Transcript
Put that shit in the glass bowl.
Anyway, Jake, you got your 14 minutes, man. We ain't starting until 9.
Oh, do I have the luxury of having 14 minutes? Thank you. I appreciate it.
Yeah, man, you got 13 minutes. You are fucking golden pony boy.
What day was seven days ago? The 16th.
Oh, in the giant all-caps folder that says, Back Me Up, sound files. Back me up, Nookka.
There's all these negas out here. No. He said negas. No, okay. So a nega is... That was one of the best back pedals. No, okay. It's taken out of context.
Oh, God, we had to explain that.
That was so good.
Whoa.
Whoa, don't get me wrong.
I'll drop an N-bomb on the beach right now. I don't give a fuck. And then I'll... You misunderstand me, Prince Valiant. I said negas.
Ooh, this is gonna be a long ass upload to the Google Drive.
Oh, it's just three gigs. It's fine. six sessions. They're 500 megabytes a session.
That's pretty good, man.
That's pretty good. And that's fully multi-tracked. Unfortunately, it's impossible to listen to it that way. So you can't... You'd have to download all six FLAC files because I'm a FLAC fanatic. And then...
Still no rich? I'm calling this.
Ha
on your favorite multi-track program.
Cheeky little cut.
It's going to be another good drop.
Oh, damn. I really forgot.
The...
Give it those delicious movies. We played your widest right clip.
Hmm.
It's okay. No, because we, I don't think we could be any more clear on out of context.
I submitted it to NPR, dude. Like, it's fucked up.
Fuck yeah.
under the racism in America bit they're doing. No.
You know how fucked up that would be?
Dude, you had them, dude. You had them so hard. You've got to lie. Lie for longer.
Nice. And here's the thing.
I should release the files. I should release all of...
I'd be a fool not to believe there's a 50-50 possibility that could have happened.
True. Yeah.
I seriously think we should release all the drops under the Creative Commons WAV files and then it'll just be used randomly throughout media.
Oh, ho.
I feel like I should have had to sign a waiver for this. I don't know, Pep.
Coulda, didn't. I fucking recorded it and Craig let you know it was Q.
It's true. It's true.
Up next, we're listening to a woman with three left titties in Uganda who had her clitoris ripped off. But first, we're going to drop some Pat McCaffrey with D&D drops taken out of context.
Start shoving bread and they're bleeding whole.
That eavesdrop dude
That clearly leads to yeast infections, Matt.
He oomphs that.
I mean.
Breaking bread in this house.
Oh, way to go, Jake. Singing songs about menstruation.
It's not necessarily, okay, I mean, the song is about menstruation, but it's also about men being so incredibly happy they don't have to bleed from their own penis. And their appreciation and the space that the opposite sex gives for that, you know, for that in just inevitable time that's happening.
But you know what? You just hate fucking women, dude. And I can't believe you chose that song.
I chose it. I started it, but goddammit, did Jake finish it?
I can't believe he did. No, I was just I was just singing I was following orders
Mr. Benz will always finish on like
Huh?
I ain't here to not finish, all right?
Wow.
That's unfair.
Holy shit. I've never seen so many of you so early on.
So early, it's nine o'clock. We're an hour late. Throw this man from the chat.
Yeah, we're an hour late right now.
Exactly. Toss him. He's just going to immediately come in here and talk shit. There he is.
Ffff.
All right, kick those on.
with that.
Select a full party, man.
Yeah, we're all excited.
You guys must have been getting your naps in.
One that doesn't give him apocalypse boxes.
So don't worry. I haven't left you guys in some sort of a hole. I've trained my replacement. His name is Shake Fins. And he's coming in here. And he's just going to make him feel at home. Make him feel welcome. Because I left him a fucking day before. Shake Fins.
He said shake.
Can you spell that out?
S H Q U the symbol for Omega
And then my last name, which is Ben.
One more time.
I got it. I got it.
I can't wait to meet your replacement.
Oh man, the thing I love about the lowercase omega sign is, well,
You be the judge.
Where did... Jayco.
Where's shake fins?
He quit the campaign, dude. That was it.
would you do that?
Okay, honestly, I disconnected him, but I thought he would come right back.
Go on.
Ha.
you don't really realize it when you get kicked out. It doesn't like obviously tell you something. He might just be talking to himself right now.
He's like, everyone went quiet.
performing his monologue from Shaniqua Finn's
That's a weird ass name, I'll give you that.
What are you listening to?
That's just, you know, the theme for today.
Well,
Is someone going to call Jake or should I?
Teaching us a lesson right now.
I think so.
Motherfucker's not picking up.
Yeah, pick up.
Connor.
I will be right back.
Probably out back bearing his cookies.
It's not like phone dead.
Why are we going to be?
What's up, Shook? Shook fans?
Well, why do we got to be posting Pitbull videos? I mean, come on now. I mean, I thought it was over. I know I look exactly like him. That's not funny. I mean, it's hilarious, but also not funny.
How do you say your name again?
shake Ben's
Shake.
Oh, jick.
like chic.
That looks like SQUAW!
Yeah, like,
Oh, Ben.
I think it's more like squaw.
Squawband.
That's a really good drop.
I'll take it.
All right, shall we start? Has everyone leveled up?
Sure, assume that I am. I got a free fade point and then
Yeah, I probably did.
Okay. You roll your health.
A level 11 on your character sheet.
Oh, did I roll my health? Nope. See? Details.
I'm assuming you didn't.
I use my favorite point to reroll my health.
This is why you're a boss. Damn.
Did you really?
They got a one.
Was it worth it?
I went for a one to a five, so yes.
That's pretty good, yeah.
You just roll the head down and then you add the constitution.
Okay, Nutty, you now have zero fate points.
Yeah, four minutes, no problem.
Fuck. Oh my god, I forgot about the apocalypse fox. Fuck. Rip everyone.
Jake, buddy, you gotta be realistic here.
It sounds like you are his manager.
I'm sorry, dude.
Ha.
intervention.
I'm sorry.
is Jake. Jake.
know if you ever looked at the list of monsters and that thing summons but it's fucking terrifying
Yeah, you can basically cash in on your whimsy wall power to solve this, to talk to a god and have this arranged to be not the shit show.
I don't have to
I think we've been through this.
all level 20 and there's like a fuck ton of them.
Or we can kill you.
What the fuck?
Ha
Who thinks we should kill him?
The only other option I can think of, Jake, is if you just want to go off on your own and solve this...
I mean, even then we have to kill him because he's going to be something... He's going to be...
Yeah, let's get in this guy. Let's get our knees deep. I want to hear everybody's, yeah, since we were last time, like go ahead and roll your sleeves up and go forearm deep in this pitch. What do we got? What are our options here?
about this, Nick. We had a private meeting.
No, we got drunk. I got drunk and we talked about it for the last two hours last time, last session.
Once he opens that box, he's gonna summon unkillable demons in the one realm that we can't fucking find a way to escape.
I think we should
A little harsh, but okay. We'll suck around back to you.
Ha.
So we've got a plan for that.
We do have to deal with that.
So I think we should take the ship to Lulz and then unleash some fucking mean ass, mean monsters near her and fucking hide.
Yeah, but we have We have to kill those monsters too, though.
That's not going to... Yeah, that's the thing. It's like they stick around for like a week and they will...
Do we? You don't have to kill monsters. You can hide from them.
Killing an evil god is like doing the right thing, which I don't like to do.
It says they'll attack anyone they see. So you open the box.
So, okay, then just don't be near them when they're around.
That means Jake's dead then.
The size of the dungeon, we actually looked at the math
Jake has to be within 10 feet of that box anyway.
That just means he has to run.
it can summon up to i want to say five or six gargantuan creatures which is bigger than would fit on the map so it would destroy the dimension we're in and auto kill the party
Wait, what?
We've got that look to look forward to.
If Yeah, so like it's all a random like a lot of them have sense like of one type or another to be able to just find you regardless. But even if we can hide some of them literally will destroy the plane we're on seemingly.
If well, that means again, when pressed with
They're not that powerful. They can't destroy planes, I think.
they would destroy the structure that we're on that's keeping us from falling into the death wind
Webbing.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, maybe they'll just fall through and die. I don't fucking know.
the classes that means they'll take up the whole area we can't even run away fast enough
I think...
Yeah, it's going to... Yeah, it will crush us.
Yes.
I think we have to, again...
These are...
Say farewell.
And the only option is to polymorph Jake into something that can't physically open the box.
Yeah, me and Nettie were talking about this. That's the only reason, the only thing I could come up with to save your character.
and until we
You can't polymorph me.
You sure about that? I can give it a try.
Yeah, you know.
No, it's not good for him.
But you wouldn't be able to play the characters still. You would be...
It's going to damage him.
Yeah, polymorph won't work. I have true form. It's not going to happen.
Can't you change yourself into a slug and then just not be able to open a box? Are you compelled to open a box?
I'm compelled to open the box. So, yeah.
He's compelled.
He is compelled to open the box.
Once a day. Once a day.
He makes a will save. He makes a will save.
So you can't not open the box and you can't open the box without destroying the paint.
But it's an increasingly hard will save each day he doesn't open it.
It's a hard, it's a hard will safe.
So this was, this was my thing. So now, so now my, yeah, now my, yeah, now my gears are turning from last week. And so this is kind of, this is kind of half-baked plan that we have. This is, okay, so I imagine, Pat, are we in game right now?
It's a 30. The fact that we both made it is unreasonable.
Yeah, you guys are just talking.
Okay, so we're all drinking
Also, before we continue, me and Jake were talking about this for quite a while. Whenever we are hashing out plans, I think it's best if everyone is doing it. And we're usually pretty good about it, but sometimes we're not very good about it in times of stress. It's usually good to remember that your characters are having a conversation. So... always envision that even in these moments, you're all still talking wherever you are.
Anyway, so you're hashing it out over whiskey. What were you saying, Jake?
Because we're back at the boat right now anyways, aren't we? Our characters aren't there, but I know Jake flew back there with the fox and we followed him.
What is it? Hold on.
you missed a very important detail, I think. And I would like to savor the whiskey that I'm drinking right now and recognize that one bottle of it costs 50,000 gold.
Yeah, and that's as much as we can get out of this.
It's delicious.
So we're not taking shots, we're sipping.
I mean, if Jake chooses exile over death, you are welcome to go with him, Ozon. Or...
Every penny is worth it.
Yeah.
I will obviously go with them, yes.
This is a democracy. Pirate crews work by voting. That's a known. So...
That's an adventure I can't pass up, my friend. This is my job.
Rich, this is a cheer-off, this is...
We are on a plane.
Yeah, good luck figuring out how to pilot that shit.
with no way
Hmm.
Yeah, actually, we'll figure that out.
Okay, well, I mean, so,
Well, I mean, nobody but me can use it, so you can find your own way out.
Yeah, so far.
Yeah, but no one...
Oh no Donnie, stop. No, we could all use it. We could all use it just very poorly and with a little bit of luck. Don't get it twisted.
The largest voting block is seemingly
Using it and using it correctly are surprisingly far apart.
It only takes Donnie's commands. Remember, he was bound to the elemental.
So this is what I'm thinking. So it's just like, Hey, it's like,
We could square off for a 2v3 or a 2v2 with somebody as a
Ever since I went through the whimsy wall, I've been having, I had a vision that I could go and speak to a God of like my flavor and or my choosing. And I'm going to need everybody's knowledge. I'm going to need everybody's knowledge to combine it and to talk to me about which God I should pray to. Because right now, The only thing that's ever going to save me is I need to know where the nearest golden dragon is.
Oh, I...
And once I can find that,
It's not on this realm. There's fucking no way. Unless Lullp is keeping a pet gold dragon. Like,
We're not. Yeah, that's not on the table.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to humans. I didn't know I was talking to gods who knew where the gods were. My bad. Excuse me. I thought I was just hashing shit out.
I know someone that might,
How do you know? How do you know the score?
Oh, I'm going to get a lesson to you.
Ha.
So you guys gonna kill Jake?
Yeah, we're just going...
Thanks, sir.
Me, Nettie, and Richard have discussed it. I don't see a way around it.
Go away.
Jake.
We need to continue talking about this.
Jake.
I can't wait to open the box and kill you all.
But yeah, I guess Explorers is different.
So... Fuck, see now if we're actually having a conversation, we can't really continue until he's back.
Now we just have a conversation that's not a conversation.
Yeah, let's meta talk though.
Minus that polymorph, there's no way we're going to get him to get to a dragon, a golden dragon, and then get the golden dragon to kill himself. And it can't be even a young golden dragon.
Because it's a 50%
one, it's a 50-50 shot.
And you can't transform into an elder dragon, like specifically, unless
No, I know someone who might want to help.
and so on.
know someone that might want to help.
someone very powerful.
you know someone who knows a golden dragon who will offer to kill himself?
Yeah, I think so.
that we can get to within a week.
No, actually, I think it's once a day. I think it's once every day.
Yeah, we can get close, I think.
It's only once every day.
It is. It is. I'm saying a week because it's not a guarantee that he pulls them up.
I can probably get us to safety within a day.
No way in hell I'm going to risk a day.
he passes the wheel check, he doesn't have to open it that day.
I'm not risking a day either. He's going to die by the end of the day.
Now once we're Once we're in nirvana, The guards will, I think, take care of the box and make sure that whatever response is taken care of.
No, I think they'll just kill everybody involved.
We're not going to take care of the box. They can't take the box away from Jake or he'll be taking damage.
and we go to...
Yes, I agree. And that's why the Fox and Jake won't be separated. but they'll be guarded. I think that's wise, right?
and fine with that idea, but we can't get Jake there.
won't move, right? Unless you guys solve that problem?
Oh, if there's one place I know how to program into this thing, it would be back home to Nirvana.
but we don't have any fuel for the ship.
Yep, and that's also assuming the crystal still works because we cracked it last time using green blood.
That's something we can figure out.
Yeah, we need to do that separately. But again, we're...
I'm just saying it's an option.
We're not doing this. We need to figure out how we're going to either immediately solve it or kill Jake.
I'm down to Mad Dash find something in this dungeon that we can use for fuel.
