Transcript

I'm taking the trash out and then I got to get in my van and several park. Then they're going to drive it to another location, a secondary location.

You lock the doors, then go under the car into a man cover.

go under the car over the man who'll cover you parked over and go in

But you can flip.

Right. Or flip. Yeah.

You can do that in any car.

Yeah, I like the secret exit under the car. You get pulled over, there's no one even in here. You pull the rug back down.

Yeah, dude, you just got to keep... You literally have, like, the jack bar, bro. You literally have the jack bar.

Okay, so you guys are starting at level 13?

Yes.

You have your characters all...

I'm actually bringing up rugby's right now and checking.

I got to figure out what I created.

Right.

So I whipped I whipped up some stuff on my end. And then because there's this module that I wanted to incorporate into the world somewhere. And I was always a little scared to do that because it was rated not only one of the top five modules ever created by Gary Gygax. It was created in response to players complaining about his modules being too easy.

Good.

So I figure this is a great time to pepper some of that spice in.

It actually put my spells in here.

I know.

You can drag and drop them if it's tight.

I didn't believe I did that. I was going to say I didn't have my fucking spells because it's usually in the notebook.

No, I think we had to come correct us in case Pat wanted to fucking in-depth dive because me and Nettie did some bullshit.

Oh, you...

Yeah, spell books. Boom, share them.

Spell books. Oh, I'm spinning my spell book like a football and shooting at it right now. Oh.

I don't think I...

That was just to figure out what my magical items do.

Oh wow, I did all- I did my spells?

My magical items I wrote down. I think that was the thing that we had to squeeze out.

It got proved familiar, but I don't remember what the fuck it is.

Did you never done everything?

Oh, you must have had a separate sheet for your familiar.

Yeah, they're looking at this conversation

Is he like in here? What was his name?

See like in here, what was his name? It's like coming out of the bushes and shit.

I got Nighty Spare 2, Nighty Spare 3. I got some guy named Riker. I don't remember Riker. Who the fuck's Riker? What's he doing in here?

Yeah, I'm like, who the fuck is Lord Gilham?

Oh, Alexander was so dope.

Yeah, dude. Soul knife, bro. Get out of town. Sion's rule.

Back aid.

Headband of Ash Intelligence. Robe of the Archmage. Or Archmage.

Yeah, you're the one that, like, I decided, I went on military missions because I'm more military. So, like, I left the school... School teachings, and I got more of a... Military background.

So like whatever magical school we're in, I'm like on their military force. So I'm like dispatching the field. And then I thought we left you like teaching kids and shit.

I don't know the youth of the nation, Nutty, you know, like bettering the society as a whole, rather than just making everything look like a nail and hitting it with a hammer.

Well, you know, you're just doing the...

And slowly everything becoming a nail and a hammer until that's all you see.

Hey, you're just doing the bare minimum so you can read the fucking exotic books, alright?

I'm out here defending lives while you're sitting there doing the bare minimum, living off the society and backs of other people like a fucking coward socialist.

wherever you got to read the fucking secret library get eternal life and all that shit

Yeah, I'll go with it. And then because no matter what, I was too bored, man. I just can't sit there and teach these kids all the time because they don't know what magic is about. And not to mention, it's a big school. Why do I always got to be the teacher to teach people shit? I don't care if I'm good. You don't pay that much. And plus, you know, we got to start, got to start a book.

Yeah, so I think

I'm in my hard wizarding age of... 200 and something so I gotta fucking even though it's a midlife crisis I still want to go out and make memories and shit

Yeah, I think the concept is you got bored, so you picked up a commission and you hit me up.

Exactly.

And I'm like, yeah. Let's go plow something.

Yeah. Having a whiz life crisis.

So where you at, motherfucker?

Probably, you know, at some kind of outpost somewhere. What has... Me and Jake are clearly from the best wizard school. You know.

Also, this scales appropriately in this map. So I just got it set up right. So the deck really is 650 miles long.

The balls are about 400 wide.

True.

It's not like proportionate one level sort of the other one.

Right. Well, there's a there's a wizarding school like an arcane university in every major country. Some of them are great and some of them suck. Some of them have notoriety and stuff.

Well, shit.

All right.

I kind of want to be part of the one that sucks. I don't know why, but...

No, yeah, dude, let's go to Todd on Gaithar.

Tada.

Three Isles must have the shittiest wizard school.

Yeah. Sure. Sure, guys. And...

Do the free aisles have one?

I'm just saying if they did it would probably be the shittiest volunteers only yeah

It's called the Benneth School of Arcana. It's got a great ranking. It boasts one of the most prestigious arcane schools in the world. It's known for its rigorous curriculum and groundbreaking research. They're highly sought after by aspiring wizards from all over the globe, and they have an extremely good reputation in magical academia. Gaither is called the Gaither Academy of Magical Arts. Its ranking is just good. They're a respected institution with a strong focus on practical magic, but they're not as renowned on its counterparts. They excel in producing skilled spellcasters with a deep understanding, but they have an emphasis on community and teamwork there. mccathleer is an average ranking it's a decent school you pretty much think you'll get in no matter what you don't have to have high grades coming in there hawkthorne's great it's called the hawkthorne college of enchantment they are renowned for specialization in the enchantment magic people who go there are particularly good at enchanting and they have higher dcs on that Typically they'll have special feats that they can get if they're going to Hogthorn. The Free Isles have a unique ranking. It's called the Pirate's Cove School of Roguish Magic. It is specialized on rogues and pirates who want to use magic to aid their illicit activities. It doesn't have a formal ranking because it's not a formal school. However, it is on the list. The Orclands...

The orc lands have a developing rank. It's a relatively new entrant in the world of magical academia. Orcs have traditionally been warriors, but the guild has some promise in blending traditional orca strength with some arcane tricks.

The Troll Mountains has a niche ranking. The Troll Forge Academy specializes in runic magic. It's an ancient form of spellcasting. Those who study runic magic, it's located deeper than the Troll Mountains. The Suenth and Soyenth and the Isle of Death used to have prestigious schools. They were necromantic in nature. One of them was astral in nature, that was Soyenth. However, since the miasma spread throughout that region, they've been abandoned. And then the last are the Eastern and Western territories. which have a good ranking and they're both elemental magic, Eastern being ice and Western being fire.

Oh shit, the first thing you do in a war, they fucking draft the mages.

Oh, no. You're actively...

Yeah, dude, I would.

Right. And we're actively in there technically.

Since we got fucking teleported, it's like, why the fuck aren't you here? You just be here in a second.

Right.

documenting wildlife get off my ass

I got a fucking spare scroll teleport in my boots, son. Keep that bitch loaded.

I forgot to talk about Turgeth. It's a school of field of desert magic, basically manipulating sand and sun and wind, creating powerful, resourceful, magical effects. That's just their focus. They obviously train traditional spellcasters, but you'll see some crazy desert mages.

I can see that that's an illusion that's made of sand.

Sam, I should get real, man. I could fucking turn that shit into glass and fucking hit your ass with that shit.

yeah exactly okay can they cover themselves like a dome but only be protected by sand

quicksand cool

What school you guys go to?

I'll let you pick, Jake.

Shoot, I think... I think we should go Hawthorne if we want to be snooty about it. But I didn't hear Gaethar.

It thought it was good. They're like team players.

They were good. Good rating. All right.

Gaither is the third highest ranking arcane college in all the lands. With Bennett being the

Beneth and Hawthorne are both tied for the top. Gaither is third.

What's a hawk thorns gimmick? What's their specialty?

Eastern Hawthorne is enchantment.

Are you enchantment, Nettie, or are you conjuration?

I mean, they're a great college, but their enchantment programs are considered the best in the magical world. They're

transmutations.

Definitely not in champs.

they're tied for the top school with bennis and then mccathlear is like pretty low on the list average ranking it's just you know everyone gets in it's the community college and wizarding schools

What's your school?

