically,

What's Mitch got on him? What's his like, what's his loadout?

He's carrying a two-handed axe. He's got played on. He's staunchy. He's tall for a door. But, you know, still dwarven. Still tough as nails.

I pull out my harmonica and start playing.

Is Mitch evil?

No, he's not.

Good, Mitch.

You're not doing a very good job with that harmonica work.

I beatbox scat poetry. Over the top. You preaching?

I appreciate it.

Keep reaching.

All right. So we've interrupted Copperhead with some harmonica beatboxing and preaching.

perfect. I mean, basically what the gist is you guys, I selected you guys to just come in this town and steal from the bank. Because that's the hardest way we're going to hit these doppelgangers. Bennett's going to have the attack. They're going to go through it right now. There's the lead constable who owns the military inside of it.

And he's actually running rounds at the bank because everybody's doing triple shifts because everyone's being accused of being a changeling. So what he's got to do is he has to stay in the home rounds out there, visible in plain sight.

and wait for the rotations to get done. So that's our chance to get him. And he's a known doppelganger. There's been sites of his body being thrown out inside of gutters. And then he's just randomly there, healthy as a horse. No one believes it.

I've had good scouts out here. They've died for this information. It's worth the money to give you to break into this vault. and inside the vault and inside the chest, Well, I don't know if it's a chest or not, but... God, what is it called? It's this round thing. It's called the dynamic dominant.

And it's basically I won't get into just what we're going to use later, but

That is what I need. Anything else in the chest is yours. If you see Cadillac, kill him on sight.

And he shows you a picture of Cadillac.

Cadillac.

Who's Kallak?

Cadillac is the head guard of that city. Known fucking... Known locally to be...

a change.

One of the main fucking, one of the main changes that's in here, and he's hosting the shit, and he's getting everything ready for war. That's how they're going to expand, basically. There's a small group of changings in here. They're changing. No one knows who the fuck is who, but they're just getting...

Wait, what do you want from the vault again?

Cale Cadillac is basically it. Sorry, I'm horrible with my disc.

What do you want from the vault?

The dynamic dominum.

What does that do?

I just hired fucking mercenaries. I'm not no goddamn sorcerer's apprentice, but we needed to generate magically

All right, Mitch. How much money are we talking about? Yeah.

Will you say that it's worth a lot?

I'd say it's worth about $5,000.

I take it that's our cut.

It's exactly your cut and anything else in the vault. But you come and you bring that back or sources will come in there.

Mitch, there's seven of us, buddy, I think, right? Seven of us?

That's a good point, Mitch. There's eight of us, yeah. I think we should make that 8,000 to just evenly divide, if you know what I mean.

Roll for that, Ozan. Give me a fucking diplomacy at least.

Because...

I got you, Mitch. I got you.

I mean, you're killing me here. I mean, like 8,000, like I have to go to the higher ups to write about it. But I mean, I think you are right. It is worth it. Anything's worth salvation of this nation.

demand much.

I'll tell you right now, Cole Hopper has never walked away from a bank job.

Appreciate it, Mitch. We're going to get you that domino.

This is the idea of Cadillac.

So do you have any contacts inside that we can check with?

Yeah, her name is Mary. She's at the bar at the Howling Hooters.

Mary and the bar is a homie. Yeah, she's at the bar. She hosts it, but she's always upstairs. She never comes down.

Let's go see Mary.

I can use

Well, I'm letting you off here. Nothing unseen. You got two days to extract that vault. I'm pretty sure she's got a map. She knows the place in and out. Like I said, the volume is going to be pretty low because of the circulating shifts of guards. But it's not without fucking detection. There's got to be some traps and some magical shit in there. That dynamo is like I said, it's worth a pretty penny, but...

It's good to see Mary.

But it will be a wool baguette.

Where are you staying, Mitch? Because we might need a quick getaway here.

I'm fucking out of here. I got fucking, I got cows. He's like, oh yeah. He's like, Gus, get your fat ass down here. And then what you see, like you see, you see, you see like this big, like larger than normal bulldog come from the front end of the, of the long cart. And he's just carrying a hat with a big old sack in. And he's like, that's the thousand now. And then the 8,000 when the chopstick.

And then Gus is like, yeah, I know I couldn't give the five thousand. Do you eat the expensive shit?

No.

I'm currently a weasel, so this all sounds great to me.

Yeah, that was my whimsy role. So.

Like forever?

There's whimsy rules.

There is, but you can't fake point him, so he might turn into a weasel.

It's one and done, Rich. If you opt in, you get what you get.

Oh, shit. I got a plus four on my ride bonus, Jess. I could ride you. I'm only two feet tall. It's okay.

Copper beard looks at you, Pat. He goes, whoa, buddy. He's like, whoa, buddy. Can I have some of that shit?

whimsy roll if you want.

It's a home brew thing for a whimsy wall. Basically, Jake is allowing us to make one rule. You get what you get. There are a lot of bad things on there. There are a lot of really good things on there.