How we immediately solve it is we go to Nirvana and we pray to Dawnflower, who's the neutral good god.
Good. You can't send us to a good planet.
about the dilemma that we're in and how she's very interested in you know, being good. And then that will kind of, I think she'll be motivated to solve the problem with us.
If we all convert to good, she'll be motivated to solve the problem.
Yeah. How are we going to even be allowed there without being killed?
I don't know about you guys, but I don't think she's going to ask you to convert or anything.
Praying to a good god in order to save my friend.
She's not that strict.
I don't think...
I don't know if Donovan's allowed to do that.
in order to take care of the apocalypse box.
I ain't doing any praying. I said we just drop Jake off and we bounced.
I can do it. I'm neutral, but I don't know how you got.
That's fancy. That's fancy.
I'm not about going to Nirvana.
I say we drop Jake off somewhere and then we leave.
I'm just saying that's an option.
But we still have to run around this dungeon finding someone to put on the goddamn fuel line thingy.
I mean, what do you guys... Like why do you guys do things that you do? Like what is it for?
me, myself, and me.
how does doing the things that you do help you
So far, it's going pretty well besides being trapped here.
In what way? In what way? In what way is it going well?
He has survived many dirty wipes.
was going well
And this is another party wipe scenario where I'm pretty sure the needs of me outweigh the needs of Jake.
Like if you start acting, he will end up dead in the wind.
I know, but what's been going well? What are your needs?
Wait, really fast? Really fast?
So I'm going to take a wild guess with this extravagant ship that you guys have. You want like either goods or power, right? And...
I'm sure Dawnflower can probably reward you guys.
I don't know why, like I don't want to go, maybe because you want to go so badly.
But we're not quite the right alignment. I feel like we'll get killed right the moment we show up.
I don't say I want to go so badly. I can always find my way back there whenever I want.
That's right now.
I mean, it's kind of been the only thing you talked about since we found out we could travel the planes.
So you probably have to.
No, I don't think you've been listening to me. I don't think you've been listening to me at all. I think that's the problem. Honestly, I haven't talked about going to Nirvana at all. I talked about going to Elysium.
You bring it up every time we talk about leaving.
Ha.
I say we just go back to Earth once we get fuel and then leave Jake there.
All right, we can use his blood for fuel, right? There you go.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, if he dies, he dies, I guess, if he's willing to risk it.
OK, but then what's going to happen with the box?
We could put Drake in the dream world. He can't open it if he's asleep.
Oh, shit, you're right.
Yeah, but he knows how to get out, doesn't he? Or was that me and you that got out?
That was me that got out with you guys both in that snow globe.
Wait, okay, then how are we going to get this ship to Earth?
Bleed sick for a little while.
Well, so, yeah, it doesn't, it just puts him to sleep and he thinks he's in this place.
We'll use Jake's blood.
OK.
I see. And when we draw his blood, it doesn't kill him.
kill him. So far, he's killed everything that's been on there.
We're not sure. We lost a little bit of blood and didn't acquire any, like, stat damage to it the first time we dealt with it. But
Yeah, I feel like it'll kill him.
I mean, maybe we all can just donate some blood.
Oh, that's an interesting idea.
You guys want to do that? Everybody put in like a little bit of blood. Everybody hook up for a while.
Oh yeah, totally down.
Wait, but what's the deal? We're going to Earth? And then... Killing him? What?
that you worked for
This at the very least leads us with the option of not having to kill Jake. This is a good other option. Just getting back to Earth.
Wait, and then what happens with the box? How do we not end up killing Jake and dumping him out?
Well, it's not that the planet that it's on wouldn't get pretty fucked up, but we would have the ability to flee. We can't do that here.
OK, but we still kill Jake.
Jake stays with the box and then
We don't necessarily need to. We would just have to be on watch for like terrifying monsters screaming across continents and have to be on call to teleport away.
send him away.
It only lasts a couple minutes, I believe.
It's either that or destroy Jake.
We either give Jake a fighting chance or we kill Jake.
What's the fighting chance here?
fighting chance is that he's not dead immediately.
Fighting. Well, he's gonna open a box again. Yeah, it's gonna get... The monsters are gonna kill Jake out of the box. We're just letting them kill him, essentially.
but he's dead on Earth as soon as he opens the box.
He has one day to either pray to his God and find a golden dragon, pretty much. Or maybe two if you roll as well.
But we're doing that after we get to Earth. Everybody, let's go hook up and start draining our blood.
Well, I'll ask him if he wants to go to see Dawnflower.
That's what I'm saying, because you get A, you get the will save, and then if you fail the will save, there's a 50% chance for monsters.
at least we don't kill anybody and we just go to earth and wish Jacob very well.
I think Nutty's got the plan for, yeah, the most likely success and least betrayal having to be handed out.
Obviously, Jake is the first one to get on the thingy.
See, it sounds like we just completely knocked it out of the park. But I, for some reason, first see Jake not wanting to get on the thingy.
We're all pooping in five minutes of blood time.
We can definitely force them.
When you guys played last session, did you find anything that we could... kill or bleed or anything?
We found a...
we had demons but it needs human blood seemingly or at least live creature blood
We did find one of the keyholes for those keys we got from the Zebra Centaur.
How did we lose? We had the perfect bait for the werewolves.
What did I do now?
How is that, Jake?
All right, he's back. All right, Jake. We're all putting five minutes in on the bloodpan. We're going to see if we can teleport us back to Earth where you are allowed to part ways with the crew or die in a glorious duel.
Jake, I know how to solve your problem.
Or I suppose you have one day to solve your problem and then we place these.
Also, your crew members are little bitches
We're Donovan's group members. He's the captain.
And you place the entire crew at risk with your, this terrible apocalypse you brought upon us daily.
You're all the same to me.
Yeah, Ozan.
Ha.
Terrible way.
That's what you get for investigating somebody else's box, Jake.
No, that's what you get for fucking going through the whims you will. I blame you and solely you.
So everybody puts five minutes in on the blood pan.
Yeah, we just divided up equally. Pat, you there?
I think that's what we do. Wait, Jake, hold on. Let's talk to Jake about this first. Captain, why don't you go ahead?
my blood into the blood pen for like five minutes.
Yeah, we're all blood brothers now.
We all drain five minutes of blood.
Okay, so you drain blood for five minutes. How do you do it?
Do you want me to cut you?
myself.
So you're bleeding from your hand. for five minutes.
Not going to get that much blood out, Willett, compared to the machine.
Yeah, let me just chop off your arm off. I can heal that.
I mean, it's crazy. We got a machine that drains blood here. We don't have to.
Oh yeah, that's true. Watch use that.
It really does everything for you.
Yeah, I go through my thigh. I go through my thigh.
Yeah, we could literally just hook them up.
yeah the needle into my thigh and then i just keep i keep pumping you know i basically kegel my way to victory
Is there some weird fetish going on here? What's going on?
Okay, so Donovan and Jake, you're all pumping blood into the basin. How much do you put in? How many liters?
uh,
knowing that the human body has about six
6 liters
So adjust that for your creature. That's a human that's like in the 200 pound range, fairly tall male. So adjust that to whatever your creature size is.
If we each give one liter of blood...
Yeah, I think that's about right.
Wait, no, that's not enough.
5 liters?
I'm going to roll for it.
1.2 liters each. Because there's five of us, right?
give a six
That will give us six, which is the same amount as a normal human being.
All right.
Okay, so.
So you're all bleeding into the basin. Once you're done and you're all still bleeding One, how do you stop yourself from bleeding, everybody? And two, you notice you have about one third of the wall is full of blood.
And now also...
I push the button on the device that says stop sucking my blood.
So there's no button. It's just an upside down thing that you hang into. And then it's you're hung upside down and then you have been sliced at the wrists. So.
Why?
I'll throw some dirt in.
Tell me how you're... So Donovan went to his hand. Jake went through his thigh. How is everyone else opening their body for blood draining?
I'll go outside.
My arm.
Fly, arm, and nutty.
sigh and then I'll just use my healing power to heal myself.
And I have fast healing.
Nutty Heels.
I will also heal myself using MAGIC!
Since you have fast healing every six seconds, Rich, you're going to have to continuously cut and fast heal.
That's why I set it up to the needle so that, you know,
opening that's not closing cool and then all right everyone has a heal path
I do not.
Donnie's still bleeding. And everyone's super woozy.
I hand Donovan health potion. Cure Light Wooten's potion.
Even after the QL ones.
I have Cure Light Wounds potions.
Even after... Cure Light Wounds doesn't restore blood donated, though. Everyone still feels pretty lightheaded.
Oh, then never mind.
then fuck, I got nothing. Thank you.
I got enough cure light wounds for pretty much anyone who needs it. Just let me know.
I'll use one to stop the bleeding and everything.
You filled one third of the blood wall with nice red blood.
Nice.
The crystal humming now?
Nope.
I think we should do this three more times, I guess.
I'll heal Donnie up and myself up to full. But I have to go because my... I'm a companion with slain. I have to go meditate and get my new animal.
Would it be knowledge in nature or what to figure out if my blood is actually being replenished?
Yeah, how long is that going to take?
Basically, it's up to Pat. I mean, I hit level 11. I should have had him at a level previously, but yeah.
How long is that going to take?
But I mean, that's up to Pat.
You need a new animal companion for your druid? That is a 24-hour process.
That's bad.
Yeah, you can't do that right now.
I can do that right now.
If we need more blood, Jake needs to be on that damn blood letter because I ain't giving it anymore.
I'll get on that goddamn blood letter.
You got the blood letter?
Yep. I tell them to check my vinyls and make sure that I'm okay. Bring your vinyls.
You go fully upside down and hit the straps.
recall how much we need for one trip?
But I at least have two people monitoring me as I go upside down.
Blood starts coming out of Jake pretty quick.
What?
When is he going to be lightheaded?
He's already lightheaded because he's already donated 1.2 liters out of six for his body.
Alright, basically after he's donated another 1.2, I'll help him out.
Okay. At that point, he has donated so much blood that he is going a little bit into shock.
Yeah, you're going conscious of hope.
CureLite wounds help that?
Hold them down.
It will prevent his body from... It'll heal the damage, but it will not give him more blood.
Also guys, they don't prevent me from grabbing the box.
So we pull him down
And is his body damaged?
It was going to start doing intelligence damage to him by having lack of blood flow to the brain.
I've only got a heel check of three. Who's got points into heel?
I heal him.
Like I...
Where's the cumulative ones?
This stated healing does not give me my blood back.
Yes, but I think.
I think Rich is talking about a heel check.
Yeah.
I heal check.
To like, yeah.
All right, I can probably do that too.
stabilize them if you have points in the heel. If not,
I guess is there, do I even need to do cure light moves here?
I don't think so.
I don't have anything on heal.
Into the room and be like, that's enough. I can't do it anymore
know how to heal manually man I just like I'm
Just the skill check.
Can you do that? Okay, yeah, I guess you can, right?
Give him a cookie and some water and tell him to keep at it.
Hell yeah.
on a hill.
I mean, that was just plus zero, man. You could do that too.
Oh shit, I thought, oh well that's why I asked what your modifier was.
Zero.
That's a pretty good one.
So I'm assisting you, I guess, for a plus two on your shit. or the other way around, however you want to do it.
There we go. Thanks for how teamwork makes dream work. That's a non-natural 20, my friend.
How do you feel, Jake? You lost 2.4 liters of blood.
2.4.
That's almost half.
How fast does the human body regenerate blood?
He's probably going to feel off for a day or so.
Is he still doing OK, though?
We just narrowly have kept him out of shock, so I don't know if he's going to be.
Okay, hemorrhagic shock or hypovolemic shock occurs when you've lost 20% or more of your total blood volume. Your symptoms will be more severe as more blood loss increases. He is having rapid breathing, confusion, cool pale skin, anxiety, drowsiness, and he is now unconscious.
He is unconscious.
He has a volume loss of over 40% and his heart cannot properly maintain blood pressure. Your heal check is keeping his blood pumping. By that non-natural 20, you are pumping for him and his organs are starting to fail without adequate blood and fluid.
Let me look through some spells.
It takes 48 hours to regain your blood.
So we just stay here for, I guess that's not a bad thing that he's passed out. Can't open that fucking box.
So let's just keep him in the state for a day or two.
But now we're stuck here fucking pumping his blood for him.
It happens if we just bind them.
and bind him.
I mean, he won't go insane if we just like...
Actually, he loses wisdom score until he dies, I guess.
Only if he's away from the Bucs, right?
if he fails to open it.
keep the box in his pocket. The box ain't going nowhere.
No, if he fails to open it.
if he's more than 10 feet away.
I'm pretty sure if he fails to open it will start to do damage to him.
I think so.
that was on there.
Yeah, I'm calling it.
The wisdom check he has to make each day to not open it is significantly, or increases with each day.
He doesn't take damage from not opening it.
He doesn't take wisdom damage.
Okay, but I think we have a bigger problem of we need more blood in there and anyone who donates more blood is going to end up like this and we actually need to do this three times. So this, he just did it once. He also needs to do it a third time, which means we're going to be here for a while unless we find more sacrifices.
He's just compelled to kill us if the boss leaves his hands. So I say,
There is a total of 7.2 liters of blood on the wall.
And Rich brought this up earlier. So the box right now is in Jake's.
his hat, which is a different dimension, right?
So technically he's more than 10 feet away from it right now?
a thorax like that.
I don't know. I wasn't curious. I was curious how that was going to apply.
Because the hat is within 10 feet. and the dimension is in the hat, right?
So the whole dimension is within 10 feet.
The dimensions definitely take your way.
That's a damn good point. And if he was conscious, you would see if he has to make a will save or not.
for that.
So how are we solving this blood issue?
Luckily,
I got an idea. Rich, do you know anti-magic field?
Yeah, but I don't think it'll work on that.
We'll cast it, we'll keep Jake from polymorphing, we tie him up, and we just hold him down.
Well, he's unconscious. We could literally shackle him and tie him up right now, but...
That way he can't
I don't think this I think this anti magic field only lasts so long.
He's not going to be unconscious forever.