I'm odd duration.

Abjuration.

That's elements, right?

No, it's defensive spell cast.

And security.

be getting fucking free shields, being able to like touch people and have like anti-magic fields. Counterspell.

Well, we could just say we're part of Hawthorne.

I don't think we need to specialize in enchantment.

Yeah, because that's that. And champions is not our shit.

You guys could be from Squiles a lot of the list. Squyles, defunct. Arcane School, Squyles Institute of Arcane Mastery, formerly great. Squyles is once a thriving country known for its rich magical heritage. The Squyles Institute of Arcane Mastery was a prestigious institution renowned for its contribution to the world of magic. Students from all corners of the realm aspired to attend this illustrious academy. But it is now defunct due to the war. Everyone abandoned it.

Yeah, so let's go Hawthorne.

right hawk thorn it is so

Locking it in. Final answer.

Locking it in.

I'm from College of Enchantment.

Locked in. How long have you guys been out of school, or so to speak? You guys are teachers now, right?

I'm a typhi? I'm a typhi? Huh.

Are you also typing because you guys are brothers?

I'm a human. Well, we're not brothers.

Brothers in arms, dude. We don't have to be by blood, man. The fuck is wrong, man?

good friends. Childhood friends even.

Mm-hmm. Ha. I mean, I mean...

In the occult, the undead.

Correct. So...

In the library of the of the Arkane University, you stumbled across some documentation of a Demi Lich that was different than the Lich that has been terrorizing the world. Now, this is an ancient one has been since defeated. But the documents that you're showing Some of them look forged. Some of them look like they don't match up. And it looks as if they've been... Like there's a cover-up that maybe that lich wasn't destroyed. And then... So there's essentially...

There's maps and things that and records that don't they're not lining up and you've got a pretty strong suspicion that not only does this creature still exist, but all of the reported like belongings phylactery and items have false paperwork and they probably don't exist in the museums that have like that it says that they should like this person's still out there and they have really powerful shit under their control.

So that's one thing.

So is he like an imposter to the actual witch that is out there?

someone is claiming to have defeated the Lich, the Demi Lich. Someone is claiming to have There's records that show museums that have these items, and then there's records that show that other museums have the same items. So there's like, you're noticing discrepancies, and you're like, and then there's basically a bunch of documentation that is just all, it's just not adding up. And your suspicion is that this person is claiming to have defeated this person, and then... All of this reported treasure has actually gone not found. It's completely... Still up for grabs.

So how do we, how do we know this news? How did, how did it come by us? It's like in the, in the newspaper, like somebody has like the sacred shield of like Gallagher door. And I'm like, we have, we have one though. Like,

No.

Bring it through the library.

Right.

You're in the library. old records it would be a student that went to this school

There's also a record of when the Demi Lich was active. that there's a ring of three wishes that he had on him at all times.

And there's no tell of the ring after that.

Huh?

And the ring's never been in anywhere.

I mean, who the hell's dying and not using the ring of three wishes? Not me.

Exactly. Who the hell can be killed with the Ring of Witches? Not me.

Let's just ride a whip. I wish not to be here.

Color me minus one wish. You know?

Unless you get hit by a rogue. That shit, that can happen to anybody.

He dies and immediately backstabbed. That shit sucks. That shit sucks. It happens all the time. It happens all the fucking time. He's just about walking and then there's this fucking guy just appears out of literally nowhere and stabs you.

That's...

Many a good wizard died that way.

It's the old rock, paper, scissors. The motherfucker is just trying to take a piss, having a good time at the bar to get scissored.

Well then hell yeah. Then I can just go to, I can just go to wherever nobody is on the front lines. Until I found these old texts.

Because it'd be easier than you get into some random front lines where I may be.

So that means I pulled you off the war front, Nutty.

Honey, you thought you were in the war?

that's certainly a war friend well I mean my concept is I set off with like if the wizard has like a mission like the school that involves like combat I pretty much went and did that shit because I hate school life I hate fucking reading books and all that shit so I'm more rough and tough Combat-oriented wizard.

I learned from the streets.

Let's see. Also,

He's stationed at the Hawk Torn Military Academy. I mean, like...

Jake, also, there's like, you find some reports that someone did. They're kind of like how Rex Savage would write reports based on shit he'd see in the field. You find another guy who's well-documented, well-papered, but poorly published. Seems like he's actually pretty legit in his job, but no one doesn't have the pizzazz to actually sell things. But he's writing a lot of these reports, and he's submitting them pretty constantly to the library, trying to submit them to journals.

Freedom is added.

And there's one about a vanishing village. There's one about a haunted shipwreck. There's one about a cursed painting. There's one about a forest that is essentially haunted by ancient dead warriors. There's...

and it's actually content, right?

Oh, dude, he writes the Esquire, but it actually happens. The Inquirer. I'm like, yeah, let's see here. This is all real. That's cool. It's like how the men in black go to the Esquires for their shit. Like, no, these are all happening. What are you talking about? Batboy? Fuck yeah. I met him last week.

There's some crop circle ones. There's a beast in some mines.

Damn, Bigfoot's fucking putting down IEDs. That's fucked up.

But yeah, I get the memo from you. I head to school.

You say you want to fucking go out and hit up a mission and I say I'm down.

Yeah, Nutty, report to my office, bro.

There's reports of a mirror of desolation that appeared in a local antique shop, but those who gaze into it are getting terrifying visions that are driving them to madness. So it's basically abandoned the town and quarantined off the antique shop because everyone's just insane.

Hell yeah.

Back in the day, quarantine was like, just don't go there. Don't go there. Don't go to that guy's house. He rapes kids. He touches them. Don't go there.

That's the old ye old curiosity shop. I heard somebody looked in the mirror and they went crazy. We don't go there anymore.

It's just like nuke status. Did you just shoot a fireball at that place called it a day?

Yeah, that was basically the old point, click and shoot quarantine that they had back then. The cure was fire and lots of it.

We killed all the witches. Go us.

Go us. How do you know you got all of them? My word on it. You can trust old me saying to you, we got them.

I don't trust your word. Okay, looks like we forgot one witch.

Yeah, looks like I'm looking at another witch.

Exactly what a wish would say.

Right.

Doo

Jake, while you're researching the library, you read something else.

Yes, sir.

You read a tale from...

this guy named Sir Elric Vanthor. He set out to uncover this thing called the Orb of Eternity. It was an expedition and he was never heard from again. And for centuries, his fate remained a mystery. But. But there's a map. It's rumored to be the last known possession of Sir Elric, and it surfaced, and it leads to a place marked as the Tomb of Horrors with cryptic warnings of unimaginable wealth and insane danger and crazy creatures. The map's eerie reputation has attracted a bunch of treasure hunters and scholars currently, so people are like making their way to this thing. And this is pretty recent news, like it surfaced a little less than a week ago. Rumors suggest that the Sir Elwix expedition may have discovered the entrance to the tomb filled with untold riches and powerful artifacts. The challenge is to decipher the map and use it to navigate to it.

On screen. Totally. Does that coincide with any of the witches' hearings? Or any other areas somewhere close?

What's the question? Is it close?

Yeah. Or does it coincide with any of the other things I've been reading about as far as that fake-ass lich?

That coincides with a fake ass ledge. Yeah.

Was the map separate from the notes or did it tell me where the notes were? Was I like reading that, like that old, that old ass book or that new ass book and it just like fell out of the pages or what's up?

you know you're reading basically these people's new field reports it's like news from around the world and the news is that a map has been discovered And no one can decipher it. And everyone's hella excited. And then you're kind of referencing it to the documents before. And you're like, I don't even know. you're like i think these are the same like place all of the things are pointing to like this person who is claimed to have solved this problem and like found all his treasure is like has lied and then now there's new maps that are surfacing and more evidence of its actual existence so you need to find the map decipher the map and then go if you wanted to be a part of that.