You can choose to roll or not if you do not mark it on your sheet as like a whimsy roll, I guess.

You can roll later.

I can roll my whimsy later.

In the chat, just type slash R.

Rule.

How do I calculate hit points?

Please. E1000

You calculate hit points. by your class. Your class tells you what kind of d8 to roll, like maybe a d8, a d6. Your first one is always the highest. So if you're rolling a d8, you count the first one as an 8. And then you roll one for every class level. So you roll six d8s. Well, you roll 5d8 because one of them is going to be a permanent highest. And then you add your constitution modifier to each one.

How was that real?

health world for somebody? No.

All right, Jake, Ashleen, roll the 247.

Copy. Here we go.

Not good, it's a low number.

Oh

Damn, I got a 10 million on a 10 million sided die.

That's what I was asking, is that for reals?

You know that having that one rule that he had Where is it?

How many paid points do we get?

Do it again. What the hell? Oh, I forgot to say slash.

You were lying, motherfucker. You forgot the D.

You're damn right I roll live.

I rolled a 154, Jake.

Sorry, I'm looking for the...

Okay, what were those rolls again, Donnie?

Ashlene rolled a 247.

247.

Aisling, do you have what? Describe your jewelry that you got on or that you have.

If you close your eyes and you look through your inventory, what do you look like? If you have any sparkly.

Alright, I got. silver, super-sil- super thick silver choker. It like wraps up most of my neck.

And then a little dangly thing to go on top of it. Or like... Charm. A charm.

Does it have any significance?

Maybe a necklace from a lost love or a dead relative, perhaps?

Yeah, I stole it from my ex's new girlfriend.

Okay, good. Well, it turns to coal. Anything you have turns to coal that is a gem or a stone.

I just wanted to...

Donnie, explain the fade points to her now.

Why don't you have something nice? I can take it from you.

no fate points in this roll of those on.

There's no fate points? What?

It is fake point exempt.

Rich, what you got?

Not for this whimsy roll. Not for the first one.

244

Roll a D20, Rick.

That's a good drop.

Roll a d20.

That one.

That's terrible. That's never good.

I mean, I wouldn't say you could fadepoint that. So you gain one Platinum.

How many gold is one planet? 10 or 100?

And Connor rolled a 154.

It's 100.

Are you sure?

pretty sure that's like a thousand no it's only worth it is platinum worth a hundred or ten

It might be worth 10.

Yeah.

Just making sure.

And what it is for a 144 what?

Connor rolled a 154.

Oh, it's 10, yeah. It's 10.

54.

154.

154.

and Magic Missile once a day.

Right.

There you go, Connor.

Never misses.

One freebie again.

Caster level... I guess Castro will be him.

What the 200s?

297. I'm saying these are all good. You'll be crazy.

260 something.

What is your class again, Bard?

Paladin and Bard.

You gain all martial weapon proficiencies.

I think I already had that.

Well, then you get...

All exotic weapon proficiencies.

If you already have it, then nothing. Whoopsie.

We call those fair game. That's fair game here.

Just have them re-roll it.

It's one and stuck.

Somebody sent me the macro for rolling 6v8s. Was that what it was, Navi?

Literally just...

slash r

Great decent.

Wait, I don't know what an oracle is. Is your oracle on the D8?

D8, 68.

Didn't you already? Oh, I thought we already did your hit points. Oh, but then your sheep fucked up.

you roll 5d8 because your first one's an automatic 8.

Oh, that's true. Yeah, the first one was pretty wonderful.

Yeah, got to put a slash before the R.

My bad.

fucking syncopate point to re-roll that one and it's goddamn amazing.

Well, the ones that are is an automatic eight, so...

That's true.

Oh yeah it is. The first one is automatic.

How?

one, you maximize.

How many pay points do we start with?

Six.

Six.

So you got 8, 4, 6, Connor.

Plus your constitution per level.

Yeah, modifier.

Which is two, right? So plus 12.

Yeah.

No, mine is just, my constitution is just plus one.

Got it.

Yeah, it's a plus six.

Oh, wait, I should have done that differently.

And then your favorite class bonus if you're using that.

So 38.

plus six

Plus your favorite class bonus, unless you...

something else with it.

44.

What race did Connor go?

Human

I think everything's a favorite class for human.

Nah, I'm just saying, if he went gnome, though, I believe one of his pluses to his illusion DCs.

Was it Oracle? Is he?

Halfling and gnomes have the same ability. When I was reading the grad, it was saying to either go gnome, halfling, or human. The second feat on human is really good.

and then the

bonus skill of return

But a skill point pretty much gets to, you know.

Every level.

That one's just one per level, right? So like...

I think it says you have to choose the skill point or the HP.

Now it's a favorite class. Human also gets some kind of bonus to skill points.

Yeah, favorite class is the hit pointer. if you don't choose a favorite class ability that's different.

all right so he drops us off what's it look like in front of us because we've got we're looking for the hayley hooters team mary

Yeah, we're going to see Mary at the bar, right? We need a place to stay anyway, so.