I don't know what it is.
can't make it permanent i mean you can but it would cost a lot
It's so hard to get around.
We got to figure out a way to
Because that destruction clause is ridiculous. It is fucking ridiculous.
Can I... If I can't... Ah, shit. I've got to remove Curse. Would that make it... Would that free him of it? No.
I thought about that. The only way that curse can be removed is by the whole destroying it with the old dragon thing.
I didn't have to be a goddamn shapeshifter.
I've got lesser Gaius. Fuck. Can I force them to
Shit. What can I do?
I think our only option is to send out a party and try to find someone to go bleed.
Because unless you got some crazy magic shit, Rich...
detect life to go find things.
Don't we know how much blood we need to make the ship go? Didn't we do the math before?
It was about a third filled up on six liters. So 18 liters filled the whole ship, which is the equivalent of three people. But I swear to God we've powered this with one person before. So the fact that the crystal isn't humming is a very bad sign.
Yeah, I think.
Yeah, didn't we...
No, nobody picked up the fucking thing.
I don't think it matters. I think that thing just hums all the time.
Donovan, you never went and picked... No, yeah, it didn't hum until you went over and picked up the whatchamacallit, the sextant. So go check out the sextant, see if that does anything.
sextant.
We'll take a peek at the sex zone.
You see the sextant.
No change.
Although... Did you notice that some of the cracks on the crystal in that room that you're in? are starting to change from green to red.
So we do need more blood.
And we need to clean the fuel line before we put more fuel in. Goddammit, basic mechanics.
Yeah.
I didn't go to space trade school.
Okay, so
We can't really afford to give a whole lot more blood ourselves without going unconscious.
What?
we put Jake on a dialysis machine and just keep him on there.
Actually, what kind of knowledge check would it require to know if fast healing restored your blood?
Would that be nature?
You can use knowledge nature for that.
That's also a fucking GM call.
I think that's a hard GM call, yeah.
Can anyone do restoration?
You know that it does not.
26. It does not. All right. I do not want to get on hold.
Fast healing does not regenerate blood.
Does anyone have restoration?
Jake.
laughter
Hahaha.
Fucking course he does.
Toast.
Maybe, well now I'm wondering if we can like
Can I polymorph something into blood?
It'd be a small ass creature which would not have a lot of blood even if that did work.
Well, no, like there are ways you can polymorph objects into other objects. Can I, I'm wondering if I have a spell that'll allow me to turn a bucket of water into a bucket of blood.
If so, that'd be really dope.
But I also
Probably seem like evil-ass shit.
Yeah.
Fuck turning water to wine. Water to blood.
You're going to put manufactured blend in this machine?
it wasn't doing no good for it last time.
Ugh. God damn it.
Didn't you guys have like a deckhand or something?
Oh shit.
I wonder.
I don't know if we do.
I'm going to polymorph myself into
fucking silverback gorilla like a huge one
Take my blood. I have a lot of blood.
Let's see. I mean, I'm going to try it out.
Actually, wait, no. Cause then I'm going to polymorph back. I'm going to lose all that blood and then I'm going to pass out and die. Nevermind.
laughter
Well, no, Jake can help you get back.
I know how you do that. You're just going to sit back and let me have at that till I die. I know how you do.
So.
Do we wait until this guy wakes back up?
I say we go out there and go hunting. We don't have a lot of time.
All right, well, I can't go because I've got to heal this dude.
And he's not on it anymore. Oh, that's right. He's got a heart problem. Got heart palpitations.
I guess so.
Well, if it really comes to it, we can always just, you know,
No, nothing's going to save us. We're doomed.
We'll be fine. We'll just have to wait until he gets back up.
I think we're just doomed.
last for one week holy shit we can't hide for one week
Just wait until
Wakes back up. Or actually, no. This is still his other character, right? What was his name? Tick-Tick. Wait for Tick-Tick to wake up.
And then you turn into a fucking gorilla. We drain your ass of blood. And then Jake uses Restoration.
Why wouldn't No, I still don't like it. I'll turn you into a gorilla if you want, but I'm not down. I have a feeling this is just going to stab me in the back somehow. That's why I said no at it before it even was fleshed out. There's a hole in the plan.
I thought it was your idea.
What's the whole?
What's the hole in the plan?
You're going to transform TickTick?
that after the polymorph.
not any tactic alive because he has restoration.
Do you ever know restoration will give blood back?
Can I do a knowledge on that or can you just tell me?
You can know, I'll try it.
What do I need to do?
I'm thinking there's no magical means to regain blood.
knowledge.
It's like nature. Nature.
Knowledge Arcana. No, it's not Arcana. Nature.
27.
restoration will restore levels it will restore abilities as well as constitution which counts as blood so yes
Yeah, I think that'll give him blood back. He knows how to give you blood back.
as a material component of diamond dust worth a thousand gold though.
Nah, that's okay.
He would probably have it on him, I think, right?
I have that on me.
How are we going to get TickTick to wake up?
We're going to wait. His body will take care of it. You guys just keep watch.
It takes 48 hours to regain your blood.
Yeah, so you should keep watch for 48 hours.
That's right, you can't open a box.
You should keep watch. We got a long day ahead of us.
He's gonna open the box. Hold on one second. This is just terrible all around.
You guys should get ready, you know, stations and whatnot. Just so we're not surprised.
You guys wait. You guys wait.
he's unconscious, just take his hat and just hide it somewhere
How active do I actually feel the healing impact?
Oh shit, what if we just throw it in, what if we just take his hat and throw it into the winds of doom?
You are pumping his heart manually right now.
I can't even sip some of this goddamn whiskey.
He's unconscious. What if we just take his hat and throw it?
that you will kill Jake that way.
slow deaths instead of quick ones.
and shit every day.
Wait, where's the wall dead?
You guys wait? What do you do?
We're talking about the wisdom damage if he's 10 feet away from his...
Yeah, if he's away from it.
I don't think he's away from it.
You guys don't want to answer this question? I'm going to answer this question.
Real question.
That is in the dimension.
mean that it's further than 10 feet, Pat? I would acknowledge our count of 33.
but if
You're fairly certain that's what that means.
I'm confident this, but...
Okay.
So what I'm saying is I'm going to be pumping this
What is he like? What kind of, what race is he? Is he human?
What is Jake? Is he an ant? A rat?
He never plays human. He's an elf, I'm pretty sure.
Like a goblin-y? I'm not going to get an elf.
He's an elf?
No.
He is a droid. Jake, where are you?
I feel like you're allowed to answer that question.
Where is Jake?
No.
Peace out.
I have to pump this elf's blood.
Jake just did respond that if he was an elf, he's typing.
Okay, can you guys keep watch and then let's just fast forward 48 hours.
or 24 hours whenever he wakes up it's probably not gonna take 48 hours right is it
I'm taking his hat and I'm hiding it until he wakes up.
Wait, hiding it where? You can't take it more than 10 feet away.
where he...
He'll take wisdom damage, but restoration will cure that too.
I don't... Will I... I don't think he can use Restoration that often, dude. It's not a very low-level spell.
Give him the box after he wakes up and he's not trying to take said box and open it. Because I don't want someone to fall asleep or something, and then he wakes up before you, and then he just opens the box.
He's got to try to kill you to find that box.
What was the...
You won't even know where the box is or who has it.
He's gonna try to kill you, kill us all to find that box.
Yeah, he'll kill it.
I'd rather have him try and kill us than open the box.
just tie him down then just don't even like keep the hat on and tie him
I take that.
Just tie him with that fucking fishing rope that you have.
He's already been through this. If that was easy to bind him, then he would have done that in the first place.
While all this is going on,
He's not Superman, man. He's just a fucking Druid elf.
That'll turn into something at random.
It could turn into all sorts of forms.
cast a spell
Well, you know, I think I know how to punch him in the face if he's trying to cast a spell.
well then I don't have to worry about them killing me because you have them stopped.
If he's tied up and he can't use his arms, he's a shapeshifter, he said? Does that just sound well?
then what's the problem with me taking the hat if Let's probably take a hat.
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.
and restoration heals negative stat damage and levels.
And he only takes it immediately and then once a day.
once a day.
So you can use it once a day.
I think he's still going to freak out and try and kill us.
if you take his hat for sure.
Give the hat back. When he wakes up, it's just when we're there to see him wake up.
So you're just going to hide the hat while he's asleep.
Safety measure.
just in case he wakes up while someone may not be paying attention and then opens the box.
Oh, like for like if he wakes up for like a midnight snack or something?
Exactly.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, I didn't realize that's what you meant.
Don't play keep away, just make sure he doesn't wake up and open a box like impulse.
Like, sure, he wakes up and casts Fireball. Fine, we gave him the hat back, but it's better than him waking up and releasing demons out of impulse.
So 1d4 of wisdom damage plus 1d4 of wisdom damage per subsequent day, right?
I'm just going to hide it upstairs. It'll be in plain sight. Like, top of the stairs. That way, it's not too hard for him to get to it if he does go into murder-simpulse.
I just don't. I mean, I can watch him. Give me the hat. Give me the hat. If he wakes up, I'll run away.
for 48 hours.
Actually, I can't have that because I have to pump his blood.
will do shifts and
Honestly, he's not going to wake up that fast, dude. He's not going to suddenly wake up and be like, oh, where's the hat? Let me take something out. It's going to take a while to cross.
He might, actually.
He might want to, but he's not going to have that much blood in him.
Hey, Pat.
The wording for locate object is I sense the direction of a well-known or clearly visualized object. I can search for general items, in which case I locate the nearest of its kind if one or more of it is within range. Can I search for a perfectly circular, hollow lock?
You are looking for a perfectly circular, hollow lock.
Not actually. Yeah, just a perfectly circular.
Well, shit.
And the range is about 800 feet.
a perfectly circular lock.
perfectly circular, like spherical, like just a hollow orb. I'm searching for a hollow orb in this nest.
Perfectly spherical. Oh! You were looking for...
clearly visualized object.
search for general items and I'm searching for a hollow orb, like just
Attempting to find a certain item requires a specific and accurate mental image. Okay, so you're essentially looking for the shape of... you're essentially looking for what you already have seen a key fit into, but spherical instead of like a little pyramid. Yeah, since you've already seen a lock, you can just imagine it's circular. Yes, that is a clearly visualized thing.
Indeed.
within 800 feet.
Well, shit.
That sounds like a lot.
from the other circular lock, or should you walk 200 feet and then use cask as well?
So you cast locate object?
Yes. and it lasts for 10 minutes.
You are here. Are you on the map?
I am.
Do I need to zoom out?
and how does LocateObject work? In your sense of direction.
Yeah, so this is the direction that you sense.
I'm zoomed out. All right. So, that being said, we can head that way, do we want to?
I say yes, because then we also might run into someone where we get blood.
AND
Shit. Okay. Everybody... Oh, I gather everybody around except for Jake, and I cast... Well, that's actually why I'm doing this. I cast telepathy.
And me. I can't go.
Let me do a double check on what the name of the spell is.
You guys still there?
Yeah, still here.
What are we waiting on?
Yeah, sorry, I'm having trouble finding the name of the spell.
Riches. doing something.
What is a two?
But essentially we all just can communicate. Yeah, I can't seem to find it on my spell list.
Telepathy?
I think everyone knows what telepathy does.
Yeah, I know, but 10 minutes per level, no barriers seemingly. No barriers of distance. Just auto. I did that.
Oh, I see, like how long it is.
I mean, it's the best we got.
How many rooms does our ship have?
Your ship has... This plus three. Five rooms.
Okay, if I was to put up
security cameras and I got four security cameras. If I were to put them up in the ship, where would the most efficient places be?
The hallway between the rooms, the top deck below in the bottom bilge area, and then probably one on the crow's nest.
I do that. I got spy eyes. I put them around, except the one on the ground, Pro's Nest, I want to make sure it can see Jake.
Depends on where you put him.
Yeah, whatever the one's like closest to Jake, I want to make sure it's like in that room.
So you just want to put all of them in Jake's room?
I'll put one in Jake's room so I can see Jake and Ozan. And then I'll put the other three around the ship, like one in the hallway and that kind of thing.
So above deck, hallway, bilge, Jake's room.
see through those, if I close my eyes, I believe at its 10 mile radius.
Ciao.
Search. So yeah, we can all now communicate over any distance, but not through planes. And that goes for 10 minutes a level.
Telepathically, you can choose to not, but we all can.
Yep. Boom. And, yeah, we're good. We can meander on.
All right.
I'm gonna go ahead and cast Overland Flight and Migrator Maid Shield and Shield.
take Jake's hat and I tell everyone I'm putting it in the crow's nest.
Good depth spot for everybody.
I still think there's no reason to do it, but I don't stop you.
Safety first, Ben.
All right.
Shit.
kill on that goddamn thing.
Nutty, what did we register safety as? It was like start ally first Shit, I forget the acronym.
Start ally first territory efficiently or effectively. Safety first.
All right.
We need to figure out a way to go that way. And I show them the, I point the direction.
And ooh, this might be the way. Well, there's a door.
I don't like it.
Can we just come out this door?
I'm still up here in the hallway where we were.
You guys should follow me because I'm all frightened out here alone.
Which way did you go? From the ship to the left?
To the left. I probably should have gone to the right.
Yeah?
I'm to the right already.
Okay, I'm coming back. Goddamn this process.
White stuff's just completely black.
Yeah, you sure you just aren't zoomed out on it?
I can't see a thing.
I can't zoom out anymore.
Oh, I deleted you, Nutty. You weren't here.
Hey, Pat.
And let me bring it back in.
You have too much power.
my character plays beatboxes staying alive while i
Dude, that's a couple pluses on that to get me back in the game. I'll wake up to that shit.
I think that that's like, I've heard that's, you have darkvision, right, Nanny? That's like a good beat to do that too.
Well, it doesn't seem to be working out the same way we'd like.
That is going the wrong fucking way.
So I think we actually do have to go down and around to the left.
Has anyone got a pen and paper to mark that distance?
We gotta go to the left, you said?
Don't forget.
If you guys do mark stuff, if you have any method of keeping track, like a pen and paper, feel free to use the freehand draw on the map, as long as you're keeping track with breadcrumbs or maps or somehow.