But there's a bunch of other adventuring parties going to it. So it's going to be some Indiana Jones style shit. You got to watch out. You've got people fucking in the same motherfucking place as you trying to do the same shit as you.

Oh, not to be worried. They're just people doing the best they can.

I mean, it doesn't matter who or what they're with. You know, people are going to get angry. There's really, the attitude is there's really nothing that can stop us. Human-wise. If it has two feet, I'm not fucking worried about it. This is up in my face. Or stabbing me in the back.

What do you guys do? You meet up at school, well not even the from the war you guys go to the bar

Yeah, I put my thumb in my ear and my pinky to my lips, and I use greater said message. And I talk to Nutty.

And tell him to report to my office is where he gets a chance.

Yeah. I pop in the app for this.

Or I leave him, actually I'll do it even cooler, I'll leave him a voicemail like that. So it's on his, so it appears on his desk. As I'm fucking calling him. Old school voicemail.

What spell is this?

And I'm like, What a greater or send message.

Oh, it's sending?

Actually,

anywhere on the same plane.

25 words or less. Yep. Okay. So in spirit, I will send a 25 word or less message. I'll just get a calculator out.

When are you going to call?

What do these X's and stuff mean? Ah...

Sup, Con?

Is that your whole spell right there?

You told me that weak ass magic shit, I'll break your fucking arm.

Then you receive a message.

Was it the message just, hey...

I'm counting. Hey, is there a subcontinent?

found crazy weird shit in old newspaper books.

Fake Lich, not who he says he is, but... He...

Five more.

I've... found

Four more.

Three more.

The location...

One more.

All right.

my secret magical powers and I just cast teleport? I teleport to Jake's office? How long does teleport take?

All right, you're 13, so that's 1300 miles.

Is there like a, I don't need to make a circle or anything, do I?

you in the world.

No, you just teleported on. Well, how far away are you?

1300 miles.

perfect you arrive

And I would teleport 1,300 miles.

I'll just say I'm at whatever military barracks are on Hawthorne.

Con appears in front of you. What's your office look like, Jake?

Oh, man. I'm sitting in...

as instantaneous.

There's two trees. My desk is two trees that go up and out of the college that have been grown to support a desk-type structure. So it's right in the middle of them. And it's nice and flat. I've got carved-out drawers inside of them. a circle a giant circle rug because i'm fucking badass and it well as you walk on it kind of like starts it bubbles and moves around a little bit like it's like it cleans your shoes at the bottoms of your soles or whatever as you know as you traverse it i have the head of a head of a head of a head of the monster on my wall and candles that burn upside down.

and the biggest, comfiest chair you can imagine.

Power play, yeah, you stand.

Or you can roll around in the cleaning rug. It's easier than using a lip roll in the morning. And it helps me stretch out my back.

The rug is sticky.

No, man, you just walk over to the jerk box and I just point to like this lonely, like this low, this take, this little round, like circle pillar that just has like a nameless, faceless wooden box on it with a hole cut in it.

All right, Nutty. You're there. You're standing in front of him. What do you guys do?

I'm trying to figure out how to cross something off my spell list.

one use. So the check marks mean I prepared it. That doesn't mean I've used it.

I don't give a shit. I just use that as markings to see if I've used them in a day or not.

I'll just use those. Those are so much easier than anything else. They did that system wrong.

I was wondering, I was like, why do I only have like fucking like five level two spells and like nine level four spells? I was like, oh, that's right. Took the best ones.

Oh, let's go anywhere but here.

The spell functions simply as a plane ship and instead transporting the targets to a destination near the intended location on a specific plane. Anywhere over here transports the effective creatures to a random plane. That creature can be affected anywhere over here if it's not currently on its home plane.

Penny Weber here.

It's legit. Yeah. Everybody hold hands. Here we go. Anywhere but here.

But yeah, you subbing me to the office.

Night Nutty, what do you look like, bro?

And just like Moses, I am here.

there's a staff or there's a like a rap on the door

Come in. Yeah, get your ass in here. Get your, get your, get your goose-dupping ass in here.

There's a pudgy woman wearing big wizardy looking robes. And she's like... What was your character's name, Ian?

We're cool. Come on.

What, Jace?

She goes, Master Jace, you have been missing all of your faculty meetings for the past week. I'm just here to remind you that there's another one this afternoon, which I'm sure you'll miss. I'll be going now. And she...

And she closes the door.

Yeah, I tell her... What's your name? What's your name?

Her name's Peggy.

Yeah, even if I knew it was Peggy, I still ask her name because you came in here with that rude shit. I go, Peggy, you know, I fucking sleep nights, bitch. You know, I'm not coming to no goddamn morning or middle of the day meeting when I'm sleeping. That's my sleep time. So why? And, you know, you could be blowing them off a little better. Like, tell them to shoot away. If it was important, they'd call me.

Also...

He looks at you and then starts to close the door again.

I think that's why they sent Peggy.

I go, Peggy, I love you. You're supposed to be my girl on the outside. And she shuts the doors.

to shut the door.

I know, that's exactly what I'm thinking. I'm like, shit, this is not going to go over well. I need Peggy. I need to be on Peggy's good side.

I'm so tempted to fucking just go. Let's go to that meeting. Let's see Pat bullshit for 35 minutes.

You're right, exactly. Yeah, you know? Guys, listen, sorry I'm here.

How have we got on the agenda here?

Yeah. Me and Nettie go to our first faculty meeting. I go, Nettie, actually first Peggy came in here and she was real fucking pissed off. You haven't been to a faculty, have you been showing up to your meetings, Nettie?

But no, I just like fucking blacklisted from that shit. Like they stopped contacting me.

I missed like 100.

I'm still cancelled from... I've been cancelled from fucking 2008.

I got a note from a headmaster saying I don't have to go to meetings.

Right. You lucky bitch.

No, I'm not going. Fuck that. I was going to say, I talked for it either.

I was going to say, I teleported in there and this bitch comes up and opens the door like, hey, Sarkar, heard you get in town. Bitch, I just got here. You need to be going to a meeting. Goddamn, worse than Geico.

So you guys go to the meeting?

Yeah, right. Move it. Yeah.

In the meeting you see Headmaster Elric Ravenscroft, you see Professor Thistledown, Professor Blackthorn, Nightshade Bumblebee, Wolfsbane, Hollowbrook, Fireweaver, and you see the Librarian, Alistair Tomekeeper,

B.B., what's up?

You see the school healer, Mary Bell Greenspring, and you see the librarian is giving the notes. They all look at you. They look super confused. You arrived. You literally, this is the first time you've shown up in a year and a half, and you're usually a little fucked up.

I walk up to my chair and take off my chair cover and then put it in my chair cover pouch.

It's dusty.

Well, no, that's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, and I take off the, cause I took off the cover. Cause I knew it was like a motorcycle. Like I knew I was going to be here for a long time. And so I was keeping my chair all nice.

You hear a, and the librarian says to her wand, and she's like, We have some, we'll go over the agenda. We're going to discuss the budget. We're going to do news and announcements, upcoming student events, student matters. We'll have an opening for any other business, talk about the next meeting, and also the Changeling War update and how it affects the school. and they begin talking about budgets. Thistledown is the Dean of Academic Affairs. So she presents the school's budget for the upcoming academic year. She talks about allocation of funds for maintenance, supplies, staffings. There's a lot of concerns about the rising cost of magical resources and how they need to find external funding resources to maintain the school standards. Professor Bumblebee, she's the head of Stardust. She shares news about all the upcoming magical creatures in the Symposium where Hawthorne students are invited to participate. He mentions that there's an exchange program that they're going to have with the Elven Academy. The Elven Academy is one that didn't appear on your guys' list of schools due to its strict racial requirements. You have to be an elf to attend.