Howling Hooters.

powering.

You guys are in Lidurithal. That

Lidurithol.

That's right. It's right next to the Troll Mountains sprawling.

Do we see?

That's why it stinks here. Hate this region.

All right, let's go to the bar.

The air is filled with a whole bunch of wonder and unease. It's a giant fucking grand city. Immense buildings. A little bit dwarvenish, but it always looks. It always looks and has this stint to it of feudal Japan. A lot of rice sliding doors. A lot of high porches. A lot of dogs running under porches for some reason. Porch to porch, back and forth.

Follow the foot traffic to the dense area.

Friendly dogs?

Find the bar.

There's dogs, he said.

What kind of dogs are they?

Shibuinos.

I'm going to try to call one of the dogs over.

So do what...

Yeah. What do we know? What do we know about

The dog starts barking at you, comes up, you give it a nice little tussles of hair. You tussles of hair? And then it's just

Oh yeah, I'm trying to get on his good side, of course.

Yeah, jump in and just give me some little paws, dude. It's a nice little puppy. Yeah, give him a little... Yeah, hell yeah. He's following it.

Yeah, I give him a little food.

Wait for your dropshed.

Knowledge locally, Pat. I mean, everybody looks pretty suspicious. Everyone's kind of eyeing you. You know, they see a new gang in town. I don't know if you guys, what you're wearing, but I'm pretty sure it's not color coordinated.

Whoa! What did we say we got color coordinated?

worth doing some sort of faux pas shit

I have absolutely color coordinates.

We have the same tattoo, don't we?

Dick with wings? Yeah.

I sense fives.

Vibes are a little uneasy. Uneasy isn't a bad thing. Notice and fame are two completely different things. Fear and respect are both two heads of the same coin. Not really.

I don't know. Do you think it's the doppelgangers that are uneasy or the people?

are they all people or are they all doppelganger

That's the exact question.

We should just assume they're all doppelgangers, right?

I'm guessing that's what the uneasiness is.

Fucked up with him that gangers don't count as people.

I don't know.

Are we even supposed to be here?

Whoa, Rich. Whoa. They're a race on this planet, goddammit, and they will be respected. Jesus Christ, you xenophobic fuckers.

Good girl.

Alright, so did Home Dude on the caravan give us a contact on the ground?

Yeah.

Yeah, her name is Mary.

Where is Mary located?

Inside the bar that we're standing in front of.

Howlin Hooters.

Why can't I go into the bar and get a drink?

I choose a set of shoulders to ride on because these streets look crowded and I'm tiny.

I go to the buyer and find Mary.

We're the same size. You can't get on my shoulders.

You can hop on my shoulders, little weevil.

I'm wearing a heavy plate if you want a sturdy surface.

You want a dirty surface? Jesus.

fucking metal.

Went to the bar with Donnie.

I followed Donnie in as well.

I resent that statement. No gnomes!

Cool. Well, brother's only meeting, so you can stay outside.

You kicking him out of the bar?

Would you all go in the bar and he told him not to come in? Is that what's up?

I'm just kidding. We do set up at the bar though.

like the outcast.

Talking to my brother fucking Colt.

Ah, this... this half-orc looks at you and he goes, hey, Familiars outside. He points to you, Jess.

Is he looking...

What? The audacity. The audacity.

Yo, I have a familiar...

You tie it up and put it outside. This is my counter. I know it's how it's clean. Zero hair on this counter, right? It's for you. It's for my customers.

God damn it. All right.

That one can just fucking talk at me.

I look at the Weeble and I'm like, you heard the lady as I point to the guy behind the counter.

Yeah, it's

I'm headed to the roof.

I'm out.

Peace.

Weasel.

Back to the bar.

So yeah, me and my actual familiar are going to hang out right on the roof.

fucking ginger ale

Yes.

He's like, are you sure you don't want anything? I mean, we got some hard cider back here. He's like, what are you on your period?

I'm good. You wouldn't like me when I'm drunk.

I mean, I don't like it now.

I

Call me a fucking woman. You make fun of my teeth and my tits. You fucking bringing fair hair over me.

I'll have a cider. I'll have a cider, but only if you pay for it.

What the fuck are you talking about? You want to do dishes? I mean, you can do dishes and then you can have all the salad you want. I'm fucking swamped back here. Gobblers are always right to date.

I'll do some dishes. I'll do some dishes. I'm low on cash. I'll swap.

I swap. I go swap.

He cracks two in front of you and leaves them open. He's like, your shift starts in 20 minutes.

I take one.

All right, sounds good.

I look at the guy and I tell him about all the time at the monastery where I was cleaning up dishes. I ask if I can get the same deal.

He's like, fuck yeah, dude, there's a hell of dishes back there. Pops 2 and just...

I asked him if we can start our shift tomorrow.

I high-five and I get the drink.