Deal.
pen and paper.
I hand you pen and paper. Pencil and paper.
You have pen and paper? Well...
Well, trying to think, do I have a pen? Because I know I have a quill and ink. I have a quill and ink and paper.
Well, check your inventory.
cool and ink on the go, man.
I don't think they have pens in this universe as much as I want them.
Someone hold my ink bottle!
So yeah, I'm going to go hard to the left. Because I don't think we can go to the right.
There is a door here, by the way. Did we open it and fit?
Just so you know, since this is different than what you might think it is, over here...
How's?
This is an underpass. This goes underneath.
underneath and then through.
See what I'm saying?
This is a... That's a walkway underneath.
underneath and through
So the one I'm on right now is on the underside or is...
Where are you right now?
by the door on the left side of that hall.
I mean, it's kind of on the over side of this one and it's on the underside of this one. Yeah. This goes over this path. And it goes under this path and continues on through.
Okay.
That's why you can see through it.
No, you can't just climb up though. You've got to go under. It doesn't connect to that top pass.
Oh, shit. God damn it. Okay, I'll move myself down a sec.
You see what I'm saying? How it threads, it weaves underneath.
Yes.
See how you can see and you can move your character through it. That's the only reason you can see through it. So there would be no other way for you to move through it otherwise. So I had to do it that way.
But you see how it weaves under, kind of like a pie lattice?
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
I think I am to the left. I'm pretty far down this hallway.
Where you at, Tony?
I'm not sure.
But just to verify, we cannot go the north-south route.
Not unless you can somehow find the road that leads there to that overpass.
And I think it is the way Donovan was.
Unless you risk climbing through the violent winds.
Hello?
Hello?
Hi.
Hello.
I was kind of waiting for people to catch up to me.
you guys do.
I'm being overwatched by Ozone. I'm getting my blood leaded.
So what are you doing, Rich?
I'm deciding whether or not I want to try and just... not playing shift dimension for us right over there. potentially taking shunt damage, but I don't know.
That's... Do you guys prefer a technical longer route?
I'm not sure how far away from you I am.
I think We're going to be with you in just a moment.
I'm going to head over your direction.
I've been walking a while.
Are you, oh shit. Where are you, Donnie?
Did you go up and did you go to the left and then up?
I went to the left, yeah, of whatever direction I was already in.
you went up.
What are these doors I'm looking at? Oh, this is the tunnel thing, isn't it? This isn't a door.
Where you at?
Where are you at?
the overpass if you went to the left and then over.
Okay, yeah, you're going through the underpass, got it.
I'm trying to get through it, but it's giving me shit. Oh, God, another underpass.
You get through them? There you go.
And I'm through.
Let's see what the fuck is up ahead. Gotta rearrange some shit. Oh God.
I'm not sure.
It has a circle around to the right.
wish we were all together or that at least I wasn't all alone.
I'm pretty sure I'm in front of you. I haven't ran into anything that I've noticed yet.
I am now going to be stealthing from here on for a moment. I'm gonna give you the roll for that.
Non-natural 20.
Nice roll.
Only two.
And I'm going to stop. Do I hear anything?
15 on the perception.
apparently hear nothing.
Guess we'll continue on.
Frightened.
I don't think Pat's there.
Oh, hey. Tony, I found you. Wait, is that you?
Yeah.
All right, we need to go back down this way, I think.
Whoa.
Oh, goddammit, did we end up
There's an overpass right here.
Hello.
lost connection.
Do you want me to dimension Doris over to that overpass? Guys, we're struggling. I feel like we're going in circles.
Or do you think that this is just like a random spiral dungeon and this is what we're supposed to be doing?
Yeah, I think that's probably what is going on here.
The pose I don't see is.
That was still stealthy. It's not safe.
Did you go over under the underpass there?
Yeah. Keep going to the left.
Well, wait, you can't go from, I think you have to continue down just to go through it. You actually can't turn the corners there.
Here you go.
Oh, no, we're on the overpass now. I see what you're saying.
Coming back to get you.
I'm coming forward. Keep asking.
Oh, there you are. I'm going.
All right, we're gonna do this. And Donna, you stealth too. It's about to get up.
It's not a lot of good. I'm in heavy armor. Although, didn't I...
I cast regular mage armor.
is a super good major armor that he keeps for everybody else.
It's a higher level spell. I got to keep those things for like fireballs and shit.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm, indeed.
I won't take no high and mighty shit from you. We're in a debacle right now.
Personally, I think that he's making you all more paranoid than you need to be.
Bye dong.
we need to be about what?
just in general.
about you opening the box?
Yeah.
A party kill box?
Ha!
It has a name, Party Kill Box.
Is that a door on the wall or am I...
I haven't seen any George.
I'm zoomed out pretty far. Just the one that we, the corner we just passed.
Oh yeah, there is a door here.
Oh shit, okay, then that's the one we wanna get to. Donnie, looks like it's you and me.
Oh god, okay. Alright.
I'm going to cast regular fly on you as well.
Flying Samurai.
Let's go in that door.
Patty there?
Shit's getting real. We're opening doors.
Pat, we can't hear you.
They got bored of us wandering around aimlessly trying to figure out how not to die.
Well, we're kind of dying from a lot of angles right now.
Yeah, which is why we're locating this fucking orb spot. Like, I'm trying, we're trying to rush through this dungeon.
Tis the human condition. The sun gives you cancer, Donnie. Hoo.
I think you actually just power the ship and get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, but we... Again, Jake, don't encourage me to just take the easy way out and just like bleed your rug dry.
Oh, no, that's why I took it. Dude, that's why I went up power the ship. If I'm fucking helpless, I can't make fucking moves to go ahead and touch my hat. So put myself in the status so we can do that.
What do you guys do?
And once we get back to the regular plane, it will be much safer to actually treat this like a quest instead of a death threat.
It's an easy decision.
It'll be great. Oh man, we can teleport so far away.
So soon.
Hello.
Hello.
What do you guys do?
So we found this door, right?
Yeah.
I kick it in.
Kick down the door. Boom.
And inside you see And by kick it in, you just mean open it, right?
Yeah, open it, because you can't. Yeah. These are four doors.
Right, they're kind of like stone. Dimensionally. Yeah, okay.
Let me find what you see, because I forgot to place it. Tsk, Pat. Being prepared.
That. That is about right, okay, that.
What'd you say on the boat, Nutty?
Seems to be so. Or at the very least, we lost him. It's just you and me, Donny.
Uh,
See how this goes.
memento, one more object. Actually, that's fine. Okay, so you guys go in and you see six dudes. I turn and look at you. Two of them are up here and they're looking at a chest in the corner. And they all have masks on.
They all have masks on.
Yeah. masks.
What kind of masks?
look at this chest and rich and donny rolling perception
Kind of like Majora's Masks, but white.
Natural 20.
Natural 20, underneath the webbing in the center of the room, you see the depression that you're almost positive is that circular lock, spherical lock.
Shit yeah.
We'll place it right there.
Alright Donnie, looks like we gotta clear our room and then we got it.
Okay.
And let me roll a d100 real quick. And one of the guys turns to you. It's a 97.
And he goes, What are you doing here?
Get out of here.
Can you guys help us get out of here?
He looks over at you and he's like, I think these guys are here for the treasure we're looking for.
I'm honestly trying to get out of here. Like, what's the treasure? Like, I don't really want it, but like, Tell me about it.
Well, we just found this chest here, you see?
Did you?
We're trying to get it open. You want to help us?
Can you help me figure out how to leave this place? Like how long you guys been here?
use this like?
We got teleported here by a wizard, and he said that we were going to find him treasure and we'd get paid. And we've been wandering through these mazes here for about two days now.
Okay, dude, can I take you guys back to our ship? It is docked in the middle. We had a similar catastrophe. Oh man, it is just good to see other live humans. It is.
No, we think we found the treasure here, man. This is what we're here for.
you guys have a way to get back? Oh, what are you guys? I'm sorry, bad.
You're not human.
Living being living beings.
And he takes his mask off and it's a drow.
Oh, hey, guys.
What's going on, dude?
You guys are not in a good place.
What are you talking about?
Isn't Loth way cool with the drought?
The pastor didn't like the draft.
No, I thought she was totally down with them.
I thought she was totally down with like eating them.
I think...
But yeah.
What do you guys do?
This is telepathically between Donovan and I. Do we want to bring these guys back to, you know, like lead them out?
chest.
Yeah. Why don't you guys come back to the ship with the treasure and we can help you open it there. We've got a lot more resources on the ship.
Yeah. And the ship is kind of like partway through. Was the 31 that I rolled beforehand not apply?
Home diplomacy.
Much higher than their low sense motive.
For diplomacy? Oh, no. All right. So, 31 diplomacy. They say, okay, you guys seem like you've been here for a while and you know what you're doing. We just got sent here. We'll take the treasure chest with us. But don't try anything funny. This is our treasure.
No, not at all.
And then they take the chest with them and they haul it out of the room.
And the. Pat, can you use your magical powers and just move all of us back to the ship?
Thank you so much. That was going to be off. You just saved us minutes.
just kind of group us all together.
So many minutes.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun
Trying to find it again.
Okay, let me go let the rest...
Oh, wait. Before... Wait, hold on. Nope. You guys don't instantly come back. My bad. Hold or... Hold or...
Because there's something going on during the time that you would be transferring back to the thing. Okay. So, unfortunately, you guys do have to manually come back. Just because there's... No, there's concurrent events that are happening. And if it was just fast travel, it'd be fast travel. But there's another monster afoot that really makes this...
Oh, you're a monster.
Well, you've got to at least take us all out of the room.
important.
I will do that. I will do that. I'll take you all out of the room.
And you must walk your happy ass back and just assume that they're following it because they are. Okay?
So...
to the ship.
All right, back to the show.
Okay, so, and back to the ship. So, in the ship, Ozan, you are with Jake.
On the side?
I was on so you'd be right back, I think.
Well, then you guys take a second and stop walking.
Oh, you're going to make us go the whole long way. I'll watch.
There ain't no fast travel in this game.
Take the herbs.
Bullshit.
Are you there?
I'm here.
And then Jake, you're here.
So I just need to wait for Ozon real quick. And then I can have him roll for perception. And then we can continue the next phase that happens while you're up in that room.
But you guys didn't hear me right?
Yeah, we can hear you just fine.
Alright, and since we're all able to talk telepathically without, yeah, I'm having this discussion with Nutty and Ozon and letting them know that we're coming back with some drow. Don't be racist. We're going to, we can honestly probably convince them to be our crew and like just have a crew. I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm coming back with some drow. Listen, everybody. Yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like.
Sounds like slavery, Rich. I don't know.
Okay, Ozone's back.
I was on his back.
Yep.
So,
I need Ozan, you on the ship, to roll me Perception, please.
That would be my honor.
30.
Give me a second, I gotta look up how this works.
20 plus 40.
OK.
Okay, so that's a DC-44. Okay, failure. Never mind. Continue what you're doing, everybody.
Will do.
So you're moving a little bit more up there.
Just walking.
Sorry, Pat, I didn't hear it. Did you say failure?
And now everyone... Wait, stop moving up there. Stop moving. Everyone roll me initiative. Everybody.
No. Woo! Yeah, I will.
Oh, shit.
Are you sure?
He sounded pretty sure.
That's my health rule.
six plus my constitution.
Did my initiative not roll? I clicked it.
That's my health role as well.
I'm so glad that shit that used to happen to us where none of the rolls worked stopped. Oh, it was annoying.
Damn it.
those on. You're still pumping blood, but you can do any action you desire in this moment where nothing seems off or odd.
Um,
Maybe I'm gonna... I'm going to start, I'll change my beatboxing please. to
What terrible thing is happening?
From staying alive to...
Another one buys the dust
What have we got?
Rony, did you ever make it?
Not yet. He told me to stop moving.
All right, Jake, you are continuing to be unconscious. All right. Nutty, you're up. Do you, everything seems out of the ordinary to you. Do anything?
Does Nuddy do a perception check?
yeah, you can roll me a perception check as well, Nut.
because of his eyes, the watcher things.
And then,
to see you like,
And then one more perception check from you, Ozan.
I don't know what you're looking for here, Pam, but I'm not going to do that much better. Unless I got like a natural 20, 23.
Ozone, what is your armor class?
AC 17.
Okay, 17, cool.
Give me a second.
Trying to see how this works.
Toot.
Hmm.
Motherfuck.
Monster Mash.
It's the Monster Mash!
A lot of attacks.
something invisibly behind you begins to attack you over and over and over again.
Behind me?
Yes.
They begin to attack me over and over and over again.
Does anyone know if greater invisibility makes you appear after attacking?
It does not. That is what makes it better.
It doesn't. If you take damage, it does.
Something behind you is attacking you over and over again. And it is 25, 16 damage, 25. That's a critical miss, so it's just a miss. Your AC was what?
17.
Okay, so 17 damage...
Is it really that many attacks?
Jesus Christ.
Got it.
I telepathically say, ah,
Yeah.
You do. You are screaming telepathically.
What does that mean?
I telepathically say, ah, ha,
You take.
I'm going to have fun.
What the hell is going on over there?
17 plus 15 plus 17 plus
I don't know.
What's wrong?
16
I don't know.
That's a miss.
I don't know, maybe Randolph can say something.
I can't figure out what the fuck is going on and I'm apparently not allowed to move still.
You take a hit, you take a hit, you take a hit, you take a hit, you take a hit.
initiative roots.
That's
like I said Jesus don't use the Lord's name in vain
How many points do you have? How many hit points do you have, Ozon?
Just tell me how much damage I got.
17 plus 15 plus 17.
Oh, son, I wish you were really like that. That'd be so good.
16 doesn't count. 17 plus 17
Guys, we can talk about mythical monsters all we fucking want, but do not say the word Jesus in vain. Don't do that.
12 plus 14 plus 16.
Anybody who
Oh, are you awake now?
91 damage.
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
91 damage, I die.
Ozone goes down. Dead. Something invisibly swings at him six times or eight times, misses twice. One, two, three, four. No, not eight times. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight times.