That's fucked up.

but there's a cultural exchange that Hawke Thorn wants to do with them and will increase diplomatic strengths throughout the nation. They're getting pressure.

So we get one of theirs, but we don't get to send one of ours.

do you say do you say that to them did you say do you say that to the liver she goes i suppose if you want to look at it like that professor

I was like, Mr. Bowman, Blake should take out the notes to watch over that child because he will be gaining secrets and then bringing them back to his school. You know, Xenophile is going to Xenophile.

Professor Gandalf Jace Feeney.

Eamon Stormrider chimes up and he's like, no, he's got a fucking point, though. You can't trust those elves for as far as you can throw them. He's a fucking he's a dwarf. And everyone like kind of like it's a little nervous because he's like, you know, he's the most racist guy in the fucking symposium. So it always happens every year.

Good to you.

I'm going to go ahead and go ahead.

I try to downplay his racism. I said, you haven't thrown an Elf's tour back in college.

Everyone laughs.

The librarian tries to calm everyone down again. Clears your throat.

That's racist.

He's a big fan.

moving on to school events professor nightshade the head of house moon song will make an announcement nightshade pops up says there's a date for an upcoming enchantment gala it's a traditional event where students and faculty showcase their enchantment skills they're going to discuss preparations for the gala including demonstrations entertainment and security concerns

As he's doing that, I slide over a handwritten note I've been writing this whole time to Professor Bumblebee. And enclosing the note is a look at the two maps that I've been researching. And I tell him about the escapade me and Con are about to go on.

All right, so you're talking to Bumblebee about that. The entire...

Obviously, you don't Yeah. I'm like, does it make any sense? Like, does it bounce back and forth? I'm like, it makes sense, right? Like, I'm not crazy, right?

Bubba kind of gives you the look like, hey man, can you just chill for a second? And she looks at what you're looking at and she starts getting pretty quiet. And she's reading what you have, totally not paying attention to the faculty meeting anymore. But still, while she's reading, it moves on to student matters.

Well, I'm happy.

And she's like, wait a minute.

they're discussing the progress of students they're highlighting the exceptional achievements and addressing any academic behavioral concerns bumblebee's like eyes are getting wider she's looking through your documents kind of seeing like oh what's going on then professor fireweaver starts talking

I really stand up for my chair. I go, thanks, guys. That's about it for me. I got to bounce. I really appreciate it. I put my slip cover back on my chair. And I walk out of the room and say, good to see you guys. I leave.

And the meeting continues.

like you summoned me to a meeting

Like, what the fuck?

I had to go check out what Bumblebee. I had to at least let somebody know that, you know, you have to let somebody know, you know, if you're gone. Just in case. But it plays the band on the inside.

I guess, yeah, that's pretty smart.

Hey, go back in my room and talk to...

Todd over some Hot cocoa, which sounds good right now.

It does sound good right now. I'm going to go see if I have any. All right. So you guys are back in your office, Mr. Feeney.

Okay, so you guys are in your office. having coco doing the whole thing there's you mean pretty much everyone avoids your office no one no one really comes and comes check on talk to you or really do anything except for let you know that you're supposed to be at this thing but they know you're not going to be there and really that was that was like that happens once every couple weeks so You're pretty much in solitude when you're in here. So what do you guys do for the remainder of the evening? And what's on the docket for tomorrow?

We take a look at that map. We should go down and prepare for the...

to hunt them down or to go and find out what was the incongruency in the article I read. Was it about an item? Was it a person?

So you have the map, but the map is not, it doesn't make any sense.

in

Why is there like, is there, is it missing? Is there like an island missing? Like, I checked the cartography charts.

The map contains consists of a grid. Each square represents a section of the forest and each section

Basically, as you're looking at this map,

it shows that like once you enter this forest

It's like the map is trying to chart a moving space.

like the forest rearranges itself on your way to the tomb. So this is someone's attempt at mapping out a moving forest.

Oh man, whoa.

Okay. Let me see if I can't.

Could I... Roll like a Dungeoneering check or like an engineering check to see if I can help fill out that map.

Roll me a

Hey Nutty, look at the map that Jake has.

Imaginarily, look at the map. Enrolling a perception on it.

OK.

What'd I get?

34 on perception. You notice that the map, it did some weird visual shit where like you were looking at the map and Jake was looking at the map. He described what he was seeing. You saw what he was seeing. And then you saw something behind what you were seeing. Your suspicion, you now suspect this map of being illusory somehow.

I acknowledge Arcana, that shit.

You sure can. You both can if you like. But only if you tell him can he...

Yeah, I let Jake know there's some illusionary mishap going on in this map.

Okay. This map with a 28, it appears... Damn, plus 23? Holy shit.

Man, I got a fucking 28.

That's insane. 35 and 28. This map shows different viewers different maps.

Damn, so me and Nuddy just noticed we're not seeing the same shit?

Yeah, you guys are seeing similar shit. It's like you're looking at the map and if multiple viewers are looking at the same map, it tries to send the same illusion to both of them. All four of them, all six of them. This map is specifically designed to hide something below the map and have it be a shared hallucination.

So what, we gotta dispel it to see what's behind it?

I think so.

I'm pretty sure I got that. I got something to do with it. I think I got, I think I can pick something up right here.

No, well, I think I got something different. I don't have to use anything.

Really like an item? Well, that was dispel.

No, my hands actually.

I have this weird little thing. If I touch stuff,

Another weird thing that you guys notice is this is not the original map. This is a copy of the map. Yet somehow this copy of the map is mad is also illusory. As if it's once you copy it somehow is copying the magic over.

Wait, do we know where the original is at?

You don't, but there's a lot of copies made and sent around to various people recently. And it's very strange that a copy in the library has magical, would have illusion and magical properties on it. Not usually the case when you look at an item and scribe it over.

Would have

This either has to be really powerful magic or specifically it's like a mnemonic thing where the viewer of this data interprets the data in this way.

Right. I'm willing to see if it's made by this, if the spell was cast by the same dude or the same way. Like the copy. I'm looking at... The... Not to see if the map is the copy, because you could tell that is, but if the spell on top of the map is the copy. If those both come from the same place.

You're trying to identify what?

Like the spell itself.

Nothing that you've ever seen. It's got mixtures of necromancy and illusion on it.

That's something.

It's like a permanent image that self-replicates.

Right. Because paper doesn't do that. You just can't make more. Paper can't 3D print itself. The spell totally can.

with hallucinatory terrain.

The spell is doing that. The spell is replicating itself. Every time it's copied, no matter how it's copied.

The spell is protecting the information at all costs.

You're getting really, it's just really high-level magic shit coming off of this.

Well, if it's high level magic shape, I take it in between my four fingers and I start looking up and fanning myself with it. Like, shit. Mm-hmm. can we figure out what would be the best place to start? Most likely Death Isles. Screams of Death Isle shit.

You need to break the illusion spell on it.

the

Oh, OK. Well, then I said it. I snapped my fingers and moved my workbench. that looks like a bookshelf out of the wall. And... Like in front of me.

And I lay the map down on it.

And then I throw some safety glasses to Nutty or to Khan.

Okay, are you wearing safety glasses?

You're damn right. I'm wearing safety glasses. That's like, That's it, yeah. Of course.

I put on the safety glasses.

What do you do?

Disruption.

I can't believe I don't have it in here. I didn't put it on. But... This is...

I'll send it to you. Sorry, I'm just copying and pasting over real quick.

Disruption.

Can I touch it?

You've already been touching the map.

Well, no, like with disruption, like with my hands.

What is disruption? Oh, you posted it.

in the chat. At first level you're going to be able to disrupt spellcasting with a touch. So melee test you can put a disrupted field. While the field is in place, the target is in concentration to cast any spell or use in spellbillarding them.

It doesn't seem to have any effect on it.

I look at Nettie and I shake my head and then I look back down.

You don't have the Dispel Magic either?

No, I do.

Roll me a fortitude subject.

I was going to say, we should fucking track down Peggy.

You feel yourself

begin to feel like you're getting energy drained and then you like you like kick it out kick it off like when you disrupted the document with that it like it like hit back

Okay.

You felt like you were being drained for a second, but you've succeeded your fortune save.

I knock twice on my bench, and then a button comes up, and I push the button. And I go, Peggy, can you bring me in probably some cured meat and a couple beers? We're going to be here all night.

you kind of realize that it's like after hours and Peggy doesn't sit at her desk at like 8 p.m. waiting for you

She knows I work nights Peggy, you bitch

It echoes into the next room to no ears.

Good secretaries are hard to find men.

Really need to get a new system.

You know, it's

What does the school even pay her for?

We're moving to Dispel.

I guess first, can I identify it?

Or the spell.

using Smokecraft?

That was like add 10 to your check, right? I think. Is that what it was?

I think you're right.

Identify spell, add 10 to your spell, grab check to identify a magic item.

Attack magical auras.

Presence or absence of magical aureus. Number of different magical auras. Most powerful aureus. Fifteen plus half, I think.

Well, actually...

Well, no, it'll just give me that so I don't have to use it on an item, which is good to know.

Yeah, man. Dispel that shit.

So you're dispelling?

Yeah, targeted dispel.

Is this just spell magic or greater spell magic?

Dispel.

So this is the third level Dispel Magic spell.

Yes.

one object creature or spell is targeted spell magic make one dispel check 1d 20 plus your caster level and compare that to the spell with highest caster level dc 11 plus spell casters with the highest gas level.

What is your d20 plus your caster level?

That's going to be D20 plus 13.

33?

Bell at a 33.

Again,

Roll higher.

And we just got Maddox to you have prepared.

Three.

You can just roll around with free spell magic all the time.

Or two, technically, yeah.

Oh, me, oh, yeah.

I think you know what, six level threes?

Well, it just goes off mine. I think you have to roll, right, Pat? Or do you want me to?

you're going off of a value that's dictated based on the level of the caster, the level of the spell, plus 11.

So I have a value in my head that it has to go past and

Are you clicking on your actual spellcraft ability?

No, he's using Dispel Magic. Dispel Magic isn't a spellcraft. He's trying to dispel the spell. It uses a caster level check. It's called a dispel check. 1d20 plus your caster level, and then that's against a check.

I know it means

Oh, that's right. That was the identify.

Dispel magic is only using my spellcraft when I use it to counter spell.

Yeah, if you're not going to get it with that 16, then I don't fucking know when you're going to get it.

What are the totals?

Do I have to add 33 onto him?

No, what are the totals?

I rolled an 11, an 8, and a 16. So the total would be 27. It would be 26 or 25.

What? No. You roll a d20 plus your caster level. So 11 plus 13 is 24. 16 plus 13 is 29.

That's the spell level.

Plus the spell level, wait, is it plus the spell level?

If you do that, yeah. Right now it's DC 11 plus the supposed cash to level. Wait, what?

That's the DC. You don't add anything else to that. Just a d20 plus your caster level. So failure.

20 plus critical.

You can't get a dispel magic to even touch this thing.

I think there's a greater dispel magic, right?

It's a six level spell.

from all the stuff

Do I got that?

I don't even have that.

Zona flashed. Nope.

I feel like I should have.

that either. Got flesh to stone and stone to flesh in case accidents happen.

All right. So maybe we didn't... bring all the tricks

We can wait till morning and have somebody else do it. We can go talk to Mr. B.

How much is a greater dispel scroll?

There's wizards here. He's just go get one.

Well, you know, but we should also fucking know it in general.

It's definitely one of those spells we should not have.

Yeah, we should, we should, but we don't. That's okay. We can just, we can just go learn it real quick.

Yeah, that's what I was saying.

If you learn it for belief. If possible.

You could probably go to the basement. Somebody's still awake. I'm not the only wizard tolling around pacing my corridors at night.

That's an observation school. Do you get any bonuses for that?

rolling an objuration of your school or whatever the fuck?

Thanks. I don't I actually I don't think so.

But like extra spells...

Oh, maybe.

I think Greater Dispel only casts at a higher level, so you'd only get... A plus three to your dice roll.

Yeah, I don't get any bonuses.

But I can... Push. on people's barriers.

Like if someone's got a shield up, I could physically fuck with it.

And that's not even counting my... Touch attack. Dispel.

What do you guys do?

I go around. I go down the elevators and see if there's any other mage stuff at night. to see who can create

School's pretty damn sleeping right now.

What would mages be at the library? We should go check the library.

That brings clothes for the night.

Libraries closed? We're high-level wizards. That shit's always open.

Which I got key for it.

Yeah, you can open up the library if you like.

And you can see over there.

Is there any late night wizards?

No, it's closed. The door was locked. Only faculty have keys.

Yes, I'll follow you.

Yeah, I know. Is there any, like, fucking faculty in there studying?

on a 19 or 20.

Yes.

There is. Bumblebee, Professor Bumblebee that you handed the maps and stuff to earlier today is in there. Door locked, candle lit, Not supposed to have a candle in the library, by the way. They usually have these glowing amulets that the library will let you check out, but they're in a different part of the library right now, and so she's just saying, fuck it, which is really weird for Bumblebee. Normally, she's all about the rules. So she has an active flame in the library, which is grounds for dismissal.

No shit.

which is really important

Yeah, look at it.

I look at her jokingly and go, I could have you reprimanded for shit like that. I'll haul your ass out of here.

she...

And she asks you if you saw it, if you had the same dream.

No, I did not. What are you talking about? What's up?

she's like i went i was i had a terrible dream about this damn map and now i can't i can't stop thinking about it just like in the dream i turned away and i didn't want anything to do with it but now but now it won't come back and i feel like i missed my chance and she looks really frazzled like

Yeah, we haven't gone to sleep yet, so I guess that's something we look forward to.

We haven't gotten to sleep yet. Yeah.

Me and Professor Khan, have you ever been trying to crack this thing all night? Have you had any luck on it? Or did you just wake up?

She said that she just woke up and she came in here to research more because it basically something on this stupid map is affecting her sleep. It's like it's fucking up her dreams.

We tell her there's an illusion spell cast on the map, and we're trying to dispel it, but we failed.

Yeah, we've had no runway with it.

And then she describes what she saw on the map when she first handed it to her. And it was different at first, and then it changed. And now the map is just blank to her. It's just a blank piece of paper.

Oh, really? Is it blank to us?

Can you see mine? I hold mine up.

She tells you it looks blank, but when you're looking at both of them, you can still see the map as you've always seen it.

What?

Maybe she...

I pat her head and tell her not to worry. I said, it's okay. You point me in the direction.

Maybe she failed her save.

Yeah, something happened. Something happened to her. Can you point me in the direction of the Greater Dispels Magic? Maybe I can find some more stuff in here.

I asked her...

Like, can she cast greater spell?

Are you okay? Do you need coffee? Yeah. My bad. I feel like a dick.

She hands you all of the papers and the maps and stuff and just says, I don't want anything to do with this. And then leaves snuffs her candle and gets the fuck out of the library.

Well, now I have to light my candle. You bitch.

That's not how cursors work.

I immediately report Jake for lighting a candle.

Oh shit. Shit. Can you hear that?

He's going to lose his tenure.

Oh, you say the spot opened up, huh?

The traitor. The traitor.

It was.

This goes to your grave.

You know how rough it is out there, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, at least I don't have to salute before I get my fucking donut in the morning.

Yeah, I'm sorry my coffee pot doesn't outrank me, bro.

All right.

I guess we got to go to sleep.

I guess we gotta go to sleep. What do you wanna do? You wanna do like... Head to foot? Ass to ass?

Do you have like, where there's no like a guest bedroom?

No.

I mean, yeah, you can crash on my couch. Okay.