I'm at negative seven.
What the shit?
Dude, did the box get opened or something?
That's nutty. He's in control of it.
And then Jake,
Did Nutty open a box...
Think that he opened the box.
You are no longer pumping Jake's heart. Jake, you are going into cardiac arrest. Do a self-heal check to see if you can stabilize.
What am I going in?
You are...
What's my status?
How many negative hit points do you have?
Oh, negative seven. Just negative seven.
Negative seven, what's your constitution score?
14.
Where is Nutty?
14.
I cast invisibility.
You also take sneak attack damage of an additional 90 points and you are completely dead.
All take it.
Can I get a heel check to get the fuck off this apparatus?
I'm at negative 97.
For a self-induced cardiac arrest?
Ozon is dead.
I could go to Gerard Jake while I'm done with those on.
Can you please do a bit more justice than dead?
Okay, not a coup de grace Jake while he's down. Go ahead.
I put them both on the apparatus.
go ahead and give me the heal check, Jake, to try to wake up before you get coup de grace.
Wow, Nutty. I knew you weren't fucking around.
DC 20. You natural 20 the heal check. You eyes snap open. You see a pummeling, bleeding...
I don't know.
nasty shape of an ozon basically just get punched into bloody pulp and mist and then you see what seems to be like the shape of maybe fists in the blood mist that are invisible but getting coated with blood so you can kind of see some blood smeared all over these hands.
You can think thoughts at me.
And you see four arms covered in blood and your eyes pop open. It turns towards you. It is now Donnie's turn.
He might have a natural 20 heel check, but there's no way he can see through my invisibility.
No, but you certainly can see blood all over your arms after just doing that to Ozone.
Keep coming to me, Donnie. I'm hiding here now because I'm hiding outside the boat now because I'm like, you know,
Max 120.
I'm just going to wait here invisibly until Donna gets here.
100 feet is
Jesus. Noddy.
Did you have something to do with the scream?
You hear that in your head as he telepathically communicates to you.
I'm being taken care of.
Are we all late? Can I get a 2-0 that I'm awake?
You can hear that too. You are linked.
And you can communicate back, because talking is a free action even in your head.
I moved my 120. I'm done.
And I'm waiting it out. It's now on you guys. Wait, oh shit.
It is Richard's turn. It's Rich's turn. You're waiting.
i mean Are you... Okay, where's my guy? Where's my guy? Okay, there's my guy. Where's the boat from here? I'm having a lot of trouble finding my boat.
I tell Pathic Link with everybody, hey, I'm awake. Is everybody okay? What's going on? I mean, you can limit that. But I tell everybody that Ozone's bloody on the floor.
Say I see two monsters on the deck trying to come below.
I think it would be unfair to call me bloody.
I'm trying to get, keep going to, looks like I'm,
What?
More like mist.
Jake, you hear what Nuddy just telepathically said, and it doesn't really add up.
Kisses and physical monsters.
I'm just gonna spend my... Full flies or my move. Actually, yeah, I can't do a full fly, so I can only move the 40 after I cast or after I cast invisibility. So that's my turn. Still looping.
It's Oza... Oh, it's Jake's turn.
I'm pretty far from the boat still.
Oh, he used his ability to heal check, though.
Oh my God.
The heel check was after the pump. Yep.
No, I gave him a... I gave him the ability to do a heal check.
A last second.
As Ozone stopped pumping my heart
That wasn't a turn-based.
You got a natural swim day on your you're about to die check. You got it.
My heart's starting back up to break me alive again. Oh shit, you kidding me? Yeah, dude, that's what's up.
That was right when he stopped doing Ozon's heal check. I gave Jake a chance to attempt a heal check to see if his eyes wake up, or he wakes up, and he did a natural 20. So that was not his turn.
popping my heart.
But this is Jake's turn.
I immediately...
You are also still limiting a lot of blood and you feel extremely woozy. You are awake and conscious and can think it is near impossible to move your arms.
I was going to say, you can't really move very well.
because you just don't have that much blood volume in your body.
Because they don't have a lot of blood.
Does... Can he cast spells? Wally, is that like... Fucked up.
I mean, that'd be up to Pat if I can or can't.
I suppose it would depend on it, what it required order your spells.
Yeah, how much blood is it? I literally just get my own heart pumping back again.
Do you have to say something or do you have to do a somatic component as well? Because if you can't lift your arms, you're not casting that spell.
Yeah, well, I mean, like, there's a number of spells I can cast that could be visual, somatic, and motionary, but, I mean, no, I...
It's difficult to move.
I mean,
You just woke up out of a coma. Let's see.
I woke up out of a coma. I see what I see. I mentally telepathically tell everybody exactly what I see.
in my lifeless state i mean i want to i want to roll a percent i guess if i roll reception i can't you know i want to look for my hat but i want to move
Nadia, before you do it, I need to know, are you going to open the box?
That's none of your business.
I don't think he is.
Richard, ask yourself this question. Is Istanbul Constantinople?
Jake, you are more than 10 feet away from the box. You take 1d4 wisdom damage.
Famous last words.
It's none of your business. It's none of your business. As long as if you're not talking to Ozon, it's nobody else's business.
Jake, you take four wisdom damage.
That's fucked up, dude. I'm cooking right now. We're watching somebody cook. no, I.
This has been an awful fucking... Like, this dungeon sucked.
I go I go I turn into I turn into dust
You turn it into dust?
Yep, I might be turning to dust.
Yeah, what ability is that?
It's dust form. It's a spell.
Damn.
It's going to be hard to figure that one out.
Okay, personal. One round of level. Verbal, somatic, material. Pinch of dust, gather from Gravestone. Okay. So, to do this, I need a constitution check. DC... 20 to be able to move your arms near the somatic components of the spell. And if you can, then you can cast Dustform.
Yeah, I'm not gonna make that one.
Let's see. All right.
Well, at least flip Naughty off before it kills you.
I've got a fate point.
Where am I? I'm in the ship, right?
To do what? To save Jake?
I only got one and I'm really scared in this dungeon in general. What if Nutty turns on me?
He's also got a roll of 19.
Wait, I have pay points.
a 10% chance
Was that constitution or was that a concentration check?
If he rolls a 19 or 20, it's a 10% chance. It was a constitution check.
No, not constitution. It's a fortitude save. That's what I meant.
I think Jake is fucked.
It's not, you're not rolling your constitution modifier.
Fort Save is better than Constitution.
Hey, hold on. Pat, what was that?
I meant to say fortitude save, whatever the one that uses your constitution.
That's a better chance.
So I have to roll a fort save to use a spell?
You have to basically sum up the constitution, the fortitude to move your arms up and
Same old, same old.
Actually.
Got one fade point left and I can't part with it.
You just have a fate point.
I have but one, I'm sorry.
But Jake has one too.
I'm rolling. Yeah, I do have one and I'm rolling that four to three check again.
What's up?
He turned to dust.
I, Tech of Opportunity?
You...
for casting the spell.
Can you cast defensively? Is that a thing? How do you do that?
No, not against the IT.
You do. I just want to see. There's a way to do that, though, when you cast a spell defensively, right?
I think I got it in games, but I don't know about this one.
So, to cast a spell defensively, just so you guys all know in the future, to cast a spell defensively, you have to roll a concentration check, and I believe you don't provoke an attack of opportunity when you do that. I want to double check, though.
As the circumstances lie, as they may, I'm waking up from a cold, dead bloodletting, only for my heart being to be awakened by my own fucking fortitude. I don't think I'm casting defensively. Ha.
If you, in the future, want to cast a spell without provoking attacks of opportunity, you make a concentration check of DC plus double the level of the spell you're casting. So if your spell level's 5, it would be 25. Yeah.
15 plus double the spell level.
Or I'll suspend.
wait so 15 plus double the spell level Fuck.
You gotta make a concentration check while injured while casting too.
It's going to be a really hard concentration check. Anyway, I'm just saying. Now, I'm not trying to go back to this and say that's what happened because obviously he didn't say that.
No, but no, but information is key and we appreciate you.
But That's something that could be done to prevent that from happening. Okay, so... Now you're taking attack of opportunity. Single attack, your highest base attack bonus.
This shit got tense real quick.
Alright, that is 32 to hit at 13 damage.
29 AC
That is sneaky.
18 Sneak Tech.
You get sneak attack damage because you're invisible? even though he knows you're there.
Anytime they're denied their dexterity, he can apply precision damage.
He sees blood, but he doesn't know where the claws are coming from.
I got keen senses.
Let me see.
If he hits me or draws blood, I can smell him.
at greater invisibility. Oh, dampened scents.
Oh, shit.
I think you're prone.
Sink attack damage goes through. You take 13 plus 18.
31.
I am at 26.
31 damage.
Phil right
What? No way, would the spell fail?
It says injured while casting, concentration check, DC is 10 plus damage dealt plus spell level.
Oh, if you're injured while casting.
Oh, shit.
You hear my con check?
Where is that?
I can't find the description, but concentration check DCs is under, Magic. Under catching spells.
I'll send you a link.
Okay, if you take damage while trying to cast a spell, you must make a concentration check with the DC equal to 10 plus the damage taken plus the level of the spell you're casting. If you fail, you lose the spell without effect. The interrupting event strikes during spell casting if it comes between the time you start it and the time you complete a spell. For a spell with a casting time of one full round or more, or if it comes in response to your casting spells such as an attack of opportunity provoked by the spell, such as rated action.
So,
It's not a full round or more though.
No, but it also is for a spell with a casting time of...
Oh, it's not a full round. If you fail to check, you lose the spell without effect. The interrupting event strikes during spell casting if it comes between the time you start it and the time you complete the spell. For a spell with a casting time of one full round or more, or if it comes in response to your casting of spells such as an attack of opportunity.
Yep, there it is.
provoked by the spell. Alright, Nettie, you are correct. That is a DC of 18 plus 13 plus the spell level plus 10.
That is all very good for me to know.
And that's a role on me for concentration?
Thank you for the information.
Constitution check. DC 46 to lose the spell.
concentration, I thought.
Concentration.
I don't have concentration.
In your spells list.
Just skilled, but yeah, it doesn't come up.
There's a concentration bracket at the top of Spells.
It's not a scale.
Very often.
I thought they got rid of that, man.
Concentration is probably 10 plus DC is a spell level plus my own spell level I'm casting I'm guessing.
If it gets to my turn before I'm back, I move 120 feet to the left.
Go to the right below your wizard level on your spellcasting bracket and there's a concentration thing.
In configuration or spells?
To make a concentration check, you roll a d20, you add your caster level, and the ability score modifier used to determine the bonus spells of the same type.
One more time, Nody.
hold on that's a bit more accurate you roll a d20 as you cast your level and the ability score modifier uses determine bonus spells of the same type for cleric druids rangers wisdom modifier bars paladin sorcerers and the charisma finally wizards add their intelligence modifier the more distracting the interruptions and the higher the level of the spell you are trying to cast the higher the dc
D20 plus caster level plus ability score modifier.
Nat 20, baby.
oh shit, rolling out the d20. And add it to it.
Oh shit.
Well, I think the requirement was actually, I think 38 might have already cleared it.
No, that was, no.
No, it was a 46.
Oh, shit. Roll again.
I mean, if you get a natural 20 on your fucking concentration check,
I mean, I don't think I got to roll again for that personally, but yeah, do it to it.
No, I don't think you do either. No, you are a natural fucking 20.
put a natural 20 is to get higher.
But I mean, yeah, but I mean, like, yeah, exactly.
Like the walk on sky is a 60.
I think so.
Yeah, well, I mean like 10 plus roll d20, 10 spell level ability modifier. So can you beat a 38? Because my natural spell modifier was 6%.
That's 46.
46.
You need to make that five higher with a fate point from somebody.
Can't make it.
Because that is a 40, 38 plus 5.
That is a 43...
That's 43. You need two more or three more. Yeah, five needs to be an eight or higher.
Are there any modifiers you're not thinking of somehow? I don't know.
Nope. No, I just take the damage. Spell fails.
No more fate points from anybody else? Donnie and Rich?
I only have one and I'm not willing to part with it until we're at this hellhole.
We're going to let this
Okay. And Donnie?
Okay. Insurance open?
Who posted a picture of fucking...
No fate points. Insurance is closed. Deal damage.
the bidding O and the bidding end.
Spell fizzles. Next... Turn is nutty.
fall tactics.
Okay, roll it.
God.
So was this a spur of the moment decision?
Something's going on that's like out of my hands kind of thing.
I don't know what that means.
Don't let his phrase confuse you.
What does that mean?
17 plus 15 plus 15 plus 13 plus
Nutty did have to go to the secret room a couple times, but is he going to have to... Oh, shit. Is Nutty going to kill me now?
16 plus...
and a byte as well as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 mashes.
He got four claws, one bite, and a gore, but I don't have a horn, so I don't get a gore.
So all that plus eight.
five attacks.
It's all that plus, yeah, four claws and one bite.
Five attacks? Why do I see attack one attack? I see attack one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two.
Oh, the attack 2 is what they do for, I don't know how to remove it, is for when they, it's like if you do a full attack right now, it's doing my, you get two attacks for being like higher level.
I don't know how to remove that, but I was trying to do a single attack.
Oh, you got to let me know because that added up to everyone else's damage they've taken from this guy.
The TAC one is 31 and then you just go back to the TAC one again.
That's like everyone so far. I didn't know that. I thought he had eight attacks. That's why I said eight attacks, eight attacks.
So it was like half of that damage to Ozon, half of that damage before.
plus 90 damage was full.
That's true. But
There's still a chance.
I mean, yeah, no, if he, if he lands that, if he, yeah. Since he landed that,
I can just go up and see what it was. Alright, so attack 1 missed. Attack 2 did not exist. Attack 1 for Ozone was...
record here. Okay.
one missed 16 17 plus oh no 17 doesn't exist so miss hit with 15 hit with 12 Hit with 16. equals
43 plus eight.
is 51 damage to Ozon plus sneak attack damage of 90. equals 141 damage, which I believe still puts him below his constitution score.
I believe those all hit, so that would be... 66 for each one that hits.
1715.
So 71 damage to Jake.
Then plus 66 damage for each one that's hit.
In immediate response. I speak to Bahamut with my dying words.
Oh, dude, been there. It's a great call.
Why do you speak to Bahamut?
Oh, no. Yeah, no. I'll talk to I'll talk to Bahamut.
Great. And that's Azure Dying?
You die and enter the secret room with me.
Good job, Nutty.
I strap them both up to say, and I tell you guys that I've taken care of the problem.
At the end of the day.
I strap Jake up to the thing and we get
All right. And I think Pat's in the secret room, so.
Yeah, but I mean, this is between us two.
you coming to the secret room? Thank you.
Yeah.
I put the two up there, and I just let you know I'm bleeding them out, and we got fuel now. We don't have to worry about the box.
Are you gonna kill me too?
Excellent.
You weren't a threat. We had to deal with the box. We discussed it around the table. He had one day, and honestly, that was too much time. I didn't want to give him that one day. I don't want him being here 48 hours unconscious around this damn box.
Yeah, I've got to
too big of a risk. I had to make that decision. And Ozone tried stopping me. So
I agree.
I get it.
I'm not disagreeing whatsoever.
It's a perfect opportunity.
I've talked with both of you guys about this outcome and said that I was okay with
I know, but I was trying to find ways around it still. And quite...
Every minute we brainstorm is a minute Jake is going to think of a way to get out of our grasp and endanger us all. You got to think like he has a plague and if he's allowed to run loose, he fucking will.
Jesus. Okay, well. Oh, God.
left those on alive, but you know, he wasn't, he had Jake's side the whole way.
He's not about...
There's a snake.
I understand I'm fully interested in getting to like level 20. I want high level spells. Don't kill me. I won't. I will always put survival forefront for the team. Just fail. Burn it down, fail.
We can talk about it as soon as we get off this plane or whatever the hell. But as far as that box goes, I say we just throw it back.
You know, This is, if anyone else dies, this will be,
Fuck. Equivalent to the last almost party decimation we had. Which was also player by player driven.
Yeah.
We've had two artifacts that have just corrupted people, man.
It just gives us the item that just destroys us.
Yeah.
Honestly, we haven't died to characters or NPCs at all
And to be fair, we walked away from one other artifact.
Wow, it's really items that kill us, that make us kill each other.
I don't remember what it was in the pyramid that we were just like, nope, we're just noping the fuck out of this. Not worth it. Again, I think the reason we noped out is because we couldn't escape from there.
Yeah, it's just not down.
even like this is the way jakes will survive the ship like at all
That's not necessarily true. I...
There's no way it would have to...
Shit, I had a sphere of annihilation and was allowed to survive through selling my soul to Bahamut. But now good dragons are going to come after us like a mother. Oh, that's how. That's how. Oh, shit.
might be better for Jake because he's no longer tied to the box so if he does get resurrected he won't have the curse on him anymore
Okay, this is just general player knowledge. When I died and sold my soul to Bahamut in the last campaign, Immediately, you can be sensed by good dragons, and they will come and try and fucking kill you. So...
and Dragons are following you.
I remember that fight with that dragon.
The apparent
dragons were some tough shit.
So apparently, and I bet Jake is about to be immediately reincarnated with some sweet-ass abilities and... probably still have the box because it can't be destroyed except for with the gold dragon. And one's just going to come for us in the next couple of days. So I don't know what you're going to do. I think he's about to be full life. You're going to have to have a showdown with him.
If I die,
There you go.
Home turf, baby. Home turf.
Or it could just be a recurring thing for our team to just sell your soul upon death to the dragon god.
Wait, Rich, that room that we had just gone to, why did we go there?
to unlock that thing, but I thought it more pertinent that we get back to drain these guys' blood.
Or again, if you guys wanted a crew of drow.
That's what I thought.
I don't know.
We still got to see who the hell the guys are. We literally just found them two minutes ago.
Then in just a couple minutes, we're going to have to fight a random gaggle of people or one of my spells is going to have to go off well.
Because I do.
shorthanded at the moment.
too. I think. No, four. There's four.
You back in the secret room, Pat? Why are you here?
Ah yeah, that's in the secret room.
The box hat and all.
I mean, probably, because we don't want to risk looking at it.
Yep, toss the whole fucking hat. toss it into the void. It'll be gone.
That show sucks. Whatever party comes to fucking Lulz Dungeon and finds a bag of holding, they're so fucked.
No, I'm saying...
It's like Jumanji, dude. It's like Jumanji. Don't play the fucking game.
No, I'm saying toss it into the winds of death. Dude, toss it into the winds of death.
Thanks.
That's a lot safer.
I'm just saying it's like the entire plane is like death incarnate. Just throw it in there.
did unstuck her ship, right? That's no longer a problem. Because we tried
I don't know that our ship is unstuck.
But didn't we try flying away when we were stuck again?
Not yet, but we don't have a full thing.
Well, we can continue doing the dungeon down two people.
I just don't know it. Jake's not gone yet. This is about to get ridiculous when Jake comes back. You two about to be beefing.
doing future planning for the campaign. I'd say if the box is out of Jake's hands, then we offer up to Wolf to free her ship.
a pretty powerful artifact.
Not a bad idea.
What the fuck would it want with it, though?
I don't know. Someone made it in the first place.
Well, fair enough. It's a decent bartering chip, but I feel like we shouldn't even roll the dice. I think we just try to get rid of it. Leave it there for somebody else's, Troy. Fuck. Unless you...
I'm down to see if Lolth wants it. We might have to offer something in exchange for Passage.
We'll offer more, like maybe do a quest for it also too. Just to kind of
To be fair, going through her dungeon should fucking count as a quest.
Well, it does, but it's not benefiting her in any way.
Why the hell would you set this whole thing up?
We're on a good guy's quest right now to kill Lulph. We got this backwards. We just need to leave.
All the places to teleport into.
We're not going to fight. Well, that was never part of the plan, right?
No, not ever part of our planet.
Oh, thank God.
as he get out.
a moment The moment, Nutty, that you strike the final blow on Jake's corpse, you see him essentially... It looks like he's looking up towards the sky and starts like... His eyes kind of roll back and it looks like he's starting to ask a question to some higher being. Or speak to some higher being and then you deliver the blow. And then time kind of, like, hiccups for a second, and his body starts glowing in a bath of golden light, and his body is, like, in lumps, but it just starts dissolving into a golden, like, array of light, and it vanishes in front of you.
I explain that to everybody.
down a blood bag. We are down a blood bag.
Well, we do have these guys.
Jake, come back to the secret room with me.
So now we still have loss and the box to deal with.
How are things going?
I can Jake ascended. He prayed to his God and ascended.
He what? ascended,
Yeah, I'm not sure what it means, but, you know.
Got covered in golden light and disappeared.
And I can't tell if I'm allowed to move freely yet.
So again, our recourse is either trick these guys into like trying to open the door.
That was my plan.
I'm going to do a math suggestion on them.
before or after they open the door. Like, if they open the door and fail, or maybe you should have one guy open the door and then cast Nish.
Well, it'll cut down on the amount of people we have to immediately fight. Like, it's just Donnie and I, and there's six of them. And I guess now there's you on the other side of the door to set the lock. But...
You can
Can I set the lock and come around and then be stealthed by the door and attack him if it fails?
I was gonna say have them each, like, literally just mass suggestion, or they each of them try to open the door.
Happens again if they make the save. It's a locked door, right?
Yeah, it's just a locked door. And then everybody else, like, each of them should touch the door in unison, maybe. So that way we know which ones are up and then we just, Donnie and I attack the ones that are still up.
And I'll be on the other side of the door if it does go wrong. I just open the door and stabby stab.
Just make sure you deactivate that lock before walking out.
Yes.
Nutty. Don't kill us.
about them, buddy.
Okay.
to kill you guys at all.
You're not threatening to kill Nutty in any fashion right now.
would be literally trapped on this goddamn plane. If we all die.
Okay.
So you see Jake's body dissolve in golden light as he looks like he's communing with somebody as you're delivering the final blow. And then And then in front of you appears, go ahead and describe yourself, Jake.
My matter reassembles into a giant visage of light. Golden glowing and blinding to the whole entire cabin from when I was slain. Re-coagulated. But...
You're breaking up.
Okay. Recoagulated into nothing. All of my pieces that were slain on the floor become nothing but gelatinous fucking bulbs until they form right back into one. Into white eyes. Into a jealous emotionless vessel.
Jigs.
and it radiates with sunlight and then starts to form into an armored figure.
And what was the weapon, Jake? What, he wields sword?
site.
and with a golden scythe with a symbol of Pelor on it and Pelor symbols on the chest piece and the pauldrons
Oh, no.
And you see before you what looks to be a paladin of Pale Lore, but it's also Jake Bins.
Hmm.
Tuck, tick.
And I love
I ask him, Is he conscious?
He is absolutely conscious and fully healed and brought back from the dead.
Does he still have a mind link? with us.
ask if do you still want the box?
You do not still want the box, Jake.
Nope. Let a little rumble emit for the whole ship to hear because I can only speak in celestial.
And if anybody does understand it, we'll let them do.
For this moment in time, yes, that is the case.
I do. But I don't think I'm near the ship, so I don't know if I can hear you.
It doesn't matter. You can hear it.
Do we have the shared link? Can I just talk to him freely still?
You can hear a booming celestial voice throughout this level.
Mental link shattered. Yeah, I'm not me.
Well, I was me.
And what do you say?
Is this what you're yelling?
Yeah, kinda. Jake, Tick, I remember that name. It was my name a long time ago.
I bequeathed to banish I appreciate to banish all demons and all abilities through this vessel and this world. I'll bow to the almighty and all loving lore of my God. and then i take my symbol i take my symbol from my neck and i hold it up
So it sounds like we're, like, I don't have to fight him because, like, I'm down for an alignment change back to neutral. Like, I'd like that shift to just get me out of here. But Donnie has to stay evil.
Wait one second. And then what happens Jake?
I do. I take, I take, yeah, like I said, I take my symbol off my neck and I, and I said, I said, I hold it up. Like that was, that was like my quote unquote action. Seeing with everybody what they could see in response.
But I snapped that fucking medal.
as soon as Jake snaps the holy symbol, A blinding, glorious light fills the ship. It fills the halls. It bounces throughout the halls. It washes over you, Donnie. It washes over you, Rich. And it... It completely obliterates the demon that is inside of your body, Nutty.
Thank God. I'm free.
Uh,
completely vaporizes him and you have standing before but your body slumps down to the ground And Jake, when you were having that commune with the deity of your choice, he chose Pelor. In addition to letting you know what evil struck you down, he...
I couldn't really hear you.
In addition to telling you what evil struck you down, he did tell you that evil was lurking. You can't hear me? Can anyone else?
Well, see, there it is again.
Yeah, now you're fine, yeah. Go ahead.
I can hear you.
Maybe I'll just move my microphone closer to my face. Anyway, he explained to you that the demon was inside of the soul gem that was touched way earlier.
Mm-hmm.
and that is where your friend's soul has been.
Anyway, so that was it.
Gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Ozot. I'm sorry.
It was a fucking nasty demon. But, yeah.
what? There was a demon inside a hoop?
Remember the song that I'm like, nobody touch it. And then Ozone touched it. Or I mean, not Ozone. He touched it and put it in his pocket.
Nadi.
like sessions ago. Nuddy's been a demon for a while.
Yeah. Damn.
I missed that one session, so he actually didn't do anything.
Yeah, that really flew him under the radar.
Nice quiet demon.
He's a K-Log evil, like, mindless killing machine. And then you guys, like, all went away. And then I just sat there like...
Fuck yeah.
I got to go back and kill them. That's what I would do.
laughter
Oh, God. What? I didn't.
So now, so now, yeah, so basically, yeah, I,
Donna, you and I are gullible as shit.
As it should be. Fuck yeah, dude. Let's write this shit, bro. For real. Let's fucking write this shit.
Let's come back to the party and Okay, so are you... What? So... is everyone still dead? is no one still dead?
It's more of a half-life.
So he had to make a deal with Pelor for Pelor to help him out.
Baylor.
I want, yeah, fuck yeah. I want to, I was saying, I said Bahamut, but then I, you know what? There's a lot of gods. Why pick one, right? When you can just pick the holy justice. Yeah. Based on my own revenge.
You picked Paylor. For that Whimsy Wall ability... to communicate with a deity. He used his whimsy wall ability while he was dying to communicate to a deity about how to solve a problem, and his problem was dying.
What?
problem. A lot of people go through it.
Been there.
Impaler may...
He said, if you become my paladin, Yes. So all of Jake's previous levels have been stripped from him and he has been replaced with Paladin levels.
Oh my god, you're a paladin?
I don't know.
Pelhor.
You say paladin. I say arm of God. Excuse me. Excuse me.
See you next time.
So we,
makes it sound even worse cool
I just called you a gnome mage right there. The amount of disgust.
Oh, you're up to hell.
You're a paladin?
No. Yeah, I mean, Paladin's a loose term.
He's like lawful good.
Yeah, I am not only the disruptor and eradicator of all evil, I am the disruptor and the inevitable destroyer of anything maliciously intentive. I am not only an arm, I am the almighty weapon of God.
Well, can you help me get to level 20? I'm neutral. I'm trying to be. It's hard to be here. Help me out.
Like nutty fucking stricken. He fucking struck me deep. And as my dying last breath, nothing he heard was only in low rumbles and celestial as my body just malformed into nothing but gelatinous fucking bulbs on me.
So none of you were possessed by a demon.
I didn't hear shit. That was more goo.
Basically, it was, yeah, I mean, like, if you were to reference a scene, it'd be Constantine talking to Satan.
So now Donnie and Jake are going to have to fight to the death at some point in the fairly near future, huh?
mission and it's not completed yet
As do I. Not that...
Can you guys work together being on opposite alignments?
That's a great question.
We're both lawful. I'm assuming you're lawful good, right, Jake?
I am whatever my God wills it so.
Yeah, he's lovely good.
That's a yes.