It's a school, right? Should there be...

It's going to be like Hallorun.

Right?

Not in college.

Yeah, like fucking magical shelves and shit. Like, you don't have a fucking pull-out couch. Like, fuck.

Yeah, I got, I got, yeah, I got, of course I got a couch.

Beyond your fucking means, huh? All right.

Fuck you, dude. All right, listen, yeah. And you know what? It's not made corner to corner in your weird ass. Let's make my bed every day. That way. Of course, there's a spot in the college. Or there's a spot in the room.

It's made of mimic fur.

That's right. Mimics only have fur in one place, the tongue.

I thank God.

I love it.

I wasn't going to try and guess where it came from.

Their eyelashes.

They only have a couple of features. The eyes, arms, teeth, and the tongue.

Maybe so have eyes, you know.

But they are mimics that they can have illusionary fur. They could turn into anything, right, can't it?

Right. But like I said, like it's got like,

Like, a chest is still a chest. But if it has teeth, it's a murmur.

But how does a mimic work? So if you kill a mimic and it's like a fucking lamppost, it would be a dead lamppost?

No, well, it's just like a doppelganger. So if you kill it, it'll turn back to it, you know?

Yeah, but every time you kill a mimic, it's just like a dead chest. At least that's what I always imagined. So what...

Yeah, like it would die as its mimic. Like the lamp would die. It would be in the shape of a lamp, but its innards would be...

Like, slumber party status. So I'm gonna lie.

Yeah, it's me and Nutty with one arm in it.

I don't know what I've been laying down. We're on pianos and shit. Do you think like a mimic? Dude, there's probably so many people getting laid right now.

They actually like a mimic. They can merge into each other and become a really big mimic.

Laying on your tum, kicking your feet.

Do you think I got a chance with Bumblebee? I don't know.

She's cute, right? She's cute. She's cute.

Just super cute.

She's totally good at that, man.

I won't be in your way. I thought she was making eyes at me. She's making eyes at you. Sorry, what's up?

You just wonder what's underneath them robes.

What do you guys do?

What's that mean?

would deal with it.

Yeah, we're chit-chatting. We go to sleep.

Ass to ass, head to head, feet to head.

No, ass to ass feet to head. For now, fucking, come on, man.

I'm on the couch.

What are you doing? You like dick to butt? Cuddling? Shirtless? Roll the spoon, right?

Okay. You,

Hold the spoon.

That is my jetpack.

As you drift to sleep, the world around you shifts. You find yourself standing at the entrance of a nightmarish forest. Trees with twisted limbs reach out to you hungrily. The ground is covered in thick, suffocating fog, and an unnatural chill clings to the air. Before you react, you hear a haunting childlike laughter that echoes through the forest. The source of the sound is obscured by the dense fog, but it grows louder and closer with each passing second. Panic begins to set in and the fog thickens, obscuring your vision, and you feel it going down your throat. Do you follow the laughter or do you reject the laughter and leave?

I mean, who doesn't want to follow the laughing?

It's like a laugh track on a sitcom. It's like... It got me to laugh. And then you know what it really is.

I think...

She probably rejected the laughter. That's why she's all fucked up. I accept the laughter.

What about you, Jake?

Of course.

As you follow the laughter through the forest, your heart pounds in your chest. A sense of impending dread looms over you. You emerge into a small clearing bathed in an eerie pale light. The laughter reaches its crescendo. Before you stands an ethereal child, dressed in tattered clothing that seems centuries old. Their eyes are filled with sorrow, but radiate otherworldly wisdom. The child's voice is gentle and haunting, but it pierces the silence. Do you take it?

Uh, uh,

I was like, okay, I'm just gonna take this fucking crystal from this child's skeletal hand.

laughter

Also, yeah, it felt like the fucking the roller coaster ride bars slap my legs.

Yeah.

Yes.

As you take it, a surge of darkness courses through you, mingling with your soul. Visions flash before your eyes. Scenes of the tomb's horrors, ancient spells, and haunting laughter that you will encounter. You awaken with a start. You're holding a crystal.

This

The laughter lingers in your mind and you can now sense a new power within you, one that will resonate with the crystal's glow. This crystal is known as the revelation crystal and it has the ability to reveal hidden truths. You both have one in your hand.

We're not in the same dream, right?

kind of fucked up.

You guys weren't in the same dream.

Okay. But we're just experiencing it.

You had the same dream.

Yeah.

I'm not looking over at Nutty.

No, you guys have the same dream though. And you guys are both the main character of that dream and you both now have a crystal in your hand.

I flick my wrist and spin it, spin the jewel in the palm of my hand. And I.

I say thank you to the child.

You guys notice on the backs of your palms, there is a mark burned onto them.

Damn it.

Branded again.

All of this is

You think that's where we put the crystal?

Does it look like

All right.

I checked my other brands on my ankle to see if they're there. Let's see if it matches up. It's not Cthulhu. It's not Voreshack.

Did,

Did we notice if a chick had a brand on her at all in the back of her hand?

She... You didn't really look, but you didn't see one.

I mean, I don't know. How big is the thing? Like, if it's literally take over whole hand, I think I'd notice that, right?

Yeah, you didn't see anything like that.

That bitch rejected the laughter.

She's smart.

I mean, she didn't look like she was very well...

She didn't.

Right. Exactly. So, I mean, bitch laugh a little. God. It's okay to have fun. It's okay to be fun, B.

I damn bumblebee let loose.

roll with the punches, you know?

Bay, be fun, be.

Mm-hmm. Well, as it's forming on my hand, I go, yeah, sounds about right. Uh-huh.

We in it now.

Yeah.

So can I roll for being in one of those dreams that can control.

Can I roll for a lucid dream?

Like you go back to sleep and try to have a lucid dream?

No, like, can I try to lucid dream right now?

While awake?

No, while still in the dream.

You're... You woke up.

And then you look at your hand and you saw the crystal.

Yeah.

So I have the crystal in my hand right now.

lucid dream i don't believe this shit

Roll of disbelief.

You don't know if you're not a dream right now, Pat.

Jake disbelieves.

still seems you're unsure.

I personally, I didn't know if I wasn't unsure. I just could have been another one. Yeah? Yeah.

yeah but i'm just saying you know now you're kind of unsure kind of questioning your reality

Okay.

Did we get a sense of where we should go?

I get a sense that

I tell some of the Tesla nerdies are

No, he's over there, you know, shining the ruby.

It's kickin' kickin

Yeah, dude. You're buffing out some amethysts over there, bud?

I'm in the ruby.

Buff of the Emerald, yeah.

Yeah. Tumbling some courts. That's a sweet. I can still keep going. Polishing rock use of visit for jerking off is pretty sweet.

I don't know.

Oh,

You polishing the rock, dude?

I use the Crystal Revelation and look at the map.

So when you do that, you don't see the shifting forest map anymore at all you see a very clear plain as day easy to read map that shows exactly where the tomb is located

Hmm.

I feel like if we probably cast a dispel of magic, we might have fucked this all up.

This was almost too easy.

I mean, we got a crystal from a skeleton child in our dreams, and we got a curse in the back of her hand. I don't... It's not really seeming easy.

I wouldn't say easy.

Sounds like sounds like winning to me, man.

Ha.

Nutty, so I'm like, Nutty, do you know where it is? Is it on your map? Is it in your head right now? Or is it in my head?

Yeah, can we see on the map where we need to go? Did it show us its secrets?

It does.

Thanks.

So where on the map does it tell us to go?

I use remove curse.

Dead center in the Isle of Death.

I mean, that wasn't too... That's not too surprising.

Yeah, right.

I was right.

Roll a DC 20.

Do we know what the miasma, permanent miasma is?

Like, is there, like, a way to get in there, or is that, like, just going to permanently fuck us up trying to get into the Isle of Death?

But what I look like is, you know that the Planeswalker that has all the dragons?