Yeah, he loved him too. God, shut up. I don't want him to know, God.
Yeah, he's a lot of fuckers. Shut up. Yeah, Jesus.
laughs
Because I am lawful evil.
You guys agree on something, huh? That's good.
I'll find that thing that connects you.
I could do some really good cop, bad cop.
So since there are two evil characters and one good character, is this about to be another fucking showdown again? Or we're about to lose another character?
Also, you guys, your bard is dead.
Yeah, we, Jesus, we're trying to deal with this. I'm not sure what's going on. Like, right now, I'm just waiting to get back. There, everybody.
Well, there's a nutty next to me.
Oh, sh... Yeah, you're back. That's the boat.
My body's unconscious at the vote.
Yeah, Nani's body is unconscious at the boat.
Oh shit, I walk in and see what's going on with Nutty.
Where are you, Donnie?
After, I mean, he's on the ground right here, unconscious.
No, Donnie. Where are you, Donnie?
I'm in front of the boat.
What's going on with the, okay.
I run up to Nutty and kind of shake him awake.
No dice. He feels like an empty vessel.
Shit.
I check his pockets.
with mage hand. I check his pocket with mage hand.
So do we,
Very bold.
What does he find in your pockets, Nutty?
I'm looking for the red gem.
You definitely have to find that.
I'm looking for the Soul Gem.
You don't find a soul gem in his pockets.
I got a bunch of stuff
It's not in your pockets.
I got a bunch of stuff in my bag of holding, but I don't think I really got anything in my pockets.
and I check his bag of holding as well.
What does he find in your bag of holding?
What doesn't he find?
Oh, boy. It's a mess in there.
looking for a
I need you.
potions,
have to.
There's some armor, some weapons. There's a book.
So I guess I'm going to...
You don't find it.
Oh, got that. Oh, God damn it.
Where the fuck did he put it? Oh, did he put it in that fucking goat of his...
Hey, man, we don't know what Nutty put anything where, but it would most likely be in the goat in his chest.
God damn it.
I just think my goat's capable of that. He found a bag, guys. You can't just store stuff in him.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ha.
It's okay, Donnie. I'm just confused because now it's down to just you and I because I'm pretty sure... Jake is gonna try and kill
Jake is here?
Yeah, Jake here too.
Yeah, but aren't you guys immediately going to have to fight?
We don't know this person.
I mean, Jake's playing battle music, Donnie. I want to go downstairs.
I don't know.
Yeah.
This over here.
King Arthur Paladin campaign.
Fuck yeah, bro. Our threat of justice. No, you all are fucked. Dude, you cannot have a ram coming out of your chest without that. I don't know. That's the reference, dude.
sure there's an actual item where a ram comes out of a shield.
You can make one. It's D&D, man. They're like, dude.
No, I guarantee you there's an actual item like that.
Where do you guys look for the gem?
I checked Nitty's quarters.
Don't forget, you've still got those drow with you.
Yep, you do. They followed you back.
Richie, are you going to suggest a...
Hold on one second. Donnie, you go up ahead and make check inside. It looks like something happened. Sorry. Hold on one second, guys. It's been a shit show. Donovan, go in and lock the door.
Okay.
I go in. Activate the trap.
And I proceed to... No, I stand there.
The first one goes in.
And the door rotates and then turns upside down.
And then the other one goes, what the fuck was that?
Well, I didn't.
just our door man you've never seen a revolving door I'm sorry I'm not I'm not outside
Yeah, it's just our, we have a pretty heavy duty security door installed and we didn't even know we were going to end up here, but we're really glad we have it given the circumstances.
Hey Jack, roll me an intelligence check for remembering.
Yeah. Copy.
Ooh.
Well, usually there's a there's like a few seconds.
Jake, you cannot remember where you put the gem.
So what?
Copy.
Anyway, so the second guy says, what the fuck was that? What happened?
Oh, fuck. Well, again, my partner went in to check. I'm not sure exactly what's taking him so long.
Hey Nika, are you okay? Nika? No response.
Roll me bluff.
Or ventriloquist. Yep, that's it. You rolled it. All right, nat one.
Ha!
Roll me ventriloquist. Oh, shit, man. No, fuck.
Well, I'm not sure why he's doing that.
Okay, roll me initiative, and then give me one second, and I'll be right back.
Why would it immediately jump to that?
I mean, it makes sense to me.
Oh, wait. Everybody, we never added our life from last level up. I did not.
Take it.
Oh shit.
That demon was super badass, though.
He has an ability called Possession to where if you strike him down, if there's someone within 30 feet of him, you have to make a will save or he'll jump into your body and he'll take you over.
Jesus.
And then if you get struck down, he turns back into his demon form and then you have to kill him again. And then he'll fucking jump into someone else's body.
And the lore behind him goes that...
Yeah, and see, that's the best part, because you thought he was your friend. You all were fucking fooled by the evality of Nutty's death shit and, I want to say, latentness. You all fucking thought everything was okay. You thought Pandora's box was the only fucking problem. You all actually conjoined into being okay with killing me, but it was Nutty the whole fucking time. You rubes.
I don't know.
That box was a pretty pressing thing.
Yeah? Is it as pressing as somebody being strung up and then cut to death? Defenseless?
I mean, it still had validity to kill you. That's why it worked out so well.
Backpedal. No, I wasn't asking you, Nutty.
Ha.
Of course not, why would I ask the demon?
Well, I don't...
Again, I was kind of on my way back to the boat.
Anyway, I need initiative checks from anybody.
Up until that point.
So I got initiative from Donnie, 13.
Jesus Christ.
Run the drow.
they go last
roll me perception check. Everybody, except Nutty, because
captioning eyes.
22.
22.
Okay.
That is not enough.
This is all awful.
All of a sudden you get Monster Mash in the back.
The Monster Mash
Too soon, nothing. Too soon.
You get ganked in the back. The monster mask.
Anyway, okay. So according to initiative, Donnie goes first and then the Draugo and that's all who are in this turn order.
His sneak attack stats.
I say in my head, wait, let them try to open the door.
Basically,
They're all outside, I was going to say. Yeah, I yell through the door...
You're not in the turn order.
I just, I cackle and say, try and get me.
God damn it. Can you guys help me get this door unstuck?
I can't. I can't.
So you cackle through the door. It's the drow's turn. Does anyone else want to partake in this fight?
as far as far as i'm as far as i know i have just me nutty and ozon are in the ship still right
I'm out there with them.
You are all in the ship. Yes. Ozon is in the ship. Dead. Rich is not in the ship. Jake is in the ship.
Yes.
Hello.
Hello.
Do you want to just call it here for the evening?
Fine. I'm also... It's their turn, right? Or are we waiting on...
I'm waiting on initiative rolls and I
Oh, shit.
Just wondering.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not going very quickly.
Jake, are you there?
Yeah, I'm here. I'm just. I'm seeing if I can't bring Ozan back from the dead.
Level 11 Pally, maybe.
I think
It's really only been one round since he died, I think.
I need to get his soul. His body's not the most important thing. His soul is.
Fills intact.
Souls intact
He's just dead.
I mean, I'm down to call it here.
Because I'm no longer a druid.
I actually like Paladins. I got one drawn up. eventually.
It's an anti-paladin, of course, but...
changes ways.
Ha.
You did do that one good deed, Donnie, so you might be, you know, on the mend.
Good deed, good deed.
Y'all are trash.
You save that desert guy.
Sapter Desert guy?
We'd say the desert guy who brought prosperity back to the desert.
Amen Ray. Ramen Ray.
common right. Yeah. I get it.
We did release a genie, so I guess that kind of balances everything out, but...
Yeah, exactly.
The road to hell is paved on... God damn it. What is the road to hell paved on? What... It was something intangible. Yeah, the world the hell is paid on good vibrations.
Good vibrations.
Did you get them good vibes? Shit. Come on down.
Come on down.
But you know, so is the road to heaven.
There's a stairway.
and it's paid with good intentions.
Or you could be Jacob's laddering it, which is fucked up. You don't, if you do never, ever, if you have the opportunity, do not take Jacob's ladder. It's fucked up. It's the old God, it's the Old Testament God's way of fucking you in your own purgatory. to climb your own ladder and it can be your own ladder. It can be an actual physical ladder or it can be a set of stairs or it could be a giant hill, whatever, but you will never reach the enlightenment back towards your faith.
with ever shifting walls.
Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. An ever-shifting staircase, an ever-shifting ladder, an ever-shifting hill back to your faith, which you will never repent to.
No chains can bind you.
Shifting dead-ed marriage, you know, those things.
Well, the Minotaur has a reluctant mind, but he will kill you because of the ever-shifting walls, and no chains can bind him.
All right. Well, calling it for this evening.
I don't see the character sheet, by the way.
It is named Ozzy.
I do not see it as my current player token.
Oh, I need to add it to your journal, maybe.
Oh man, good omens bro. Dude.
It's in your journal, can be edited and controlled by you.
It's a hell of a book.
Journal?
I don't see it. I see Kurt for main and Mr. What.
Jerry. Dr. Boom.
Let me see it now.
Yeah, you got it.
Goodbye, Kurt.
God damn. Thank you for that touch of love.
Why don't you share one down?
This one was rough.
Fucking nutty murdered people.
It was goddamn mohawk.
It was mohawk. Dude, mohawk. Shit. He's real, dude.
And it was very hard to distinguish because we were having very real conversations about maybe needing to kill Jake if things didn't go right soon.
And then Mohawk was like, yes.
oh no of course of course you were you little johnny lately's jesus christ i love it was actually really good to listen to like i was i was having mic problems but the best part about that was hearing you all conspire against me you
I had a solution for you, man.
Ha.
That's why you had to die.
I have like a specific solution for you.
No, I had my solution. And you know what? My solution actually came at the exact time. Just like it's Gandalf, man. A call to God arrives exactly when you mean to. And so now I'm Celestial and backed him better than ever. And you know what? I did a great deed as soon as I arrived. I abolished the fucking demon from Nutty, banishing him back to his own realm.
Hey, I was working toward
That's why I hate demons.
Yeah, I didn't kill him. No, I just sent him back.
Which is really frustrating.
That's true.
Sure, it hurts them too.
So madly.
I was like, oh, I was just reading up on him. This guy's awesome. And then I read up on chaotic evil. I was like, oh, fuck.
Yeah, no shit. I came back shiny and chrome.
To be fair, we were actually taking actions to solve the problem while you were passed out. Donovan and I were off doing that. We were taking steps towards just going home where we had much more time to solve the problem. At the cost of a continent or two, but what's that cost?
Be foul.
To be far.
No, this shit was in-house. This was a fucking house meeting, y'all. This shit was like...
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe You talk a lot of shit you want about hell, man. It brings out the best in people.
the new Paladin.
Ha.
So what again, what are the rules on that? Now does that mean having a good person in the party? It's gonna be easier to be neutral?
Now shinier than ever.
I don't think it's going to be easier for you guys having a pal at the party.
Ha!
I don't think so either.
I think there's about to be a lot of beef.
assimilate
Is Nutty actually evil or is he just neutral?
If your pal is got beef. Yeah.
And just think, you're never going to be able to use that ship ever again. Jake's not going to let you lead people out on the boat.
Yeah.
Where are we getting home then?
Paladin, you're welcome to be in this boat, but do not look in the engine room.
Yeah.
Ha.
It ain't Snowpiercer. I can do whatever the fuck I want, man.
So we're going to have to ask you to leave.
I'm sorry.
Anti-Goodfield.
Talking about having a GA, dude.
That's a pretty good use of that whimsy wall.
Guardian Angel, bro.
It literally countered the other use of the whimsy wall.
Oh, God, that was raw.
I want to say something about that. These are the luckiest fucking whimsy wall rolls I've ever gotten. Hands down. I mean, easy. They were like, hey, Jake, would you like to smell a different color? I was like, no. Fuck no, man. Let that shit ride.
I want something fucking... I want some big money.
You get to talk to a deity. Oh, perfect. That's going to be useful for one of my cohorts and party tries to kill me. That's going to be very...
Flip that one.
What about you, Ozon? Oh, you rolled super high. Oh, you get a major artifact. There's only one of these in the whole universe. Which one do you get? Oh, you get the one that's so fucked up it'll destroy whatever reality you're on over and over again. Then they want to destroy the reality too. But don't worry, it comes with a bottle of whiskey inside.
In the whole world.
Yeah. If anybody looks at it...
Yeah, no shit. I feel like I've been getting a lot of hate off of Ozon's box. Like, for real. It's all been like, I mean, we gotta kill Jake. I mean, he looked at it. Fuck you. It could have been anybody else who looked at that motherfucker's.
Ha!
You, well, if you really cared about not dying, you would have rolled above a 30.
I don't know.
Like, you guys should have fake pointed that shit. Well, you can't do that, though.
Fate pointed for Jake. I wouldn't have done it.
Fucking demon. Fucking demon.
and we totally would have figured it out.
We're in the house.
Would we have before we wiped?
We absolutely would have. Jake can talk to Dawnflower, who is like the golden god. She would know a golden dragon. and then she would be able to do divine intervention bring back the dragon after it destroyed the artifact
Fair enough.
seems like exactly like something that she would have done.
We just...
Sounds like a lot of possibilities there.
Einstein!
I mean, all it takes is the ability to talk to a god
which you have had. But...
You want to stop from God, but you can't touch this shit. Mm-hmm.
See, part of the trouble was that Jake wanted to protect, to my knowledge, the artifact explicitly, Jake would want to protect from all others. So you'd have to ask Jake to ask for help in destroying something he was desperately trying to protect.
ever.
Yeah.
I'm going to turn these undead. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, brother. We're coming in from B-Law, the main man up top.
none of you little hoaxers know.
What?
Too big to topple, too small to fight, ye.
God damn it.
Hogan as a paladin Taylor makes me laugh so much.
Ah, neat thing.
See how long that character survived.
Is that Macho Man Randy Savage or is that Hulk Hogan?
That was me trying to be watching, man. Yeah, for sure.
Pretty good.
I heard it. Don't you worry.
Dude, for real, I'm Macho Manning this new character voice, hands down. 100%. 100%. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you didn't give that guy enough gold. I'm coming to take your house and your family. Yeah.