Yeah.

Yeah, you could probably just Google him. But yeah, that's kind of my theme I'm going for. He's a guy who just loves fucking dragons. And I like worship a dragon god.

badass. I got a fucking fairy dragon familiar.

Turn into dragons. It's a theme, Jake. You getting it? You feeling it?

I'm getting the theme I'm seeing it

Ironically, that's actually why my guy's named Jace.

So do you look like Jace? You're Teefling though, right?

Did we.

Should we inform Bumblebee of our revelation and tell her we're going to go figure it out? If she doesn't hear from us,

She said she specifically told us not to get her involved. And I kind of feel like I'm going to do that anyway.

We already did get her involved, right?

I feel like we should just

Professor, I don't want to be involved in any way. Here's your shit. I'm leaving. You're like, we should probably involve Bumblebee.

I mean, we don't want anybody. Yeah. Yeah. We don't want anybody else to get involved if he doesn't want to be involved. So he's already involved.

Maybe she's going to wake up tomorrow, and she's going to have the same nightmare, like, oh my god, I can't get rid of this. Come look for us, and we're just gone. You know?

Yeah. We want to check up on B.

So we'll just give her a little heads up. Like, hey, we kind of figured some stuff out. If you're still having nightmares, we're off to go figure it out.

If you're not still having nightmares, we're involving you with our whereabouts and what we're doing. But we did want to come and check up and say, We were worried.

We're like fucking day five. Just like having said message to her like on every day. It's like, stop talking to me.

Yeah, we'll keep it constant every day. All right.

Someone must know our story.

Well, we go to the garage and see if we can't find a teleporter stone or some shit to bring us to the death aisles.

Yeah, but hold on. Before we do that, there's like... Death Owls are surrounded by like a death mist, right?

Mazmik Cloud, yeah.

Yeah, is there like a way to go in there that's known?

Roll me a spellcraft or arcade knowledge.

Is there a tour that we can sign up for?

Since me and Nutty are well versed in Mage Nellis Land and Papers, we're using our known...

exploits

Yeah, you guys are the kind of guys that ask these questions. You know, solve these problems. Essentially, what the wizarding community and mage community has decided in their studies of the miasmid cloud is it's kind of a beefed up stinking cloud spell. Instead of causing sickness for around a level, it's been permanencyed over the entire country. I mean, all three countries, really, and it's spreading. And it doesn't just do nausea, it does constitution damage. It does constitution damage over the course of every round that you breathe it until eventually you are unable to move. So that was discovered through people trying to go in there anyway, and then they were unable to get out. When you go in, essentially what they found out is if you don't breathe it, you're good. So if you can find a bigger way to not breathe, you can go in. But if that ability gets taken away from you, you're only going to last a few rounds because it's a lot of constitution damage around. So be careful about your method of non-breathing.

It's cool. We're level 13. We can hold our breath forever.

I mean, yeah, we're going to be there for days, though. All right.

I'm a fucking with my spells. See which ones I'm preparing.

did I not grab greater to spell magic? What the fuck?

Yeah, I don't know either.

You don't have this? I'm like, you mean I like to drop the ball? You look at me like I'm a ball dropper, bro.

I don't...

How could we find the greatest spell magic scroll in the college too? How dare we had to roll that? Any mages awake? There's crazier mages than us.

Also...

us

Right?

Everyone's reading books late at night.

The whole point being in a library college is fucking late night studying.

They're not on a nine. Minches don't work nine to five. Us are the bear crowd ones. But... Bye guys, dude.

That's what we're going to do about this breathing thing.

Doctor Strange, the first thing Doctor Strange did was teach himself to astral project so he could read while he's sleeping.

Exactly.

So we need a way to not breathe.

Mm-hmm.

I don't got that.

There's two ways to do it. Bottle of air or is it level four spell?

I don't have it either.

Both of which I don't have.

Personally, I know it sounds kind of silly, but I'd rather have a bottle of air because it can't be dispelled.

I mean, it can. You need to spell out magic item. Pretty sure.

I mean...

I don't got any money for a bottle of air.

There are seven

They're 7k. I got like 1.5. They're 3k to craft. So I'd be like,

a day and a half to craft it.

We need two of them.

You think we just, like, ask the headmaster?

I will wait till morning and ask one of the, one of the gnome shops. we totally have to have a shop on site

I was just having it over to the fabrication department.

School of Wizards, there's probably like 20 bottles lying around somewhere. Probably like a class that teaches you about the bottle of air.

I'm sorry. Yeah, free one.

Like, class of the flying carpets and shit. Like, there's some cool wizardy shit.

Yeah, we're doing inventory again and we are down two bottles of air. Five fine carpets.

All right.

Scratch it off. Strictly Hawthorne's college business.

down six spell scrolls.

There's just the note with the winky face on it.

XOXO. Who the fuck is Renee Zell Widget?

We're in the morning, we're going to head to the fabrication shop.

Let's see if we can't craft ourselves some fucking... Bottles of air.

Morning comes. Magical wizardry crafting shop is totally a thing here. You roll inside. And you guys do the crafting or do you seek a student to do it or someone else teacher?

Is there, like, a guy in charge of the crafting area?

Yeah.

Do we know where we should go to get bottles of air if they're in the school?

Well, the magical crafting room is concealed by this big enchanted tapestry. It's adorned with these celestial constellations. And to access the room, you stand before the tapestry and you speak the word of passage in celestial, which I'm sure you guys know, celestial the language.

Hold on now. I'll make assumptions here.

Jake, do you know Celestial?

checking.

If I say yes with the confidence that I do, how long will it take for me to look up?

You said Sylvan, right? Got it. Mmm.

It's a celestial.

I said to last year, yeah. So much, you.

Tight. And you remember the word to get in here because you haven't been here for years. You have kind of a drinking problem. And it's been a while. Mm-hmm.

Rec do.

Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-

Nothing happens.

You can't remember, Jake.

Yeah.

You don't come here very often. This is like places that real instructors go to.

That's five.

I mean, I'm a pretty adept crafter, actually.

When's the last time you've taught a class in this damn school?

That was, that was for 10 years. So that was about 10 years ago.

Exactly.

So some rules might have changed, some not. I still know the fucking, I still know.

They changed the command word, man.

The hawk thorn handshake.

It was in a faculty,

They changed the word.

They probably had a meeting about it, knowing these cocksuckers, knowing these fucking assholes, had a meeting that didn't record anything in the meeting, but just had one.

I don't know. None of you know a password.

yeah. Do I know that password?

it's in celestial. When was the last time you brushed up on your celestial?

I don't know Celestial. But that doesn't mean I don't know the passport. I've been here before, you know. Ain't my first rodeo. I'll walk these halls.

Yeah, but you don't know how to open the door, you jarhead.

maybe change password on me too shouldn't that be like shouldn't they be like sent out through like send messages like hey passwords changed to bollipops and less jewel

you should show up to the meetings.

I mean, come on, they don't discuss that shit at the meetings. Do they?

Some students walk up and they say the password and then they go right in.

I rolled a listen.

Well, perception.

Oh, shit.

Can I just sneak in as the ender?

Like one of those things where I just grab the door before it closes.

It was like, it sounded like,

Sheen is sheenish.

He couldn't quite figure it out.

Ha, shit.

No, it's, well, it's celestial. So technically it's the language of leprechauns.

Yeah.

what I said.

I go. I give her the old shiny, open door.

Well, if we learn the spell, we'll just dispel this goddamn door. How secret is this supposed to be? I look around and I just ask someone for the password for...

Thank you, Nutty. Fucking ask for directions, you piece of shit.

One of the students walks up and they just open the door for you. They use the password.

Sweet. Thank you.

You don't have a bottle of air on you.