Macho Man Paladin's pretty dope.
Give him what he wants. Give him what he wants. This guy's creeping me out.
laughter
Ha.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
perpetually intimidate growth.
Christ, you push that old lady in the street. I'll smite your ass. We just stand.
Well, the healing will be nice, I guess. Wait, we already had healing with the person that you also killed. Shit. I'm sorry I was on. I wasn't here.
also isn't there.
There was no discussion of killing Ozon. That did catch me off guard. We were off trying to solve the maze, remember?
Yeah, where were you guys, huh?
We found the room where the next key goes.
I mean, there's Killing Jake, but I mean, like Ozon, like no one seemed to bring that up.
like the one innocent man.
Yeah, nobody brought up Ozon's lifeless corpse for nutty fucking ganky glass.
Yeah, that's the innocent party here. He was just there watching over the...
the only one who is just manually pumping Jake's heart instead of the goodness of his own.
I don't know.
Jesus Christ.
Man died.
No shit died in front of me. I tried to turn it into dust and I got fucking shanked again by Nutty.
Shankly Shank.
Shankity shank. Shankity shank.
mode.
That's one of my favorite jokes, man. Tankity tank.
i think as a team we learn not to pick up shiny gems on the floor
I mean, who took the demonic bagpipes to?
I definitely learned not to touch gems anymore. That fucked me. I thought for sure I was gone.
But, yeah, dude, I... I mean, personally, I'm just gonna try to fucking resurrect Ozone for the core. Like...
Like, get back up, motherfucker. You part of the allegiance now. Fucking...
Give you a god to fight for.
Well, we'll locate... Nutty's Souls shortly.
We're pretty high level now. We could probably buy a Resurrect.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I got a buck ton of diamond dust.
What level spells resurrect?
We just need to make sure we keep his body.
Probably buy a true res.
Seriously.
Oh, he doesn't lose any levels.
Oh, shit. No, dude, for real. I'm practicing my rainy status. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. Mm-hmm.
Well, knowing that, I'm thinking as invested as you are in this character now, Jake, you're not going to try and kill Donovan over it.
Exactly.
You're going to have way too much fun.
didn't do anything anyways.
No, y'all evil. Y'all sluts.
Yeah, obviously I mean...
Well, that's the thing. I'm trying to be neutral. It's really hard with this group. But, you know.
Y'all saw it, y'all saw it.
Yeah, well, it's even harder now. I was neutral. You guys didn't do neutral shit. Richard, you haven't spit a neutral fucking action since you dropped an orc to his own death. Go ahead and eat your shit, bro.
That is not true.
Go ahead and eat your shit. You chaotic motherfucker. Don't even try that shit. We have logs. We have audio confirmation of you not doing anything good for anybody.
That's right. Go to the tapes. Neutral. Neutral. I'm staying out of it. Neutral.
I mean, do you need a reminder? I mean, I've been paying attention. I mean, how old are you, Rob? Holy shit, bro. None of you. Don't even try to cleanse yourself in the bathiness of goodness. Yeah.
Come down and wash yourself on the motherfucking waters of the basin. Ah-huh.
It's so funny, but it's so funny to me. It's Macho Man Randy Savage spelled it.
Coming down looking for the sinners to repent.
It's like, what have I done?
No.
Ha.
Dude, if I don't have a God facepalming in his own hand, selecting me as a bastion, then I'm not doing my job personally. Personally. In this universe, if a God doesn't take a deep breath and sigh and say, what the fuck did I have done? Then I'm not doing my job.
I'm sorry.
True Resurrection is only 25K. I think we can manage that.
Well, we can totally afford that. Ozone, you're not dead. You'll be back next, well, two sessions? Well, okay, well, we can truly resurrect you in about two sessions.
I'm not dead. I feel pretty dead.
Oh, they're definitely, you're definitely dead.
I'm not dead.
Actually, I've only got 7,900 gold.
I've got a bunch of gold. I've got a fuck ton of gold dust. Or I mean diamond dust and platinum. So we do have funds.
Definitely don't have it now.
Wait, there was 2500 gold. I have 7900 flat. I think
Heaven needs an army, Ozon.
Yeah, like, we've got enough.
No, that's gold. That's gold.
Heaven needs an army, bro. Looking for a corporal.
At 3,000 gold and 225 platinum.
Nutty's been pocketing on all you motherfuckers. Why didn't this guy stay at the ship? We should have known sooner.
He did stay at the ship.
That's the thing. We kind of lost track of him, but we also were losing each other. Donovan and I were like having a hard time keeping track of anything because we were just bumbling through the darkness.
Son of a bitch.
Yeah.
That's why I love dynamic lighting because
Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, is this nothing but excuses after the D and D session? I don't know. It was excuse time.
I'm not giving any excuses. I would have killed you too, Jake.
Fucking maze.
Y'all wouldn't have. I was pre-planning. Let me give you the plan.
The...
And I'll be honest, I am giving you excuses. I was not willing to spend my one fate point. I'm sorry. Because if...
The plan was after I woke up, I was going to actually do an action to steal and trap Ozan in a mask, wear his face, and then ask, take his face off, and put it on my face. I was going to face off Ozan, try to...
You were going to face off?
Shit.
Try to, try to. If he failed the four save and then go to you guys and be like, where's the hat and sugar water? Like I was going to, I was going to cover their heart. Exactly. Where's the hat? Sugar. Water.
didn't even look like some kind of egger suit
Water, more sugar.
No.
But it makes me really happy to make sure that you all guys would turn on everybody else and be like, you know what? Fuck that dude. Campaign rises. Like, yeah. It makes me happy. It's D&D, son, man. We don't give a shit.
the secret room we finally realized that we've never really died to an NPC. Pat just gives us items and makes us kill each other.
Yeah, no shit.
laughter
No shit. And then, like, three or four weeks ago, I was like, Pat doesn't give a shit for items. Like, there's no holy sword of valor. There's no whip of ancestral might. No, it's a ring that steals the souls and is also a demonic entity who is also working for a lich who can steal all the souls, combine it to him, and then go ahead and fuck amongst yourselves. Like, it's ridiculous.
Just separate up and split it with the party. The guy's fucking out of his mind. Dude, the guy's out of his mind. Dude, if Pat's not smoking a cigarette cross-legged right now, then I don't know what the fuck he's doing with his life.
No, we get plenty of fucked up nastiness.
Ha.
Cheers.
Okay, so I guess brainstorming, what's the plan now?
I have to level up.
Yeah, you have 11 levels of Paladin to figure out.
I have all that business.
Fuck yeah, though.
I got some sweet gear for you.
Random swords and shit.
I think we got some stuff on the boat.
We got gear for you.
Although I've been picking through most of the plate.
So I guess next session whenever we do jump on it.
is to either use these guys to teleport out or finish the dungeon.
Pretty much, yeah.
I feel like we've only got like 10% down the dungeon.
I feel like we didn't do shit.
You open like three doors.
Yeah.
Pat likes locking us in places because we start immediately acting irrationally. The team as a whole is claustrophobic.
Fucking...
Yeah, no. It's all...
I'm sorry.
Hey Pat, what was the stats roll again? I rolled two sets and then pick one of them and I can re-roll something.
Yeah, it's sticky in Discord. And it's, you roll that twice, and then you pick the best one. And then you can move one, whatever, after you pick the best one, you can then move one point from one value to another, and then you assign them.
I have that. Yeah.
And then every four levels you gain another ability point so you get to add those.
You can also spend a.
And you can spend...
Can I reroll one of them or is there a free reroll here?
you get to roll that twice and pick the best out of the two sets.
and then you can spend a fate point to reroll your low ones if you're so inclined or your
Not the whole thing, but you can reroll individual ones.
if you so desire.
So that top one is pretty sweet if you re-roll the six and seven.
I'm going to reroll one of those ones in the tens.
D6, right? Yeah.
Motherfucker. again.
Also, you have you're using use the fate point.
You roll three, do you think?
Remember, fate points are tied to players, not characters.
He still had five, though.
And I still have zero fate points. Is that correct, Pat?
That is correct.
Wait, for each- for rolling your- each individual stat point, you roll 4d6 and drop the lowest one, right?
So Ozone, you can just roll up. 3d6 or
I'm already done.
I re-rolled the one twice. I'm happy with the five.
Yeah, what I'm saying is what the stat score you do is you roll a
You're supposed to be rolling four dice and dropping the lowest one.
When you roll your stats, you roll 4d6 and drop the lowest die.
What do you roll in 3d6?
Oh, I see. So I would drop the lowest one of these.
No, he just re-rules.
No, roll 46 for each.
And then
Alright, so I guess I'm rerolling the 2 to a 5 then.
No, what we're saying is roll four D six and when it displays out the four of them, drop the lowest one and that'll be what your score is, not just
I can use a fade point to reroll all four at the same time.
Yes, that's what the fate point is for.
Oh, cool. Alright, well then I will do that. I think.
It's just one of those... Macro things.
I just wanted the brackets square.
same goddamn result
Looks like a 13.
Well, that's better than the 6 or the 7.
I was rerolling one of the 10s.
So you chose the bottom one.
So I just want to get this straight. So Ozan just tried to have a fucking good goddamn game. He joined in on this fucking party. He tried to have a good game with his fucking friends to play some Dungeons and goddamn Dragons. He's been killed twice now. Whose fucking fault is this bullshit?
Well, one of them is yours and then one of them is Nani's.
I believe you killed them the first time.
I am.
No, we're not talking about the first time. We're not assigning blame. We're not assigning blame here. I just want to know.
Ha.
but we all remember.
Okay.
Whenever Jake dies, he takes somebody with him.
Oh, that.
Ha
true so far.
So let's not read stats. We're just trying to have fun here, guys. What the fuck, man? I'm just trying to get to the levels.
Like, how are we not supposed to be scared of Ozon now? Like, I mean, once it'd be okay. I can respect once for the story, but two, I'm coming for vengeance.
scared of me.
Right.
You came for vengeance, but no deaths.
Shut the fuck up, Donnie. Donnie, shut your mouth. Shut your fucking mouth. I did die. I went to heaven. I died. Donnie killed me. I already died. Yeah.
Ha
This time you did.
Last time, I was a different dude. It wasn't even...
And then you decried it.
Your character just ran off and you time traveled back from the future to seek vengeance on us for nothing.
I was in character.
Ha.
Caricature Right Yeah Have you ever seen Looper For fuck's sake man
That's one thing I gotta give you guys all props for. Everyone plays their characters to a fucking T. They're like, alright, fuck. I will derail this whole campaign. Fuck.
Yeah, Pat doesn't have to. We'll fucking do it for him. Like I said, dude, why don't you sit back?
alleviates the guilt.
I mean, it's on the dungeon master to manage a situation. You're the boss.
You're the boss.
I know, it is not my duty to railroad. I just provide plot devices that you can interact with and then make your own choices.
I swear to God, I swear to God, he's got a rocking chair.
Yeah, I've just laid all these guns that are loaded after you.
rocking chair inside of his house with a slight
Maybe.
That fire, if you just look at them.
Just rolling back and forth.
I bet there's something shiny down the barrel. Maybe you should take a closer look.
He's like, hey, there's a shiny gem on the floor. And then he just rocks back and forth. And he's like, he's going to touch it.
You know that?
I didn't give you any other specs. I didn't tell you about the moss on the wall.
We did directly say don't touch the gem that's been in the middle of a hallway in hell all alone.
No, this is a gentleman.
It was a sitting in the hallway like why would you put a soul gem there? I can get if it was in like a chest or something.
I know that is exactly why you don't touch it.
No, that is exactly why you don't touch it. It's sitting in the middle of a hallway in hell.
No, I can see.
Alone. No.
read the description, the discarded soldier with a demon trapped in it. God damn it.
And that's where Pat's ignorance runs out of time. It's like, you fucking did that, man. You knew we were going to pick that up. One of the fucking eight or how many of us there are in here, you knew one of us was going to check it out. Fuck you, dude. Pat could not fall from that.
always use mage hand.
Ha.
How dare you?
Pretty soon you guys are going to be like, what is that? That's a pile of gold. In the middle of a dungeon? Fuck that. I don't touch it.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, fuck it.
I don't know.
a beautiful red Ruby. Nope.
you always check for traps and you're the one that touched it.
I just knew, okay, there's a gem in the middle of the hallway. It's just like, okay, this is going to be 40 minutes. I was trying to figure out what the hell this gem is. I'm just going to pick it up. I'm just going to save us a time, pick up this gem. Like, God, no, should have done that. Should not have done that.
You know?
Rainbow Randolph, why don't you head to the secret room? No.
Shit, I didn't have to go to the secret room once.
No, you've never been to the Seagram.
I've been there a few times.
I mean, I'm down to burn a lowercase T on Pat Sloan for tolerant gaming.
Or case T.
Time to go.
It's the only thing it could be.
Ha.
You know why Rich hasn't been to the secret room? Because he's careful.
Ha.
Fucking mage handed shit. What is that?
I don't think I've ever been.
Fucking mage. Fucking mages, bro.
I don't think you have either.
You fucking mages.
I now start seeing spells that you can like randomly lay on objects and portals and I'm like wait a minute I didn't know that you could even do that what maybe Pat's gonna do that and then I come to find out Pat did that
If a spell comes Richard's way, he's going to catch these mage hands. Fucking... get out of dude i cast overland flight on your no on everybody like
Yeah, invisibility, please. Invisibility for $300.
Richard, can you stop time yet, man? Are you a true wizard?
Not yet. I'm working on it. That's when we went back in time and you decided to kill everyone.
Can you Gandalf us out of a bad experience yet?
I haven't been able to since before that. And I only stopped it once. It was so sad. Never reversed gravity.
again.
Did everybody experience that hiccup or was that just me?
Just you?
Well, I'm going to call this one a... I mean, good's fine, but I'm going to say this is a great one. It was a great session. Thank you, Craig, you piece of shit.
Yeah, Craig.
Let's kick him out.
Fucking piece of shit.
Fuck you, Craig.
Yeah, this has been fucking...