Yeah, I go in and I disable the door somehow. I try to jostle the shutout. Like, fuck with me.

the entrance upon entering the room is bathed in a soft otherworldly glow emitting from floating orbs of radiant energy the air is filled with a faint soothing hum of magical energies intermingling you see an expansive circular tall arched windows breathtaking views of the surrounding landscape the windows allow for the abundance of natural light during the day

The walls are adorned with intricate rune-covered tapestries. You see a bunch of workstations in the rooms, a series of intricately carved wooden workstations, each equipped with a variety of magical tools and implements. There's an enchantment altar, it's a large stone altar with channels for magical conduits where enchanters imbue items with properties. You see an alchemy station, you see an artificer's desk, it's cluttered and filled with clockwork and weird shit. You see scroll scribing tables, gem cutting stations, and all things of the like. And there's a small area filled with tomes, historical texts, specifically for creating magical items. That's an offshoot of the library, but this is specifically plans and layouts for items. Yeah. And then there's the master artificer who is looming over the students. Professor Starweaver.

Ah. We announced ourselves before everyone's sitting down and getting ready. And we asked Mr. Hey, excuse me, Headmaster Starweaver, do you mind if we sit in on today's lesson?

The professor looks up at you curiously. Roll me a sense motive.

With a puzzled look on her face, Talendra Starweaver looks at you and says, Have you been drinking again, Jace? I am not the headmaster, nor have I ever been.

Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought that's what they call teachers here. I haven't been in a lot of meetings.

She sincerely looks confused and concerned and a little annoyed, Nutty.

I got a natural 20.

And that's exactly what you sense on our vibes.

You want to sense harder?

No, that's just good as it gets.

Pierce into her soul. I sniff out

Exactly. I want to know this bitch's blunts. Exactly. Motivations for motivation. I go, we're just going to...

What's her motivation?

No. You're right. You're right. That was an after 20.

I was just gonna say, we're just gonna pick a spot in the back right here.

This is what you see with that natural 20.

I turn around to Nettie, I mouth, I said, hey.

You sense for her motivations or the love for the craft to preserve traditions. She wants to inspire her students. You know that she wants to leave a legacy for building something through her teachings. And she just strives for the joy of discovery. her motivations for teaching are a blend of passion dedication to tradition and a commitment to mentorship nutty that's what you sense when you sense her motivations with a natural 20.

You know one of those things where it's just like gifted being so talented to read people. Sometimes you just wish you didn't read them. I had this gift. Can't turn it on or off.

I mean, at this point, you live so long that he's one ear now at the other at this point.

He's in her room like, okay, that guy's cheating on his wife. That guy can't pay his bills. Gambling addict. He's an alcoholic.

You look over at Jace, your buddy.

See if shaking.

Well, you're in there and you sit down and she starts teaching her class.

I start rummaging through the desks to see if I can't find any scrolls of disenchantments or scrolls of flight and shit to start crafting...

She's standing in front of the classroom and her voice is calm. She says, good morning class. We're delving into the

We're stealing supplies in front of her.

Yeah. And so she's like, we're delving into the realm of enchantment. It's both ancient and ever relevant today. The art of imbuing an amount of objects with magic. And she kind of looks over and sees you at her desk. And the student raised her hand. It's like, can you give us an example of an everyday item that can be enchanted? And she's like, starts talking to him. And then she stops. She looks over at you and she's like, can I help you? What are you, what are you doing? Professor Feeney?

I need tools and supplies. Sorry, I came a little unprepared.

What's

And then are you are you here to craft a magical item, Professor Feeney?

Yes, I am.

Well, then feel free to use any of the workstations that you like. Do not disrupt my class. You may use any of the items in the stock house that you wish. The stock house boy is in the window over there. I'm going to get back to my class. And then she says to the student, she says, excellent question. Let's begin at the essence of the option and the purpose of the enchantment. She goes back into her thing. She's talking about synergy between objects and magics and blah.

I heard Jerry's...

I say sorry, class. about it.

And then you see a little, you see a storehouse over there with this person who has like copper and platinum and silver wire and windings and gears and steels and regents and spell scrolls and literally everything that you would need to craft fucking anything is in his stock room.

And he's at a little caged window.

Is it like, is it in the classroom?

Yeah, it's like off to the side. Like there's a student who volunteers, who runs the books, and there's a shitload of, there's a shitload of Institute money locked up in, well, yeah, I mean, there's a,

That's right. That's right.

God, this guy's going to be a prick. I can already tell. I'm talking to Nutty. I'm like, dude, the bureaucracy of it all. The red tape, dude. I'm going to get hung up by this fucking kid.

I'm going to have to use that charm.

I'm okay.

Yeah. Call me an alcoholic while my breath doesn't stink. Yeah, cool. Cool. Real cool to put a mage down. I go up to his window.

And I go, yeah, we need two bottles and... Two pieces of leather.

He goes, he goes, well, you see this kid, he's got a mop of like brown hair. It looks like he hasn't seen a fucking comb in years. And he's got a little name tag on the, on his fucking little ruffled shirt that says Bart. And he's looking at you as you ask him. What do you say, Leo?

I go, hey, and I look at his name tag and I go, Party.

We're going to need two medium-sized

Garth.

Two pieces of straps and leather and two scrolls of water breathing. And I pointed at it.

I give a thumbs up.

And I'm sure you have an account set up with the school that has been supplied with currency available in this region. Are you here to follow the rules today or just bask in the ambience of my delightful presence?

I mean, can I have both?

I pull out my wizard card with my number and I give it my number and I run it to see if it's still open. See if there's anything in it.

He looks up your name and he says, you don't have any funds associated to your account at all. You've never even used it.

Don't give this guy anything.

I give him my card.

Except at the bar a few times.

I get my credit.

I know it was.

Oh, really? I'm like, this fucking guy. I was like, this kid? Where'd you learn that, huh? From your parents? You learn those words from your parents? Piece of shit.

What are the items you need?

to Glass jars? What are they called?

It needs

needs a scroll two scrolls of water breathing and materials costing 3625 gold

wraps and cups.

And Bart, if I don't have anything in my account and it hasn't been activated, I'm willing to do Many things to get these items here.

Alright, so basically you guys want the bottles of water breathing? Bottles of air?

That's just it bottles of air, right?

I think so.

Yeah, okay. All right, great. So for all the materials for water as of air, two of them?

Yeah.

It'll require a total of 7,250 gold worth of materials.

He looks up at you guys.

Well, breathing out of the bottle is a standard action. Was that what?

You gotta use a standard action to breathe from the bottle? That's fucked up.

I thought you had it wrapped around your head.

I assume it's a standard action to pull the bottle out and then breathe from it.

That's it. Bring out the bottle is a standard action, but a character so doing can then act for as long as she can hold her breath. Then you hold your breath, and then...

You can hold your breath for fucking ever.

You can hold your breath for quite a while, two times your constitution, I think.

Yeah, no, but the whole island is covered in non-breathable air. I imagine we're going to be exploring the whole island for quite a while.

You can get me something better here.

Yeah, but you just take a pug off it or, I don't know, have it all strapped to your face and wear it. There's no mouth slot, so I'm sure it's fine.

i know but it's it says a standard action so it's not even like a swift action which would be like a potion right or is it a potion in addition

both of them standard actually.

But anyway, I look at him, I'm like, yeah, that's basically what we're doing, and we need the space and time to craft it here. I can basically craft it myself. So...

What is collateral do I do you need?

gold for materials

Well, yeah, that's what you're selling it for. Like, what kind of collateral can I give you to just take a couple off the shelf and then give them right back when we're finished?

Oh, you wanna use the, you wanna loan from the stocks. You wanna treat the stocks like your own personal bank account. He looks at you.

No, the college's own personal bank and...

I like the way you're seeing them.

Actually, yeah. Yeah, I do kind of.

Then I will need a letter from the headmaster explaining that it's okay for me to allow you to pull any material you want and basically at your leisure.

Listen here, you little shit.